That's not your job

Looking back at the souls who are no longer in my life causes me to ask myself what do they all have in common? With the exception of those who have died (I didn't do it, honest) they pretty much do have something in common. They all tried to tell me how to live my life. I have one thing to say to them all and that is- that's not your job!

Wow the universe has gone to extreme means to teach me that lesson. I remember seeing an illustration of a guardian angel covering her/his eyes at the thought of how stubborn their assigned soul was. That angel could have been mine, with the added caption, will she never learn?!

There is a very big difference between supporting and offering advice and someone who insists they know exactly how I should act and react to any given experience. It only took 78 years to understand that simple fact.

A new word came into my life today and it is paradigm, a way of thinking. It is something I need to update. For years I have listened to a silent negative voice that keeps me from moving ahead. My one goal for 2017 is to knock that voice on its ass and continue to live my life as if it didn't exist. I know it isn't going to happen overnight, but I am going to practice until I succeed.

Happy 2017!!

I wish I had that

I found this wonderful illustration as a tribute to Debbie Reynolds and her daughter Carrie Fisher who both moved on to a better place this week. Debbie's last words were, "I want to be with Carrie".  She was 84 and her daughter 60.

I grew up with musical stars like Debbie Reynolds, Gene Kelley, Fred Astaire, Mitzi Gaynor and Jane Powell and loved every minute of it. It is my idea of music and great entertainment.

I also grew up and still live in a family that is not close and probably never will be. Our family is very much like someone took a box of puzzle pieces and scattered them. I have never known the closeness that souls like Debbie and Carrie shared. I wish I had that if only for a moment.

I wonder what it would feel like to have family members that really love each other. Apparently, as close as I can come in this life time is a rewarding relationship with friends.

Counting down

Only three more days left in 2016. Wow what a ride this has been!

Many souls didn't make it to this point. Apparently that was their destiny and they finished their earthly assignment this time around. I have no desire to join them as I feel there is still plenty that I am supposed to do before that day comes. Of course, I could be wrong. We never know for sure when that day will be.

I am reminded of an acquaintance who decided that she knew the exact day her human life would end. She even celebrated by having a party with her friends and gave many of her prized possessions away to them. Her  selected day came and nothing happened. I went to visit her and reminded her that she couldn't tell God when she was going to leave earth. She laughed and replied meekly, "I know".

Even though there are many of us who see doom and gloom in the days and possibly years ahead, perhaps our creator thinks we are strong enough to deal with whatever happens. I look at the state of America and shake my head thinking- how in the world could this happen? Was everyone given a sleeping pill right before the election? Perhaps the Queen is right, maybe she should take back America.

Oh well I'm just along for the ride. I'm sure there is a humorous side, but I'm still looking. It will be interesting to have such a one of a kind being filling the shoes of some great and not so great men. Just remember this too shall pass!

Personally I feel a weight lifting as I get ready to enter 2017. Even though I was recently diagnosed with some physical problems I don't see them interring with my ability to take on some new challenges. I have a friend who pretty much thumbs her nose at physical problems and does exactly what makes her happy. I am following her because she is a great leader and a loyal friend.

I know I need something new in my life, but at the moment am not sure what that will be. I'm sure it will involve writing because that's what makes me happy. I'll let you all know when the time comes.

In the meantime enjoy the remaining three days of 2016 and celebrate the fact that you are still here. Happy New Year everyone!
. 

At least we tried

December 23 found me teaming up with my young grandson to make a birthday cake for his uncle, whose birthday is Christmas day. I made the cake and he frosted and decorated his masterpiece. Below is his crowning achievement.

Colin's mother, my daughter, had ceased communicating with me in 2010, but has allowed my grandson to spend Christmas Eve with me. I have not been invited to share in any family holiday celebration since she decided I don't exist. While decorating his uncle's cake he shared with me that his mother's attitude hurts him and he doesn't understand why she can't just get over her problem. He said he just wants his family back.

I have tried everything including apologizing for being a  control freak in the past. She doesn't care to listen and can't see how much she is hurting her son. Colin decided he was going to ask if she and his stepfather could just stop by tonight and share a piece of birthday cake with us.

Her answer was no!

I really had hopes that it would be yes, but I guess she enjoys the negative path she is on. At least we tried and the cake was yummy and very festive! Thanks Colin you did good!

Just give it a name please

The first couple of weeks of December I was experiencing lower back pain on my left side. Odd I thought. I've never had problems on that side before. What in the world is going on? I finally made an appointment and ended up seeing someone new to me. She was the only person in my medical group who had an open appointment.

As it turned out her specialty is orthopedics. She also has had personal experience with back pain, having suffered  a broken neck as the result of a car accident. She is back to work and doing fine. It has always been my good fortune, with few exceptions, to accidentally find the most qualified people for whatever medical problem I have had. As an example my surgeons have been the very best in their field. I didn't seek them, they found me, or someone did.

Perhaps I have an over the top guardian angel guiding me in the right direction. I have also often felt like a Guinea pig, experiencing things so I can share what happens with others.I don't mind as long as I can recover in reasonably good shape!

Now back to my latest medical problem and my current find, Tammy my CNP. The back pain pretty much stopped over the weekend. I had gone back to lower back exercises and tried to remember not to sit so much. I had a spinal CT last Friday and was informed of the results this morning. I have what is called canal stenosis, a narrowing of the spinal canal, causing pressure on the sciatic nerve. I also have a bulging disk between the L 3 and L 4 vertebra. Sounds impressive huh?

I was told during my appointment last week that sometimes when a person has a hip replacement (mine was on the right side) it can cause the other side of the body to overwork. Possibly that is what has happened in my case.

For now we are going to approach the problem with physical therapy, concentrating on stretching. Tammy also wants me to have a consultation with an orthopedic surgeon in the near future.

Now that I have a name for the pain I was having it somehow makes it more acceptable. At least I know it isn't all in my head!

 

Talk about service!

Yesterday I arranged for a spinal CT scan at Cibola General Hospital in Grants, NM. Every experience I have had with this facility has been positive; well maybe not my surgery in 2011 Not all of it anyway!. We have the best hospital staff anyone could ask for. Perhaps it is because they work in a small town. I have had experiences in a large hospital in Albuquerque and it just wasn't the same.

While arranging for my scan yesterday I witnessed a very nice example of staff going out of their way to help a patient. A lady was struggling to use a walker and needed to check in for a radiology procedure. She asked a technician how long she would have to wait. He told her she had to register, come back and she would be seen as soon as she arrived.

The tech suggested she might do better with a wheel chair. Her response was, "I don't have anyone to push me." Without hesitation he replied, "I will push you."

He then obtained a chair and pushed her to the registration desk down the hall. He waited with her and pushed her back to the radiology lab for her procedure.

I repeat we have a great little hospital and a very caring staff!

Free pizza

Last night I didn't feel like cooking so I called in an order for pizza. When I went to pick it up I began talking to a a friend who was finishing up ordering his own pizza. I jokingly said to the employee behind the counter,  Manny is paying for mine.

A minute later Manny said "Merry Christmas I just paid for your pizza". "No you didn't", I said! "Yes I did", he said! I also got a friendly hug. What a nice man and the pizza was better than usual too!

This morning I am making a batch of fudge for a friend who lost his wife in 2007. I have been making treats for him ever since. His wife was a friend of mine and the way I look at it is- if she could she would, but she can't and I can. I know he appreciates the gesture and truly understands why I do what I do.

As a thank you for the free pizza Manny will also receive  a gift of fudge.

Apparently what goes around comes around is true!

I dare you to prove you are you

I had a rather interesting morning trying to prove to the motor vehicle department that I am me and I live in Grants, NM. It took me over two hours locating documents to satisfy the new federal laws and renew my drivers license.

If I were a man it wouldn't have taken so long, but because the name on my social security card does not match my birth name, due to marriage and divorce, I had to supply official documents to prove that I am the same person. This required a trip to the bank and a visit to my safety deposit box. Twice actually. The first trip was to pick up my original birth certificate. You know the one with the Alaska seal on it. Geez!

Next I had to supply two forms of ID proving where I live. I scooped up the receipt for my property tax bill, which I just paid last week, and the water bill that I just paid. Not good enough! Neither one had my name or address on them. I was told I need the whole bill. First time ever keeping my bills paid was a problem. I was told to stop by the water department and ask them to print out a "whole" bill for me. Which I did. I was also told the second form of address I.D. could be the proof of insurance I carry in my car.

In addition, New Mexico sends out threatening letters that you need a current eye exam if you are over a certain age or they will revoke your license. I had complied yesterday and thought all I had to do was present the signed by my optometrist form and that would be it. Wrong! That's all I had to do last year.

I had no idea that I would have to prove that I am me!

If it isn't broken don't fix it

The birthday gift I received from my oldest son was a new updated Farberware electric grill. We used it this morning for pancakes and I must admit it was nice not to have to spray the grill to keep them from sticking.

The grill I had been using still worked and had an amazing history.

It had belonged to my mother-in-law who died in about 1995. She had used it every Sunday to feed guests who dropped by for breakfast, for more years than I knew her. A guess would be at least 30. So that would make it around 50 years old and still working, as I reminded my son.

I also decided I was not going to throw the old one out just because it was old. On my way to the grocery store this morning I dropped it off at our local thrift shop after including a note saying- it works.

As I set it down I quietly said, "there you go Mom!" I can imagine she was smiling and will probably smile even more if someone takes it home and uses it to feed her guests and family.

This story reminds me of the energizer bunny, it just keeps going and going!

You never know who you might inspire

Yesterday my friend Lois, who often comments on my blog, posted a Facebook photo of an adult beanie that she had just crocheted. It reminded me that I had some leftover yarn that wasn't enough to make anything big, probably not even a scarf, but perhaps I could crochet a cap. Guess what? It ended up being enough to make three, which I plan to donate to the local homeless.

It was so much fun that I checked Walmart this morning to see what they had to offer in yarn. Good thing I did because they had marked a lot down. I ended up buying three skeins that I could mix and match. The blue is the start of today's purchase. Not sure how many caps I will end up with, but this is what I have finished since the photo that Lois shared inspired me yesterday..

I often wonder if my blog inspires others. I sure hope so because that is my purpose for sharing everyday experiences that touch my life. I do have means of knowing that people read what I offer, they just don't take the opportunity to comment. Hint hint!

I'll leave you now, I have beanies to make and heads to keep warm.

Thanks Lois, you are an inspiring friend!!

Tossing it in the pot

Well as explained on a previous post today is the day after Thanksgiving for us. It means turkey soup day and that means tossing in the pot a little bit of this and that starting with simmering the turkey carcass.

This morning I added chopped celery and onion, leftover from making the stuffing yesterday. Then I looked around to see what I could  add to the pot later on. I found some cooked carrots and fresh mushrooms that still needed a home and also a partial bag of pasta. Later on I will be adding all those small pieces left after the turkey was carved. All it needs is some creative seasoning and dinner is on!

I hate throwing anything still usable away. That no doubt comes from growing up in a time when whatever you had was stretched.  I am always very happy at the end of the year when all my bills are paid and I owe no one anything.

 This year I am especially thrilled to discover that my credit rating is excellent. I'm not sure how I did that on a Social Security income, but I'll take it. As I look in my mirror I can happily say to the person looking back- good job keep up the good work!

Stretching the turkey

Yesterday my son and I were invited to share Thanksgiving with friends. The food was good, but the experience was let's say, interesting.

To begin with I got a call around noon from my friend asking if we could come early because she was ahead of schedule and the turkey/food was done. So we hurried up and arrived at 1:00 p.m. I had made a punch bowl cake to add to the menu.

When we arrived we were greeted by my friend's husband and my son was introduced to their adult son and my friend's sister. We socialized a bit before the food was spread out to partake. We were told the turkey was a bit overdone. It had cooked overnight in her oven.

This is when the fun began. We dished up the food onto our plates and found a place to sit at the table. Well some of us did anyway. My friend's son decided to sit out on the screened back porch by himself. Her husband was missing and we soon discovered he was in the adjacent bedroom talking on the phone. Then he appeared and filled his plate, after passing the phone to my friend. After she returned to fill her plate we were told the person they had been talking to was another son.

In case you lost count this finally made five people sitting around the table plus one male sitting outside by himself. After awhile he came in and sat at a bar behind the table. It made conversation with him interesting. When dessert time came a large portion of the cake I brought ended up on his plate and he moved to the couch in the living room.

Everyone finished eating their turkey plus fixings and I noticed the husband had moved on into their bedroom and was playing on his computer. The son moved into his bedroom and we never saw him again. The dogs were friendly, but the social aspect of the holiday was very interesting! Since we had eaten so early we pretty much snacked on whatever our refrigerator offered for dinner last night.

My son and I had already decided to wait until Saturday to have our turkey, which he is going to cook on the spit of his barbecue, and opted for ham plus leftovers for tonight.

It's been an interesting Thanksgiving so far and we still have another day to go.

A Thanksgiving hug

Today I would like to give a warm hug to all those souls who spend family holidays alone because they are ignored by their family. Trust me I know how it feels to be treated like a black sheep!

Odd isn't it how some people mistakenly believe they are God and therefore have been given the ability to judge others. Wow that's a mighty gift!

Thanksgiving especially is a time to gather together family and give thanks for all we have been given. I feel sorry for those who are so filled with hate that they can't forgive the past and live in gratitude for today.

So on this day before Thanksgiving 2016 I offer a warm hug to anyone who needs one, including those who are unable to forgive.

Staying healthy in an unhealthy world

A message that passed by my Facebook news feed this morning got my attention and reminded me of an article I wrote in 2013 for the Cibola Beacon, as a contributing columnist. The thought was that good health involves much more than the physical aspect. With that thought in mind I am going to reproduce the article I wrote.

Living a Healthy Life

When most people think about healthy living they focus on what they put in their mouth. From research and my own experience I have found that living a healthy life encompasses much more than diet. It includes our environment,  the people in our lives, the homes we live in, the thoughts we allow into our minds and the choices we make on a daily basis.

Of course, we all know that we should drink plenty of water. The recommended amount is eight glasses per day. This isn't hard to do in the summer when everyone is thirsty, but winter is a different matter. Drinking water replaces what is lost through urine, bowel movements, perspiration and breathing. It is a necessary ingredient for our bodies to function properly.

Although it is not necessary to become a vegetarian, adding more fruits and vegetables to our diet is essential for good health. Synthetic supplements are not the same as consuming natural foods. The most nutritious fruits are: watermelon, apricots, apple, avocado, cantaloupe, grapefruit, kiwi, papaya and strawberries. 

Top of the list vegetables are: most beans, asparagus, sprouts, button mushrooms, carrots and of course, anything green. 

A great idea for adding variety to the menu is to think of a color wheel. White is for bananas and mushrooms, yellow for pineapple, mango and squash, orange for papaya and oranges, red for apple, strawberry, tomato and watermelon, green for guava, avocado, cucumber, lettuce and celery.

Telling someone that they can't have something is like giving them a green light to eat it anyway. For this reason I don't feel that any food should be completely off limits; not even a hot fudge sundae or a perfectly seasoned portion of prime rib- once in awhile.

Being overweight is the number one health problem in our country. If you are not close to your recommended weight you are prone to multiple diseases and a decreased quality of life.

Daily exercise will help you get your weight where it should be. It really doesn't matter what you do as long as you exercise on a regular basis. Find a variety of activities that fit your physical capabilities and that you enjoy. Exercise lowers the risk of disease, lowers blood pressure and increases life span and bone density.

Next is resting your mind, better known as sleep. Getting enough sleep is important whatever your age. Inadequate sleep leads to eating high sugar foods that are not good for you and can cause weight gain.

Another way to rest your mind is meditation. All it requires is to sit quietly and turn off your "self talk". Focus on deep breathing from the abdomen or listen to calming music. Just five minutes a day is enough to begin a very good habit.

Eliminating all the negative things in your life that are causing you stress is like weight loss for your mind. Spring cleaning can be done any time of the year and should include people who are draining your positive energy. Don't forget to take the time to laugh, especially at yourself. 

Great advice from a physical fitness trainer is, "Decrease your stress level by limiting the number of commitments you take on. Many people are stressed because they are over-committed or over-scheduled."

Now that you are a healthy person living a healthy life get involved with your community, join a group that interests you, take up a new hobby, look for people with similar interests or simply pay more attention to the beautiful world our Creator has provided for you.

Healthy or not, your life is what you make it.

One more time

As I hide the negative posts on Facebook I seek to share only the positive ones. The following I just found and it is called Full Moon Release. I am sure I am not the only one who will find this useful.

This full moon. I release that which no longer serves me. I release all pain and any blocks that keep me from my connection to the Divine. I also cut all cords connecting me to trauma from my past lives. I start anew today, free of guilt, hurt and self bondage that keeps me from manifesting the life that I desire. And so it is.

Then there were a few others that caught my attention.

Worry is believing God won't get it right.

One day you will look back and realize you worried too much about things that don't really matter.

Some day we will find what we are looking for. Or maybe we won't. Maybe we will find something much greater than that.

Always trust your instincts, they are messages from your soul.

That's it for today.

Sharing more good stuff

Sometimes the best thing you can do is keep your mouth shut and your eyes open. The truth always comes out in the end.

Be who you are, not who the world wants you to be.

Don't let anyone tell you who you are.

You either get bitter or better. It's that simple. You either take what has been dealt to you and allow it to make you a better person, or you allow it to tear you down. The choice belongs to you.

Just saying

It's been five days since the election and people are still posting their political crap on Facebook. I have been hiding their posts for some time, but I have had enough. Instead of choosing to close my account I have decided to go into hiding myself. I am not posting anything until this garbage stops. That doesn't mean I am completely leaving. I just won't make it so obvious. There are posts that I desire to share, such as these:

The loudest noise you can make is to quietly walk away.

Whatever you focus on expands. Spirit doesn't respond to words it responds to focus and action.

It's not what you look at that matters. It's what you see.

I was quiet, but I was not blind.

I dwell in an attitude of gratitude.

Do not get upset with people or situations, both are powerless without your reaction. 

So Facebook it boils down to this, I am still there but you won't see me for awhile.

Hate

After writing the previous post I remembered an article I wrote a few years ago when I had an adult writing group. The word we choose to write about one day was HATE. The following is what I wrote.

Hate is such an ugly word, but it is after all only a word. It is the feeling behind the word that gets us in trouble. I distinctly remember shouting, "I hate her" when complaining to my grandmother about a former classmate. I was a teenager riding in the back seat of her car at the time. She immediately turned around and quietly said, "You don't hate anyone". 

That simple response has stuck in my mind my whole life. I try not to use the word at all although occasionally it pops out. For instance my recent utterance, "I hate this snow", was the result of not looking past the icy roads that kept me a prisoner to appreciate the pristine beauty it left.

According to Webster hate is "having a strong dislike or ill will toward a person or thing". My definition of hate is a person who is unwilling to open their mind and heart to something beyond what is normal for them. For me the word hate brings up the word prejudice. That word quickly moves on to race, color, religion, economic status and anything else that categorizes a person or group of people. Hate has started many wars between people and nations because they cannot accept each other as is.

I feel very fortunate to have grown up without hate as a daily experience. The people around me come from all walks of life, some are rich some poor, some are black some white and every color in between; some are religious and some are spiritual. I am grateful for the opportunity I have been given to learn from each one. They have all brought something different to my life and provided opportunities for me to evolve.

I do not consider any entity below or above me and so there is no reason to hate or be jealous of what anyone else has. We all came from the same source with our very own guidance system. To my knowledge we are all going back to whence we came when we are finished walking our paths on this planet called earth.

Of course, there is that occasional person who expresses hate/dislike toward me. Others sometimes don't like what I say, think or do. When that happens I have two choices. I can buy into that they believe, causing even more hate, or simply ignore them; realizing that it is after all, their problem, not mine. I don't mean to give the impression that I have never expressed anger at someone's behavior, but temporary anger is a long way from hate. While still in the infant stage it can be dealt with by communicating, providing both parties are willing to listen and be heard.

Hate is a learned behavior and it can be unlearned.

Apparently my grandmother did a very good job with me in her simple response to my hateful behavior way back then by responding, "You don't hate anyone". Thanks Nana you did good!

Hate is not who I am

Wow yesterday was a day packed with negative energy. When I woke up and saw who had been elected as the next president of the United States it made me sick. Although I didn't vote for either of the two leading candidates I never thought the results could come to this. How a country could elect a person so full of hate is hard for me to digest.

This morning I realized he is only one man and he does not represent who I am. I am not a hateful person and I never could be. I might have reason to have bad feelings toward certain people, but I do not allow them to turn to hate. I don't even wish for anything negative to happen to them because they are following their own path and it really has nothing to do with me.

I just read a friend's Facebook post about this subject. He has plenty of personal reasons to let hate spill over to who was elected president yesterday, but he is not doing that. He is going to continue to live his life as the loving person that he is. I am very grateful to know this man and follow in his foot steps.

Whoever sits in the oval office as of January 20, 2017 will not change who I am or how I will live my life.

Ready set noooo!

I've been a bit bored lately and have been giving some thought to how I could fix that. A couple of weeks ago I was even thinking about applying for a part time job. It was a job that I was tempted to apply for once before. Because it was mostly on weekends I didn't want to miss my grandson's soccer games. Weighing the pros and cons of the job since I have moved on I decided the cons won this time too.

With a couple of exceptions most of my adult life has been as a volunteer. I have spent time with many groups of people from elementary age right on up to seniors. Yes it has been fun and I believe my services have aided the varied groups/organizations.

For the last year I have made tiny crocheted caps for the newborn babies at our hospital. I have lost count of the number I have donated. I have decided it is no longer fun and is beginning to sound a lot like unpaid work. I may have delivered my last dozen and I believe it is time to find another avenue for my talents.

 There is hardly anything in the community I have not volunteered for, except a group called Mainstreet. It works with the Chamber of Commerce in cleaning up the town and attracting tourists etc. Through their efforts Grants and Cibola County are finally waking up. I really like the group's projects, especially finally using the  Riverwalk Amphitheater for free summer entertainment. It has sat empty for years just waiting for someone to notice.

Mainstreet is an option, but do I really want to be that tied down? This morning I decided no I don't. A better choice may be to volunteer to help out with whatever individual project I might be interested in. The one that comes to mind is the Quadrathalon in February. I'm sure there are tons of things I could do to help out for that event, without going up on Mt. Taylor. It would also give me an opportunity to get out of the house and meet people from all over the country. Who knows where that could lead!

I believe I found my answer. I don't want to volunteer regularly for anything! I have earned the right to pick and choose what I want to do with my talents and when I want to use them.

Money money money

It's a really good thing that money isn't # 1 in my life. I have enough to live comfortably, with excellent credit if I should choose to use it, and owe no one anything. I also have a prepaid cremation policy in place, so even even if I were to exit this place called earth it wouldn't cost anyone.

But my life is in a pending position, resulting from the recent death of my ex husband of 27 years.

First he had a life insurance policy that was purchased long before our marriage in 1972. After we married my name was listed as the beneficiary. My intuition told me he never changed that fact after our divorce. That proved to be correct when our daughter called Prudential to report her father's death. I called them and sent the required documents they requested. I was then told because our divorce agreement didn't mention the insurance policy I would not be the beneficiary after all.The money would be going to our daughter, his only biological child. I had intended to share the money with her, but I have no idea what she will do if and when Prudential issues the check. A little extra money would be nice as my only income is Social Security.

Now I am waiting for Social Security to figure out my new benefit. I received a letter almost two months ago stating I would receive a widow's benefit beginning September 2016. So far I have not seen a penny to indicate this fact. I have called the national office twice and all I can find out is that it is pending. I do know that it will increase my benefit, but by how much I have no idea. So far they owe me for two months.

When all this gets settled I will have a nice Christmas bonus or a fat check to begin 2017. Either way whatever happens is what will happen. I don't desperately need the money, but I am not giving back what falls into my hands. I'm not stupid! 

OMG

Talk about patience! I have waited for years for an old building sitting on top of a hill overlooking Grants,NM to be removed. Burn it plow it under I didn't care. Just get rid of the eyesore that could be seen from everywhere.

This particular building and a man who was buying it at one time had left a very bad taste in my mouth.

I accidentally discovered while reading the Cibola Beacon that it was demolished on October 19, 2016. I couldn't believe it and drove into town to make sure this wasn't some kind of joke. I felt such a feeling of relief as I drove down the road behind where the building used to be and saw with my own eyes that it was no longer standing. There was no trace of anything except dirt covering the ground.

I then realized that the above picture, I had taken in 2009, might someday be valuable. It has always been important to me as the foreground displays several images of spirits. Guess I'll just have to continue to be patient and wait to see what happens next. 

Patience

It may not kill you, but patience is not the easiest trait to master. I have been struggling with a desire to know the outcome of a situation and my guide has made it abundantly clear that I am supposed to have patience. Easy for him/her to say, but not so easy for me to follow. One could probably say that comes from my former life as a control freak.

Looking at the word patience and needing a current post I decided to check out some quotes on the subject. Since sharing is my thing I am about to do just that. Feel free to enjoy the following.

We could never learn to be brave and patient if there were only joy in the world. ~Helen Keller

Patience is the ability to idle your motor when you feel like stripping your gears. ~Barbara Johnson

Before you can consider a problem water under the bridge you must first patiently work on removing the dam. ~Michele Ustafzeski

Patience is power. Patience is not an absence of action; rather it is timing. It waits on the right time to act, for the right principles and for the right way. ~ Fulton J. Sheen

I am extraordinarily patient, providing I get my way in the end. ~Margaret Thatcher

and one I'm sure you weren't expecting...

Everybody is going to be dead one day, just give them time. ~Neil Gaiman

Quotes make you think

I have always been intrigued by Maya Angelou and her brilliant mind. This morning I was flipping through a book I just ordered, that shares 101 of her quotes. I found one that really made me think. It stated in part that "we are the sum total of everything you've ever seen, heard, eaten, smelled, been told, forgot- it's all there".

It started me thinking about my family and where everyone is right now. My three adult children were born several years apart. The first two five years apart and the last one 18 years after her oldest sibling. The birth of these three also involved my relationship with their two different fathers.

Thinking about all the experiences these simple facts brought to my children is overwhelming to me as their mother. I'm sure each child has a different view of the facts. This was brought to my attention at my ex-husband's recent memorial service as I listened to my youngest child share memories. All three children lived in the same house, but I am quite sure no two shared the same memories of the deceased.

As their mother,  I know my memories are certainly different then theirs. A fairly recent memory of something that one of my grandchildren (now an adult) said to me also got my attention. He said, "I remember you yelling at my grandpa". I wonder if he ever gave any thought as to why that was.Odd that I don't yell anymore.

No matter how close the family, children only get part of the whole picture. They are too young to understand that parents are the sum total of everything that has ever touched them, internally and externally.

Think about it.

Plans change

My spirit photography event at Rocky's on October 20th has been postponed until January. I knew it wasn't supposed to be that close to Halloween, but I went along with the plans of the gallery manager. Yesterday I  made the decision to suggest postponing the event if the flyers hadn't been printed. They hadn't and I got my wish.

It had never been my idea to share the photos close to Halloween. Above all else the event needs to be respectful of the spirits and I was afraid that would attract weirdos.

It will be much better to have it in January. After the New Year people are looking for something to do.It is a time for fresh ideas. Moving the date will also give me time to collect more pictures and information about the subject. I might even obtain a helper.

Perception changes everything

On August 15, 2016 I took a photograph of the mesa above my property. The scene attracted me because the sun was lighting it up so brightly it was almost asking me to take the picture. I did and this is how I was rewarded.

Like many of the photographs I take I did not see what was really there until it was developed. Then I noticed the many sets of eyes looking back at me, especially those on the right side of the picture. Enlarging it will aid the reader in seeing what I saw.

My first reaction was, the spirits were telling me I was being watched. It made me a little nervous because of a promise I made to them several years ago to help spread the word that they are real. I know from experience that they are and that they want me to assure people that we never die. The soul simply leaves the body behind and moves on to another assignment. I feel this particular picture is important, but this morning I realized I may have been a bit off in my perception of its meaning.

Several things have happened in my life since I took this picture two months ago, including the death of a family member. I also went through a brief period of trying to keep my blood pressure under control. I felt like I was carrying around energy that was not mine. Taking the blame for the problems of others is something I have been trying hard to stop doing, reminding myself that I am only responsible for me.

This morning I changed my perception of the eyes in the spirit photo. Instead of believing that they are watching me (judging my actions) they are assuring me that they are helping me stay on my path. And when I stay on my path I am also helping them and keeping my promise.

I voted big deal

I had thought of not even bothering to vote this year as I am so sick of this whole thing. For the last week I have been deleting anything to do with the election on Facebook. Yesterday I was in the County Complex building and noticed that early voting had been set up. I voted!

I had no intention of standing in line to cast my vote in November so this was the best option. As I looked over the ballot I noticed that there were several names for president, two of which I don't recall ever hearing before. Knowing my vote was a protest vote I skipped the first two names. I'm sure my vote isn't going to count for anything, except I did vote!

Another thing that did bother me was that a couple of other positions had only one name. Those names have been on the ballot for years and I really didn't want to vote for them again. When there is no opponent you have no choice.

I'm not happy, but I did vote!

No place like home

Wow as I look around at the weather conditions in other parts of the country I am again grateful that I landed in the little old town of Grants, New Mexico. When compared to what some of my friends are dealing with our weather conditions are ideal.

A week or so ago we did turn on the furnace because it is getting a little chilly in the morning. After an hour or so I turn the thermostat down so it will shut off. By afternoon the outside temperature is quite warm. The wind does act up now and then, but that's about it.

The last time we had weather that made the news was about 2011. We were covered in several feet of snow that kept melting and refreezing. It was difficult to drive anywhere. It taught me to always have cat and dog food and toilet paper in abundance during the winter months. It was sort of like practicing to be Mormon without having to deal with their rules etc.! It was also a good thing that I grew up knowing how to stretch food.

Grants is a great little town to live in and I am not sure I would want to live anywhere else. In addition to our weather being very calm I feel it offers a great deal of spiritual energy, available to anyone willing to notice.

Although the area is mostly Native American and Spanish I have been able to put my foot in the door and make a name for myself. Several years ago I was asked to write the column, Who We Are, for the Cibola Beacon, because the editor thought I knew everyone in town. Well, that was a bit of an exaggeration, but you get the idea. Mention my name and someone probably knows who I am, or thinks they do! When a life is spent volunteering some people notice.

I am really getting excited that Rocky's on Route 66 is giving me an opportunity to share my spirit photographs with the community on the evening of October 20, 2016. It will be interesting to see what happens as I offer yet another part of my life to my adopted home town of Grants, New Mexico.

 

A Look in the Mirror

I just finished reading a Kindle book that I want to give a thumbs up to. It is Everything We Keep by Kerry Lonsdale. Every once in a while a book pops up that I know I am supposed to read because it has a message meant for me between its covers. I don't mean to suggest it was written for me but I am supposed to read the book. Hopefully I get the message.

This book is about a young woman looking for someone who technically no longer exists. While looking she found herself and as a bonus,  the love of her life.

I have been searching all of my adult life for what she found in Ian, the main male character in the book. He is creative, sees the person inside, is patient, fair, loving, loyal, caring, and accepting of spiritual concepts some people have trouble believing.

As I wrote his traits down this morning I realized I was seeing myself and I thought, this is really strange. I know it is not how some people see me, but that doesn't matter. They have not taken the time to see the person inside. Too bad for them!

All I have to do to find the person I have been seeking is look in my mirror. If someday I find a perfect soulmate, as Aimee did in the book, it will be a huge bonus and a grateful surprise.

An added observation to this experience is that if you change one letter in Ian's name it spells I am.


Alright perhaps I'm still working on patience!

Apples anyone?

This is a view of the green and red apples from my neighbor's yard, hanging over my fence. They are very small and I was tempted to leave them be. I kept thinking what a waste! I had plenty of normal size apples from my own trees that I have already used.

Then a friend gave me some new information when I said I wasn't going to stand around peeling them. Guess what? Applesauce can be made with the peelings left on. She also said she tosses in a handful of red hot candies after they are cooked, in place of sugar, which I don't use anyway!

I had already picked a bag of the green ones without a clear intention of what I was going to do with them. They sat in a corner of my kitchen calling my name for several days. Today I decided to use the information my friend had given me. All I had to do was quarter and core the tiny things and toss them in a large pot with a little water. My son had picked up a box of red hots at Walmart so I decided- why not?

The result was it is the best applesauce I have ever made. I have nine containers in my freezer along with what I had already frozen of my own apples for pies etc.

Now if I could just find someone who could pick and use the over abundance on these two trees I would be a happy camper. My friend's method of not peeling the apples is very easy, but I just don't have the energy or the freezer space to use them up.

If you need apples - call me- PLEASE! I'm in the book.

This one is for you Mom

You may have noticed that I have not been posting for awhile. It's been apple time at my house. We don't always have a crop but when we do I try to freeze bags of them to make apple pies and cakes during the winter. I peel, slice and bag them in the right amounts. I also make applesauce to freeze.

Many years ago my mother gave me a recipe for apple cake that I still use today. She didn't cook much so a passed on recipe was a rare bird. I do remember one time when we didn't have a lot of money she cooked up a pot of soup, using corn and onion. She called it "cornion" and it was surprisingly good.

Here is my mom's apple cake recipe and a photo of the one I just baked.

Ione's Apple Cake

4-5 chopped apples
1 1/2 cups sugar
3 eggs
1 tsp. salt
1 tsp. vanilla
1 tsp. baking soda
1 tsp cinnamon
2 cups flour
3/4 cup chopped nuts (optional)

Bake in 9"x13" floured dish, 40 min., 350 degrees

Enjoy!

A spirit reminder

Yesterday an interesting quote came into view through Facebook. It was: Sometimes you just have to erase the messages, delete the numbers and move on. You don't have to forget who that person was to you, but you just have to accept that they aren't the same person anymore.

Mulling that over in my mind led me to remember a chapter in my book, Journey of an Enlightened Egotist, still available on Amazon.com. I would like to share an excerpt from the chapter titled "Real or Plastic".

Many years ago my grandmother was examining the plastic dishes in my kitchen cupboard and commented, "You are old enough to use real dishes." I have remembered this experience all my life, but I should have paid more attention. She was really saying plastic was not good enough for me. Today some of my most treasured possessions are the cut glass dishes that I inherited from her.

Recently while doing some research on the subject of ego vs. soul I found an interesting analogy that again reminded me of this experience. The ego was referred to as a plastic flower and the soul as a real blooming flower capable of birth, death and rebirth.

My real center is my soul. It is my personal connection to my Creator and all things created. It makes me one with the universe and is the voice of the spirit within. Unlike the human ego, the soul is eternal. Because of its pure source it is impossible for the soul mind to project negative thoughts and emotions. Negativity in any form is always the product of the ego.

Allowing the ego to control my life caused my own misery. The ego commands, demands, promotes dependency, claims to know everything and seeks personal gratification. The soul mind informs, suggests, guides, encourages growth and recognizes a power higher than itself. 

When I truly observed the wicked ways of the ego and began experiencing a soul centered life I laughed at the absurdity. Who in their right mind would consciously choose a life of misery over one of peace and love? We can only change what we can see.

 

Yup it happened just that way

The memorial service for my ex and the father of our daughter took place this morning. Just as I had seen in a vision I pretty much ended up sitting alone. Also just as I had imagined my biological family, except for my oldest son and youngest grandson, treated me as if I was invisible. Our daughter completely ignored the fact that her father and I were married for 27 years, in her memories. Someone close to her said, "how does she think she got here?". Osmosis perhaps?

The intentional slap in the face was almost complete when I stopped to flip through a book of photos on the way out. I spotted more than one that clearly showed I was in his life. I was happy to know it wasn't all in my mind!

As a friend of mine reminded me tonight, karma will respond to this hurtful situation. I'm trying to tell myself it doesn't matter, but so far it isn't working. I am grateful for the chats I had with long time friends who attended the service. They saved the day for me.

I have always felt that this blog is being written to help other people going through a like experience. If that is true please do not treat people as if they don't matter just because you have a problem that you cannot deal with in a mature manner.

Imagining

It will be two days before the memorial service for my ex. I'm trying to imagine what it will be like.

I already know that two of our older grandchildren will be flying in along with their father and I expect several cousins from California will make the trip too. They will be joined by half the town, related to him. Alright that last part is an exaggeration, but sometimes it seems like it. Most of those people, if not all of them, couldn't care less if I am alive or dead.

Torn as to whether I should even go to the service I stopped by to ask the advice of the mortician, who happens to be a friend of mine. He said I don't think they will even care. He's no doubt right and that is the problem. After 17 years apart they don't care. Odd isn't it when two people divorce how many other people you find in your marriage. In my situation it was a case of our daughter playing a game of divide and conquer and I lost. Or perhaps I won and just haven't realized it yet.

Do I really need these people? Let me think about that. Well no!

I am doing just fine compared to the way my ex left this world. I owe no one and my health is pretty darn good, considering I have had two surgeries since our parting. Does it really matter that these people have wiped me out of their lives? Again no! Even two of my grown children joined that group of judgemental souls.

Imagining the service on Monday, I see myself sitting alone and definitely not with the family members as it doesn't appear from my view that I have many left. It is odd that I will no doubt be treated as if I am invisible. Nothing new about that.

Let it be

Endings seem to be on my mind, reading over my last few posts. Everything has a beginning, a middle and an end, making room for something new. Two things cannot occupy the same space. Yesterday I shared something that came across my Facebook news feed and now I want to share it with my readers because I see how important it is to change direction.

For years I have tried and tried to let go of negative people and experiences in my past life. Nothing worked and I thought, "what the hell is wrong with me?" It's in the past just let it go! Nope nothing worked until I read these words- "let it be". They changed my attitude about a lot of things.

In this little town I live in I have acquired a very good reputation for honesty and dependability. Even those who do not like me know that if I agree to do something I will do it, even if I change my mind later. 

Yesterday was also the day my ex-husband chose to leave his body behind. It was pretty much worn out from the experiences he decided to drag it through. He has to be much happier now. We had been married for 27 years and divorced for 17. Our relationship had been better in the last few years than it ever was during our marriage. I did give him something no one else had been able to do during his human life. I gave him a child of his own. I thought being a father would inspire him to choose a healthier life, but it never did and he ended up paying for his choice. More than once in the last few hours I have thought of the words "until death do us part" and have felt a wave of freedom to move on with my life.

I know his biological family, including our daughter, do not understand my feelings, but that is their problem, not mine. I am going to allow what is supposed to happen to do so and use the words "let it be" as my mantra.

If you're looking for me

As a post script to my previous post I decided to share my thoughts on exactly where I would like my ashes to be scattered. I'm not sure anyone really cares. It has become apparent that most of my relatives don't. Seriously, if people don't care about you when your body is attached they sure won't care where the remains are.

For several years I have wanted the scattering of my ashes to take place at the Riverwalk. It is one of my favorite places in Grants. I checked out the laws and found if the property is owned by the State it requires a permit. The Riverwalk, being city owned,  may also need written permission of some kind. I suppose one could do the scattering at midnight or very early in the morning and nobody would notice, but it wouldn't allow for any kind of a private service and I would hate for someone to get in trouble with city authorities. So I reluctantly decided to scrap that idea, even though it was a good one.

Opening my eyes and checking out the neighborhood I located the spot that had been in front of my eyes all along. I see it every time I look out of my office window. Remember the saying, you can't see the forest for the trees? Well then, there it is, a spot that I have often used for grounding my spirit photos. That spot is the mesa right above my house and property containing my own little mountain.

Why didn't I think of that before? It isn't in the city and I really don't think the State of New Mexico would blink an eye if a private ceremony took place there. That part is not up to me. My son is in charge of the how.

After a conversation with him sharing my thoughts I believe the matter is settled.

If you're looking for me after my last event this is where I will be. See you around!

You can't take it with you

Your body that is.

Having just completed a pre-paid funeral policy I would like to encourage others to do the same. I realize that not everyone can afford to do that, but for those that can, do it. It isn't right for your family to take care of this. We are all going to leave our body behind at some point and I found it very freeing to have the matter under my control well in advance of that event.

I chose exactly what I wanted, which is cremation and the ashes scattered in Cibola County, New Mexico. I also appointed a very reliable person to make sure my wishes are carried out.

The other thing I would like to encourage others to do is write their own obituary. Who knows you better than you? I have had mine written for years and update it from time to time. Things change, people die and or are born for instance. What mattered yesterday may not be as important in a year or two.

I have one more suggestion and that is keep your records in one place and write a will, clearly stating what your wishes are. If it is simple you really do not need a lawyer, but it needs to be notarized, at least in New Mexico.

You can't take your body with you so if you take care of these few things while you are still attached to it you can concentrate on living and not end up being a burden to anyone.

Endings or beginnings?

This has been an interesting day. It began early with sending an electronic birthday card to my daughter. I was happy to note that she opened it. I wasn't sure she would. I have concluded that when I decide to do something that involves someone else it only matters that it makes me happy. If someone has a problem with that it is their problem, not mine.

Today was also my one year checkup with my surgeon for my hip replacement. After viewing my x-rays he said the implant looks exactly like it did the day he put it in. Yay! He also said it was because of what I had done and not what he did. His advice was- keep it up. I do not have to go back until 2019. I also acknowledge that my positive recovery is because I had a great physical therapist who worked with  me.

My next stop was to finalize a policy for pre-paid cremation- mine. No I don't plan on leaving earth anytime soon, but when I do I do not want to be a burden to my family. This is something I wanted to do for myself not them. An odd thing happened recently. I came into an unexpected sum of money. I knew as soon as it appeared that is was to pay for this policy. It came within $78.17 of the exact amount.

Next I had lunch with my friend, Betty, who is always available to act as my driver when I have an appointment in Albuquerque. It also gave me an opportunity to share some of my spirit photographs with her. I was very happy to find that she was able to see what I see. Nor everyone can.

All in all this has been a very interesting day. I'm not sure if I should consider it endings or beginnings, but I am grateful for the experiences whatever they were.

Follow the bread crumbs

Something happened yesterday to cause me to go back to 2006. A time when I finished my book, Journey of an Enlightened Egotist. The writing of this book was absolutely led by my guide. Every chapter was lived before it was written and I simply followed the bread crumbs. At the time I didn't have the money to publish it in the usual way so I chose to use the internet and Amazon. Although I don't believe it was a mistake it was not the end of the book's story.

Yesterday I started reading the book again. I didn't get very far before I realized how much information it contained in its 49 pages. I knew at that moment it was too good to waste and it made me very sad that I didn't even have one hard copy of the contents. Perhaps it is my age, but there is a big difference between online and pages you can actually hold in your hand.

I decided to check out a self publishing company that came up on my computer just to see what's what. I filled out a price check and got a quote. It really wasn't too bad and was within my means to meet. They required a minimum order of 24, which was also reasonable. I remembered that my first order from Publish America for my first book, Wake Up!, was 200. What a joke! I still have some left. I'm not doing that again.

My next step was to go through the book and clean it up a bit. I eliminated a couple of colored photos and changed a few minor items to give it a better fit. I liked the finished product, but something was missing.

I had over the years kept comments from some of the people I had given a copy of the material to. Even though this is technically my fourth book I had never used them to help promote what I had written. Now was the time! I had some wonderful positive comments from people who liked what they had read. Some of them are going on the back cover along with a short bio of my previous writing.

Whew almost ready for the printer.

The only thing left is the cover. For an extra $99 I can have the company create one, based on their interpretation of what I wrote, or I can do it myself. Since the book is being printed mostly for my own private use I don't feel it is necessary for anything to be on the cover except the title and the author's name- that would be me.

Now all I need is for my computer literate son to help me send the required data and the finished book will be ready in about a week. Actually I just need to have it by October because there is more to the bread crumb story that I need to share.

As many of you know I have been taking photographs with spirits in them since about 2000. I agreed several years ago (actually 2006) to use them to assure humans that we do not die. A few years ago I had talked to a local store owner about sharing the pictures with the community via an event. Things happen, as they will, and we never got around to it- until now.

The store owner and his partner just moved to a new store and we are planning an evening event for just that reason to be held sometime around Halloween. Although it is not meant to make money I will be able to offer Journey of an Enlightened Egotist in hard cover and Amazon E-book form to anyone interested. The book contains true spirit stories and much more.

It seems as if everything fits together like a puzzle if I just keep following the bread crumbs. Oh and patience helps too!

Time to let go

If you live long enough stuff happens to change your life direction. Time marches on and you are not the same person you used to be. 

In 2010 I finished an E-book titled Journey of an Enlightened Egotist and offered it on Amazon. It’s still there although it hasn’t received much attention. I have given more copies away than I have sold, but that’s alright because I don’t believe it was written as a money maker. It was written to share my journey in the hopes that it could help someone else. I have been told by several readers that it has accomplished that purpose. As I said, that book was finished six years ago and I thought it was the end. I was wrong it was the beginning of things I didn’t know were going to happen.

I have in the past admitted that I was a control freak. I thought I needed to be in charge of everything in my world. Someone once told me that I didn’t have to carry the weight of the universe on my shoulders. I grew up thinking it was my job to fix whatever I thought was wrong, especially if it was a relationship. 

On June 13^th, 2014 I offered to share my home with my oldest son, who was retired military and about to lose his house and everything he had worked for. After he moved in it was another four months before he found a job as a Case Manager in our women’s prison. The move was not meant to be forever and it appears that he may be moving on to another state soon. He is not happy living in our little town and feels that he gets passed over for promotions at work. Jobs are given to people from other prisons and to those who really are not qualified to do the work. I don’t blame him for wanting to move on. Sometimes the attitude in this town is it isn't what you know, but who you know.

As I think about the last two years I realize it was an opportunity for both of us to grow. Fourteen months after my son moved in I found out I needed a hip replacement. For the first time in my life I also needed help to do simple things around the house. It was really nice to have that help available. During that time I also learned to be more accepting of another person’s way of doing things. My son and I both learned to help each other while giving the other space. 

I no longer have the need to fix problems that are not mine. It is time to let go of control and just focus on my needs and interests. Time does march on and it gives us opportunities to grow and learn new things.