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Monday, March 28, 2011

Giving Up/Letting Go

There is a big difference between giving up and letting go. Throughout my life giving up has not been something I am known for. As I have said before it could be leftover genes from my Scottish grandfather. To me giving up means there is no longer reason to hope. I am done, finished. I have exhausted all means at my disposal to accomplish what I want to happen.

Letting go to me means allowing input from another entity/source. It means trusting that what I want to happen will happen if I just let go of control. This is something I am known to have a problem with.

Sometimes I become so fixated on one idea, person or way of doing something that I overlook everything and everyone else. I learned a few days ago the value of admitting that I had a problem and asking Source for help. By this simple act I let go of control and allowed a flow of new energy into my life.

I was on the verge of giving up my writing group for kids, admitting to myself and whoever was listening that I was not inspiring them. I know in my heart that my writing talent is a gift from God and that I am supposed to share it with others. I believe sharing what we have been given is how we help each other.

Sunday morning I opened a message from the 17 year old daughter of one of my facebook friends. She explained that she loves writing fan fiction. She shared a couple of suggestions for inspiring kids to write that she and her friends had enjoyed as students. Like Mighty Mouse, Steph, saved my day and inspired me to try a new approach to inspire my writing group.

My biggest problem was that I was approaching them as a published non-fiction writer. I had forgotten the group was supposed to have fun. If I was no longer having fun how could I expect them to? It also reminded me of Super Nanny telling parents to get down on their kid's level to talk to them and play with them.

Just a couple of real life suggestions led me to see the error of my ways and inspired me to come up with a better approach of teaching kids what I know. It would not have happened if I had not let go of control- just a little.

Thanks Steph AKA:Mighty Mouse/Source

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Don't Assume It's Your Fault

I was happily walking along my path picking up knowledge from the universe. My mind went over my list of friends/family and I noticed one or two no longer communicate. My first thought was, what did I do to cause this. That's the way I used to think, but now I do not assume it is my fault.

Having a tendency to say/write what I think does occasionally piss others off. Tough! At my age I have earned the right to freely express my views.

There are many reasons why someone might cease to communicate. They could just be tied up with their own problems and don't have time for me.

I just can't assume anything about anyone else. It is often just a matter of time before the other person makes an appearance and it's even possible that they could apologize for their absence. Good! Let them take responsibility for their own actions. I am only responsible for mine.

...but then there is always the possibility that I may never hear from them again and I simply cannot assume it is my fault.

Friday, March 25, 2011

High Hopes

I had really high hopes for my creative writing group, but they are slowly dwindling. I just don’t seem to be able to inspire the kids to write. Every week I start out by giving them a couple of fun things to do like a word search or unscrambling words. After all they have been in school all day.

I look for interesting writing prompts such as, What if… and funny photos. I have shared things I have written to help inspire them. The response I get in return is, “How much do we have to write?” I have searched the web for ideas and I feel I am wasting my time and theirs. Maybe if I tried lighting a fire cracker under their seats it would wake them up.

There are kids in my class who have great imaginations and occasionally display potential when the mood strikes them, which isn’t often. The fact that I am volunteering my time to try to help them only adds to my frustration.

Some things popped up online today that are leading me to believe it is time to give the group up as a bad idea. I have done my best, but it just isn’t working.

You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink is an old quote, but it sure fits my current predicament.

A recent quote from Abraham/Hicks also adds to the heap. It is, "don’t go to them, let them come to you".

To point me in the right direction and remind me that you can’t keep doing the same things and expect different results was the poem There’s a Hole in my Sidewalk by Portia Nelson, which appeared on a friend's blog.

Chapter One
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost…I am helpless
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter Two

I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in the same place.
But, it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter Three

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in…it’s a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

Chapter Four

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

Chapter Five
I walk down another street.

Sometimes our plans just don't work out and sometimes what seems to be a failed plan might be a stepping stone to a bigger one. Although I had high hopes for this idea when it was conceived it looks as if the universe might be sending me a message this morning.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Spring Break

This has been an interesting week. Every morning starts with my grandson opening my front door around 7:15 am, announcing his arrival with, "Hi grandma!" Then we go to Futures so I can exercise and we just hang out for the rest of the morning. After lunch we head back to Futures for the Spring Break activities. He plays and I volunteer to help out.

I have learned some useful information this week. First I discovered that dominoes is really a game and not just lining the pieces up to fall on each other. It is actually fun and doesn't require electricity. I ended up buying a game for Colin to take home to teach his mother how to play. I also learned how to make individual pizza's from a can of biscuit dough. All you need is a rolling pin, sauce and toppings of your choice. They are very tasty without the fuss of making the dough.

I also learned that you don't need a beach to play beach volleyball, ice to play hockey and you can have a ping pong tournament using tennis balls.

A very important lesson I learned for my own future use is: do not mix 1st and 2nd graders with teenagers, put them in a room and expect to keep them all interested in writing projects for 1 1/2 hours. I am happy to report we all survived yesterday and moved on to the next planned activity.

I believe the most important thing I am learning this week is I no longer want to work- period. I love being retired and not having to do anything I don't want to do fits me just fine. A couple of days ago I was given an opportunity for a possible part time job and actually came close to accepting. After weighing the pros and cons I decided that although a little extra money would be nice, money isn't everything. At this time in my life freedom is worth more.

This Spring Break has been very educational in ways I could never have taken a class for.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

What's New?

My life seems to be getting around to getting new lately. I suppose that's good, but it requires a new attitude. I can do anything I set my mind to.

For instance I have qwest and they are in the process of changing email use. I had the option of waiting until June to let them make the change or switching myself. Not being particularly computer literate I was afraid to try it myself. This morning I decided to just do it. The instructions were not that hard to follow, but it completely changed what I am used to viewing when I access my email account.

It probably is a good idea that I made the change now. It will give me plenty of time to adjust before the mandatory June deadline. I am actually proud of myself that I successfully made the transition without help. Many people my age can't even turn on a computer, let alone learn how to use it and intelligently write a blog. Yea for me!!

During Spring Break 2008, as part of the Foster Grandparent Program I was assigned to Future Foundations, our family center, to keep an eye on the kids. That is pretty much all I did. I walked around or sat in a chair and was bored to tears for an entire week. I resigned from the program as soon as school was out that year. Although I learned a lot in my short stint it wasn't for me.

This Spring Break is going to be different. I am now a volunteer at "Futures" because I have been offering a Creative Writing Group since January. This activity was included as part of what is being offered to keep the kids busy. I will be instructing 20-24 students instead of my usual 5-8. I am looking forward to the challenge and perhaps I can inspire a few new students to join our regular writing group. I am also going to be around all week to help out with the other activities that have been planned.

For some reason new has always been a better fit for me than old. Who wants to be old? That's for old people, which I no doubt will never be!

Friday, March 18, 2011

A Forever Hug

Everyone dreams and sometimes we wake up remembering the dream. I am aware that dreams help us live our lives. It is a time when our conscious mind rests so that our sub-conscious can receive instructions from the universe. It is a rare experience for me to remember a dream, but it happened last night.

Lately I have been feeling a little detached and wondering if what I am doing is what I am supposed to do. At the same time I have verbalized to God/Source that I am now willing to stop resisting whatever my role is in the current transition movement. It left me feeling somewhat ungrounded and in serious need of a hug.

Last night I dreamt that a male guide came to untangle the dilemma I had created for myself. Although I did not see his face I was aware of a very strong protective presence that had been sent to assure me that all is well and going exactly as planned. The details of the dream are sketchy, much like the way I write, simple and to the point.

In one scene we were at a gathering of some sort. My guide and I were sitting on a couch, his arm protectively around my shoulder, listening to several people who were saying unkind things about me. In another I thought I recognized one of my new spiritual friends, but later realized that she just symbolized the group of people I now associate with.

The last scene took place in a huge stadium of some sort filled with hundreds of people I didn’t know. My guide moved toward me and gave me the warmest most loving hug I have ever experienced. Without warning, he was gone. I was briefly startled and fearful of what was to come next.

When I woke up I remembered the love I had felt from the universal hug. I thought about the dream for a long time before getting up. I knew all I had to do was remember the love and I would never feel alone or fearful again. The hug was meant to last forever.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Copy Cats

Yesterday I had a small number of kids in my creative writing group. I had one 6th grader and three in 3rd grade. Spring break starts Monday and I don't think their minds were on writing. I pretty much just let them have fun with the assignments I offered.

Previously, I had a problem with them copying from each other. Yesterday I just ignored the tendency to see what would happen. I noticed while they were doing a word search paper that they were helping each other find the words. I even participated, assisting the younger ones with their struggle. When everyone was finished they all felt good about their personal contribution to the whole.

There is a lesson to share here teacher!

Wouldn't it be great if the entire world worked like this? Everyone sharing their little bit of knowledge with everyone else, making the planet a more loving place to inhabit for all.

One would have to live in a cave not to see that the universe is changing and the goal is to really get the fact that we are one. We all came from the same place and have something valuable to contribute, but not everyone will be willing to listen and allow the message to sink in.

For some reason and I'm blaming it on my muse, the words to the song "the more we get together the happier we'll be" just popped into my mind!

Keep sharing keep helping, 'cause every little bit counts!

Sunday, March 13, 2011

After the Last Bell Rings

Last night provided an interesting opportunity to not only consciously observe, but participate in the game of life.

My grandson, Colin, plays on his 3rd grade basketball team, the Magics. The team is doing pretty well, winning more games than they lose. Last night they played their next to the last game of the season. I had attended every game by myself.

This time I invited, Ginny, a friend of mine who was also Colin’s, 2nd grade teacher. Since her recent retirement, she has kept herself very busy, but likes to keep in touch with the kids she grew to love. Although she actually came to watch Colin, she also knew several of his team mates because they were her former students. She was in her element cheering everyone on. The Magic’s lost the game, but the team played well.

We had decided to go to dinner after the game and invited Colin to join us. He was thrilled to be included. As we got into my car the first thing Ginny did was praise Colin for immediately fastening his seat belt without being told to.

Moving on to a mutually decided restaurant, again gave Colin a chance to shine. He was the perfect example of a child any grandparent would be proud of. He was well behaved and ate every single bite on his plate. Dinner was a very enjoyable experience for all of us.

Going over the experience this morning I see that if I had not offered a friend the opportunity to join me I would have attended the game alone, come home alone and sat in front of my TV eating dinner alone. I made a great choice.

Ginny had a wonderful time, Colin felt special, I was very proud of him and I enjoyed observing Ginny’s interaction with “her kids”. It is refreshing to know a teacher who truly cares, even after the last bell rings at 3:00 pm.

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Out of the Ashes

Somewhere in my current project, Journey of an Enlightened Egotist, I made the statement that "If a campfire isn't stirred up once in awhile the fire will die". It was followed by "I believe my new job is to be the stirrer". Many things have happened since I wrote those words to cause me to conclude that my belief was absolutely correct!

I love the role of instigator. Shaking up souls who think they know everything, have gotten too big for their britches or are just plain old and stuffy. Lighten up people! Not one of you knows everything no matter how smart you believe yourself to be. We each have our own blueprint written in a language only we understand. Come down off your pedestals before you fall off and cause a scene.

Being a stirrer/instigator is just plain fun! It is much like poking a helium balloon with a pin. It zooms around the room going nowhere and accomplishing nothing.

When the ashes in a campfire are stirred up new life springs forth and the earth's occupants are warmed by its positive energy.

Friday, March 11, 2011

A Crumbling World

The world is crumbling all around yet I'm just fine. Is that fair I ask myself?

Humans are being eliminated by the thousands all over the world as the result of natural disasters and senseless battles for power. The severe drop in economy, especially in the United States is shaking the ability of ordinary people to provide basic needs for their families. Previously calm places, including schools are attracting armed deranged beings who take out their anger on innocent people, just because they can.

This morning I am looking at the world around me and asking,"What the hell is going on here and how does it affect me?" Is it enough just to feel compassion for those in the mainstream of the crumbling world around me?

My little place on this planet is actually pretty secure. Sure the price of going to the grocery store and putting gas in my car is outrageous, but in comparison to the rest of the world it is no big deal. Our weather here is very well balanced and we are not in danger of any natural disaster.

I could feel guilty that my life choices have put me right where I am, but I could also be grateful that I am safe, well, healthy and pretty happy with my lot. I can and do feel compassion for others, but I am only responsible for me.

When I wonder if I am where I am supposed to be I think of this wonderful Buddhist quote given to me by my friend Cindy, "LOOK AT YOUR FEET", that is exactly where I am supposed to be.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

A Change in Attitude

Following my intuition yesterday I decided to give Social Security another chance and tried again to find out from a human why an unexpected deposit had been made in my checking account. Remembering my previous attempt to get past the electronic being, prepared me for the questions it would ask.

Success!! I was actually put on hold and within a reasonable amount of time a real voice asked, "Can I help you?" My response was, "I sure hope so." During our pleasant conversation I was assured that not only was the deposit mine, there was also an increase in my monthly benefit. The paper work just had not caught up with the deposit and still hasn't today.

Interestingly, as I was driving into town yesterday I noticed that my car was veering to the right and instead of ignoring it I had my tires checked. Intuition is such a great guide when you actually pay attention. I was told my front tires were badly worn and needed to be replaced. Because I knew I had just been given money I didn't know I had the news didn't even phase me. My car behaves much better riding on two brand new tires.

Later in the day my key would not start the car, which was parked in the Wal-Mart parking lot. Of course, my first thought was- not again! My last car had a problem with the ignition mechanism and had to be worked on. My second thought was- wait a minute maybe it's the key. I fished out a duplicate I had in my purse and the car started right up. After comparing both keys it was apparent that the original key was badly worn just like my tires. If I had not followed my intuition and checked both the tires and the key yesterday could have been a very expensive day.

Sometimes a simple change in attitude reaps unexpected benefits.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

A New Day

I've been trying to decipher the crazy day I had yesterday and have come to the following conclusions.

I believe it was the final straw for me to see that I need to realize that I am only responsible for me. Further more I no longer need to buy into the negative energy that anyone else is offering. I have been known to make excuses for hateful behavior when it comes from relatives- no more!

The things I needed to take care of yesterday I took care of all by myself.It is a great feeling for someone my age to be able to make that statement. A great many people in my age group are dependent on others either financially, emotionally or mentally. I am grateful that I am my own person, dependent on no one else for anything.

Today started out quite differently than yesterday did. After my morning exercise, a little earlier than usual today, I kept an appointment for my yearly check up. Everything went great! Nothing going on that I can't take care of myself. My doctor gave me credit for taking good care of my body.

As for that unexplained social security deposit in my account, well that is still an unsolved mystery, but I'm thinking it is mine unless told otherwise. Maybe I'll use it to take a spring trip somewhere interesting.

Have a great day everyone. It looks as if I'm going to!

Monday, March 7, 2011

What Is This?

Today has been a pretty strange day so far. I was going to say crappy, but I'm sure there is a lesson here somewhere I just haven't spotted it yet.

After I returned from my morning exercise I decided to call the Social Security Office, which was not a good way to begin a day. I detest trying to carry on a conversation with an electronic being. This one didn't like the fact that I said I was born in the state of Alaska and decided to skip the question/answer. The being also didn't care for my answer for what was my mother's maiden name.

The reason for my call was that I noticed they had deposited money in my checking account last Friday and I still do not know the reason. The amount does not match my usual monthly benefit nor is it the correct day for the benefit to be deposited. I know there is a saying, "Don't look a gift horse in the mouth", but when dealing with a government agency, I disregard that advice. Before I spend the "gift" I want to be assured it is really mine and was not someone's error that I will have to return later.

After spending twenty minutes or so on the phone with this less than intelligent being, I agreed to leave my name and a "real" person would call me back. The waiting time was supposed to be 10 minutes. That was about 4 1/2 hours ago. I have call waiting so I know they have not yet called back. I thought today's mail might bring a statement of explanation- nope!

My second challenge today is that my ex-husband, to whom I was married to for 27 years, underwent heart surgery this morning at 7:30 AM. I am sure the surgery lasted several hours and I am aware that he was to remain in the recovery room for 6 to 7 hours after it was over. I called the hospital about noon to see if the surgery was over and a voice at the nurse's station informed me he wasn't in his room. No Kidding! She could not answer my question. Never mind I said, making a supreme effort to be nice, I'll call back later!

My charming daughter, who decided 6 months ago that she was delivered by the stork and I was no longer her mother, is at the Albuquerque hospital and if she were not the person she has turned out to be, would have by now, called me with some information.

I wonder why when a couple decides to divorce family members who had nothing to do with the decision can't refrain from telling the parties how they should now act toward each other. Just because I no longer wish to live in the same house does not mean that I do not care if my ex survives major surgery.

It is now 3:25 PM and I am still wondering aloud WHAT IS THIS?

Saturday, March 5, 2011

An Interesting Twist

My life experience has involved dipping into many facets of religious musings. As a result of my willingness to learn I now have my own view of life; compiled from my smorgasbord of available adventures.Sharing what I believe does not require anyone else to accept my beliefs.

I have accepted for some time that because humans could not believe in an entity they could not see Jesus was necessary. He became God/Source in human form. I further believe Jesus was created to be a role model for his brothers and sisters (you and me and our predecessors), as we all were.

What if God/Source also created Jesus to experience life as a human so that he/she could feel and better understand how his/her children feel when faced with their life challenges? As Jesus, God/Source, experienced many challenges from his birth in a stable to death on a cross. Jesus taught us how to live and how to die, but I wonder what his brothers and sisters taught him. What did he take back to share with the Creator when his human life ended?

I don't know the answer, but I believe it is an interesting twist to an age old tale and something to think about as we enter yet another Easter season.

Friday, March 4, 2011


Lately I have been amused at all the suggestions for making the law of attraction work. Some writers go on and on trying to get their point across. I could not even guess the number of books and articles that have been written on this subject. How many ways are there to say the same thing? I believe in the KISS approach- keep it simple sweetheart. It works for me.

Be grateful
Be positive
Be present
Be happy

Some people begin affirmations with I intend.... As in I intend to live a healthy life. To me intend means when I get around to it or sometime in the future this will happen. Well nuts to that!

My affirmations begin I believe I am... as in I believe I am living a healthy life. Not sometime in the future- now!

The next important thing, as Abrahan/Hicks, so simply states, is get happy. Not tomorrow, or next week or when you get what you are asking for. Be happy right now. In my opinion if you are not happy with what you have and where you are (it's called gratitude) how can you expect the Universe to give you anything better? It's not going to happen.

Be grateful
Be positive
Be present
Be happy

Notice how few words I used to state my case! KISS- try it for yourself.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Keep Dreaming

"Dreaming is the inspiration that leads to more".~Abraham
It is the reason we are never satisfied with what we have. When what we manifest is realized it is time to keep dreaming. This is not to say that we are not supposed to be grateful for what we have. Gratitude is the first step to an abundant life.

It makes me laugh when I think of a comment a priest made many years ago, while attempting to instruct me on Catholic beliefs. He said,"You are a dreamer." At the time I reacted as if it was a kind put down, somewhat like "grow up" or "get real".
Today I would tell Father Bob, "You are absolutely right!"

Dreaming is the reason I AM exactly where I am. I have always been grateful for what I have, even before I knew it was the right thing to do. Dreams do not usually manifest overnight. There is a little catch referred to as paying one's dues. I have more than paid mine and now it is time to collect on those dreams still dangling out there in space. They belong to me don't you dare touch them!

Anything we can dream is possible and dreaming doesn't require the help of anyone else. I love Robert Kennedy's quote "I dream of things that never were and ask why not?". A close second is "to dream the impossible dream, that is my quest" from Man of La Mancha and "if you don't have a dream how you gonna make a dream come true?" from South Pacific.

It is funny to think about all the steps that were necessary for me to take to be me, right here on this day in my life. I am in no way finished because I know that when those dangling dreams are realized it will simply signify it is time to dream some more.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Here Kitty Kitty

Recently an online contact and I had a friendly debate about being afraid to completely let go of the need to cling to the past and believe in the unknown. He stated that he is always in some sense holding on to something. In the process of making his point he sent me several computer generated images illustrating his current position. I believe he hit the nail on the head.

For personal reasons, the image that caught my eye was this cute little kitty. It was so applicable that I printed it, framed it and hung it on my office wall. I also added this caption: I see an adorable kitty that is afraid to let go of a very uncomfortable predicament because it lacks faith that its life would be better off if it let go and accepted what it cannot now see.

I don't have a photo to illustrate my position in our discussion, but I believe after many years of trial and error that two things cannot occupy the same space. You can either stay right where you are, as uncomfortable as it may be, or take the chance on something absolutely miraculous somewhere out there just beyond your current vision.

Here kitty kitty!

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

What Color is Love?

This post was partially inspired by a recent article I read about what to do with the stuffed bears outgrown from childhood. I don't recall ever having a bear or anything else I was really attached to. That is really sad considering I had major surgery when I was a child. That could help explain why I grew up having a life challenge of learning to accept love. I must confess I really didn't know much about the subject as I reached adulthood.

Although I had little personal experience with childhood bears, I was allowed to eavesdrop on my grandson's experience with a special bear in his life. I purchased this perky little fellow at a yard sale my daughter and a friend were having. The bear in question was brand new and Colin was between two and three. I loved both the bear and the kid, now nine, at first sight!

My daughter was not pleased with my purchase, even though Colin obviously loved his new floppy friend. The first thing out of her mouth was, "It's pink!" It's pink and blue, I corrected. As you can clearly see from the above photo, he has an equal amount of both colors. From that day on, Colin's mother refused to allow him to take the bear out in public. What would people think!

From that day on the bear, which I always allowed to travel with Colin in my car, was referred to as "car bear". It stayed in my house when it's owner wasn't around. It kept Colin company on nights he slept over at my house, was fed cereal at make believe picnics in my living room, accepted rides in a little plastic wagon, was sometimes transformed into a beanbag and always gave as much love as it received.

Recently Colin was visiting for the day and decided to retrieve his old stuffed animals, still stored in the little plastic wagon. I watched with amusement as he picked them up one by one and either discarded or kept them. The treasured car bear was of course, put in the keep pile. His fate will be decided some other time.

Days later I was thinking about the special pink and blue bear that had given and received so much love from an equally special little boy. I realized that parents need to mind their own business and let their children choose for themselves. I also realized that love can be any color we want it to be!