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Wednesday, December 31, 2014

...and the word is um...

If I knew a better word than companion I would voice it to the Universe and perhaps I would finally be given what I am seeking. I can see my guide, whom I call Richard, laughing to himself as I struggle to get past this road block. I can almost hear him mouthing, "you can only have what you ask for." If I knew what that was I would ask and this is not at all funny Richard!

Spiritual mate has always been uppermost on my list. All that got me was a couple of self centered control freaks.

Family hasn't worked out very well either. It put me right back where I was as a wife and mother just, because I am a generous person.

Friend is a good word, but just not strong enough plus I already have plenty of really good ones.

Partner makes me think that I should have a business of some kind.

Associate, no I have no desire to be a lawyer or work at Walmart.

Perhaps the word I'm looking for doesn't even exist in the human mind. I know it's something I have never felt that I had. I have been reading a lot of books lately about relationships, many of them between males and females, from all angles. I have found the ones that last have one thing in common and that is love. Now there is a good word and perhaps exactly what I am seeking and have thus far been afraid to ask for.

Perhaps love isn't really meant to be put into words. It is meant to be felt.

If I could find a human male who had the ability to give the love that my dog Ejay gives I would be very happy. In the meantime I think I will stick with him.

P.S. This post now makes 101 for 2014 just like the famous Dalmatians! Gotcha!

I believe we have a language problem!

Dear Universe, For several years I have been asking for the same thing- a companion. For several years you have sent me your version. Perhaps I did not make my request clear. There seems to be a serious language problem between us.

This situation reminds me of the quote “be careful what you ask for because you just might get it”. I have decided the problem is how you ask for what you want not what you ask for. If there was a Universe- Human dictionary I could purchase we could possibly be on the same wave length. A few years ago the popular expression, “give me a break” gave many people exactly what they asked for. I am very careful never to say that.

Let me go back to when I made my first request. I am not sure of the exact year, but I became single in 1999 after 27 years of experiencing a less than perfect marriage. I gave myself time to adjust to my newly acquired freedom to do as I pleased. Then I realized that although I had absolutely no desire to be married I would very much like a companion.

Around 2000 or so I came to the aid of a female friend who needed a place to live. She had been living with a male friend. It was a non physical relationship but being a small gossip oriented town she had gained a false reputation. I had hoped the move would give me someone to eat dinner with and talk to. It never happened and she moved out after a couple of months to live alone.

About this time you sent a man (again non-physical) whom I strongly felt and still feel was/is a soulmate. Back then I did not know we have many during our time on earth. Although this soul taught me about spiritual concepts that I was not previously aware of, he proved not to be a suitable companion. The relationship was short lived, except in my mind, which carried it on and on.

In 2009 you sent a man as an online companion. Over time this relationship caused me to believe I had found my twin flame soulmate. Many things pointed to this fact. These two men had many things in common, predominately; they are both control freaks and they taught me who I no longer desire to be. I have now concluded that neither were companions; they weren’t even good friends!

Backing off from men I adopted an adorable 10 month old male puppy in December of 2010. Ejay needed a home and I still needed a companion. He is loyal and loving and reminds me of my first dog when I was a child, a Golden Cocker Spaniel named Skippy.

You and I apparently still have a language problem because in June of 2014 my oldest son, who was about to become homeless moved in with me. Although I am happy to have provided help it has brought me back to being a cook and maid. After work and dinner he retreats to his computer in another room. That is not a companion!

So dear Universe it looks as if my first act in 2015 should be to look up “companion” in my dictionary.

Tuesday, December 30, 2014

A balancing act

In recent years I have realized that my life purpose is to inspire and encourage others to be the best that they can be. It took years and years for me to notice what my life experiences have been building up to. Really looking over an updated resume added clarity to the puzzle. There is a slight problem with this kind of purpose and it is knowing when to help and when to let go. Perhaps balance is the life lesson I am here to work on.

All the jobs I have held in recent years have given me an opportunity to look for and help those who just need someone to notice their struggle to be seen. That may sound strange to some, but I know how it feels to be treated like an invisible person.

This morning I am asking myself how come I know how that feels. It started as a child and like a dust bunny under a bed just got bigger as the years went by. Although my parents provided adequate food and shelter for some reason they were unable to encourage emotional growth. Even though I had a brother 13 months younger than myself I grew up alone, feeling that nobody really cared.

I was the kind of student who did the required work and never got in trouble. One might say I fell through the cracks. Not one adult person took the time to have “the talk” about what I was supposed to do next after high school. No one really noticed that I was a valuable member of society and was a lost soul. So I do know how it feels to be an invisible person.

My life moved on through two marriages and divorces plus the birth of three children. I still felt like an invisible person, often wondering if anyone really cared if I lived or not. Please do not assume by that statement that I ever once considered suicide because that is definitely not the case. I simply continued to struggle in silence to find the thing that I was here to do.

In 1999 during a hypnosis session to stop smoking (BTW it worked) I had a strange experience that I have since shared with few people. As I was sitting in the chair a bolt of lightening came from above and pierced my heart. There was no pain but it certainly got my attention! Thinking about it later I felt it was a wake up call from another realm. At this point in my life I began to delete the negative things that had been clogging my positive energy. Looking back to that day I now see that I had been right; it was a wake up call.

It was then that I began writing and sharing my experiences. I do admit that like many writers I was at first writing for myself. Then something unexpected happened and I realized that I was also helping others just by sharing my experiences. I realized that I was attracting souls who also felt that they were alone and had no value.

I now see that because of my own past experiences I always look for those who are in danger of falling through the cracks. I consciously do everything I can to encourage and inspire them to be the best that they can be; no matter what their age is. It is very rewarding to help others; however, knowing when to let go is still a balancing act that I am working on.

Monday, December 29, 2014

Spirit lives forever

This holiday season I haven't heard many traditional songs because I have not had my radio on. Oddly, most of the ones I have managed to hear have been sung by Bing Crosby, 1903-1977. Just this morning a Facebook friend posted a video of The Little Drummer Boy sung by David Bowie and Bing Crosby. It is almost like his deceased spirit is speaking to me. It causes me to remember that even after our soul/spirit leaves its current human body it never dies. The contributions we make while human live forever.

This is even more true with today's wide range of technology. One of the things I am most grateful for is that I did not let my advanced age keep me from dabbling in the internet and what it offers. If I had not made that move I probably would not be a published author of two books or a blogger or have friends all over the world. Living on Social Security does not allow extra money for publishing, no matter how good the material is, or even traveling. That's sad, but true.

Just yesterday I sent via email a manuscript I finished in 2010 to a friend, living in the UK. Although I have a copyright, it has never been published in the usual manner. After clicking send I began thinking about all the places this particular document has been, via electronic devices. Its journey of course, began in New Mexico and was first shared with select local friends. The words I wrote in Journey of an Enlightened Egotist have been to Ireland, Scotland, England, Australia, Pennsylvania, New York, Illinois, Texas, Nevada, California and no doubt places I am not even aware of.

Not bad for a so far unpublished manuscript and compared to the journey of the two that were actually published it is rather amazing!

Although I have no plans to separate my spirit from my body anytime in the near future, one never knows what action the Universe is planning. Even if I were to suddenly disappear from earth I believe my spirit would live on via the written words that would be left behind.

It's great to live in and be part of an age where this is possible?

Sunday, December 28, 2014

Can you hear me?

Yesterday I heard something that not only resonated with my soul, but freed me from continuing a lot of wasted energy. It was "A messenger can only deliver a message to someone who is a vibrational match to the message, so don't wear yourself out saying things to people who don't hear you". It reminds me of the message on a shirt that I once bought for my grandson (which by the way he loved), "I hear you, but I am not listening".

Thinking back I have wasted a ton of energy trying to get people to hear me, some of them members of my biological family. A good part of the time I thought there was something wrong with me. Is it really possible that having 3 grown children and 4 grandchildren only one of those souls is a vibrational match? Wow that's a lot of mismatched souls out there in my family alone!

This last year I have become aware of the difference in energy after connecting with a member of what is known as my tribe; those souls whom I believe have a similar mission in this life time. There is no effort involved in the relationship. It is very much like connecting with a twin you didn't even know you had.

Allowing others to blame me for things that were never my fault has not only made me feel guilty but has kept me from believing in my own worth.

My mission for 2015 is to stop listening to those people and find the missing members of my tribe. Just for fun I am sharing a message from one of my favorite little guys to get the year off to the right start. Can you hear me people?

Friday, December 26, 2014

The cookie trail

Setting the scene for the cookie trail: my ex-husband and I were married for 27 years before we called it quits in 1999. Although we are no longer together we still speak and in recent years have exchanged token Christmas gifts.

Early in our relationship my mother-in-law introduced me to a Spanish cookie called Montecados that had been in her family for an eternity. Eager to please my new husband I tried making them one Christmas. He was happy, I was happy and the cookie trail took root.

I have to admit I never really liked the cookie, which is similar to a biscochito except it uses cinnamon instead of anise, but everyone else seemed to like them. My husband even said mine were better than his mother's. Since the recipe makes a bunch I only made them at Christmas- year after year.

Then came our divorce and I didn't have to make them anymore. Yay!

Sometime during the last 15 years my ex got the recipe from a cousin and started making them himself. Good for him I thought until they became his token gift to me- year after year! No!!

For the last few years I have accepted his cookies and promptly found new homes for them, moving the cookie trail along. For example: the Outreach Mission, which feeds the homeless and the family center for an after school snack for the kids.

In keeping with the spirit of Christmas I am sharing the Montecado recipe so that my readers can continue the cookie trail.

Ingredients: 1 lb. lard, 6 cups flour, 2 cups sugar, 3 eggs plus one yolk, 1 Tb. fresh ground cinnamon.

Directions: roll dough in walnut size balls and press thumb in center. Bake 350 degrees for 10 minutes. Dip baked cookies in mixture of cinnamon and sugar.

Happy cookie trails to you all!

Thursday, December 25, 2014

It's still tradition.

For the last few years December 24th has been spent in the company of one of my favorite family members, my young grandson, Colin. For reasons I still do not understand I have not been invited to celebrate the rest of the holiday with immediate family. I had expected that my daughter's plans would be revised this year as her brother is now living with me. Apparently that is not going to happen. It is sad when someone is unable to forgive real and imagined wounds year after year. I feel sorry for her!

As the result of the above situation Colin and I have been able to create our own tradition on Christmas Eve. We eat dinner together and exchange gifts and don't give much thought to the rest of the family. I wasn't sure the tradition was going to happen last night as there was a little miss-communication between us. About 4:30 I decided that even though money is short right now tradition is more important.

First I asked my son, whose birthday happens to be December 25th, if he would rather scrap what I had planned for dinner and go out to eat. With a yes answer I then invited Colin to join us. After a scrumptious dinner at one of our most popular restaurants, followed by a birthday treat for my son, and a double scoop of chocolate ice cream for Colin, we returned home to exchange gifts.

As I went to bed last night I was grateful that no matter what It's still tradition!

Tuesday, December 23, 2014

Part three of me

This is the third and last post regarding writing a new resume. I promise!

The finished piece is now downloaded as a PDF document ready to be sent off just as soon as the perfect job comes into view. I expect that to be early 2015, celebrating the new year.

The new resume is divided into three sections, two of which were not included in the one I had been using. Perhaps that is why it never got noticed by employers. The sections are Professional Summary, Skills and Experience. Skills gave me a chance to use my creative juices and it is the section I like best.

The template suggested listing 6-8 so after thinking and re-accessing this is what I settled on. Ability to lead and follow others, dependable, honest, excellent organization and communication skills, intuitive, able to inspire others, community minded.

That's it, take it or leave it, this is part three of me!

Monday, December 22, 2014

I would hire me

Yesterday I received professional feedback regarding my current resume. Basically the one word that stuck out was simplistic. After checking it over I agreed. The basic information was there, but the person was not. I found a very helpful website to fix that problem. I recommend to anyone needing similar assistance. It is extremely easy to use and offers numerous options with plenty of wiggle room. The cost to print it is also very reasonable.

I chose a non traditional template because it best fit my job/life experiences. I have spent 77 years trying to squeeze myself into a mold like everyone else. That just isn't me. I am not traditional, never was and never will be.

In creating a new resume I not only realized I had been focusing on the wrong things, but that I had a lot to offer a prospective employer. I am still tweaking it a little to make it as positive as possible. I was told a resume has 30 seconds to make an impression so every word on that document counts.

After completing this project I compared it with my old resume. Wow! It was like comparing a black and white photo with one in color. The new version came to life and suddenly I could see a real person instead of just facts. I deleted the old document last night.

I am not sure where this is going, but I have found that following my intuition always creates something good. This morning a friend sent me a message wishing that the job Angels will connect my resume to the right employer. I second that wish.

All I can say is- I would hire me!

Sunday, December 21, 2014

Back to the drawing board!

You know that expression "never say never"? Well, that seems to be where my life is right about now.

Stuff happens and it causes a change in perspective and perhaps walking on a new path. Not too long ago I firmly stated that I am retired! Well that didn't last long when I realized that money is a necessary component to living comfortably. A change in circumstances is going to lower my current income in the near future. Now I could sit back and wait to win the lottery or I could take steps to remedy the situation.

The lottery could happen if I buy the right ticket or a very rich soul looking for a place to drop a heap of money could pick my name, but the odds are probably not in my favor. So I may need to find work of some kind that will help.

With this in mind I have been accessing a local online job search, with merchandising in mind. I previously spent 9 years as a product demonstrator (I no longer desire to stand in one place for 8 hours) so I figured this kind of work would be pretty close. For the last couple of weeks several merchandising jobs have come through, but I didn't apply for any of them. Yesterday I received an offer associated with the website to review my resume free of charge. I clicked the button and heard back from them this morning.

After reviewing the feedback I could see why I had not applied for the jobs that had come through. The person pointed out that my experience highlights a professional writer and my resume needed help. Digging out a copy, I could clearly see that they were absolutely right!

My next step was to access another website that offered templates for various ways of writing a resume that will get attention from an employer. The light suddenly dawned! I was applying for jobs that I didn't even want and I need to spend some time writing a new resume for jobs that I actually have the experience for and a desire to be hired for.

So, with the approach of a brand new year, it is back to the drawing board with a polished attitude and a more realistic opinion of my current abilities.

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

I did it!

Over the course of two days I finished a task that should have taken 4 hours. I feel like I took the mail carrier oath; "neither rain, nor snow, nor sleet, nor hail shall keep the postmen from their appointed rounds".

What did I do you might ask? In an effort to lower my car insurance I took the online safe driver course offered by AARP. It took me at least a couple of hours longer than it should have due to the age of my PC. Every time I tried to click next to move it along the freaking document just sat there and stared at me. I even called the support number, which only made me feel like an idiot. My son kept telling me it was my computer and not the program and suggested I use his to finish the course. I finally clicked exit to take a break for the night. I couldn't take any more!

This morning my son opened the program on his computer and I was able to continue where I had stopped last night. What a difference a working machine makes. After he left for work I finished the course and the certificate I was struggling to earn was downloaded on my computer.

One would think that would be the end- right? Wrong. Now my computer is refusing to open and print it. So once again I have to wait for help to get it to move. All I have to say about that is this had better reduce my car insurance!

I do have a comment about the course in general. Although it is a good way to refresh driving knowledge I do believe it is very repetitive in what it offers. Granted older adults may sometimes take a little longer to grasp a concept, but they are not children and for the most part not stupid.

Even though this was a very trying experience I am happy that I did it!

Monday, December 15, 2014

Do what you can

I will always be grateful that I took the step in 2009 to access Facebook. Granted it does share a lot of junk that I just pass by, but it also holds a wealth of knowledge and inspiration through posts shared by friends.

This morning several things came together regarding expecting changes. Some people believe prayer is all one has to do to have positive things happen in their life. Although I have seen for myself that group prayers are capable of miracles, I have mixed feelings about the subject.

The phrase, "God helps those who help themselves" is a mighty powerful thought. It is also one that I believe in. I don't think it is fair to just sit in a chair and pray for positive results, whether it is a physical, monetary or mental problem that one is dealing with.

In my opinion one should look at the situation and take every human step toward a solution before asking for help. I have absolutely nothing against help acquired from other humans, angels, guides or even God, but for human growth I believe you have to do what you can first. Think about it.

Saturday, December 13, 2014

A lucky day

Today is 12/13/14 and the combination won't happen again for many years. it seems for me at least it is going to be a lucky day.

First thing this morning, as with every morning, I reached for my required BP medication, which is a small yellow pill. Recently I added vitamin D just to see if it would help with bone pain. It is also a small capsule. After putting them in my palm I dropped one and thought it was the vitamin. Oh well I thought, I'll look for it later.

A little while later I noticed the dropped pill on the kitchen floor. As it turned out it was the BP medication not the vitamin! This was followed by a flood of gratitude for what could have happened.

Having had recent Blood Pressure problems, a missed dose could have caused serious problems today. Plus my son's senior dog, who constantly licks the kitchen floor, could have eaten it and suffered a serious reaction.

So far 12/13/14 is doing just great and I expect the luck to continue the entire day!

Friday, December 12, 2014


I have been thinking about a wonderful quote by writer, Denis Waitley, that I recently read. It was,"Happy people plan actions, they don't plan results." The more I thought about it the more I liked it.

The best way to make yourself unhappy is to expect canned results to your actions. Most times it just is not going to happen the way you want it to and there isn't a thing you can do about it!

Just when you think you've planned the perfect action to get someone's attention is when the universe steps in to prove you wrong. Don't tell anyone, but you aren't entirely in charge.

I have decided it doesn't matter at all. The only thing that matters is that your intentions toward the object of your action is positive. When you follow your heart and your intuition you can't help but end up happy yourself. At this time of year there are a lot of opportunities to do just that. Sometimes all it takes is a simple card, a Christmas cookie, a piece of fudge or even a smile to make a difference in a person's life.

I had an interesting experience the other day as I was entering a building to pay my property tax. A man was coming out as I was going in and for some reason he reminded me of another man whom I had previously had a "strenuous" relationship with. As I rounded a corner in the building that very man was standing in the hall talking to a lady. When you're tuned in stuff happens, but I had to laugh as I continued on down the hall to take care of what I was there for.

As I walked by the man and lady to leave he smiled at me and said, "Hi, how are you doing?" Although we had already reached a peaceful place in our relationship his acknowledgement made me feel good. He introduced the lady, who was his sister, and we all had a friendly chat.

I could have snubbed him and walked on by, but I chose to respond to his action and the result was a positive experience for both of us.

My point is, just because you don't always get the result you expected don't stop offering positive energy. You never know what could happen!

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Cookies anyone?

After making a batch of fudge this morning I am in the mood to make a few cookies. Since I don't have little ones under my feet anymore I probably won't make rolled sugar cookies this year. As there are still 15 more days until Christmas I could still change my mind. Checking over some tried and true recipes I would like to share a couple that are a bit unusual. Neither takes a whole lot of effort or very many ingredients.

Potato Chip Cookies

1 cup margarine or butter, 1/2 cup sugar, 1/2 cup crushed potato chips, 1 1/2 cups flour, 1 tsp. vanilla, 1/2 cup nuts.

Cream butter & sugar, add vanilla, gradually add flour & nuts, fold in chips. Drop by teaspoon on ungreased cookie sheet. Bake in 350 oven for 10 minutes until golden brown.

Sesame Wafers

2 cups flour, 1/2 tsp soda, 1/2 tsp salt, 1 cup butter or margarine, 1 cup sugar, 1 egg, 1 tsp vanilla, 1/2 cup sesame seeds. (you could probably use any small seed)

Sift together flour, soda, salt. Cream butter & sugar until fluffy, beat in egg & vanilla. Gradually stir in flour mixture. Chill dough for several hours until firm enough to handle. Roll a tsp full at a time into balls then roll into sesame seeds. Place 2" apart on lightly greased cookie sheet. Bake in 350 oven for 10 minutes. Cool on wire rack.

I have successfully used both of these recipes for many years. The second one was found in 1950 something in a Family Circle magazine. Just goes to show if you wait long enough everything comes back!

Tuesday, December 9, 2014

A Christmas wish

Sometimes an earth connection is made with another soul that is so strong it leads to growth for one or both. It is often called destiny and I believe it is so.

There are those who have bought the idea that a soul mate is one's perfect true love. I used to believe that, but I am no longer in that group. It is my current opinion that a true soul mate is one who partners with another to aid in learning an important life lesson. They often appear to be complete opposites, acting as a mirror, allowing the other soul to accomplish an assigned task.

One or even both can sometimes be hurt in the process, but it is only temporary. Ideally, they will both eventually remember the pact that was agreed to long before either soul merged with a human body. Because of the basic loving nature of the relationship there is no need to apologize.

In my recent life I have benefited from a connection with such a soul mate. While I am grateful for the growth the experience provided me, I am very sad that my partner has yet to realize that what happened was prearranged and agreed upon by both of us.

This Christmas my one wish is that this soul will wake up and remember the pact we made so very long ago.

Sunday, December 7, 2014

Your presence is present enough

Yesterday I enjoyed a day long belated birthday present in the form of spending time with my youngest grandson. It reminded me of a birthday several years ago when he didn't have any money and he announced, "I give you me." His gift was more than enough then and now.

We started with breakfast at El Cafecito, a local eatery that we both like. I had been craving a smothered green chile/bacon burrito and Colin had one wrapped in a tortilla. I had a chance to catch up on the activities of my very busy grandson. Between mid school activities, sports and a community club he joined I have not seen much of him since school started and I have missed him very much.

After breakfast we did a few errands and stopped by the annual Christmas Craft Show held at our family center. I had found a bracelet that I liked and needed to pick it up. Since they were inexpensive I asked Colin if he would like to get one for his mother. His eyes were on a particular light green one so I told him I would pay for it. When we got home I checked on the birthstone for my daughter and verified the fact that it is peridot, the same color as the bracelet he had chosen. That fact made him very happy as we put it in a gift bag for him to take home and hide until Christmas.

The rest of the day we pretty much just hung out until it was time to drop him off at a friend's birthday party.

Sometimes a person's presence is present enough thank you very much!

Thursday, December 4, 2014

...and that word is

I am almost finished reading a kindle book about an unusual family Christmas and the universal question of marrying for love. Although for the most part the book is enjoyable, it has a giant flaw, which is the extreme overuse of one word. That word is- admittedly. Ever time I saw it I came close to closing the book forever. As an author it grated on my nerves!

The book did cause me to think about my two previous marriages and honestly ask myself if I married for love. After I stopped laughing I realized that love had not been a part of the equation in either case. It was more like a lack of confidence on my part. When one doesn't have confidence it is easy to settle for less than is deserved- over and over again!

Perhaps the marriages took place to give credibility to the three children that they produced, eventually creating two more generations.

Anyway as Christmas approaches once again I believe the only gift I would like is to know what it feels like to be part of a relationship based on love rather than addictions. After recently acquiring confidence, that one word would make a world of difference in my life.

There is always hope!