Welcome 2019

I don't make resolutions, but as this year rolls to an end I am making myself a promise. I am going to detach from all people and things that are holding me back from the person I was sent to earth to be. Yes, that includes people who are so focused on themselves that they can't see beyond their stuck up noses!

I welcome 2019 and all the lessons and universal gifts it will bring. I am tired of hanging on to crap I do not need.

Life without you would be a lot less stressful! I'm going for that!!

The middle

Yesterday I shared a short poem I wrote on 1/29/15 with the soul who was the inspiration. The poem has no title but here it is:

As the New Year comes around I believe
I will never be who you want me to be
You will never be who I want you to be but,
We can search for and meet in the middle.

This morning I realize that even though the poem was written with a specific person in mind, it applies to everyone in my life. I am the only person who has lived my life and therefore am the only one who has experienced the ups and downs on my assigned path.This is not only true of my life, but of every person I have met through the years.

During my life I have spent way too much time comparing myself to others and listening to who those others think I should be. It is time that I sail my ship by myself and only listen to my intuition, the voice of my own soul.

I sincerely hope the person I sent my poem to responds in a positive manner, but if he doesn't choose to find the middle, that is his choice and his life.

My little mountain

I have lived in my current house facing a mesa at the end of the street since 1980. It has only been in recent years that I developed a love affair with the view. It's probably because the room that I have been using as an office was occupied by my daughter as her bedroom. When she graduated from high school in 1997 she moved out and I moved in. It took a few years to get comfortable in the space, but now I love it.Everything I need to be creative is at my fingertips.

I have taken a lot of pictures of the mesa outside my office window. It sometimes seems as if it has a mind of its own. I would like to share a few of them with you. The first was taken this morning after the snow we got yesterday. It was really pretty as I looked out and saw the sun begging me to take a picture.

The sun can do amazing things to my little mountain.

The view changes often depending on the time of day and the current weather.

Some of my best views have been seen toward evening.

Whatever time of day I am always rewarded with a perfect picture of my little mountain and even though I have on occasion thought of moving I don't believe that is in my future.

Surviving abuse

On this Christmas morning it's hard not to feel alone when most of my biological family ignores me. The gifts I mailed to my youngest grandson and three great grandchildren have not even been acknowledged. It is like I don't even exist. It reminds me of the M & M commercial when Santa faints after saying, "I do exist!"

I know I shouldn't complain when I look around and see that there are many people who not only don't have families who care, but have no homes, clothes or food.  Some of them do not even know who their biological family is because they were abandoned as babies.

I just finished reading a book by Karen Emilson titled, Where Children Run. It is a true story about children who survived unbelievable abuse at the hands of their step father and mother. It caused me to see that even though my family treats me like I don't exist, I am lucky to have friends, a warm house, clothes and food to eat.  

So far I have survived a negative parent, a womanizing husband, an alcoholic husband, cancer and two ungrateful children. It doesn't seem like there is much more the universe can throw at me. So on this Christmas morning I think I will just be grateful for what I have.

Stay calm

I woke up to an interesting experience this morning. It was one for the books or at least my blog.

Before I went to bed last night I had placed several documents in the front pocket of my purse to be taken to my safety deposit box at our local bank. My son had added his passport and the title to his car after telling him they should be in a safe place and not in his pile of papers on his desk. He is the only other person who has access to the box.

When I went into my office this morning I noticed the documents were not in my purse. I knew they were there when I went to bed. My first thought was that my son had removed them to check on something and hadn't put them back. When he got up I asked him why he took them. Surprised, he said, "I didn't take them".

I thought he was kidding, but I began searching everywhere they could possibly be. I checked the floor and looked through my file cabinet. Nothing! I knew where they were when I went to bed. Where could they be?

There was nothing I could do. I still had to go to the bank to take care of some important business so I put the problem on the back burner and went to town, still thinking my son must have removed them.

When I came home I sat down at my computer desk and noticed some papers sticking out behind my file cabinet. I checked to see what it was and you guessed it! The missing documents were found. My purse had apparently tipped over and they fell out.

Now I am thinking, what was this experience trying to teach me?

Quite possibly, stay calm and everything will turn out just fine.

Merry Christmas

I have been writing this blog since November 2009 and when I look back on some of the posts I am amazed at the content. I am grateful for everyone who has read my words and especially to those who have found a bit of inspiration. On this 2nd day before Christmas I wish you peace from all your worries and the ability to believe in miracles that happen every day.

100% free

Nine days before the year ends and I do not owe anyone anything! I am not sure how I did that, but I did.

When I think about all the home renovations I have paid for in the last couple of years and the unexpected expenses I have taken care of I am amazed at what I have accomplished.

I can't help looking back on my ex-husband's situation. Our ages were about six weeks apart. We were married for 27 years when we mutually divorced in 1999. From that point on our lives could not have been more different. He had a full time job, a Social Security income and sold his parent's house. Because of the way he lived, he died in a nursing home with nothing but a ton of bills that Indian Services ended up paying. My missing family also took care of his every need while he was alive.

I, on the other hand have held part time jobs to supplement my Social Security income, take care of myself by myself and as I previously mentioned, owe no one anything as this year ends.

When I view the difference between our lives I can't help but be proud of the way I have managed mine, with no help from my wonderful family.

You be the judge

The following is a copy of a letter I recently wrote to the Frigidaire corporate office, after I followed their unfair practices. This morning I received a phone call in response to my request for them to reimburse the charges I just paid. Their answer no way! So I am keeping my promise to use whatever means I have available to report the situation. You be the judge!

Frigidaire Corporate Office,

On March 21,2017 I purchased a Frigidaire wall oven at Baillo's in Albuquerque,NM. I live in Grants,NM. The cost of the oven was $1,379.34 including delivery. It cost me $225 to have it installed by your authorized repairman. This person has since retired. 

From the time it was installed to October 2018 the oven has refused to heat properly three times. Your warranty office set up service calls with the only authorized repair person left in Grants. This person is currently not in business.

The oven again stopped heating properly a couple days after Thanksgiving 2018. I called the warranty office to report the problem. On December 4th I got a call from a Frigidaire representative informing me that your company had decided to replace the oven because they could not locate a repairman in my area. I was also told that I was expected to pay $526.43 for a dealer to come to Grants, remove the old oven and install the new one, making sure it was working properly before he left. He would also take the old oven back to Albuquerque. I was told that this was not covered under the current extended warranty I purchased for $44.06 in March of 2018. I would like to add that this representative was very nice, but could only follow Frigidaire corporate procedure.

I reluctantly agreed because the only other option I was given was to remove the old oven, take it back to Baillo's, exchange it for a new one, bring it home and install it. How anyone thought I could accomplish that when your company had already admitted they could not find a local repairman is beyond me.  

I bought your product in good faith and followed all the instructions to have it repaired. It is not my fault that it has never worked properly or that a repairman could not me found the repair it. If I had found an unauthorized person to repair the faulty oven you would not have paid for it and no doubt cancelled the warranty. It is a totally useless piece of paper!

I am 81 years old and I live on a Social Security income. I cannot afford this unwarranted expense. I am asking that I be reimbursed for the $526.43 this mess is costing me. I feel I have been ripped off by Frigidaire! You can be assured that I will never purchase a Frigidaire product again if my request does not get the proper attention it deserves. I will also do everything in my power to spread the word about your company and your unfair practices, using all the social media contacts I have at my disposal.

Friends

This year I am very grateful for the friends that I have. I don't ask them for favors very often, but when I do, I know I can count on them. I recently received a lovely poem on a birthday card from one of my loyal friends and I want to share it with you.

I think it's true what they say:
Life really is a journey-
and it's not always easy to know
which maps to trust
or what to pack for the trip.

But whatever the weather,
wherever the road leads,
I think the best possible
traveling advice would be this:
Bring a friend. ~Keely Chace

It reminded me of a poem I wrote in 1999.

Take Time to be a Friend 
How long does it take to be a friend?
To share a thought, a dream, a plan, a life
To offer a smile, an ear, a shoulder, a hug
to gently guide, support, defend, respect
To help, to love, to pray for the other?
How long does it take to be a friend?
A moment of a lifetime.

Making progress

Alright!! I just got a call from the person who is delivering my new oven this morning. All I have to say is, this one had better work! I can finally bake some Christmas cookies. My favorite is Thumb Prints and I will be using plumb jelly to fill them. My son, who isn't much of a cookie fan, likes Peanut Butter Chocolate bar cookies. I already gave out the fudge, which thankfully did not require the use of my car, that is still in the auto shop.

All the gifts that needed to be mailed are on their way or have already arrived at their destination. I am so glad I followed my intuition and mailed them early. I have been informed that most of my family are going to be spending Christmas in Georgia. Since my oldest son and I won't be joining them I have a Christmas letter ready to mail to the Gunn clan. Hopefully it will be read when they open their gifts. I am trusting the universe on that one! The contents will be a big surprise for some of them. I wish I could see their faces!

Since my oldest son's birthday is also Christmas day I am going to invite someone to join us for dinner that I have known since he was a teenager. He and his brothers actually went to school with my second son. When you live in a small town you know people forever!

I am making progress with holiday plans even though the universe did its best to screw up my life.

Intuition

Every once in a while I like to take a meaningful word, look it up and find quotes that matter. The word intuition is very important to me because I truly believe it is the voice of my soul. This is what some other people had to say about intuition.

Good instincts usually tell you what to do long before your head has figured it out.~Michael Burke

Trust yourself, you know more than you think you do.~Benjamin Spock

Trust your hunches. They are usually based on facts filed away just below the conscious level.~Joyce Brothers

Intuition is seeing with the soul.~Dean Koontz

Intuition will tell the thinking mind where to look next.~Dr. Jonas Salk

So you see I am not alone in thinking that intuition is a very special word!

When you are bored

Since Monday I haven't been able to go anywhere because my car was kidnapped by the local auto shop. Hopefully I will get it back in a couple of days. That is if I pay for the costly repairs. Oh well it's only money!

My oven has also been out of order since shortly after thanksgiving so I haven't even been able to bake. That is supposed to be replaced Monday morning.

In the meantime I am getting more than a little bored. I decided to mess around with some pictures I drew with pencil several years ago. I thought they needed color so I chose the one I have used as the picture for my writing site, grabbed my newly purchased box of brush pens, never having used them before, and got to work. I guess it wasn't bad for a first effort.

Then I decided to make a picture I drew in pencil back in 2001 come to life. This one is very special and is titled, "Journey Home". It is a mental view I was given of a young woman who had died of cancer and her angelic guides. I believe the female figure is her aunt and the male is her grandfather. Perhaps using color pencils on the original makes it come to life. I'll let you judge for yourself. I have never claimed to be an artist.

I'm still bored but at least I found something interesting to try my hand on.

Life's teachers

I believe that we are all teachers and we are all students. Every little thing that happen to us, as humans, teaches us in some way, from the minute we take our first breath to our last. One of my favorite books is Mitch Albom's, The five People You Meet in Heaven. Reading it caused me to look at my life and try to pick them out. Of course, each year I live causes those people to change positions.

Growing up at a time when most people I knew didn't expect much from life, no doubt set the tone for my future. I have never been impressed by those with money or the things their money buys them. I have always been satisfied just to be comfortable with what I have. Ending each year knowing that I do not owe anyone anything makes me very happy.

There have been people in my current life that have been my greatest teachers. The first being my maternal grandmother. She taught me values that one just can't learn in school. She also believed in me when I had not yet learned to believe in myself. My oldest son, who due to unusual circumstances, is now living with me, ha taught me how to let go of control and let others live their own lives. My youngest grandson is my current teacher. It has been my pleasure, and I believe my job, to find his strengths and encourage them. It is something I did not know how to do with my children. He is currently teaching me that it is time to allow him to grow up and live his life, unassisted.

I believe the most important lesson life has taught me this time around, is to stand up for myself and not let anyone walk all over me. The words to the song, "These Boots are Made for Walking", (and one of these day these boots are going to walk all over you), just popped into my mind from another place.

The current portion of my life is probably my happiest. I have been given multiple opportunities to use my gift of words to inspire others, keeping in mind that we are all teachers in our own way.

Cash or credit?

I'm not sure what the universe is trying to do to me but the last few weeks of this year have been an experience I do not want to relive.

Last month I paid my favorite plumber $275 to repair a leak under my house that I didn't know I had. Last week he came to fix a leaking water faucet in my bathroom. That ended up costing me another $350 because he had to replace the faucets due to our yucky water in Grants. Next, because we do not have an appliance repair person here, Frigidaire, is going to charge me $488 for someone to come from Albuquerque and replace my oven, still under warranty, with a new one. I was informed my warranty doesn't cover installing a new one.

This morning another little tidbit happened. I was leaving the family center after exercising, heading to the grocery store, when my car just stopped. Yup it would not move. A very nice lady stopped to see what she could do. She volunteered to push me off the road to a small patch of dirt so the car would be out of danger of being hit from behind. She then took me home. I was very grateful for the kindness of the lady. At the moment I am waiting to find out what is wrong with the car and just how much this is going to cost.

Up until this morning I will  have paid for everything in cash, even though I am trying to save $4,333 for a new roof on my house next summer. I just found out my car is going to cost $1,200 for a new timing belt. Oh, I almost forgot to add the $4,300 I already spent on a leach line for my septic tank a few months ago.

My thought this morning is THANK GOD I HAVE GOOD CREDIT!

A Christmas tradition

My most favorite Christmas tradition is making a batch of fudge and sharing it with my friend John, whose wife died in 2007. She was also my friend. I make it every year because she would if she could. Following is a memorial he wrote for his wife that appeared in our local paper several years ago.

We know that almost every joy in life involves the element of risk and yet we don't want to miss out on the joys and love that may come into our life, because we are afraid of being hurt. It's worth the risk. We choose to love others, our family and friends, because God gave us free will to choose and the deep mutual need for other people in our life. The more deeply we love, the more deeply it hurts when we experience the loss of our loved one. With every rising of the sun, when each day starts without you, I try not to think that we're far apart, but that you are right here in my heart. For nothing great is lightly won, and nothing won is ever lost, when we believe that God knows best. For I believe it is God's will for you and I to be together again some day.
John

The end might be the beginning

As the year winds down I am taking stock of what is new. I did an Ancestry.com DNA test several months ago and I now have several 3rd cousins that I was not aware of. That's kind of cool since I thought all of my cousins were deceased. Some of them are now my Facebook friends. I increased my e-books on Amazon.com by one, making a grand total of three. Speaking of Facebook, my number of friends has also increased. Another online change is the writing group that I created. I am thrilled that we now number 40 members. Not bad, for not not knowing what I was doing!

I am trying to master the ability to offer and let it be, not expecting others to respond the way I want them to. A long time ago I read this quote: Once a gift is given it belongs to the receiver. That's a really good thing to remember, especially for a recovering "control freak". No matter what, I am not in control of anyone else.

I believe my connection with the spirit world has gradually become stronger. I still do not know the "real" name of my main guide. I am still calling him Richard even though I know it is not his name. The images I see in the photographs I take are becoming stronger also.

It appears that I am evolving and becoming more accepting. So I am pretty happy with what is new and am looking forward to a new year and more changes.

Happy birthday!

The calendar says that today I have lived 81 years It doesn't feel like it! I look around and I see that I have outlived my parents, my brother and all of my first cousins. My three children are still alive, although two of them no longer bother to communicate. Only two of my four grandchildren acknowledge that I am still living. It's a really good thing I have friends who care!

Speaking of friends, one of them just suggested, never mind what your birth certificate says, pick a year that you would like to be. I decided to give that some thought. I think I will go back to the year 1999 when I was 62. That sounds about right! It is the year I decided to start dumping all the negative things from my life. It has taken me 19 years to accomplish that.

1999 was the year I decided that I had enough of living life for other people and it was time I focused on myself and the God given gifts I was given. I clearly remember an experience that occurred during a hypnosis session to stop smoking. Suddenly a bolt of lightening came from somewhere out there and pierced my heart. I felt no pain, but the memory was embedded on my brain. I think it was a wake up call to get on with what I was sent here to do.

I believe my mission or gift if you will, is to inspire others to be the best that they can be.

So today on my 81st birthday I am going to be 62, a magical year!

I did it

Even though people have been putting up their Christmas trees and decorations for awhile I was determined to wait until the first day of December. I did put a wreath on my front door to replace a pumpkin man though.

So today I removed the boxes from my closet that contained my decorations. I have a really nice assortment of snowmen that usually adorn my shelves and tables. I have been collecting them for several years.

What I avoided until the last was the table top tree. I almost didn't put it up last year, but changed my mind at the last minute. This year, after much contemplation, the tree and all its ornaments is staying in my closet.

I decided it just brings back too many past memories of when I actually had a family to celebrate with. The last time I had a family Christmas was 2009. Since then my grandson comes over for a short time on Christmas eve to exchange gifts and that's it. I am not even sure if he will be coming over this year.

My birthday, which is tomorrow, is pretty much not noticed, except for a gift from my son. The last birthday cake I had was, well so long ago I don't even remember.

Anyway the Christmas decorations are now up, minus a tree. I can't stand to let those little snowmen sit in a box all by themselves for another year.