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Tuesday, June 27, 2017

Memories from the past

Lately Facebook has given its participants the opportunity of re-posting memories from their past. As they are presented I can choose to re-share or not. Some of the things I originally posted are indeed worth a re-share, some not so much. With that in mind a couple of channeled poems from my E-book, Journey of an Enlightened Egotist,  just popped into my mind. So I am re-sharing.

Often tidbits come into our life that we file away for future use. The following prayer, said to have been channeled from the spirit Tobias (Old Testament book of Tobit) is a perfect example. The lesson I got from it is: it is OK to be different.

The Silent Prayer

In my heart I accept my perfect Being.
I accept that the joy I have intended is already in my life.
I accept that love I have prayed for is already within me. 
I accept that the peace I have asked for is already my reality.
I accept that the abundance I have sought already fills my life.

In my truth, I accept my perfect Being.
I take responsibility for my own creations.
And all things that are within my life.
I acknowledge the power of spirit that is within me.
And know that all things are as they should be.

In my wisdom, I accept my perfect Being.
My lessons have been carefully chosen by my self.
And now I walk through them in full experience.
My path takes me on a sacred journey with divine purpose.
My experiences become part of all that is.

In my knowingness, I accept my perfect Being.
In this moment, I sit in my golden chair.
And know that I Am an angel of light.
I look upon the golden tray- the gift of spirit.
And know that all of my desires already have been fulfilled.

In love for my self, I accept my perfect Being.
I cast no judgment or burdens upon my self.
I accept that everything in my past was given in love.
I accept that everything in this moment comes from love.
I accept that everything in my future will result in love.

In my Being, I accept my perfection.
And so it is.

And now a poem I wrote and believe was channeled from my own soul mind.

Pure Love

I will love you forever and ever
I will defend you against your enemies
I will support you when you are weak
I will cry with you when you are hurt
I will warn you when I see danger
I will teach you anything I know
I will listen quietly as you teach me
I will pray with you and  for you
I will hold you if you need comfort
I will feed you when you are hungry
I will help you live but will not live for you
I will respect your right to your freedom
I will love you forever.
Barbara Loure` Gunn 2000 
 



 

Saturday, June 24, 2017

A positive connection



I just finished a book titled Butterfly Dreams, whose main character I related to so very well. Of course, the details were nothing like my life, but the phobia this person had could have been mine. 

She had spent most of her adult life telling herself she had a life threatening problem. Every time she felt the least bit odd she talked herself into believing that was a sign that something horrible was about to happen to her. She went so far as to believe that she would have a heart attack and die. 

Although I don’t go quite that far, I have believed on more than one occasion that I would end up in the hospital or be alone with no help in sight.  I guess it goes along with a lifetime problem of abandonment issues. I am really not quite sure where that came from but it sucks. To believe that nobody cares is not a pleasant way to live a life.

I had trouble finishing this book after I saw myself in the story, but I did because I wanted to know how the story ended. She did finally connect with a man who actually did have a life threatening heart problem. He turned out to be a wonderful role model, teaching her to live each day to the fullest and ignore what her brain was telling her. Her fear was unfounded as every medical test she had proved there was nothing physically wrong with her.

I believe sometimes we grow up believing that we deserve the worst instead of the best the universe has to offer. The cause often begins with a negative parent, constantly fueling the flame. It sometimes takes a very strong positive person to convince us otherwise.

Apparently I haven’t connected with that person yet, but I am still here so perhaps there is time.  

Sunday, June 18, 2017

A special gift

Last night I got a special gift from my youngest grandson that he had purchased for me on his trip up the West coast with his mom and stepfather. I was impressed that he had only been home for about 10 minutes when he walked up to my house to present my gift. He said he had looked in several stores before he found exactly what he was looking for.


He couldn't have known how much I would treasure his effort.

Although Seattle is not my hometown it has left many once in a lifetime memories. I lived there from the time I was in 6th grade until I was 28 years old. I graduated from Roosevelt High School, had my first real jobs as a clerk for Rhodes Department Store and as a file clerk for the Teamsters Health and Welfare Union, met and married my first husband and gave birth to my two sons in Seattle.

I remember going over the bridge from one end of town to the other and all that water in Puget Sound. I remember the whale called Shamu, the Seafare celebrations every summer, complete with the hydroplane races. I also remember the 1962 World's Fair, held in downtown Seattle and of course, the space needle. I still have not ever taken the trip up its side, but my grandson said he did. He also ate in the restaurant at the top and watched his food spin around.

There are a lot of memories packed into my years of living and working in Seattle and I am happy that my young grandson has had a chance to make his own. I am also very happy with the special gift he brought me. Thank you Colin for your thoughtfulness!


Monday, June 12, 2017

Responsible for what?

My grandson is on vacation with his family but before he left he called and asked me for a favor.

He said he had ordered a pair of shoes that were a once in a lifetime deal. "Really Grandma I will never get this kind of deal again", he said. "These shoes were made by a very important person and they were marked way down."

I laughed and told him I had never paid that much for a pair of shoes in my life. Oh to be young and have your own spending money!

He knew when the package would be delivered, but there was a problem. He was going to be on vacation so he asked if he could use my address for the delivery. Of course, I said yes.

Today is the day. Since I know how much he paid for the package I don't want to go anywhere until it arrives. I am not sure if it is coming UPS of FedEx but kids are out of school now and it could be stolen if it is left on my front porch.

So today I am patiently waiting for my grandson's very important delivery. After all I agreed to be responsible.

Thursday, June 8, 2017

Patience

For the last few weeks I have been doing everything possible to improve my current physical challenges. I refuse to allow my body to be taken over by age. Although regular exercises and changes in diet have made an improvement I am getting impatient to see the results I expect.

Patience is a skill I have had a problem with my entire life. It is no doubt a side effect of wanting to control things. I'm sure I'm not the only one dealing with acquiring this skill. Today I decided I would research the word patience and see what others had to say on the subject.

Patience is not the ability to wait but the ability to keep a good attitude while waiting. 

Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience.

Sometimes things are not clear right away. That's where you need to be patient and see where things lead.

The key to everything is patience. You get the chicken by hatching the egg, not by smashing it.

Patience is waiting. Not passively waiting, that is laziness. But to keep going when the going is hard and slow- that is patience.

Patience can't be acquired overnight. It is just like building a muscle. Every day you need to work on it.

It takes patience to listen...It takes skill to pretend you are actually listening.

It has been said good things come to those who wait. All I have to say is whatever is coming had better be freaking fantastic!  

It appears that I am not the only one after all. I guess I will just have to keep plugging along and hope patience will eventually catch up to me.

Sunday, June 4, 2017

Questions

Even though I have searched on Ancestry.com for relatives there are some questions I will probably never get answers to. It bugs me because there is nobody left who can give me the answers I am seeking. Perhaps the secrets of the past are supposed to remain secrets.

I found out as a teenager that my mother had been married before she married my father. According to my grandmother she was too immature to be a wife. That could have been a prejudiced opinion. That marriage does not show up on any records that I have found and I want to know the man's name and when they were married. I have no clue why I just do. He could have been my father.

The second question involves my maternal grandmother and her first husband, who died when my mother was a child. I found the mention of the fact on ancestry.com that they had a son in addition to my mother. There is no mention of a name for the child, which I find rather odd. My natural curiosity wants to know- what the heck? Why doesn't the child have a name? Was it stillborn? Was it given away for adoption? Was my biological grandfather even the father? Apparently I will never know the answer to those questions and it bugs me. That child was my maternal uncle.

It reminds me of an experience when my daughter was young. We were looking through some pictures and found one of my first wedding. Oops! I had not mentioned that I had been married before or that her brothers were half brothers. I wasn't intending to hide anything. It just never came up. The boys were 18 and 13 when she was born. Another interesting fact to this paragraph is that my first husband had also been married before and had a daughter, who would be a half sister to our two sons. I have no idea who she is, where she is or what her name is now. All I know is that her mother's maiden name was Wheeler and she lived in Seattle, Washington..

I guess stuff happens that gets buried if nobody asks questions. The intention is not always to hide the facts, but the facts are still important and can cause anxiety to future generations.

Perhaps the lesson is keep asking questions before it is too late.





Saturday, June 3, 2017

Family is family

It doesn't matter if family members are still living or not they are still family. Today I sent a copy of a family tree to my oldest granddaughter. She is probably oldest by a few minutes because she is a twin. She also, in my opinion, has the most common sense so perhaps she will care and pass on the information. Maybe, maybe not.

She and her two siblings seem to forget that there are two sides to every family. Their mother's side is predominately Native American and that seems to be all they care about. There are three more nationalities on their father's side; French, Scottish, Swedish and English.

It took me several years to go back on Ancestry.com and get everything on my side of the family in order as far back as I could. I didn't even know the names of my biological grandfathers who both died before I was born. It is very sad that people just don't seem to care about the past anymore. The only paternal grandfather my granddaughter knew was a step grandfather and he recently died. Her biological paternal grandfather, Warren S. Smith, died in 2008 and she probably doesn't even know his name

Whether the 54 people from my family tree, going back to the 1800s, are alive or dead they are still family members and deserve to be remembered. At some point my great grandchildren, will be looking for this information. I just made it easier for them. It's the least I could do for their future.

Thursday, June 1, 2017

A brand new month

Looking back at May I see my calendar was all marked up with appointments for various physical problems. I am glad that's over and I can began this month with a new schedule.

My foot problem (gout) has passed and my foot doctor, my PA and I have all agreed to take a wait and see attitude. We are waiting to see if my body decides to do it again. If it does the first step is to eliminate the water pill I have been taking for years to control my blood pressure. Everyone agrees that could be what is causing a build up of uric acid. The attack was not likely due to food, although I have given more thought to my diet and added yogurt, more fruits and vegetables and water. I have also included vitamin B12 and C supplements to help things  move in the right direction. Oh and I discovered the frozen stuff I was having for lunch was loaded with hidden sodium, which of course was what was increasing my blood pressure.When I stopped eating them it went down.

I was due to finish my month of physical therapy for my rotator cuff problem, but my therapist and I have decided to add a month of once a week therapy. Although I do the exercises at home I feel I need that little extra push to spend more time on them. My therapist and I do feel that all I really need is regular exercise. Again we will see, but I am looking forward to positive results. I have been told that at my age surgery is not an option. That's good because I didn't want that option anyway!

Deciding that any appointments with my chiropractor were going to just have to wait, whether she agreed or not, I reached the conclusion that it was counter productive. After discussing it with two physical therapists I was convinced that it is my body and my decision.

For the most part I have a great team of people doing their best to keep me healthy. I love it when everyone agrees and we are all on the same path. I am looking forward to a brand new month with a lot fewer physical appointments and problems. Following suggestions and  keeping positive thoughts are going to be my contribution to a great outcome.