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Thursday, September 22, 2016

A spirit reminder

Yesterday an interesting quote came into view through Facebook. It was: Sometimes you just have to erase the messages, delete the numbers and move on. You don't have to forget who that person was to you, but you just have to accept that they aren't the same person anymore.

Mulling that over in my mind led me to remember a chapter in my book, Journey of an Enlightened Egotist, still available on Amazon.com. I would like to share an excerpt from the chapter titled "Real or Plastic".

Many years ago my grandmother was examining the plastic dishes in my kitchen cupboard and commented, "You are old enough to use real dishes." I have remembered this experience all my life, but I should have paid more attention. She was really saying plastic was not good enough for me. Today some of my most treasured possessions are the cut glass dishes that I inherited from her.

Recently while doing some research on the subject of ego vs. soul I found an interesting analogy that again reminded me of this experience. The ego was referred to as a plastic flower and the soul as a real blooming flower capable of birth, death and rebirth.

My real center is my soul. It is my personal connection to my Creator and all things created. It makes me one with the universe and is the voice of the spirit within. Unlike the human ego, the soul is eternal. Because of its pure source it is impossible for the soul mind to project negative thoughts and emotions. Negativity in any form is always the product of the ego.

Allowing the ego to control my life caused my own misery. The ego commands, demands, promotes dependency, claims to know everything and seeks personal gratification. The soul mind informs, suggests, guides, encourages growth and recognizes a power higher than itself. 

When I truly observed the wicked ways of the ego and began experiencing a soul centered life I laughed at the absurdity. Who in their right mind would consciously choose a life of misery over one of peace and love? We can only change what we can see.

 


Monday, September 12, 2016

Yup it happened just that way

The memorial service for my ex and the father of our daughter took place this morning. Just as I had seen in a vision I pretty much ended up sitting alone. Also just as I had imagined my biological family, except for my oldest son and youngest grandson, treated me as if I was invisible. Our daughter completely ignored the fact that her father and I were married for 27 years, in her memories. Someone close to her said, "how does she think she got here?". Osmosis perhaps?

The intentional slap in the face was almost complete when I stopped to flip through a book of photos on the way out. I spotted more than one that clearly showed I was in his life. I was happy to know it wasn't all in my mind!

As a friend of mine reminded me tonight, karma will respond to this hurtful situation. I'm trying to tell myself it doesn't matter, but so far it isn't working. I am grateful for the chats I had with long time friends who attended the service. They saved the day for me.

I have always felt that this blog is being written to help other people going through a like experience. If that is true please do not treat people as if they don't matter just because you have a problem that you cannot deal with in a mature manner.


Saturday, September 10, 2016

Imagining

It will be two days before the memorial service for my ex. I'm trying to imagine what it will be like.

I already know that two of our older grandchildren will be flying in along with their father and I expect several cousins from California will make the trip too. They will be joined by half the town, related to him. Alright that last part is an exaggeration, but sometimes it seems like it. Most of those people, if not all of them, couldn't care less if I am alive or dead.

Torn as to whether I should even go to the service I stopped by to ask the advice of the mortician, who happens to be a friend of mine. He said I don't think they will even care. He's no doubt right and that is the problem. After 17 years apart they don't care. Odd isn't it when two people divorce how many other people you find in your marriage. In my situation it was a case of our daughter playing a game of divide and conquer and I lost. Or perhaps I won and just haven't realized it yet.

Do I really need these people? Let me think about that. Well no!

I am doing just fine compared to the way my ex left this world. I owe no one and my health is pretty darn good, considering I have had two surgeries since our parting. Does it really matter that these people have wiped me out of their lives? Again no! Even two of my grown children joined that group of judgemental souls.

Imagining the service on Monday, I see myself sitting alone and definitely not with the family members as it doesn't appear from my view that I have many left. It is odd that I will no doubt be treated as if I am invisible. Nothing new about that.

Wednesday, September 7, 2016

Let it be

Endings seem to be on my mind, reading over my last few posts. Everything has a beginning, a middle and an end, making room for something new. Two things cannot occupy the same space. Yesterday I shared something that came across my Facebook news feed and now I want to share it with my readers because I see how important it is to change direction.


For years I have tried and tried to let go of negative people and experiences in my past life. Nothing worked and I thought, "what the hell is wrong with me?" It's in the past just let it go! Nope nothing worked until I read these words- "let it be". They changed my attitude about a lot of things.

In this little town I live in I have acquired a very good reputation for honesty and dependability. Even those who do not like me know that if I agree to do something I will do it, even if I change my mind later. 

Yesterday was also the day my ex-husband chose to leave his body behind. It was pretty much worn out from the experiences he decided to drag it through. He has to be much happier now. We had been married for 27 years and divorced for 17. Our relationship had been better in the last few years than it ever was during our marriage. I did give him something no one else had been able to do during his human life. I gave him a child of his own. I thought being a father would inspire him to choose a healthier life, but it never did and he ended up paying for his choice. More than once in the last few hours I have thought of the words "until death do us part" and have felt a wave of freedom to move on with my life.

I know his biological family, including our daughter, do not understand my feelings, but that is their problem, not mine. I am going to allow what is supposed to happen to do so and use the words "let it be" as my mantra.


Sunday, September 4, 2016

If you're looking for me

As a post script to my previous post I decided to share my thoughts on exactly where I would like my ashes to be scattered. I'm not sure anyone really cares. It has become apparent that most of my relatives don't. Seriously, if people don't care about you when your body is attached they sure won't care where the remains are.

For several years I have wanted the scattering of my ashes to take place at the Riverwalk. It is one of my favorite places in Grants. I checked out the laws and found if the property is owned by the State it requires a permit. The Riverwalk, being city owned,  may also need written permission of some kind. I suppose one could do the scattering at midnight or very early in the morning and nobody would notice, but it wouldn't allow for any kind of a private service and I would hate for someone to get in trouble with city authorities. So I reluctantly decided to scrap that idea, even though it was a good one.

Opening my eyes and checking out the neighborhood I located the spot that had been in front of my eyes all along. I see it every time I look out of my office window. Remember the saying, you can't see the forest for the trees? Well then, there it is, a spot that I have often used for grounding my spirit photos. That spot is the mesa right above my house and property containing my own little mountain.

Why didn't I think of that before? It isn't in the city and I really don't think the State of New Mexico would blink an eye if a private ceremony took place there. That part is not up to me. My son is in charge of the how.

After a conversation with him sharing my thoughts I believe the matter is settled.

If you're looking for me after my last event this is where I will be. See you around!


Saturday, September 3, 2016

You can't take it with you

Your body that is.

Having just completed a pre-paid funeral policy I would like to encourage others to do the same. I realize that not everyone can afford to do that, but for those that can, do it. It isn't right for your family to take care of this. We are all going to leave our body behind at some point and I found it very freeing to have the matter under my control well in advance of that event.

I chose exactly what I wanted, which is cremation and the ashes scattered in Cibola County, New Mexico. I also appointed a very reliable person to make sure my wishes are carried out.

The other thing I would like to encourage others to do is write their own obituary. Who knows you better than you? I have had mine written for years and update it from time to time. Things change, people die and or are born for instance. What mattered yesterday may not be as important in a year or two.

I have one more suggestion and that is keep your records in one place and write a will, clearly stating what your wishes are. If it is simple you really do not need a lawyer, but it needs to be notarized, at least in New Mexico.

You can't take your body with you so if you take care of these few things while you are still attached to it you can concentrate on living and not end up being a burden to anyone.

Wednesday, August 31, 2016

Endings or beginnings?

This has been an interesting day. It began early with sending an electronic birthday card to my daughter. I was happy to note that she opened it. I wasn't sure she would. I have concluded that when I decide to do something that involves someone else it only matters that it makes me happy. If someone has a problem with that it is their problem, not mine.

Today was also my one year checkup with my surgeon for my hip replacement. After viewing my x-rays he said the implant looks exactly like it did the day he put it in. Yay! He also said it was because of what I had done and not what he did. His advice was- keep it up. I do not have to go back until 2019. I also acknowledge that my positive recovery is because I had a great physical therapist who worked with  me.

My next stop was to finalize a policy for pre-paid cremation- mine. No I don't plan on leaving earth anytime soon, but when I do I do not want to be a burden to my family. This is something I wanted to do for myself not them. An odd thing happened recently. I came into an unexpected sum of money. I knew as soon as it appeared that is was to pay for this policy. It came within $78.17 of the exact amount.

Next I had lunch with my friend, Betty, who is always available to act as my driver when I have an appointment in Albuquerque. It also gave me an opportunity to share some of my spirit photographs with her. I was very happy to find that she was able to see what I see. Nor everyone can.

All in all this has been a very interesting day. I'm not sure if I should consider it endings or beginnings, but I am grateful for the experiences whatever they were.