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Sunday, March 18, 2018

Are you my mother/father

Since I had my DNA tested recently I have come across the names of two relatives who were given up for adoption as babies.

The first one answered a question about what happened to a baby I had known existed for years. As it turned out he was perfectly happy with his adoptive parents and wanted nothing to do with his biological mother/family. After his death his daughter decided that she wanted to know if she had biological paternal relatives and when she found out she did she created a new family tree. She used much of the personal information I had given her. I considered it an invasion of my life. She also couldn't keep her mouth shut and couldn't resist plastering information about the situation all over Facebook. I ended the relationship by telling her I wanted nothing to do with her. She refused to accept my decision and I was forced to block her from continuing on the path she had chosen. That's the end of that story, at least I sincerely hope so!

Now for the second much nicer cousin's story. Finding a male name who was supposed to be a 3rd cousin I sent him a message. He gratefully responded saying he had been adopted as a baby. He knew his biological mother's name, but not his father's. I strongly felt I was supposed to help him. All I knew was where his father's family originated from, which gave me a clue as to the part of my family he belonged to. I began digging. To this day I have no idea how I could possibly know that his great grandfather was also my great uncle, but I did. This information finally led me to discover not only the name of his father but his grandmother, great grandparents, great great grandparents and great great great grandfather. I also found out where they are buried. His father died in 2016. I have all this information in an envelope, stamped, sealed and ready to mail.This was all done without having to involve anyone else or make the information public. I suspect that in this case I had universal help with my mission!

When I discovered the father's name I added that to my current family tree because he was my 2nd cousin. I didn't go any further because the rest of the story is not mine to share.

I  personally believe that all adopted children should be allowed to know who their biological parents were if they so desire to have that information. After all they were not dropped to earth by a stork! What they do with that information is solely up to the adopted child.

Monday, March 12, 2018

Follow the trail

Have you ever wondered why you do and say certain things. The seed could have started with your grandmother or mother.

My second therapy session touched on my need to be perfect. I have a Facebook friend who believes it is caused by an attachment to outcome, which is ego based. He believes it is a need to be validated. That very well could be as I have always felt like an invisible person to some extent. That tendency has actually improved since I began writing.

I can see where this would produce a controlling, critical, judgemental person who needs to be perfect. My next question to myself is, "Where did that come from?"

First it came from my overly critical mother whose mother was also critical of her.

Oddly, my grandmother was not critical of me. The only thing she ever criticized me for was my bad penmanship. I'm sorry to say that never improved over the years. It's probably why I use a computer to write. In her own way she helped teach me to be a perfectionist though. I can remember dusting her Hummel collection as a child. "A place for everything and everything in its place" was a watchword. She may not have always had the cleanest house on the block, but there was never any clutter. To this day my house is the same way and I know I am critical of people who live in a messy house.There are other traits I am critical of but I won't go into them here. I can certainly see where they originated from though.

Unfortunately my mother was critical of everything I did and I never felt I was able to please her no matter how hard I tried. I know this also led to my need to be a perfectionist. It also led to self esteem issues that caused me to feel invisible most of my life. There is a commercial out there for some kind of skin problem that has different people simply saying "see me". I can relate because I have tried all my life to find someone who really sees me.

I  followed the trail set up for me by at least two generations of women. As a result, I have been critical of my children, especially my youngest, who happens to be a daughter. See where I am going with this? Yup we just keep following the same trail until we finally see where we are going. At that point we can change our direction.

I would like to close with a suggestion from my Facebook friend, "When you eliminate your attachment to outcome the need to be a perfectionist will take care of itself". I'm going to try that. Thanks Kevin!

Friday, March 9, 2018

A soulmate connection

Just recently I had a conversation with a new friend about soulmates. I'm not sure how spiritual she is but she listened to what I had to say on the subject.

First one has to accept the concept of reincarnation, which I do without question.

Several years ago I thought that we only have one soulmate. After a conversation with a friend I changed my mind. I now believe we have many soulmates who appear throughout our life when we need a little extra help. I also believe it is a prearranged agreement made long before we entered this life. I can go back in my life and pick out those souls who were my soulmates, even though I didn't recognize the term at the time.

As it was explained to me by my former friend, a soulmate is a soul that was closest to us at the time we were first conceived. I have noticed lately that they are also referred to as members of our tribe. That makes total sense to me. They are the souls who enter our lives to assist us with spiritual growth and understanding.

I do believe we all have what is referred to as a twin flame soulmate. It is the closest relationship we have. These two souls do not always share a conscious connection and when they do it could produce some negative experiences to assist in the learning process. They can act as a mirror to help us recognize negative traits that we still need to work on.

I actually had that experience and it was very frustrating because the other soul did not or could not acknowledge that we were twin flame soulmates. It was eventually necessary to let the relationship go because we were never going to see eye to eye and we were hurting each other. Forgiving was possible when I realized that the experience was prearranged and meant to be.

Possibly in our next life our twin flame relationship will be more positive. Apparently I will just have to wait and see what happens.

Tuesday, March 6, 2018

Positive thoughts

I wanted to share this message as I really like the words. Hope you all have a great day.

Monday, March 5, 2018

What's new?

I see it has been almost a week since I wrote a new post. I haven't been just sitting around doing nothing. It was time to regroup and work on updating my life.

First I did follow through with the therapy my PA has been pushing me to do.I need to adopt new tools to deal with the lingering anxiety tendency that has been interfering with my life for years. I had my first session last week. The therapist is young but seems to be knowledgeable. She may present some strategies I had not yet tried. 

I also joined an online group called For Parents Estranged from Adult Children (When the Talking Stops).  I love this group and wish I had found it much earlier. It simply gives parents a place to share their stories on a non judgemental stage. It also offers wonderful articles on a variety of subjects to help ease the pain of loss. It is nice to know I am not alone. I see I have been looking at things from the wrong direction. The group has also given me several new Facebook friends to mix with my old ones. It's always nice to add new friends!

Congestion had been a problem for awhile so I cut down on exercising regularly. I am now back to three times a week at our family center. I feel much better. This move also gave me a couple of new friends, one of whom shares some personal concerns that I have. This may lead to a very good partnership that could help us both move on in peace.

That's pretty much what I have been doing for the last week since I stopped posting. I haven't stopped writing but now I also offer my "wisdom" in the new group, which has been getting positive responses.

Tuesday, February 27, 2018

The dream

I don't often remember dreams, but one I had early this morning remained clear in my memory long after I woke up. Since then I have been trying to decide what it meant.

I clearly saw myself coming home to find that I had been evicted. It was a little odd as I own my home and haven't lived in an apartment for many years. I have never been evicted but I did experience Welfare for a brief time after my divorce from my first husband of 13 years who was a first class womanizer. Being responsible for two children on a low paying job I had no choice. Thank God that part of my life passed.

Anyway, back to the dream. I am aware that dreams are usually meant to send us a message from another place. At first I interpreted this one as negative, but I believe I was wrong. Perhaps it was encouraging me to continue on my current path to remove "dead" things from my life and move on to a better place.

Six months ago my house looked much different than it does today. Most of the floor coverings have been replaced, there is a new oven and cook top in my kitchen and a 30 year old malfunctioning septic tank leach line has been replaced. That last project did leave my back yard rather bare except for three trees that were saved. Perhaps it's time to start over.

There are still a few miscellaneous projects to do like replacing an original toilet with a low flow one to save water, but for the most part I seem to be on the right track. Maybe the dream was simply an encouragement to keep going on my current path. It is a long way from where I was in1972 when I decided I wanted to get rid of the BS that was messing up my life.

The best part is that I am debt free and I love the way my house looks.

Sunday, February 25, 2018

An olive branch

You can offer an olive branch to someone, but whether or not the gift is accepted or acknowledged is not up to you. It doesn't even have anything to do with you. It has everything to do with the recipient.

Some people do not have the ability to forgive and prefer to live in the past. It is a sad place to reside and is often filled with negative energy. I remember a long ago message from Rev. Mary Morrisey about dragging Harry behind. At the time the image was funny, but it really isn't.

I also remember a message of my own from years past which was, once a gift is given it no longer belongs to the giver.

Considering myself a nice person I have the tendency to believe that everyone thinks as I do. That couldn't be more wrong and it gets me into a whole lot of trouble and causes me to hang on to negative energy long after the fact.

It would be a really boring world if everyone thought and acted exactly alike.

I am going to keep on offering an olive branch when I have the opportunity with the hope that it will be accepted. If not, well that's life isn't it?