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Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Lost and found

Yesterday I was very proud of my grandson, who spent the day with me because there was no school. After lunch of his favorite chicken noodle soup, we set out to clean out the playhouse of toys he had not played with for several years. He said he wanted to sell them for kids that didn't have toys to play with.

The job turned out to be messier than we had anticipated. There was an abundance of dirt and cobwebs everywhere along with some miscellaneous bird feathers. We first had to sweep a path before we could make any progress in seeing what the containers housed.

Colin began going through tubs of track from toys he hadn't played with for I can't remember how long. I heard him say, "I didn't know I still had this" as he sorted out the hot wheels track from the rest. I found him a box to put it in.

I began to collect the other things and stack them for removal by his stepfather when he got off work. When we were finished it amounted to a very large pile, which filled up most of the bed of his pickup.

The only things he kept were the box of hot wheels track and a large box kite, which he took some time out to fly. It was a very windy day.

As we looked around at the almost empty fairly clean playhouse I had an idea I shared with him. I said, "You know Colin now that you are bigger this would be a great place to invite a couple of your friends to have a sleepover. Spring break is coming up and it will probably be warm enough by then."

He lapped up the idea like a little puppy! Looking around he said, "We'll have to wash the windows first." I reminded him that he would also need permission from his parents. He has always referred to his mother's former playhouse, originally built by his grandfather and great grandfather, as his club house so maybe it is time it grew into its name.

Colin's lost but not forgotten club house.

Monday, February 27, 2012

Resharing a prayer

The Silent Prayer

In my heart I accept my perfect Being.
I accept that the joy I have intended is already in my life.
I accept that love I have prayed for is already within me.
I accept that the peace I have asked for is already my reality.

In my truth, I accept my perfect Being.
I take responsibility for my own creations.
And all things that are within my life.
I acknowledge the power of spirit that is within me,
And know that all things are as they should be.

In my wisdom, I accept my perfect Being.
My lessons have been carefully chosen by my self,
And now I walk through them in full experience.
My path takes me on a sacred journey with divine purpose.
My experiences become part of all that is.

In my knowingness, I accept my perfect Being.
In this moment, I sit in my golden chair
And know that I Am an angel of light.
I look upon the golden tray-the gift of spirit-
And know that all of my desires have already been fulfilled.

In love for my self, I accept my perfect Being.
I cast no judgment or burdens upon my self.
I accept that everything in my past was given in love.
I accept that everything in this moment comes from love.
I accept that everything in my future will result in greater love.

In my Being, I accept my perfection.
And so it is.

~author unknown

Sunday, February 26, 2012

Don't I count?

There seems to be a short circuit between the human me and the powers that be.

Sometimes I wonder if I have become invisible to God/Source. No, I don't think so because I can still see me in my mirror. What I see is someone who has spent her life giving whatever she could to others, even when she didn't have it to give. I am willing to admit that sometimes those gifts were given to buy love from others and I now know it was a form of manipulation. Live and learn . That was then and this is now and I have nothing left to give to anyone.

Taking care of myself all by myself since my divorce in 1999 has been an expensive journey. I went down a lot of dead end roads trying to discover what it is that I am supposed to be doing with my life. I have survived many trials that by comparison to some may not seem all that important. To me they were major tests to see if I could manage without giving up. So far I haven't reached that point, but I am getting close.

I have almost used up the monetary funds that I earned for my desire to be free from living with a mentally abusive alcoholic husband for 27 years. If I had not wasted so much on others I would be in better shape today, but I can't get back what I gave away. What's funny is that many of those people, including my own family, see me struggling and don't care. These are the people I picked for my life lessons? I'd like to have a do over God!

I spent years standing on the cement floors at Walmart for 6 hours straight offering samples to customers for not much money. It is no doubt partly the cause of my current back problems, creating yet more expense. Along with that I was just told by my physical therapist that my willingness to have another child at 41 probably contributed to the pain I am now enduring. It seems giving life to another can be expensive, especially when that person isn't even grateful for the gift.

I have written books and taken beautiful photographs that I am not able to sell. I'm sure you have heard the saying, it takes money to make money. That about sums up that story. Again, if I had the money for what I have given away over the years I would have fewer money problems now.

I see many of my friends moving to better homes, taking trips, given money and gifts, adding loving mates and I am happy for them. Although I am not jealous I am asking God/Source, don't I count? I have played by the rules and have learned to take care of myself, but the way I am being treated is unacceptable.

So today I am asking anyone who has an extra prayer and a direct line to the powers that be to speak for me. Apparently I am experiencing a short circuit.

Friday, February 24, 2012

Sinners or saints

I have about had it with the world. Wake up people can't you see that you are making the wrong people role models for your children and teenagers? You continue to idealize celebrities strutting on their elevated stages, abusing their god given gifts. You raise them even higher when their addictions to drugs and alcohol finally do them in. Oh the poor misunderstood beings!

Poor my ass! They had so much money that they could have afforded any help available anywhere in the world, no matter how much it cost. In my opinion they could all have used a very large mirror to see who they really were beneath all the phony armor they hid behind. They lived their lives like they were so big nothing bad would ever touch them. Every child left behind by these bigger than life celebrities has suffered with their own scars as a result.

Not one person in this entire universe is better than anyone else, no matter how much talent they have or how important they and their followers think they are.

We all come here with a message. Perhaps the message the celebrities who are not grateful for what they have been given and abuse their gifts is: if you follow me this could happen to you.

Be very careful who you make a saint, because there are children watching and listening and following.

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Spirit photography

Since about 2000 I have been taking photos with the images of spirits in them. I still remember the first one that I took. I had a difficult time digesting what I saw in the picture. Since that time the images appear whenever they desire to do so. I do not solicit them and many times I am not aware of their presence until the photo is developed.

Most of the time I have no idea who the spirit is. I never ever refer to them as ghosts. They are as real as you and me and simply no longer live in a human body on earth. I believe I was given this unusual gift of seeing images in pictures to act as a messenger to convince non believers that we do not die. Our soul is eternal and is simply transmuted to another form when we leave here.

This last weekend I felt a strong awareness of spirit energy around me. Sunday morning I looked out my office window and a wave of unusual clouds came into view over the mesa. I didn't hesitate to grab my camera and snap a picture. There was something about the clouds that said this is for you. It was not until I transferred the picture to my computer that I realized what I had captured. It was the sad eyes and face of a very powerful female. She was the second largest image I have taken so far. The first was a male who appeared in a body of water in our local park several years ago. I have "My Man" hung in my living room because he is so amazing.

I guess I should come up with an appropriate name for the latest addition to my spirit gallery. I'm leaning toward "The Lady Speaks". For your enjoyment I am posting both photos, ladies first!

Monday, February 20, 2012

Right brain go...

After choosing fear as a word prompt I became aware that the fear of having fun is something that has been interfering with my life for years and I decided to track down its roots so that I can be done with it once and for all.

I began by going back in my life as far as I could. I checked out old photos and noted that until I was about two I was smiling. Then the photos began portraying a child with an unhappy expression on her face. I surmised there had to have been some kind of serious trauma that occurred, but what that was I wasn’t quite sure.

At first I blamed the fact that my brother came along when I was only 13 months old disrupting my role as my parent’s only child. I spent most of my childhood switching between resenting his intrusion and feeling responsible for him. I believe I wrongly assumed the role of a grownup long before I should have.

As if that were not trauma enough, I had major surgery when I was about 6. I overheard nurses saying they didn’t believe I would survive. I clearly remember being left alone on a gurney outside of the operating room and later the doctor yelling at the technicians because I wasn’t asleep yet. I also remember being complimented for bravely putting up with the numerous penicillin shots that were keeping me free from infection.

After that experience I don’t recall having much fun doing anything. I went to school, joined groups, took dance lessons, graduated from high school, got married twice, had 3 kids and my life went on in a very ordinary sort of way. I continued to focus on those I felt responsible for until 1999 when my thoughts began changing who I was and who I wanted to be. I began systematically dumping negative things from my life, including people.

It was not until I ran across a website just last week that I finally put the pieces together and realized what has been happening for the last 12 years. It has to do with the right and left brain and the functions of each.

The left brain is scientific, accurate, analytical, realistic, strategic, a master of words, logical, practical and always in control. If that doesn’t describe who I was back then I don’t know what does. No wonder I had trouble having fun.

The right brain is creative, a free spirit, passionate, boundless imagination, the sound of laughter, taste, movement, vivid colors, an urge to paint on an empty canvas, the feeling of sand beneath bare feet, art, poetry and a feeling of wholeness. Ah that’s much better.

I now believe that without my conscious knowledge I have been slowly guided to give my right brain permission to work in harmony with my left brain, allowing the person I was created to be to become whole again. Fear of having fun is no longer necessary.

Saturday, February 18, 2012

Money isn't everything

This month I have had to make several decisions involving money that have reminded me that, although important for survival, money isn't everything.

Last weekend I was still getting calls from people who saw my advertisement in the newspaper and were interested in buying my house. Sorry people it is no longer for sale. Even with its flaws it's mine and I am keeping it. It makes me happy to live in a home that belongs to me.

Next I answered an ad for weekend work as a product demonstrator at a local grocery store. All the paper work is completed and I just received my official ID card. I am ready to start raking in that extra money, even though I thought I had retired in 2007. I am now standing at the starting line waiting for someone to blow the whistle. Something seems to be holding up my first assignment, but I can't put my finger on it. Another lesson in patience or trust perhaps?

Some of you may remember that I had to buy a new furnace recently. It turned out to be a major purchase that I temporarily put on my credit card. I wanted to buy some time to decide exactly how I wanted to pay for it. That didn't work out as planned because the bill just arrived. I had only been given two weeks to decide if I wanted to drag it on or just write a check for the total amount. I spent some time thinking about the situation. I realized I was not willing to pay one cent more than the bill I had received for the furnace, even though the amount would seriously deplete my savings. Then I had to laugh when I reminded myself that the money was there to take care of emergencies and heating my house qualified. Yesterday I wrote and mailed the check and it made me very happy.

Last week I responded to another ad for part time work, also at our local grocery store. I had a phone interview and was told the job was for 32 hours per week. The company desperately needed a person a.s.a.p. I was emailed 13 documents to read and asked to return the portions that were needed. After checking them out and deciding that 32 hours was more than I wanted I said no to the job offer. I had carefully weighed the pros and cons of what I would have to give up to accept the job. Even though the money would have more than doubled my current income and allowed me to replace what has gone out in unexpected bills in the last few months, It wasn't worth it. It was a tough decision because that potential clinking of coins had a really nice sound. I knew that in a short time this job would cause so much stress that I would want to quit. It simply wasn't meant for me.

Since making that decision, I am wondering if it is going to be my only chance to increase my income. Did I make the universe angry, by not accepting what was offered? I keep thinking of all those jokes about God offering to help and people just not accepting what was obvious. Is that what just happened? I have concluded the answer is no. There is another word that should be added to this story and that is trust. I believe that God/Source has something better in mind for me now that I have learned that money isn't everything.

Friday, February 17, 2012

A moment of your time

I always try to share the knowledge and tidbits that come into my life with my readers, believing that is part of the reason I have the information in the first place. Today I am asking for a moment of your time to help me identify 3 pieces of very heavy glass serving dishes that have been in my possession for many years. I have been told by a couple of people that they are perhaps from around 1920-1930 and possibly are Pfaltzgraff ware. I have found no marking on any of the pieces.
fish platter measures 11"x15"
divided serving platter measures 12"x11"
shell bowl measures 11"

Please comment if you have information on the vintage or value of these pieces. Thank you for this moment of your time.

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Believe me you can do it

Now that the hearts and flowers and chocolate are over with my mind goes to what February means to me. It has a lot to do with my heart and proves anyone can do anything they want to do if they want to bad enough.

Thirteen years ago I ended a 40 year addiction to nicotine with the snap of a finger. The finger belonged to the (corner) hypnotist that I agreed to let take over my mind. From the time I left his company that day to this moment I have never had a desire to smoke another cigarette. For that I am grateful to the man who introduced me to hypnosis because it changed my life. I no doubt would not be where I am today otherwise. For the rest of what he did- my gratitude is not so much.

The hypnotist was a sleaze bag who enjoyed looking for people, mostly women, who had a problem with addictions. He was so ill trained that he did not or could not address the cause of my problem; even though I am pretty sure he knew, as I do now, what that was. He was also so well trained that he took that information and used it to get what he wanted from his targets. Mostly he enjoyed and went out of his way to seek the admiration/love of those females he "helped".

To make a long story short my personal admiration went on for about ten years until something happened to cause me to see what a worthless pile of shit this person really is. It also took me almost as long to realize that the reason I picked up that first cigarette is because I needed a best friend. Get the picture now?

I am not saying I got even, but my very first book, Wake Up! shares in detail that particular journey. It appears that God/Source also decided to wake up the hypnotist as he has lost pretty much everything and everyone that was important to him in recent years, including his good looks. Now I don't wish "Mr.T" anything bad, but there is such a thing as karma.

It was not until I began to care about myself and my well being that I was able to rid myself of such people and all things that were causing me to believe that I was less than the soul I was created to be. If I could do it, believe me you can do it too!

P.S.I still have copies of the now out of print, Wake Up!

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

The Miracle of love

Finding the person God has known since birth
Builds a bridge between heaven and earth
Peace and fulfillment flow freely from within
Like a cup running over with love to the brim

Asking His guidance to help with strife
Lets one enjoy the precious moments of life
Understanding ourselves makes us strong
Willing to forgive all things that are wrong

Resisting all that loving could bring
Until we could find the one true thing
Eliminating all battles from our past
Makes it easier to love and have it last

Acknowledging your presence here or away
Cements the foundation we build today
Our love has been growing for an eternity
The time has come to believe in our destiny

When God and His angels connect two as one
The light outshines rays formed by the sun
Love encircles everyone they know
Performing as a magnet moving to and fro

Anyone can believe in the miracle of love
Be still and patient it comes from above
Like the flame of a candle soft and warm
The miracle will happen when love is born

by Barbara Loure’ Gunn

Happy Valentines Day 2012

Monday, February 13, 2012

An Awesome Kid

The following is an email that I received today and I couldn't wait to share the contents enjoy!

Since the Pledge of Allegiance and the Lords Prayer are not allowed in most public schools anymore, because the word “God” is mentioned, a 15 year old student in Arizona wrote the following and earned an A+ for the entry.

New Pledge of Allegiance

Now I sit me down in school
Where praying is against the rule
For this great nation under God
Finds mention of Him very odd.
It violates the Bill of Rights.
And anytime my head I bow
Becomes a Federal matter now.
Our hair can be purple, orange or green,
That’s no offense; it’s a freedom scene.
The law is specific, the law is precise.
Prayers spoken aloud are a serious vice.
For praying in a public hall
Might offend someone with no faith at all.
In silence alone we must meditate,
God’s name is prohibited by the state.
We’re allowed to cuss and dress like freaks,
And pierce our noses, tongues and cheeks…
They’ve outlawed guns, but FIRST the Bible.
To quote the good book makes me liable.
We can elect a pregnant Senior Queen.
And the “unwed daddy”, our Senior King.
It’s inappropriate to teach right from wrong.
We’re taught that such judgments do not belong.
We can get our condoms and birth controls,
Study witchcraft, vampires and totem poles.
But the Ten Commandments are not allowed.
No word of God must reach this crowd.
It’s scary here I must confess,
When chaos reigns the school’s a mess.
So, Lord, this silent plea I make:
Should I be shot; my soul please take!

Sunday, February 12, 2012

Friends and Family

My definition of family is a group of beings that have a connection. In that sense, since we all originate from one source, we are one family. In recent years I have been given many experiences that have taught me that family is much more than biology.

We are given people to assist us on our human journey in the form of relatives and friends. I believe these souls were chosen in advance of our physical creation and that we assisted in their selection. This belief is the result of many hours of unique education that has been put on my path either to be ignored or absorbed. I have chosen to pay attention to and accept many new concepts which have brought me to a more peaceful understanding of what is.

As I take a backwards look at my life I see that the people I have had the most trouble getting along with are the very people who have brought me the greatest lessons for personal evolvement. If life were a bowl of cherries and everyone we came across every instant of every day was super nice, it would create so much sugar we wouldn’t be able to walk through the sticky mess.

It has been said that people come into our life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. I have not had the opportunity to have lifetime friends, mostly due to moving from place to place in my younger years. The closest I have come is about 35 years. I have had many friends who were there briefly for a few months or years, who acted as a teacher, provided support or were a distraction so I had time to focus on a personal problem. One of the hardest things to do is to let go of a friend or family member when it has become clear that one or the other has moved on and the partnership is no longer positive.

My friend list took a huge jump when I accessed Facebook in 2009. Some refer to these friends as virtual and their other friends as real. I prefer not to separate them. Although I may never meet in person members of the first group they are very important to me. I have friends from all over the world and my contact with them has allowed me to travel to places I may never afford to visit and learn how others live. Over time they have proven that they care about me and I in turn care about them.

My friend list does change from time to time because I change and in the process attract new friends with different interests and ideas. I have found that when we move out of our comfortable little shell and open up to new experiences our family can be as big as we want it to be. Taking the opportunity to consciously connect with our brothers and sisters is always ours. That’s how friends are made.

Thumbing your nose at God

Yesterday yet another great musical talent died and the world is calling her death tragic. I have a great deal of trouble following the crowd. Yes, it is tragic that we will no longer hear the magical voices of Whitney Houston, Elvis Presley, Michael Jackson, and even Karen Carpenter, but in my opinion that is because they thumbed their noses at God.

These people were all given much more than the average person will ever have, yet they did not respect the greatest gift of all; their human life. They carried on as if God would not notice their addictions. Perhaps they felt their talent would make up for the bad choices they made in taking care of their bodies. The joke is on them because God did notice. He sees everything folks.

I know people in my own life who are doing the same thing on a smaller scale. The bigger the income the bigger the addiction. They have forms of common addictions that are literally killing them. Maybe they, like the celebrities, think God doesn't notice. Eventually their number is going to come up and they will have nobody to blame but them. Oh of course, they will attempt to blame others, an addict always does. they never take responsibility for their own actions.

Perhaps Ms. Houston and other celebrities with serious addictions were put here to let us know that when you continually thumb your nose at God you had better be prepared for the consequences.

Friday, February 10, 2012

Just the facts please

This morning I woke up with a great deal of pain in my lower back. This pain has been recurrent for almost two years and I believe it originated from a freak accident, which caused me to land on the ground on my right hip. I didn't break anything thank God, but apparently I did do something.

I love my chiropractor, but this morning I had to face the fact that she is not helping with this particular problem. Even with her ultra sound treatments it still acts up and I keep returning with the same issue. I had a walking conversation with myself. It went sort of like, "Barbara you are being really stupid and it is time you took other measures to learn the cause of your pain." For once I listened to myself and headed for Cibola Sports and Physical Therapy.

After finding out that I did not need a referral and clearly making them aware of my financial situation I made an appointment for an evaluation on Monday. The owner of the facility has 35 years experience and has an excellent reputation. If nothing else, I will finally find out what I did and maybe this will help my chiropractor figure out what she needs to do next. Perhaps there is nothing she can do, but at least we will all be on the same page, moving forward instead of standing still.

I have survived enough pain, both physical and mental, in the last few months (years even) and I'm not allowing anymore. I have come to the conclusion that pain is intentionally put on our path to see just how long we will put up with it before we do something about it. I am doing the only thing I can at the moment, getting the facts.

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Not my thing

Twice this week I have ventured into waters that are just not my thing. It reminds me of my marriage to my first husband; I should have just walked away and left him at the alter, but I didn't.

Wednesday I sat through a meeting at the Senior Center because the way it was advertised it sounded as if it was a community meeting to discuss problems concerning citizens over 60. It did not take long before I realized it was actually a meeting presented by the Senior Citizen Board to discuss their fiscal priorities for Federal, State, county and city funding for the things they offer; such as meals, meals on wheels and transportation for seniors to the center and doctor appointments. Although I do occasionally eat lunch at the center, if it closed it wouldn't make much difference in my life. I knew as soon as the meeting started that I would rather be almost anywhere else. I should have just stood up and left, but I didn't.

Today I was invited by the facilitator to attend a meeting of a State sponsored group who are interested in improving the health and well being of our young people. I decided to go and see what they were doing. I knew most of the people attending, all of whom represented a group or organization or were working in a health related field. I am interested in the welfare of the children of our community, but I felt very out of place. Although I made a couple of comments, I really had very little to offer. Again perhaps I should have left, but I didn't.

Maybe my attitude stems from so many years of being a volunteer for various groups. I have already spent a zillion hours sitting in meetings. I have paid my dues and it is time for a younger generation to get involved. The trouble is few people want to do that anymore. I think I am just tired of trying to make a difference.

There is one more meeting next week that I have agreed to attend. It is a forum presented by Con Alma Health Foundation and is supposed to be focused on the health of older adults and what is needed in our community to help people who fall through the cracks. This affair is by invitation and after viewing the names of some of the invited guests I must admit I was flattered to be included. I will again be going simply representing myself so we'll see what happens this time.

It could be I should just stick to writing because I know that's my thing!

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

The wisdom of Paul Soluri

I would like to introduce a blog by my friend Paul Soluri who writes Life Unraveled. It can be found on my blog list to the right of my posts. It is well worth your time to check out his wisdom. Paul recently returned from a 10 day meditation retreat and has shared his experiences in a three part post.

Part 3 really got my attention because it is about letting go of “thoughts that hold a person prisoner” and keeps them from living a peaceful life. The reason this post was so meaningful for me is because I have been going through a similar experience. Paul’s story centered on his attachment to a bar of soap, or rather the lack of one, and mine was with a blood pressure monitor. Reading his post caused me to have the courage to let go of negative thoughts that were causing me a great deal of unnecessary pain and fear.

Following my surgery last September my surgeon reduced my blood pressure medication to a minimum dose, believing that it had risen because my body was trying so hard to function under extreme conditions. I was told to keep track of it after I came home. This was not as easy as it should have been. I went through 3 different monitors all giving me inaccurate readings. It was very frustrating.

After I had sent the 3rd one back I stopped taking my blood pressure at all because it was making me very nervous. I felt great and decided to trust the unknown. I do realize that was not the smartest thing I could have done. I continued to exercise and engaged in focused breathing to help my body heal. I even took an adrenal supplement for a few weeks at the suggestion of my chiropractor and have been seeing a message therapist once a month.

Even though I was doing my part I worried and worried that my pressure could be going up without my knowledge. I finally sent for a completely different monitor about a month ago. This one was recommended on Amazon by many people as reliable. Problem solved right? Wrong. I talked myself into being afraid to use it. I knew if it gave me a high reading I would freak out and make it even higher. Every day my thoughts got worse and worse and created an unreal amount of negative energy and fear. Crazy I know! I was afraid of a machine that could do nothing but produce numbers.

After reading Paul’s post yesterday (and laughing with him) about making himself crazy over a bar of soap I woke up this morning determined to let go of my negative thoughts about my blood pressure. When I exercised this morning I kept repeating to myself, “Help me to think positive thoughts”. This afternoon I stopped by the nurse’s station at the hospital to have my blood pressure taken.

As a bonus, the first person I ran into and got a hug from was one of my favorite nurses from my hospital stay. Shelley had me sit down and relax while she went to get a monitor. To make a long story shorter the final reading was 119/67. One can’t get much better than that! All this worry that I had created myself was such a waste of time and if it wouldn’t have been for Paul’s post it might still be going on. Thanks Paul you are not only an inspirational writer you are a good friend- and you too Shelley! Love you both!

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Changing your mind is acceptable

To humor a friend I advertised my house for sale in our local paper. They were offering a special on ads $4.00-4 lines-4 times so I decided to see what would happen. I composed an ad which read: private sale-mobile home 3 BD, 2 BA, deck, new furnace, large lot. I could have said much more, but it wouldn’t have fit in four lines.

The first appearance of the ad was last Friday and as of this morning has produced about 8-10 phone calls. Since honesty is # one with me, I started out telling the callers that because it is not on a permanent foundation it could not be financed through FHA or a bank. My house has been sitting on the same piece of property since 1980 so I do not consider a lack of a foundation a problem; of course I am not trying to finance something I already own.

The first caller kept referring to what I was offering as a trailer. Each time he did that I responded, it is not a trailer it is a mobile home, more recently referred to as a manufactured home- you jerk! No, I didn’t add jerk, but I thought it! In all the years I have owned my home I have never referred to it as a trailer, which is something you pull behind a car.

The second caller was a bit smarter. After explaining about the financing he said, so I need cash. My response was, pretty much. I know there are other ways of getting around this problem, but I am not really interested in going in that direction. The third person asked if I would carry the note myself and I answered no. If I am going to sell it I want nothing more to do with it.

After the fourth call I began to realize that I don’t really want to sell it at all. Having recently checked out other living arrangements in my town I know I would not be happy living in a crappy apartment. Some people might say it is because I am afraid of letting go. I believe it is because I am finally getting the fact that I come first. What I have is not just a house, mobile or not, it is my home. It is also the only home my two cats have ever known and although they cannot speak words I know they would not be happy to leave.

The universe also gave me a little bonus about the time I placed the ad. I was able to find a handyman who doesn’t charge an arm and a leg and appears to know how to do about anything I would need to have done repair-wise. He already took care of my roof problem and installed a new bathroom faucet yesterday. The damage to my ceilings due to our recent snow will just have to wait until I can afford to tackle that problem. Since I am the only human living under my roof I don’t care. With my recently installed new furnace my cats and I are quite comfy in our home.

I cancelled the ad yesterday, but it is still running today. I am actually enjoying telling callers; the house is no longer available or that the ad has been cancelled.

Changing your mind is not only acceptable it can be a whole lot of cheap fun!
Home Sweet Home

Sunday, February 5, 2012


If you have an impressive title following your name does it make you any more important than anyone else? I don’t believe it does.

Obviously some titles generate more income than others. For instance, a small town doctor is not going to earn as much as a big city doctor who adds a specialty. Those extra titles mean a lot financially, but in many cases the cost of obtaining it will never be repaid. There are a lot of unemployed college educated people out there today in the same boat as those who don’t have school loans to pay off.

Sometimes titles are funny. I recently spent time on the phone trying to find out why my internet service was cutting out. I finally gave up and told the person I was attempting to communicate with to send a repairman a.s.a.p. I was told that a “technician” would be sent. I was told the same thing when I had a furnace problem. Apparently there are no more repairmen. Trash collectors once picked up my garbage now they are called sanitary engineers.

This started me thinking about the jobs I have held during my life and their titles, most of which had no pay attached. My first job while still in high school was a sales clerk at a local dime store, followed by a file clerk for the Teamsters health & welfare department.
Then the biggie came along; I was a wife and mother for 40 years, now referred to as a domestic engineer (long hours definitely no pay involved). During this time I held jobs as a Cub Scout Den Mother and a Mother Advisor for International Order of Rainbow for Girls and a Costumer for a theater group (no pay, but interesting activities).

Other job titles that did involve some pay, but not a lot were: Independent Avon Representative, Independent Contractor for 2 marketing companies, Resource Development Coordinator for a nursing home, Columnist. Just look at all those titles! I am worn out just thinking about them.

My current job title is Free Lance Writer and I am about to step back in to the title of Independent Contractor. Both of these jobs allow me many hours of freedom to spend as much time as I please doing whatever makes me happy.

The variety of titles I have held probably don’t mean much to most people and granted it would be too much to put on my grave marker, but they describe who I was and who I am. Titles don’t make me any better or any worse than anyone else I know.

Friday, February 3, 2012

First things first

Everything I need to resume going back to work as a part time independent product demonstrator is sitting in my closet waiting for my first demo assignment. It is a good thing I never toss out anything that could be used again. I have the uniform consisting of a white shirt, black pants, black apron, cap and even a black bow tie. I guess someone knew I would be doing this again because I even have a leftover cardboard table used for demos without electrical appliances, such as a microwave or toaster oven. I’m all set materially, but I have some mental things to take care of first.

One of those things is a change of attitude about this move. I need to cease thinking about it as something I have to do to pay for unexpected house repair bills and start thinking about it as a great opportunity.

For some time I have been trying to find ways to add people to my current life. For months I have felt pretty much alone and that has not entirely been all in my mind. I am sure there was a universal reason that I have been forced to take care of myself by myself. Looking back I believe I have done a very good job, with only a skeleton crew to assist me in my challenges. Observing others my age sometimes causes me to be very grateful that I am now an independent being.

One of the things I miss about working in a public job is communication with other people. I didn’t grow up being a people person, but that has changed quite a bit due to the life experiences I have been given. Somewhere along the line I have lost my fear of expressing myself. One of the things I love most is sharing information, whether it is through my writing or some other means. Guess what? The basic reason for product demonstrators is to do just that. It is fun to offer new products to customers and I always end up learning as much as they do.

Now that my attitude has become a bit more positive than it was yesterday I do believe I am ready to get back in the stream of things. I look forward to once again communicating with real live adult people. I have a feeling this job is going to lead to something I have been seeking for a very long time.

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Flipping a page

Wow what a difference flipping the page of a calender makes. Like night and day!

January was the most trying month I have had in some time. Now that it is in the past I can laugh about the things that happened, one after another. Interestingly, they all involved energy that needed to be replaced. I am wondering if it was a final push to see if I was going to give up or as several friends said, hang in there. Well I didn't give up even when the last straw was to charge a very large amount on my credit card to temporarily pay for a new furnace, which by the way is working great. I could have paid cash, but decided it would be better for my credit to charge it and give myself several weeks breathing space.

The very next day, February 1st, I was offered a marketing job at our local Smith's grocery store. Just for the heck of it I had filled out an online application the day before, but had decided to hold off pursuing the job for a little while- I thought. Then my phone rang and it was the booking agent for the company. After a half hour conversation, sharing my previous nine year experiences as a product demonstrator for two other companies, she was begging me to accept the job. Apparently they have been unable to find a reliable person in Grants. Actually I can believe that. After careful consideration I agreed to go ahead with their orientation process, which has taken 24 hours to complete. Looks like I am once again a product demonstrator.

Having such a large debt helped to sway my decision plus the fact that their pay is almost twice what I was previously getting when I "retired" back in 2007. The scheduler wanted me to do two demos this weekend and I at first said yes. This morning I changed my mind because it was last minute and we hadn't even begun the orientation nor did I have the proper ID, paper work or the needed kits. I suddenly remembered the stress this kind of situation had caused in the past. I let her know I could not start this weekend. She was fine with my decision. Am I actually learning to put myself first after all this time?

The next positive thing that happened yesterday was to locate a very skilled handyman to take care of my roof/ceiling problem and to do other minor repairs for me. He knows what he is doing, but does not overcharge. How rare is that? I had discarded the estimate from a contractor because it was outrageous and he was only going to repair the damage not what had caused it. He also assessed the roof damage from the ground. Talk about good vision! Perhaps he is related to Superman!

Now for the third thing that has happened to make my life less stressful. I found a young college student that I know to help me update my computer programs. All that is going to cost me is providing dinner for him. I know I could learn to do this kind of stuff myself, but I plead belonging to the wrong generation. Help!

Now that I flipped the page of my calender it seems I have allowed a flow of positive energy to spill out all over the place. I could get used to this!

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

February is here

Because I am lazy today I decided to share my little piece for our writing group meeting tomorrow. The current challenge is the word February. Here it is.

What makes February any different than any other month? Come with me and we’ll check it out.

By the first week most people should be used to the fact that a new year has begun and will have stopped writing the wrong date on their checks. No doubt those who actually took the time to make new years resolutions in January have already broken them. Hopefully at least some people have paid off their Christmas expenses by now and have moved on to run up other bills.

This year is especially helpful to those born on the 29th. They finally get to celebrate another birthday. This is a special group of people who are not really as old as they appear and it has nothing to do with diet or good genes. It’s kind of like dog years in reverse.

In the middle of the month we have that special day designated for lovers of all ages. It is heavily promoted by Hallmark, FTD florists and chocolate makers world wide. What would we do without a day set aside to tell others that we love them?

February celebrates the birthdays of two men who were elected to lead the United States in good times and bad. George Washington, born on February 22 gets recognition on the 3rd Monday in February whether it is his birthday or not. Abraham Lincoln, used to be recognized on February 12th, which is his actual birthday, but now he sort of shares his day with Washington on President’s Day. It’s probably good that they are both deceased or they wouldn’t know when to eat their birthday cake.

There are two fun events celebrated in the United States in February. The first is super bowl on the 5th, but unless you are a football fan you will most likely not pay much attention. That is unless you live in a house occupied by a fan. Then the yelling and whooping and sometimes swearing will be hard to ignore. The second is Mardi Gras, on the 21st, but unless you live in or plan to visit New Orleans it will most likely go unnoticed in your life.

Our annual Quadrathlon falls on the 18th and will bring athletes from all over the world. Hopefully the snow on Mt. Taylor will stay put for a couple more weeks so that no part of the race will be cancelled this year.

February 22 marks the beginning of lent with Ash Wednesday, but unless you are Catholic it won’t hold much meaning except maybe to wonder why so many people are walking around with dirty foreheads.

Oops I almost forgot Punxsutawney Phil from Pennsylvania. For 126 years a little groundhog has on February 2 been predicting how much more winter we will have. Tomorrow morning if Phil sees his shadow we can expect an early spring or if he does not we are in for another 6 weeks of winter.

That about wraps things up for February- March on.