Last 2019 post

This year has gone by really fast. Friends have come and gone, lessons have been learned, my spiritual growth has increased and I am still here. Apparently there is still more that I am supposed to do before leaving this planet called earth.

My wish for the coming year is that my health does not get any worse than it is and my bank account does not decrease. I hope that my writing projects begin to bring in more money, but if not I will still write. It is what I am supposed to do.

I look forward to acquiring more friends in the coming year/decade. It is through them that I am able to travel around the world- free of charge.

Hopefully I will finally stop taking responsibility for things I have no control over. That would be a major accomplishment. I'll let you know how that turns out.

On the eve of another new year/decade I wish all of my friends and followers a fantastic journey!

Surprise surprise

Well I hadn't expected a major expense at the end of the year, but one occurred anyway. I had to replace a clothes dryer that was damaging clothes. Living in a small town this can be a problem. I knew I didn't want to get a dryer from Albuquerque because it would have cost me over two hundred dollars to get it delivered. I knew there was one store in Grants who offered appliances, Nancy's Appliance. After exercising this morning I stopped by but it wasn't opened. This can't be, I thought.

After arriving home I called the phone number, which kept ringing busy. Assuming someone was actually there I continued to call. Finally reaching the owner, I was told she had been having trouble with her phone. I also discovered she had one dryer left and the price was compatible with Albuquerque. I told her not to give it to anyone and I would be there in a few minutes to pay for it.

When I got ready to pull out my credit card I was told her machine was tied to her phone and I couldn't use it. My only option was to write a check. Even though I hadn't planned to write such a large check today I am grateful that I could. I am also grateful that I chose to shop locally, because it saved me a lot of money. It also only cost me $20 to have the old one carted away to the dump. I am now waiting for my new purchase to be delivered.

Do gifts speak?

Over the years my son has given me some very unusual gifts. To list just a few: a new microwave oven, a kitchen faucet, a cook top hood, and an air fryer/toaster oven. My Christmas gift this year left me with an open mouth. It was a replacement ceiling fan. I am trying to remember that it is the thought that counts. I am also trying to remember that I got nothing from my other son and daughter, not even a card. 

Under the tree

Comparing what was under our little tree last night with some of my friend's pictures leaves me wondering just what they think Christmas is all about. Piles and piles of gifts do not make Christmas anymore special.

This year I am happy to have made the acts of kindness I spread around my little town the focus of the season. Thinking of those who could use the knowledge that someone, whom they may not even know, was thinking of them makes me happy. I have discovered that it doesn't take much money to sprinkle the real meaning of Christmas around. I plan on doing it again next year and for as long as I have the ability to do so.

Merry Christmas! 

December 25,2019

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas Eve

The house is all quiet, not even a mouse. The tree is up and decorated. My snowman collection are spaced all around. A few gifts sit under the tree to be shared with my son and me, oh and Ebony, Smokey and Ejay. I am praying my youngest grandson will break his ten month silence and come to see what I have for him. I have made a special desert I found on Facebook called Cherry Trifle. It was actually fun to make and it looks as if it will be the hit of our dinner. In a couple of hours I will start beef stew, which might be a little nontraditional, but it sounded good. The trifle will also pass for a birthday cake for my son, who will be 59 tomorrow. Where does the time go?

It will be a quiet Christmas again this year, but there isn't anything I can do about that. I have decided to let everyone else live their own lives and use the approaching new decade to focus on myself. I remember the message a massage therapist gave me several years ago and I should have listened. She said, "You do not have to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders." Perhaps I have been doing that my entire life. 2020 is the time to take a new direction and see where it leads.

On this Christmas Eve 2019 I wish all my readers the happiest experience possible!

Let it go

I just read my oracle card for today and the message seems to fit like a glove. Here it is.

"The burden of carting your past around has made you weary, dear one. It's time to set this burden down. Keep only the lessons and the love, and leave everything else behind. You don't want it or need it, and it's now gone."

Reflection

Looking back over the last twenty years of my life I see that there have been a lot of changes.I have had a ton of experiences and met a lot of people; some of which were only meant to be temporary to aid in my evolvement. Without them I would not be the person I am today. In leaving this decade and moving on to the next there is something I would like to share with my readers. It is a poem that was channeled to me in 2000. I may have shared it before, but it is worth repeating. The poem is now titled, "Pure Love".

Pure Love

I will love you forever and ever

I will defend you against your enemies

I will support you when you are weak

I will cry with you when you are hurt

I will warn you when I see danger

I will teach you anything I know

I will listen quietly as you teach me

I will pray with you and for you

I will hold you if you need comfort

I will feed you when you are hungry

I will help you live but will not live for you

I will respect your right to your freedom

I will love you forever and ever.

Barbara Loure` Gunn 2000

Life stories

I was just looking through the book that contains pictures of most of the sixty-four subjects in the life stories that I wrote for the Cibola Beacon and my Amazon E-book, Spirits of Cibola County. I noticed that at least eight of the souls are now deceased.

This morning I am wondering, was I chosen to put their life stories in print?

I enjoyed the interviews I did that created these stories, but more than that I had the opportunity to really get to know all of these people on a different level. When I began interviewing and writing I had no idea where my path would lead. I just followed the bread crumbs and I am happy that I did.

Can't wait to see what the new decade will bring!

Communicate

This morning while I was sitting in my chiropractor's waiting room I had a nice conversation with a man I didn't know. Then I was called in for my free birthday adjustment.

I began to ask my chiropractor about her pending Christmas trip to visit her family in another state. I asked how long her flight is and she said five hours. That's a lot of time to be sitting in the same place. I asked her if she read on the flight. She answered, "Sometimes I read or watch a movie or just sleep."

I thought it odd that she never once said she talks to her flight mate.

Maybe that's what is wrong with people now days. They do not take the time to communicate.

Just checking things out

This blog began in November 2009. That's over ten years of writing. Just out of curiosity I checked and see that I have written 1,377 posts and have had 101,480 page views. Wow!

Now I have to ask myself is it worth it to continue? Am I really helping anyone by what I am offering?

Because of this blog my daughter doesn't speak to me and she is followed by my two granddaughters, who all had a problem with something I wrote in those 1,377 posts. You know what? My answer to all of them is- GROW  UP!

I intend to keep writing and if I occasionally offend someone, oh well. Perhaps someone needed to do it.  

New approach

As the decade dwindles down to the last couple of weeks I am thinking about what I can change. I have found out the hard way that expecting others to do the right thing, according to me doesn't work. Not everyone is kind or generous or grateful. It makes little sense to me, but that is just the way it is.

Some time ago a friend suggested that I should not focus on the outcome of situations and he was probably right. All I can do is focus on myself and what makes me happy. That may sound self centered, but it really isn't. I have spent my life worrying about the welfare of others. As the new decade approaches I plan to stop that.

Well that's odd

I had my cardiologist appointment this morning and came away thinking- that's really odd. Nothing new, just same old PVC or premature ventricular contractions. He said everything looks good, but increased the times I take a medication he prescribed two years ago. He gave me a spiel about most cardiologists prescribe it three times a day, but he finds that four times a day works better. What I found odd was that he was the one who originally prescribed it for three times a day.

He did say I would probably have this problem for the rest of my life. He suggested, "Don't worry about it and just live your life" Okay, I can do that. I have no doubt had this problem all of my life without knowing it, so what's new?! 

As the decade ends

Wondering what is my biggest accomplishment during the last decade. I think #1 is a conscious awareness with the spirit world. I am also aware and grateful to have inherited my maternal grandmother's generous spirit. Of all my ancestors I believe I am most like her. She may have had her secrets, but they are just that- HER SECRETS!   

How much does a smile cost?

I came up with what I thought was a really great idea this morning. I was going to go to the dollar store and buy boxed Christmas cards, sign them Secret Santa and take them to our local nursing home. I checked and they have 65 residents. I figured three boxes would do it. I imagined the smiles it might bring to the residents. I am sure there are many who have no visitors.

So I began checking the dollar stores we have in Grants,NM Would you believe there isn't one that carries boxed cards?! Determined, I checked out online sources and ended up being discouraged because it would have cost more then I thought I could afford.

Still determined, I again used Google this afternoon. I checked Walmart and found cards that were $9.95 for boxes of 40. Although it was more than I expected to pay I ordered two boxes, which will be delivered to my store Friday, with no shipping charge. Yay!

It gives me plenty of time to sign the cards, Secret Santa, and deliver them to Good Samaritan Center in time for Christmas. I hope it makes some of the residents happy, if only for a moment!

A Secret Santa

I am just finishing the Kindle book, Luke's Gift by Kaylie Newell. Luke is a Secret Santa who does not want his identity revealed. Who could blame him? The book encouraged me to do little acts of kindness in my small town. I can't tell you what I did because then it wouldn't be a secret! It doesn't take a ton of money to do this project. All it takes is a little imagination.

I encourage you all to give it some thought and try it. It's fun, it really is!

Who is frying what?

Holiday shopping is such an interesting activity- no one said.
I thought I was being very clever this year and shopped online for the few gifts I needed to purchase. I got my son an air fryer because he is really enjoying the instant pot he gave me last year. The fryer came and has been sitting in its box in my office.

Yesterday was my birthday. I woke to a very large box sitting on my dinning room table with a birthday card on top. Opening it I found an air fryer. Granted it was fancier than the one sitting in my office, but now there were two.

I told a couple of friends about my problem with the hope that someone would want to buy the smaller one. I really didn't want to take it back to the store, which is in Albuquerque. Later in the day I got a call from a friend who announced that she wanted it for her daughter and was fine with reimbursing me the amount I paid for it. It is now sitting in my trunk waiting for the exchange!

Apparently my Christmas shopping is not done!

Happy almost birthday

In one more day I will be 82 years old. Remembering back when I was 5 or 6 and, according to at least one nurse in the hospital, I was not expected to live, my response is- fooled you!!

So far I have outlived most of my family, including my parents, brother and two ex-husbands. I have also survived raising three children, who have produced four grandchildren and three great grandchildren.

I have written and published two hard cover books, three E-books and created two newspaper columns. I have spent the last twenty years of my life focusing on inspiring others to be the best that they can be.

My life reminds me of the young boy, reaching the end of his life, asking Oprah Winfrey, "Have I done enough?"

If I were to answer that question my answer would be, "No, not yet."

I haven't read the book of my life so I have no idea how the story ends, but I am sticking around for the final chapter.

Leftover Friday

This is the day I make leftover turkey soup. I boil the carcass, adding chopped onion and celery to the pot. After picking off the meat and adding some smaller pieces from last nights turkey I add whatever pasta I have and some vegetables and seasoning. I did add a can of chicken broth for a little more flavor. That's all it takes to make leftover Friday soup!

So much for Thanksgiving!

Gratitude challenge

I just answered #28 on a 30 day gratitude challenge. My answers were interesting. I noticed that they were all pretty much internal or didn't cost much. Is that the Universe speaking to me again? Probably.

My life isn't perfect, but I am where I am supposed to be at this time in the history of my life.

This will be the fifth Thanksgiving since my oldest son moved back home. Lucky for me he likes to cook so the turkey is left to his expertise. The rest of dinner is up to me, just the way I like it! We ate out last night because he wanted tamales. Only in New Mexico would people desire Mexican food before devouring the turkey the next day.

There are a lot of things I am thankful for, but I think the most important are family members and friends who still communicate with me.

Happy Thanksgiving

 To all my readers I would like to wish you a very peaceful Thanksgiving! 

What color is this?

My second husband (now deceased) and I were married for 27 years. He rarely said anything about what I chose to wear, but one day he told me he didn't like me wearing purple. Who asked you, I thought! From that day on it gave me pleasure to purchase items in purple. Recently I bought myself a purple sweatshirt with two cute kittens on the front, sitting in matching winter mittens. Today I wore it for the first time to exercise. On my way home I stopped at the grocery store to pick up a few items. As I walked through the produce department I was stopped by an employee who went to school with my second son. I had to laugh when out of the blue he said, "I like you in purple." It made my day!

Time moves on

Time does fly by when you aren't paying attention. I just realized it has been 20 years since I decided to stop smoking. In all that time I have never once had a desire to pick up the nasty habit. The decision to stop started an avalanche that has not stopped. Today I am sharing a piece I wrote to encourage others to make the same move. Enjoy!

            I KILLED MY BEST FRIEND

For a variety of reasons I grew up having very little self-esteem. When I graduated from high school I had no clue what I was supposed to do with the rest of my life. I had been an average student who finished school because it was expected. At 19 I was a very lonely person who desperately needed a best friend.

The friend I choose for the next forty years was three inches tall, smelled bad, controlled my life and led me in the direction of poor health. The relationship was what would be considered abusive today. At the beginning no one warned me of danger and in all those years nobody offered to help me let go of my destructive companion.

There were of course, those who shook their heads and fingers at me making rude comments about how disgusting this relationship was. They probably thought they were helping, but they only made me angry and caused me to stubbornly refuse to let go.

When I was 62 years old I looked in the mirror and did not like what I saw. I decided I did not deserve to be controlled by an object that could not possibly move from my hand to my mouth without my help. I realized I was the only one who could end the relationship and I have never been sorry that I did.

Believe me when I say, the only way you will successfully stop smoking or any other negative addiction is to become self centered and care about yourself. Whoever you are, believe that you are a valuable person who deserves the very best life has to offer.

There are many people around you who want to help. The hardest thing you have to do is learn to care about yourself and be willing to accept their help. I know from personal experience that once you do that the rest is a breeze.

Do you really want a best friend who is three inches tall, smells bad, controls your life and is leading you in the direction of poor health and perhaps death? If the answer is no, follow my example and give yourself permission to live the healthy life you deserve.

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Do I exist?

This morning I am wondering if I am an invisable person who really does not exist in the real world.

I have been writing this blog since 2009 and for the most part no one cares to comment on my posts. What in the hell is going on with that? I can plainly see by the stats that people read what I write. Are they invisible too I wonder?

I have had an online writing group for over a year, which now includes 24 people. Only a handful of those members care to participate in writing on the prompts. Are the majority invisible too?

I have three E-books currently offered on Amazon.com. Even though some have sold, there are almost no comments on my work. Are these people invisible too?

Most of my biological family does not even care to acknowledge me. Perhaps there really is such a thing as a stork delivery and I had nothing to do with their being here?

Three years ago I attended my ex-husband's memorial service. Even though I have papers to prove we were married for 27 years, my name was not even mentioned by my daughter, who was in charge of the service. See, there is that stork thing again!

My grandchildren (with the exception of my oldest grandson) do not communicate, not even to acknowledge gifts I have sent. If I don't really exist, I can save a bunch of money on future purchases.

In a world that doesn't seem to know I exist, I am beginning to wonder if I really do.

Playing a game

Once a week I have been sharing a photo for my online writing group, "Write On", for members to caption. This morning I posted one that was left over from my local writing group, that no longer exists. In that group we were asked to pick a photo and write about it. This is the one I chose. It is also the one I shared with my online group today.

My caption was: "We are not meant to see into the future."

What I originally wrote about the picture was:

This picture reminds me of the path one takes on their human journey. The varied leaves with their unique colors and shapes are the experiences we have. Some are dried as they represent memories long buried in the past. Some are still fresh. The rocks and water represent the obstacles on our path. As in our life journey, the furthest view is slightly unclear.

A new question

Do wonders ever cease?

For the last couple of days I have been having pain in my lower back that is also causing problems in my leg and even sometimes my knee. I finally made an appointment with my chiropractor for this morning. I am used to stiffness in the left side of my neck. It is just something I have learned to deal with, but this was different.

I made a comment to my chiropractor, who I have been going to for several years, that I didn't really worry about my neck problems anymore. She asked me if I had ever been involved in an accident. A light flashed in my memory as I remembered that we were once rear ended, about forty years ago. My daughter was in her car seat and I was in the passenger seat sitting next to her. I knew what was going to happen so I turned sideways to put my arms in front of her, protecting her from going forward. It is the reason I first began seeing a chiropractor. I had injured my left neck. My current doctor said that probably caused a life long injury, which caused regeneration in my neck as I got older.

Then I began wondering about the spinal stenosis I have been diagnosed with. Most likely a contributing factor is seven years standing on the cement floors at Walmart for six hours straight, doing food demos. 

After all this time thanks for giving me a heads up! 

Goodbye mercury

Mercury retrograde only has a couple more days to screw up our communication. I must say it has not caused me much of a problem. In fact things seem to be taking a turn for the better. Although I am not looking forward to the upcoming holidays.They have become a lonely time for me since my family has dwindled down to almost nothing.

Thanksgiving is shared with my oldest son, who usually cooks the turkey, while I cook everything else. It gives us a lot of leftovers since it is just the two of us. This year I am planning to invite a couple of friends who are alone. Waiting to see how that turns out.

Christmas is another matter. For me it is the saddest day of the year. I miss having family to cook for. Most of my family now lives in other states and the ones who are here, with the exception of my oldest son, don't care to include me in their plans. As someone said to me this morning- that's their problem. And it is!

I try to the best of my ability to do for others. I just finished crocheting another dozen baby caps and a blanket for the first baby of 2000, born at Cibola General Hospital. I always make fudge and share it with friends, especially with the husband of a deceased friend.

This year I had fun ordering outfits for my youngest great granddaughter, who was two in September. I have never meet her, but I enjoy seeing pictures of her on Facebook. She looks like a handful!

Even though the holidays are not my favorite time of the year, I try to make the best of them.