Saturday, May 30, 2015
Two days later Mike arrived at my house as promised. I had moved the dinning room table out of the way and had a step stool ready for the fan surgery. He knew exactly what he was doing and completed the job in less than a half hour. After taking the fan apart all it required to re-attach it was four longer screws to reach the board inside the ceiling. We have power! I asked how much I owed him. He said, "I know you live on a fixed income so how about $10?" I replied, "Well I was thinking of giving you at least $20", as I handed it to him. He smiled and said, "Thank you for giving me a chance." That's the kind of repairman I like to deal with!
Wednesday, May 27, 2015
On a happier note I am still listening to the voice and as a result things happen that are often funny. A few nights ago we experienced a sudden and rather violent rain/hail storm. It caused some minor damage to a bathroom ceiling and the ceiling fan in the dinning room has been hanging at a particular angle ever since. I was in no rush to have it fixed because the place where it should be attached is still damp. FYI I am attaching a picture for evidence.
Everything was going well until the last week when my blood pressure decided to go up. Of course it got alarmingly high on a holiday weekend when my only option would be a trip to the local ER. My last venture through those doors ran up a $5,000 hospital bill, which through the grace of God and possibly assistance from my guardian angel was written off. Doubting this would be likely to happen again I chose to take other measures. I didn’t ignore the problem, but did everything I could to bring my BP down. I drank plenty of water, rested and tried to stay calm. I had planned to check in at my doctor’s office on Monday morning until I remembered it was a holiday. No! On Tuesday morning I did follow that plan of action. The reading was still high when the nurse took it, which didn’t surprise me. The doctor came in and we had a chat. He believes that my current medication should be keeping my BP under control so we started looking at the reasons it isn’t. Looking back at my recent life when it started going up the reason became clear to both of us. It was shortly after I learned from x-rays that I will need a hip replacement. Even though I don’t see this happening until at least next year, I chose to start worrying about it now. To make a long story short, daily hip pain and stress about finances was most likely the culprit. I reluctantly agreed to try anxiety medication. I was given a prescription for Sertraline and was told it should come under the $4.00 prescriptions that Wal-Mart offers. Wrong! It was $17 for 30 pills. In addition to what I am already taking it would bring my total monthly prescription expense to $25. Like I can really afford that! Thinking I had no choice I paid for it. When I got home I looked it up online. I was not happy with what I found. First it is a generic version of Zoloft, it takes a month or more to even work because it has to build up in the system. Most disturbing were the list of side effects, almost exactly the same as the ones I had recently dealt with when a Beta Blocker was added to my regular medication. Was I really willing to go through this again? While I was thinking about that question I opened the package, took out seven tiny pills and actually put them in my pill keeper to start taking today. That’s when I heard the voice loudly screaming at me DO NOT TAKE THEM! You are not stupid you can stop this cycle of worry without the help of more medication. Enough already! I collected the seven little pills, put them away and challenged myself to do exactly what the voice of my personal GPS told me to do.
Monday, May 18, 2015
In my 77 years of living on this planet called earth this time around I have concluded that life is about adaption. Things don't usually go as planned. I used to be a control freak. What a joke that was. I have discovered that the only thing I can control are my thoughts. Stuff happens and the only thing I can do is follow my intuition and learn from my experiences. The only cure for a major problem I am having is a hip replacement, which is not going to happen anytime soon. The only reasonable plan of action is adaption. I have to accept the situation, find ways to make the best of things and avoid actions that will cause inflammation of the joint. Now there is a new challenge. I have pretty much spent my life doing things myself, not asking for help. I can see that's going to change! There are a lot of things that can be done around my house to make chores easier. For instance, I noticed that the contents of my kitchen cupboards need rearranging. It makes no sense to bend down to pick up dishes that I use all the time. It would be better to reach for them instead. It is also time to admit that I can no longer bend to tackle the weeds that tend to grow in my walkway and gravel in the front of my house. I hope to offer my grandson a summer job. We'll see about that! I am aware that needed surgery is going to have to wait. There has to be a giant shift in my finances before it can be considered. In the meantime I simply need to accept what is and learn to adapt.
Sunday, May 10, 2015
On this day set aside to honor mothers I have mixed feelings. My relationship with my mother was not a particularly good one. She died following a short illness in 1987. We did not have an opportunity for a last conversation as she was in a coma. I still regret not being able to say, "I love you". Today only one of my three adult children and one of my four grandchildren choose to have a relationship with me. I apparently did not meet the expectations of those who deleted me from their lives. It's really a shame when people can't weigh positive intentions with negative ones and at least make an effort to have a relationship. I can't do anything about the way my family reacts to me. That is their problem. I can only wish them well and continue to do my best, which is all anyone can do. I did get a new microwave oven from my ONE son and a beautiful hanging basket of flowers from my ONE grandson.
Thursday, May 7, 2015
In my last post I shared the fact that over the last few years I have spent a bundle of money on treatments for pain that really didn't work. I always gave the person in charge my complete faith that what she/he was doing would do the job and I would eventually be pain free. I look at this long list of attempts and think- what the hell! Was it me or did I simply not have the right match? I recently found a team of people that I hope will be working together to accomplish the goal of autonomy. My new primary care person is a Physician Assistant, I just added a Physical Therapist and in the wings I have a Reiki Master prepared to help out when needed. Not one of these people tell me what to do. They all discuss options and allow me to decide how I want to proceed. To put it in a nut shell they treat me like I am an intelligent being instead of a name or a number on a chart. In the past I have tended to hold off agreeing to tests and x-rays due to a lack of money. I have decided to change my approach. If I am supposed to have something done that will assist in my recovery than the universe can damn well come up with a way to pay for it. I am no longer willing to spend the rest of my life in pain. I have paid my dues and I am looking forward to a better future with my new match.
Friday, May 1, 2015
First came the title- "going fishing" Then came the picture- taken long ago.