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Saturday, March 15, 2014

A question with no answer

Early this morning I was standing in my guest bathroom with a repairman who had previously done some work for me. We were looking at a small section of the ceiling just above the window that appeared to be suffering from water damage. The source of the water was not immediately apparent, but no doubt was the result of a roof leak. It was odd as we have had little rain recently and no snow.

Mike suddenly asked, "Do you plan to live in this house until you die?"

Observing my startled reaction he added, "...or do you plan on selling the house?"

He was trying to decide the best option for fixing the problem before it got worse and wanted to know how important appearence was. He had already replaced the entire ceiling a couple of years ago due to snow damage. Apparently the source of the problem still existed and needed to be tackled first.

Further investigation of the problem is needed, but in the meantime I have been pondering his blunt question. Do I plan on living in this house until I die? I have already lived in my manufactured home for 38 years, half my life. It would certainly be nice to have a new experience. I am aware my house and property are way too big for me to take care of by myself, but I don't have any other options. Even if I did manage to sell, it wouldn't be for enough money to live on for very long. Stuck where I am pretty much sums it up.

So Mike, to answer your question I don't really know. I don't actually PLAN to live here until I die, but unless you know something that I don't, that may be someone's plan.

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

An interesting proposal

Ordinarily my part time job is from Monday-Friday, except when there is no school. This week is one of those times when school will only be in session Monday-Wednesday due to parent teacher conferences etc. My employer has given the part time staff at the family center the option of working a total of 8 hours on the two missing days. The proposal offered is not for the usual work, but to clean up the grounds behind the Family Center to prepare for planting a garden.

I have been going back and forth since I read the offer, which is not manditory. Do I accept or don't I? One point to consider is that I was hired to supervise children, not to do manual labor. Another is that our weather has sudenly gone from warm spring like to cold and windy.

Will I benefit more by doing yard work or taking advantage of an unplanned 4 day weekend? Actually I have plenty of weeds at my own house if I were so inclined to take care of them.

Yesterday I was leaning toward working. Today I am thinking I probably would benefit more from the days off. Besides, the money from this job is extra and I am saving most of it. It did come in handy to pay off a rather large bill I had acquired, much sooner than expected, leaving me once again debt free. My paycheck isn't money I depend on for anything at the moment. Soooooo!

What the heck! I'm opting for a 4 day weekend- proposal rejected.

That is my final answer!!

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Back to the beginning

Yesterday's post "wearing a happy smile" was an edited version of a word document I had written some time ago combined with parts of another word document I had forgotten about titled, "A conversation with God".

As the result of electrical problems yesterday I could not access the internet for some time. So much for Faceook! Bored, I decided to look over some of the gems I had written in the past. I was no doubt being pushed by an unseen entity to do just that. I printed out both of the previously mentioned documents and saw that they could easily be combined to make my point even stronger.

The original conversation with God document was so hilarious I want to share it with my readers as written. It made my day when I re-read it yesterday and I hope it makes yours today. Enjoy!

A conversation with God

me: I've got a person in my life that I have been trying to eliminate and I don't seem to be able to accomplish this task, will you help me?

God: Of course, describe this person for me.

me: He is 100% phony, rude, obnoxious, narcissistic, has no integrity or empathy, his actions never match his words, a control freak, unable to follow through with anything.

God: That's quite a list of character traits rolled up in one person. Is there anything else?

me: I'm thinking...

God: There are times that I put others on your path specifically to act as a mirror for you to see how far you have come on your journey. It looks to me as if this particular soul reflects my best work, and by the way, yours too.

me: So what do you suggest that I do now?

God: Dump him! You have no further need for his assistance in this life . Just between you and me I'll see if I can clean up his soul in case you two are scheduled to meet again in the future.

me: Thank you for your enlightenment and have a great day!

Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Wearing a happy smile

Growing up I had few friends and I assumed there was something wrong with me. It had to be that I was not as smart, as attactive, as rich, as athletic, as talented or as who knows what else as my peers were. It just never occured to me that the problem could be in my mind.

Being a shy child I always prayed the teacher would just forget I was in the class room when looking for someone to call on for an answer. When I view early photos of me I see a smiling, even pretty, face that looks as if I had the world by the tail. I wonder what happened to change my perception. Perhaps I will never know, but that doesn't mean that it is impossible to change back, striving to recapture that happy smile.

When you do not believe in yourself you can't expect anyone else to believe in you. I know that and in fact wrote it somewhere in one of my published books. Today I wonder why it took so long for those words to register. Not believing in me led to collecting all sorts of garbage, attaching itself like an anchor, keeping me buried in muck most of my adult life. It has taken me many years to gadually pull myself out of the debris.

First I had to turn on the light and really see who I had become. I didn't like who I saw one bit. I set out to change that person into someone I could really like and desire to have as a best friend. I began reading books to aid in my goal. I started writing things down, which eventually led me to become an author. I didn't see that coming at all. Me an actual published author- wow!

People started listening to what I had to say and encouraged me to continue on my path, although I still didn't believe I was special. All I was doing was sharing experiences that had been part of my journey. I often heard comments from others such as, "you are so inspirational", "you have helped me with a problem I had" or "that is just what I needed to hear today."

Before long I was asking myself, what did other people see that had not yet penetrated my brain? Perhaps I should read what I had written, a suggestion a former friend had actually posed. Or as another friend put it, "check your archieves." Perhaps I should have listened because what I was writing was very inspirational. As I read, I realized it was coming from my heart with the assistance of a muse, whom I later saw as a guide.

As I looked further into my current life I saw a multitude of loyal friends from all over the world, who were helping me get over whatever had caused the negative change in the little girl who started out smiling at her life. I know from my own experience that the greatest gift the universe can offer us is to have friends who care as much about our well being as we care about theirs. True friendship is worth more than a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow and will always bring a smile to anyone's lips.

Even though friends are a wonderful gift I have often allowed people to take up more space in my life than they should have. Depending on them for thoughts and actions always took me right back to not believing in me, because living for others stunts personal growth.

Every now and then I weed my garden of friends and eliminate the ones who are literally strangling the life out of me. I believe our creator intentionally puts souls on our path to act as giant mirrors for us to see how far we have come on our own journey. Often they reflect who we were and who we never want to be again. It certainly explains why certain souls have left my life as a puff of smoke.

One of those souls in particular had such a strong essence that it took me what seemed like forever to get past his spirit. He is 100% phony, rude, obnoxious, narcissistic, has no integrity or empathy; his actions never match his words and he is unable to follow through with anything he starts. He is a first class control freak!

Sometimes it is difficult to see the why of my creator's plan because I do not reside in the same realm, but when I do it allows me to take a cleansing breath and wear a happy smile on my face.