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Saturday, September 10, 2016

Imagining

It will be two days before the memorial service for my ex. I'm trying to imagine what it will be like.

I already know that two of our older grandchildren will be flying in along with their father and I expect several cousins from California will make the trip too. They will be joined by half the town, related to him. Alright that last part is an exaggeration, but sometimes it seems like it. Most of those people, if not all of them, couldn't care less if I am alive or dead.

Torn as to whether I should even go to the service I stopped by to ask the advice of the mortician, who happens to be a friend of mine. He said I don't think they will even care. He's no doubt right and that is the problem. After 17 years apart they don't care. Odd isn't it when two people divorce how many other people you find in your marriage. In my situation it was a case of our daughter playing a game of divide and conquer and I lost. Or perhaps I won and just haven't realized it yet.

Do I really need these people? Let me think about that. Well no!

I am doing just fine compared to the way my ex left this world. I owe no one and my health is pretty darn good, considering I have had two surgeries since our parting. Does it really matter that these people have wiped me out of their lives? Again no! Even two of my grown children joined that group of judgemental souls.

Imagining the service on Monday, I see myself sitting alone and definitely not with the family members as it doesn't appear from my view that I have many left. It is odd that I will no doubt be treated as if I am invisible. Nothing new about that.

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