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Monday, February 25, 2013

Who do you blame?

When life gives you negative experiences that test your evolvement who do you blame when you buy into them?

My first reaction upon surviving a three year relationship with a well trained Scientologist was of course, to blame him. He was the bad guy right? Well perhaps he was, but the buying part was all my doing. I knew right from the start who he was. The information was never kept from me, but I chose to ignore it.

I didn't believe it mattered. I allowed myself to be manipulated by him over and over. He would communicate via email for a time and then suddenly disappear for long periods. When he would return I  was very grateful and treated him like a long lost love back from the war.

Shortly after the first of this year our online relationship heated up. Positive things were happening in my life that I believed he had a lot to do with. Among other things my writing improved to the point that people were noticing. I began to believe that he and I had shared at least two of the past lives that I have a memory of. Details fit like a glove. I even convinced myself that we are twin flame soulmates because our minds were so in tune with each other. I never gave any thought to the possibility that his training just might have had something to do with that.

Wow what a man! I gave him full credit for the changes in my life. It was never him! The changes were due to the hard work that I did myself. What it boils down to is I gave my power to him because I didn't believe in myself. Now I do and this phony relationship is over!

The final straw came today when I began reading the Scientology book, Self Analysis, written by the founder of the group. My "friend" had insisted I needed to read it to "fix myself". I didn't get far into this jewel before I realized it is, in my opinion at least, a bunch of Bull Shit. I also realized that the man was not far behind. He has been permanently dropped from my life. His idea of communication and friendship was pretty much his way or no way. It is no longer my way.

This experience led me to do a little research on the symptoms of giving your power away some of them are:
You doubt yourself
You look for approval and validation, giving the person the power to hurt you
You forget you know what you are doing and that you are good at it
You allow yourself to be intimadted
You do not honor and share your truth
You give up the right to be treated with respect

These things can be reversed when you:
Learn to say NO and mean it
Stand up for yourself
Ask for what you need and want
Spend time with people who are truly supportive and considerate
Believe in yourself without attachment to anyone else

I do realize that I have no one to blame but myself for the things that happened and hopefully I will never have to go through another experience like this one again.







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