2022

Last day of 2022, thank goodness! Perhaps 2023 will be a better year for everyone. I am grateful that I haven't even had a cold, which is more than a lot of people can say. I an starting off the new year with a better car, thanks to my oldest son. I no longer have to worry that I will have car trouble on the way to the grocery store. Financially, things are okay. They could be better, of course, but I don't owe anyone anything. That's a lot more than most people can say. I am beginning the new year wishing I had a new job of some kind. It's not the money so much as something to do. Boredom is never fun. Whatever happens happens in the new year!

Enough

For the last two days the internet has been going off and on. It is more than annoying! I'm getting tired of seeing that stupid red light. It makes me angry that I have to pay the bill whether I have service or not. Perhaps sometime today it will be fixed. One can always hope.

 

Move here move here

On this Christmas day I notice that unlike the weather in most of the U.S. it is 53 degrees out there and a little windy. So far we haven't had snow, even though it has been predicted. Except for the empty buildings along the main streets, it is the perfect place to live/retire. Granted the two major employers are Walmart and the prisons, but if you are retired so what! I don't get why people aren't moving here. It is less than 100 miles from Albuquerque with a ton of tourist attractions in every direction. So my question is- why not move here? Oh and there are also a ton of vacant houses just waiting.

First time

Since my oldest son was born on Christmas morning this is the first time he has saved his birthday gift for the 25th. I gave him a veggie slicer with a bunch of blades. He likes to cook and I have watched him struggle to slice things up. This should make things easier. I cooked Cornish game hens last night and he is doing a ham today. It's pretty quiet, but his dog makes up for the lack of noise. 

Merry Christmas to whomever stops by to check things out. I'm sure it won't be family members.  

Checking things out

My son and I went to the animal shelter's open house today to see what they were offering. We were thinking that maybe getting a smaller dog as a companion for his rather large dog might settle him down. I didn't really see anything that turned me on. There were some white kittens about 2 months old that were waiting for a thumbs up from the visiting vet. I may go back after Christmas when they should be available for adoption. 

Something Different

Looking for a new Kindle I chose "Killing Kennedy" by Bill O'Reilly. I got tired of the fiction I had been reading and wanted something different to end the year. Of course I know exactly where I was when I heard the news that the president had been shot. I had a son almost the same age as John John. The book began with the amazing similarities between Lincoln and Kennedy's death. Some I knew, some I had forgotten. I am very happy that I chose to read this book. I am sure it will bring back many memories. One sentence stood out in this book. It was, " Life ends with the breathing of one breath."

Last pie of the year

My last pie this year is apple, made with the last of my frozen apples. It almost wasn't, due to my son's dog, Cody. I placed the pie in the middle of the kitchen table, where I thought it would be safe to cool. Wrong! I heard some strange noise and went to check on it. Cody had pulled the pie to the edge of the table and was about to chomp into it- hot or not! He seems to think anything that will fit into his mouth is food.The pie is now cooling where he can't reach it!

Vitamin D

Interesting what you learn just talking to people. After a conversation with my chiropractor this morning I decided to again start taking the big container of vitamin D my doctor suggested. I keep hearing everyone is low on this vitamin. My chiropractor said it is the reason COVID spread so fast. That makes a lot of sense to me. Stay inside your house was the advice most heard when the virus started. No wonder people are low on vitamin D. As I said, it makes sense to me!

Don't count your chickens...

Interesting day so far. I had plans to drop off some fudge for a friend and go to the grocery store. not going to happen! My automatic key wouldn't open any door on my car. My son asked what was wrong and I shared the news with him. He tried with the same result. I asked him to give me a ride. When we came back he checked the battery on my car. He  managed to gt it out and said it was in bad shape. He took it to town to have it checked out. I imagine my debit card will have another charge on it! I hope this is the last money I will need to spend on the car.

I am grateful the battery decided to die at home in the garage and not in town. I am also grateful my son was home to take care of the problem. With any luck at all this is what caused the doors not to open.

Moving on

Considering what is going on with the royals in England I guess I shouldn't be upset that my daughter hasn't spoken to me since 2011 and just moved to another State, at least it wasn't another country! No matter the shit one puts up with as a parent, it never seems to be enough according to the children.

New-starting over

Okay my new driver's license came today. They could have used last years picture but, oh well! It fits with my new car and 2023 license plate. This car is silver and Daves Paint and Auto did a great job touching up the paint that the sun had destroyed. It looks like a new car!

An expensive month

Wow the end of the year has been really expensive for me. Although my son gave me a car to replace the one I had been trying to drive I had to pay the registration fee and have some sun damage painted on the driver's side of the new car. I shelled out over two thousand dollars including what it cost fixing the old car. It is all a good thing though. I ended up with a much better car and gave the old one to my son to use as a tax right off.

At the end of the year I have been able to pay for everything and owe nobody. That's not bad for someone who basically lives on Social Security! Even though most of my family (except for my oldest son) has pretty much treated me as if I don't exist I have decided I don't rally need them for anything.

Looking forward to the benefits of a new life in 2023.

Happy birthday

My son brought me a surprise early birthday gift from Albuquerque today. A new car! Well it isn't new, but it is new to me. It is in excellent condition, unlike the one I have been trying to drive. Tomorrow we have an appointment with the MVD to get the paper work taken care of for the new license. I am turning over the old car to my son so he can use it as a tax write off. It's only fair! Needless to say this is the best birthday gift I have ever received. It was worth it to live 85 years. Well not until Friday, but who is counting?

A step ahead

Today I put my snowmen, that I have collected over the years, out for all to see. Well it is just me and my son, but oh well! I had to be careful where I placed things this year because of my son's new dog. He eats anything that he thinks is food! Hopefully he will grow out of that habit. I didn't put the table top tree up this year because of Cody. I would feel terrible if he ate the little ornaments.The blanket I ordered for him finally came today. It was so disappointing that I ordered a non-distractable chew toy for him too. This is, after all, his first Christmas!

Family matters

My family has really shrunk in recent years. I have three great grandchildren: Frank David 12, Layla 10 and Juliet 5. I haven't even seen a picture of the older two in four years because their mother has ceased to communicate with me. Then there are my second son, David and my daughter, Christina who also don't think I exist. It does save on Christmas gifts! That only leaves my oldest son, Jeffrey and my youngest great granddaughter, Juliet!

A small town

I like living in a small town. I get the best service around! I have my car at Dave's Body Shop.I just called to see if it would be ready today. I was told no because they ran out of paint. Because Dave promised me it would be ready today he said he will work tomorrow to get it finished.That wouldn't happen in a big city. Let's hear it for small towns!

Another lost and found jewel

This piece is by Helen Mallicoat and is titled "I Am"

I was regretting the past and fearing the future.

Suddenly my Lord was speaking:

"My name is I Am."

He paused. I waited. He continued,

When you live in the past with its mistakes and regrets,

It is hard. I am not there. My name is not I Was.

When you live in the future, with its problems and fears, 

It is hard. I am not there.My name is not I Will Be.

When you live in this moment, it is not hard. I am here. 

My name is I Am.

A forgotten poem

A limb has fallen from the family tree.

I keep hearing a voice that says, "Grieve not for me".

Remember the best times, the laughter, the song.

The good life I lived while I was strong.

Continue my heritage, I'm counting on you.

Keep smiling and surely the sun will shine through.

My mind is at ease, my soul is at rest.

Remembering all, how I truly was blessed.

Continue traditions, no matter how small.

Go on with your life, don't worry about falls.

I miss you all dearly, so keep up your chin.

Until the day comes we're together again.

I found this poem in a saved place and wanted to share it for those who have lost someone dear to them in recent years. There was no title nor author.

Lost and found

I found the following mantra in "The Book of Ruins" the other day and thought it was worth sharing. Following my intuition, I have been repeating it daily.

You are the source of all power,

Whose rays illuminate the world,

Illuminate also my heart,

So it too can do your work.

Another place

On October 24th I ordered a pair of computer glasses from Eyemart  Express in Albuquerque. Last Wednesday I called them to find out why I hadn't received the glasses. They were supposed to be mailed. I was told they broke the frame I provided. One would think that sometime during the three weeks someone could have let me know. I was told to call back on Friday when the manager would be there. After two holds on the phone I finally spoke to him. I told him I ordered the glasses from somewhere else and wanted a refund. It appeared on my credit account the next day. I will never go to this establishment again!

In the meantime I picked out an inexpensive frame and ordered the glasses from Walmart Vision Center on Coors, in Albuquerque. I was impressed and grateful for the help of the clerk.. If I ever need another pair of glasses this is where I will go. Great service!

Good guess

My son just got the DNA results for his new dog. Even though he is big, I kept saying that I would be very surprised if he wasn't at least part pit bull. I was right! He likes to dig holes and stick his nose in like he is looking for something. The dog goes in for his shots this morning. I will be happy to learn exactly how old he is. He was supposed to be born in July, but I think he is older. We will see! He was abandoned and picked up by the shelter.

Cody was bon in June and weighs about 40 lbs. He is mostly American Pitt Bull and Australian Sheep Dog.I guess we will just have to put up with his annoying habits and remember that he is actually a puppy.

Who is in charge?

This morning I had two bills to pay, one to mail and one to put in a drop box. I also wanted to find the body shop I need to take my car to in the morning. I drove right past the body shop on the way to the Post Office. When I got there I discovered it was closed off and the mail boxes were not being used. So I turned around and found the body shop. 

I then drove up another street and put the bill in a drop box on the way to the grocery store. I always forget this one on the way home. One down, two o go!

Next stop was the grocery store. I was having trouble reading labels because of the dark glasses I forget to change before going in. I asked a man for help to find a needed product. I realized asking for help is a good thing!

As I was putting my groceries in my car a man asked if he could take my cart back with his. Of course, I thanked him. As I was leaing the parking lot I noticed a mail box that I never use. I stopped and mailed my bill. I wondered why I didn't use this box more often instead of driving into town? 

So it was an interesting morning with many lessons learned. Everything got done, just not the way I had planned. I wonder who was in charge of the adventure?

How much?

I decided to take my hurt car to a local body shop to see how much it would cost to fix it as opposed to getting another car. I was told to come in Monday morning for an estimate. Since I don't drive the car very far I think that may be a better option. I did discover today that all the lights work, except the headlight that no longer exists. 

Gratitude

I took my first trip in my sick car. First stop was for my physical therapy appointment. I let the people know that next week would be my last appointments. I decided that I can pretty much do most of the exercises at home. It just takes determination not gas in my car.

As I finished up and drove down the street I pasted a gas station, but didn't stop because it was busy. I continued to the grocery store and decided to get gas on my way home. I thought it was pretty funny that as I pulled up at the gas station a light came on that said "gas empty". Okay then I guess you know what my last decision was!

Considering that I was driving a car that most likely should have stayed in the garage, I found myself repeating, "I am grateful" all the way home.

I need a new hobby

Over the years I have spent a lot of time working on hobbies. Knitting, crocheting, sewing, painting, adult coloring books, photography and writing just to name a few. Most projects have been given away. Now I am looking for something new to do with my time. I would like it to be something that will help others somehow. I have no clue what that will be. Thinking thinking thinking!

A new month

 Well so far November is not starting out very well! I woke this morning with a serious balance problem. Since it was a physical therapy day I was considering not going, but reconsidered later. There were very few people there, but I kept watching a guy many years younger than I am. He was having problems doing the same exercises that I was doing. I wasn't having that much of a problem. When I left and got a half a block away I had the only car accident I have ever had. Unfortunately, I only have liability insurance on my car. so I am looking for a replacement as it would cost more than the car is worth to fix it.

Next, before I made a call to the insurance company to check on the claim, I took my left hearing aid out because it makes a strange noise during a phone call. Later on I couldn't find it. I accused my son's dog of eating it. I looked everywhere! I finally found it in the container I keep them in. I apologized to the dog! 

Now I am just looking for a replacement for the car. I hope the rest of the month turns out better than the beginning of this one!

Happy Halloween!

 Since I no longer get trick or treaters I have to rely on past memories. I really don't remember what costumes my three kids wore, but my daughter had some great ideas for my grandson. One of my favorites is dressed up as a dog.

And then there was my second favorite-

It's good to have memories of the past when the present changes.

In and out

I really don't like doing these exercises, but I hope the end result is worth the effort. I look around at people younger than I am and ask myself, what happened to you? I have no desire to end up in a wheelchair or using a walker or cane, if I can help it. I can either ignore the exercises or do them. The choice is mine.

Wrong guess

I guess I can't always be right. After an appointment with my eye doctor it was determined that my last glasses were made as prescribed..Apparently it was all in my mind that it was the cause of my problem with balance. My physical therapist was right. It is no doubt due to weakness. As I believe I have mentioned before, I have used this therapist for various problems in the past. It looks as if it is up to to me to put in the work to solve the current problem.

Trying

I have survived three therapy sessions- whew! I am also trying to do as much as I can with the home exercises plus using my exercise bike. I sure hope when I finish this routine I will see some improvement!

Everything is sore at the moment, but I suppose that's to be expected. At least the therapy people are nice. 

My son's dog, Cody, is adjusting- well sort of. I have to keep reminding myself that even though he is big, he is a puppy. 

Things are moving along in a positive direction. I just need to try to be patient while waiting for the results.

Detemined

I am determined that the therapy and new at home exercises will lead to better balance. I also vowed to use my exercise bike six minutes a day to prepare for easier therapy. Not sure what is going to happen but I am determined to do my part.

Change

It seems it is time for change in my life. The question is will I accept it? First my dog Ejay , who died recently, has been replaced by a long legged male, now named Cody. He actually belongs to my son, well as soon as he pays the $50 to the animal shelter! They are both still adjusting. Cody is friendly enough, but I don't think he knows how big he is.

Next I have gone back to physical therapy to try to gain better balance. I had my first session yesterday and I was surprised at how much work I was expected to do. My therapist thinks the problem is weakness. Could be, as I spend way too much time sitting in front of my computer and reading my Kindle.

Anyway those are the current changes in my life. I can either accept them or not.

Passive aggressive personality

When you ask enough questions you get answers.Since 2010 my adult daughter has refused to communicate. Of course I have blamed myself and wondered exactly what I did to cause this to happen. This morning I ran across some information that hit the nail on the head. It appears the problem is hers not mine. The traits of passive aggressive fit her to a tee. I am wondering why it took me 12 years to figure it out. There is not much I can do about it as she moved to another state a couple of months ago without telling me. Twice during that time Fedex has left packages for her at my address and I don't know why. She hasn't lived at my address since she graduated from high school in 1997. This time I have no choice but to put them in the trash, as I have no forwarding address. The first time I managed to repackage the shipment and give it to a former friend of her husband's to mail to her. She didn't even have the courtesy to reimburse the person for the mailing cost. That pretty much shows what kind of a person she is now.

Since I am now convinced that she has a passive aggressive problem I am done. At my age I don't have time for this.

Cody

Sierra was replaced by a four month old male, to be named Cody. He has a good disposition, but needs a lot of training. He is also very stubborn. I told my son that he isn't going to be trained if he just sits at his computer and ignores the dog. We will see what happens next.

Decision Day

Tomorrow will be a week since Sierra became a member of our family. Tomorrow my son needs to go to the shelter and either pay for her or take her back. She has some habits that really need to be fixed. For one, she likes to sleep under my son's bed. There is no explanation for that. Her other habit of chewing on anything within her range is getting on my nerves.I am getting tired of having to close doors to keep her out of trash cans. It will be interesting to see what happens tomorrow..

New pet

My son decided he wanted to adopt a new dog to be a companion on his hiking/camping trips. We stopped by the animal shelter a couple days ago and he fell in love with one that appears to be at least part Shepard. He brought her home for a trial and has decided to keep her. He changed her name to Sierra which was a much better fit than Penny. She came from a hoarder who had 27 dogs. Her only problem is that she grabs anything that isn't bolted down and claims it as hers.I am suggesting my son look for a local dog trainer before he takes her too far away.

New book

 I just finished reading the Kindle book, Sunset on Whisling Island by Julia Clemons. I am always amazed at the books I am led to read. This one was about three women dealing with the possibility of divorce. Each had been married for a different length of time, The details in the book caused many memories to pop up in my mind.The book also caused me to realize that everyone has their own set of struggles and how they handle them are unique. I love the last line of the book which read, "After every sunset comes a sunrise".

Leave a name

 I spent some time today making sure that all the pictures I have taken and the sketches I have done have my name on the back. I don't consider myself a great photographer or an artist, but I have produced some really nice pieces over the years. I even have some that my young grandson did and one creative piece that my daughter gave me. This idea began when I remembered that I have a box of photos, which I believe came from my step grandfather. They are mostly from Alaska, where I was born. The problem is that I don't know who the people in the pictures are. Once a person is no longer alive it is hard to ask that question! 

Finally 21

My youngest grandson finally reached the old age of 21. It is interesting all the things I have done for him that he now refuses to remember. Oh well that's life. Happy 21st birthday Colin. This is the very first picture I took of him.

A Mouse?

Interesting things happen at our house lately. We recently resorted to Raid to try to kill fruit flies that were invading the kitchen from bananas. It was disgusting! The other night I removed things I didn't want to have to wash and included the perishable things like bread and bagels. They were put on the back porch overnight. Then my son sprayed everything with Raid Flying Insect Killer before he went to bed. It did get rid of most of the bugs, but we decided we needed to do it again the next night.

The first morning I noticed that muffins that had been placed in a plastic bag had been chewed on and one bagel was missing. Since we had recently screened in the back porch it had to be something that came up from under the house. At first I thought it was mice, but couldn't figure out how they could take off with the plastic wrapped bagel. Also the table everything was sitting on has metal legs. This morning we decided it must have been a cat that somehow got under the porch from the other side of the house. 

Next project, is to cover the only small space left between the house and the porch so it will be safe from small animals crawling in. Pretty sure it wasn't a mouse after all!

Friends

Last night my son and I invited a couple of friends for dinner. He likes to cook and so do I. He grilled       ribs and corn on the cob and I made a jello salad and a peanut butter cream pie. Everything was delicious. It gave us a chance to entertain on our newly screened in back porch. Everything was going well until we began to hear thunder and the sky got dark.

Seeing the future

Recently a friend made the comment that perhaps I needed a new doctor. I didn't think too much about that until today. I got a call from my provider's office. I was told I had an appointment with my PA. I wasn't aware of it. Today I got another call telling me it was a mistake and it was just to let me know the results of blood tests I had last month. Everything was fine. 

During the call it was confirmed that my PA was leaving at the end of the month. It was suggested that I choose another provider. I said fine, but I wanted an MD this time. I didn't think too much about it until later when I recalled what my friend had suggested. I got a new doctor after all and I hadn't even planned on it! We will both be waiting for the results of my MRI from 9/14/22.

 

Another birthday

43 years ago today I spent a day and a half in Presbyterian hospital in Albuquerque giving birth to my only daughter, Christina Marie. Although she has not spoken to me for over ten years, I remember all the things I did for her along the way. She recently moved to another state, giving me no information where she is now located. So today I just wish her a happy birthday, wherever she is now.

It could happen

For the first time in her five years of life a birthday gift I sent my youngest great granddaughter appeared on her mother's Facebook post. It even contained a picture of her opening the gift. Yea! Happy birthday Juliet!

 

Time to stop

For several years I have tried to keep a Facebook group going, but I think it is time to call it quits. I have changed the title and focus and members and nothing works. There is so little participation that has become frustrating. Over the years I have organized several groups and they never seem to last. Apparently I have misunderstood my purpose.It looks like it's time to regroup and try something else.

Relatives

I was just informed that my sixth great paternal grandmother was a member of the Mayflower Descendants Society. although I didn't know her, as she lived from 1685-1769, it is pretty cool. There are many things that I don't know about my former relatives and probably will never know. It's kind of late when everyone is deceased. I have a lot of unanswered questions.

I find it strange that I often find a relationship with friends closer than biological relatives. Perhaps it's true that we are all connected in one way or the other.

A question to ponder

 If God made everyone in his image doesn't that mean that we all have a little bit of the creator in us?

Experience is the best teacher

I just finished reading Dr. Steven Hairfield's book, "Interview With An American Monk". Written in 2004, it is now out of print. I found a copy anyway!

There was one quote that stood out for me. It was, "The soul reason for the creation of the body was to obtain experience, so it would have knowledge, wisdom not theory." I have often thought of my life as a smorgasbord of experiences to be shared with others. 

Another thing in the book that I agreed with is that we never die.We live many lives in different bodies. That's kind of cool when you think about it. I'm not sure I would want to start over as a baby though! Apparently that's the only way that would work.

Life is expensive

The last few weeks have been really expensive for me. It started with a huge last bill for my dog and ended with an even higher outlay for home renovations. At least it is all done. I am grateful that I had the money to take care of everything and that my oldest son helped with the work that needed to be done. Most of my family doesn't give a damn what my needs are. Oh well, I did my part and they are all now adults and can take care of themselves.

It never ends

After getting the gravel in place in the front yard and the driveway I thought we could take a financial break. No way I guess. The work on the guest bathroom begins tomorrow. It is a whole lot more expensive than I thought it would be. When the old surround is removed it is expected there will be mold. Yuck! It is something we have to do because it will just get worse.

Today my son told me he had ordered the things it will take to screen in the back porch. We had talked about it, but I wasn't aware he actually planned to do it. It will be really nice to keep the bugs out. I will have to relocate the hummingbird feeder though. Change is good I guess!

One step at a time

We got the gravel spread in the front yard and new stepping stones set up. Still a little more work to do to right everything, but it looks good. Next step is to burn the huge piles of trash that had built up along the back fence. My son has been busy getting it ready and picked up a fire permit from the Fire Marshal for tomorrow. The rest of the gravel for the driveway comes Monday. It is really good to get all the junk taken care of. A little dead tree was also removed, making it easier for my son to get his camper in and out. Everything will be taken care of, one step at a time. It's like starting out brand new!

Interesting news

My son, who has lived with me for several years, told me last night that he has been thinking about getting a dog for company as he travels in his camper. I have been missing Ejay , but I don't think I want another dog. I just can't afford it. My main income is Social Security. Possibly a mature cat might work. The news of what my son is thinking caused me to put off any decisions. He is thinking of a medium size dog. I suggested he hold off until we get the driveway gravel in and the pile of weeds from the back fence taken care of. Then a larger dog would have the run of the big yard. Maybe he might keep the yapping dog from next door quiet!

Goodbye Ejay

Last night we had to take my dog, Ejay, to the 24 hour vet in Albuquerque. He saw his usual doctor on Friday and was given an antibiotic and pain pills. The doctor really had no idea what was wrong. Saturday was Ejay's last day on earth. He had suffered several seizures and could barely walk by this time. He was diagnosed with a brain tumor that would probably get worse. I was given the option of having an MRI done, but living mostly on Social Security, I really couldn't afford it. I couldn't stand for him to have any more seizures so with the help of my son we chose to have him euthanized.

This may sound stupid but I keep thinking of his last meal that he ate before making the trip to the vet. He had cut up pork roast, spinach and his dog food. Oh and he begged for some of my meat too. At least he had a good last meal! I hope we made the best decision for him and that he is now at peace. He was a really good dog and lived for ten plus years. I wish I had been more patient with him though.

 

Where there is a will there is a way

Over a month ago Fedex delivered a package to my address that was for my daughter, who moved without notice recently. Why it came to my address I still do not know. I have asked her friends and relatives for a forwarding address with no luck. Apparently they do not care to get involved. Well that sucks. I finally opened the package to see if there was a return slip enclosed. There wasn't.

Now I had a package that needed to be repackaged for mailing, even if I had an address. Last week I was told an employee where my son-in-law worked was still in contact with him. I asked if she could get me their current address. While I was waiting I re-wrapped the item ready to mail if I ever got an address. This morning I took the new package to the place of employment and dropped it off. I decided I really don't need the address after all. I could just let the employee pay for the postage. 

Now it is out of my hands and out of my house. It is now some one else's problem. I am through being treated as if I don't exist! I mean listening to her speak at her father's memorial and not even bother to mention that we had been married for 27 years should have been enough.

The End

I think I am getting tired of writing this blog with nobody responding. Perhaps it is time to let it go?

I am sick of this garbage.

I am wondering if all this shit will stop while I am still alive. It is unbelievable what people are getting by with. It doesn't matter if you are the president of the U.S. or a garbage man. If you did it you need to pay for it! It is bad we are having to deal with forest fires and floods, a virus that won't go away and an unending surge of prices everywhere we look. Do we really have to put up with the lies people seem to get by with too? 

A step in the right direction

This morning I saw a FB post by my granddaughter-in-law, who is currently separated from my grandson. She wrote_ "9 years ago. Some people never really change." Her post caused me to respond- "Sometimes things are very clear and we refuse to see them."

Awhile later this interaction caused me to think about my past relationships with my two ex-husbands.

The first one occurred in 1959 and lasted 13 years. He was a serial cheater and I refused to see it. His best friend told me, "good luck". I should have listened! The jerk even tried to date one of my brides maids before our wedding. There are none so blind as those who refuse to see.

My second experience occurred in 1972 and lasted 27 years. Talk about blind! I knew he drank, we met in a bar for crying out loud! I told him not to drink before our ceremony. Seriously! As the Priest said you may kiss your bride I smelled the evidence- but it was too late. 27 years later I finally got fed up with his drinking and especially his lies!

Family ties

 After both of my cats died this past year I was feeling a bit sad. I still have my dog, Ejay, who was ten in February. At last count I also had a half dozen humming birds who depend on me for food. Lately there has been a cat, who my son thinks is about 6 months old, hanging around my house. He has been sleeping in the dog house. Yesterday I decided I might as well buy some cat food because it looked like he was more than a little bit hungry. I had to tell Ejay that the cat is staying outside so he doesn't have to worry. I just feel since it chose me it is my job to feed him/her.

A professional opinion

Well today I have an appointment with a podiatrist to see what is going on with my feet.I am still thinking it has something to do with the spinal stenosis I was diagnosed with several years ago, but we will see. My dog, Ejay is not a happy pup right now. His doctor detected an ear infection so he has to have medication in his right ear for several more days. Hopefully that will do it and he will be pain free. 

I finally found a doctor who uses his brain. After discussing my foot problem with him he ordered a uric acid blood test. About time! He had his doubts that it was gout. So we will see! He also said to drink more water because it washes the uric acid out.

Small Towns

I really like living in a small town. I have decided that reputation counts. I have lived here since 1980. Twice recently I have needed a repairman and one popped up almost immediately. First I needed an appliance repairman for my oven that decided not to heat. I called someone I knew from years ago and my oven was fixed within the day. This morning I discovered that one of my toilets was not flushing. There wasn't even any water in the tank. Without even thinking about it I called the number for the local plumber I have used for years. Again, within the day the problem was solved. I am sure these problems would have been put on hold for perhaps days in a large town where nobody knew me. Again I am grateful that I live in a small town.

Up We Go

My online group increased by five in a couple of days. Apparently I made the right move by inviting people to join. I celebrated today by making a pot of homemade beef soup. I have been wanting soup, but the prices are outrageous. So I decided to make my own. I can hardly wait to see what happens tomorrow!

 

 

A New Idea

Interesting what can happen when one follows their intuition. I have been having problems encouraging the members of my online group, "Answer This", to participate. I was really on the verge of shutting it down. Then an idea popped up. I decided to send invitations to join to several people. As of this morning the group has four new members and I am really expecting more to accept my invite.

I have always loved the quote- there is more than one way to skin a cat!

 

Memorial Day

 Another one of those special holidays that I spend alone, with my dog.

Again?

 Yup! I have another gout attack. This is getting very tiresome! I have an appointment with a podiatrist soon, but Other than confirming what is going on It probably won't prove much. Apparently it is a form of  arthritis. No surprise there. According to my chiropractor my body is full of it. That's the fun of getting older.

Interesing developments

It seems that life is full of surprises! In checking on my bank statement this morning I discovered that There was a deposit of $250. Not sure where that came from. It looks like it was a tax refund of some kind. Whatever I am keeping it. It makes up for the crap I have received from insurance companies I have canceled this month. Apparently you don't pay premiums in advance and not only do they not owe me a refund, I owe them. I am not going to fight them, it is not worth the battle. I am sick of dealing with companies! Starting June 1 I will begin again.

The birds

A couple of days ago I put out the hummingbird feeder in hopes of attracting some customers. Well, it worked! The problem is it also attracted some bigger birds that are stealing the hummingbird food. I feel bad for the poor little birds. They not only have to fight the wind, but intruders, for their food. Maybe if I toss some birdseed on the ground that might take care of the problem. It is worth a try I guess! 

Grants,NM

 I have been reading  the Kindle book, "The Darling Songbirds". It is about a small Western ton that is slowly dying. It reminded me of the town I live in, Grants,NM. I moved to Grants in 1980 and I have seen a lot of ups and downs.It became famous for its uranium, among other things over the years. As I look around today there are numerous empty buildings. People just can't stay in business with all that the pandemic has brought in its wake. 

The one good thing I have always noticed is that we really have great weather. Even though the rest of the state seems to be dealing with fires, we are not. We also do not have tornadoes, hurricanes or earthquakes. It just seems like a really safe place to live. I originally found it a little difficult to get used to, as it is mostly made up of Spanish and Native American residents.

I am not sure what will happen in the book I am reading or what will happen to Grants, but as the saying goes, whatever will be will be. I can't afford to move.

Doctors aren't always right

I think sometimes you just have to go with your intuition and disregard what the doctors say. Over Easter I struggled with what the professionals thought was gout. I ended up with a $64 prescription for gout medication. It sort of worked after taking it for a week. Everything seemed to be okay for a couple of weeks. Then last week the pain came back so bad in my foot I had to use a cane in the morning. I again took the medication for a couple of days and it didn't get better. If anything it got worse and the pharmacist told me if it caused diarrhea to stop taking it. It did and I did! 

I decided to try neuropathy cream and got it in one day. After only two days I was pain free.

I have come to the conclusion that I probably never had gout at all, even though that's what the doctors decided. I am convinced it was a combination of arthritis and neuropathy. I could be wrong, but I am going by what worked.

If not for you

 

If not for you I would not be here to be a mother of three.

 

Gertrude Ione Johnston- mother 1911

Beatrix Kate Fowler-grandmother 1884

Laura Marie Laviolette-grandmother 1891

Arianna Kinkaid Wyman-great grandmother

Elena Davis-great grandmother 1863

Ruth Ford-great grandmother 1866

Clarissa Destree- great grandmother 1853

 

Thank you!

Mother's Day

Mother's Day for me has pretty much been like any other day of the year. It is sort of like my birthday, nobody ever made it special. There is one Mother's Day that stands out in my memory though.

It was the first year my daughter became a mother. Since my grandson was born in September he was eight months old on this occasion. We decided to go to Albuquerque to take in a concert on the grounds of the zoo. I remember being spread out on the grass sitting on a blanket and enjoying the music. Later we stopped by to say hello to some of the animals. I suspect that is the part my grandson liked best! 

Happy Mother's Day to my followers. I hope you have at least one special day to remember.

Dreams

A member of my online group, "Answer This" asked the question, "When do you give up on your dreams? After giving it much thought, the following is my answer.

I have always felt bad that I do not remember any dreams I had for my future, as a child. I probably had some, I just don’t remember them. Graduating from high school in 1956 I had no idea what I was supposed to do with my life. My mother pretty much put a damper on the idea of college. She thought it was only necessary for a female if she wanted a career. So much for that idea.

It looked like my only option was to get married. So at 23 I was married and had a son, followed by another five years later. Deciding I didn’t need to be married to a womanizing jackass I filed for divorce after thirteen years of putting up with the jerk. One would think I had learned a life lesson but, I soon married again and seven years later gave birth to my only daughter. Apparently I must have done something right as all three are now adults. None of them have ever been arrested or used drugs, as far as I know. They went on to lead their own lives.

Another divorce followed. I guess the only dream I have ever had was to become a writer. I had to wait for all that other nonsense to be over to accomplish that. Free at last, of a husband and the responsibility of children I began my life as a columnist for our local newspaper. Who knew I could write? I sure didn’t!

As the years went by I published two hard cover books, now out of print, and four Kindle books, on Amazon. I am in the process of turning the best of the bunch into paperback books. I find it very strange that I have never cared if my writing made money. My purpose in writing is to share my experiences so that others facing similar challenges might benefit.

There is one unfulfilled dream that I have though. I have always felt that my writing would attract a soul who knew me as well or better than I know myself. Since my life is not over, I am still waiting for that to happen.

 

After digesting my answer for awhile I realized something. My children are no longer my responsibility! Damn it took me long enough to get that!!

Was it worth it?

Thinking about my life this morning I am wondering if it was worth it. I was married to two different men for a total of forty years. Both relationships ended in divorce and both partners are now deceased.Neither marriage is what I would call good. I never found what I was looking for in either partner.

The relationships did add to the future by producing children. My two marriages produced three children, who in turn produced four children, who at last count produced three children. So I suppose one could say if it were not for me there might be ten less children in this crazy world. The odd thing is that of those ten children only three are still speaking to me, which is why I am asking myself- was it worth it?

A stitch in time

Wow sometimes it pays to follow that intuition. I recently received a notice from my supplement insurance company that my plan is going up again, starting in July. This happens every year. It would be costing me $258 every month until my Medicare deductible is met. I thought, what the hell! I rarely go to the doctor and only take blood pressure medication.I decided to check out what else is available. I got a phone call back from an agent and after a long phone call we were able to get the monthly premium down to $157. Same company and same plan. Answering all those questions was worth the stress and I am very happy I once again listened to my intuition!.

Thank you

Today is the first time in over two weeks that I have been able to wear a pair of regular shoes. Gout is an ugly word and very painful. Unfortunately the attack happened over a holiday weekend so I had to wait to get an appointment with my primary care person. Unless something else happens this will probably be the last day I will need to take the prescribed medicine. Perhaps this attack was to remind me to take care of myself first.

Messages

Every now and then I get a message in the middle of something I am reading or even in a podcast offered by a friend. These are the latest.

You have to manage what you can control instead of worrying about what you can't.

You learn from the past to shape your future.

When you have pain try to figure out what it is teaching you instead of wondering why you have it. 

What you believe about yourself matters more than what others think of you.

That's all for today. I guess that's enough to think about!

 

Friends

I shared the previous post on Facebook and was surprised at the number of friends who offered supportive comments. I have decided that friends are just as important as family members and often stick around when the going gets tough. Probably because they have dealt with a similar situation. Because of social media I have had many friends for over 20 years. I not only know the names of their children and grandchildren, but recognize their pets! 

News

I just found out though a third party that my daughter and her family packed up and moved to another State. They have lived around the corner from me for years and she hasn't spoken to me for 12 years. Life is all about choices. I hope the choice you have made is good for you, Christina. I did my part by giving birth to you!

 

Are you serious?

I have been a member of Ancestry.com for several years. I can't believe what they get by with. I have been checking on my ethnicity for some time and it makes me laugh. Since 1920 it has listed Scotland as a major source of ancestors. For the life of me I don't know where they came from. Yesterday the count went down to 11%, putting England and NW Europe in first place with 21% and Sweden in second place with 17%. That's actually more like it! 

The other thing that really makes me angry is the people who claim a relationship just because Ancestry says so. In my own family I apparently have a niece whose father was supposed to be my brother. He is now deceased and knew nothing of her existence. There is also a rather pushy lady who claims my grandmother gave birth to her father and put him up for adoption. I am not even touching that one, even though she has glomed onto all my pictures etc. and relatives, claiming them to be hers. Both of these people had there very own relatives before Ancestry got involved. How many families does one person need I wonder?   

I think Ancestry.com needs to get their act together and stop interfering with people's lives.

Happy Easter

Happy Easter to my followers. I hope today is the beginning of something good in your lives. I don't know about you but I think it is time for that to happen!

Pain is pain

Well I have been here before. For the last 10 days or so I have had severe pain in my left foot. At times I have had to use a cane to get around. I have had two appointments with my chiropractor to see if the pain was being caused by something in my upper leg or back. It was determined that it was probably gout. I tried getting a walk in appointment with my provider, but nothing was available. Being a holiday weekend, my only option was a visit to the ER. As I pulled in to the parking lot I noticed a couple of handicap spaces near the entrance. I also remembered that I had a temporary placard from the MVD. When it came in the mail I was thinking I wonder why they sent it. Anyway, my foot hurt and I thought- why not! I placed it on the dash and went inside.

A very nice young orderly directed me to a seat in the hallway. Since it was just my foot I really didn't need a room. After I was seen by the doctor she agreed it was a flareup of gout. I was given two colchicne pills and another to take in an hour. That was it! I was then released 

This morning there is still pain and the swelling is down, but I assume it will get better in time. I was glad I followed my chiropractor's advice.

Interesting question

Something I spotted on Facebook. In your next life would you like your same parents? My answer would be no. I would like a different set who would offer me new challenges. I think that thought would also include siblings and children I might have. I believe the purpose of each life is to grow. Starting over with the same set of parents wouldn't really allow that growth.

One thing leads to another

This morning my neighbor wrote a Facebook post stating that she was given a fine instead of a warning for having her brake light out. It reminded me of a time I followed my daughter home for a similar reason. Pulling up at her house she immediately ran up her stairs to avoid talking to me. I was able to yell- your tail light is out before she escaped into her house.

Don't judge

You just never know what will set someone off, even when you try to be nice.I sent a signed copy of my new book, "Adventures of a Chosen Messenger", to my youngest grandson. Not only did he send it back via my mailbox, He defaced the back page with a very nasty message, calling me all all sorts of names. Wow I hope that made him feel better! I was surprised that my reaction wasn't anger. It actually made me laugh. I am quite sure I know where his nastiness is coming from and it has nothing to do with me. 

Just this morning I found a fitting quote in a book I am reading. It was, "Things in my life were great to anyone looking at it from the outside". When you don't know all the facts- don't judge!

Above and Beyond

Today I am sharing the beginning excerpt from my first Kindle book, "Journey of an Enlightened Egotist". The book, published in 2011, is still available on Amazon.com

Most humans at some point during their life ponder why they are here and what happens when their physical body dies. I have done a lot of research during my recent journey and have come to some conclusions on this subject. I do not claim to have all the answers, just those that satisfy me.

One of the most important things I have learned is to keep my eyes and ears open and pay attention to the help the universe is making every effort to give me. Our human vision is what keeps us from accepting the necessary information to live the best life we can possibly live.

Whoever said "there is nothing to fear but fear itself" was right. We think up all kinds of reasons not to move out of our comfort zone. I am not good enough, smart enough or attractive enough. What would people think? So what if you fail, try again and again.

 

What is next?

Now that the pandemic is improving I am wondering if my life will go back to the way it was or will I take a different approach? In other words, did it teach me anything?

Number one I hope it taught me to be less fearful and accept things as they are and not as they could be. I think I have always had a negative view of my life. I have never expected anything big to happen. Guess what? That's pretty much what I got. Comparing my life with others during the last couple of years, I don't have a lot to complain about and I should remember that.

Perhaps I should float on my back down the stream of life and just see what happens next.

Spam

I wonder how many different ways these idiots think they can cheat people? In the last couple of weeks I got a fake phone call from Walmart telling me someone had charged $500 on my debit card, An email from a papal in Alaska saying an order for $896 had been shipped and an email from my Chiropractor saying my $300 something charges were ready, (I pay cash for visits and owe nothing). 

Seriously you jackass people get a life!! I am tired of dealing with you!

Good decision

 This time of year I like to publish something I wrote 23 years ago. Every time I hear a doctor suggesting people stop smoking I think about the best decision I have ever made.

 

            I KILLED MY BEST FRIEND

 

For a variety of reasons I grew up having very little self-esteem. When I graduated from high school I had no clue what I was supposed to do with the rest of my life. I had been an average student who finished school because it was expected. At 19 I was a very lonely person who desperately needed a best friend.

 

The friend I choose for the next forty years was three inches tall, smelled bad, controlled my life and led me in the direction of poor health. The relationship was what would be considered abusive today. At the beginning no one warned me of danger and in all those years nobody offered to help me let go of my destructive companion.

 

There were of course, those who shook their heads and fingers at me making rude comments about how disgusting this relationship was. They probably thought they were helping, but they only made me angry and caused me to stubbornly refuse to let go.

 

When I was 62 years old I looked in the mirror and did not like what I saw. I decided I did not deserve to be controlled by an object that could not possibly move from my hand to my mouth without my help. I realized I was the only one who could end the relationship and I have never been sorry that I did.

 

Believe me when I say, the only way you will successfully stop smoking or any other negative addiction is to become self centered and care about yourself. Whoever you are, believe that you are a valuable person who deserves the very best life has to offer.

 

There are many people around you who want to help. The hardest thing you have to do is learn to care about yourself and be willing to accept their help. I know from personal experience that once you do that the rest is a breeze.

 

Do you really want a best friend who is three inches tall, smells bad, controls your life and is leading you in the direction of poor health and perhaps death? If the answer is no, follow my example and give yourself permission to live the healthy life you deserve.

 

 

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Looking up

Looks like things are looking up. I had a chiropractic appointment this morning and nobody had a mask on. Sanitizing is still going on though, as it should be. If we could just get rid of the spam that is going on that would be great. Today I had both a phone call and an email that I tossed. It seems like the spam gets worse every day. I don't understand why anyone would want to participate in this garbage.

Time

Once again it is time for daylight savings time. In my opinion if the president wants to do something that everyone will thank him for- get rid of it! There is no further need for changing the time twice a year. No matter how you slice it there are 24 hours in a day.

Be that

While thinking about all the negative energy out there I ran across the following little bit. I decided to share it.

Be That
Be the things you loved about the people who are gone. It is so easy to dwell on the things we don't like about  people who have been in our life that I started thinking about the positive things I might have learned from them.

My mother for instance was a very negative soul, but she was hard working and very creative.

My father was what I have referred to as a milk toast person, but he was a very good cook.

My maternal grandmother was a very generous person and loved to help others.

My paternal grandfather was non-judgemental and looked for the good in others.

My paternal grandmother was also creative and seemed to care about her family.

An older woman, who some people called noisy because of her humor and her ability to laugh, became a really good friend.

I also have had a couple of male friends who may or may not be deceased, but are no longer in my life. I clearly saw the souls of both and although I know they wanted to help others grow, they both had unusual ways of doing so. They were apparently put in my life as teachers.

As I remember the positive energy that I have been offered by others I can see that it has had an influence on my life. I probably have, over the years, adopted the good things without even realizing it. Perhaps we should all look for the positives instead of the negatives in the lives of others.