Are you giving for the right reasons?

Today's post is another re-write on a previous one posted 12/11/10. The original title was "Giving/Helping can hurt." It began with the quote, "Helping others at our own expense is an act of selfishness. Martyrdom always has a hidden agenda."~David Roppo

I was recently reminded by a good friend, who has been busy reminding me of things lately, that sometimes people give to get a reward of some kind. It can even be a desperate attempt to buy love. The reason this resonated with me is because I have been the captain of that ship in the past. I recently abandoned it when I saw where it was going. Today I am the captain of a shinny new vessel with pristine white sails, billowing in the wind, carrying me to places I have yet to go. (thank you jt!)

When we spend our life offering unneeded help to another it is like saying, "You are not as worthy of love as I am., so I have to give you things and do things for you to make you as perfect as I believe I am: and then you will be so grateful you will shower me with undying love. See the problem there?

When the giver does not get recognition for the unwanted giving and helping a finger is pointed at the receiver, calling him/her ungrateful. Another finger is pointed at the giver by the receiver accusing him/her of self centered/controlling motives. This unfortunate circle of events has no winner and only creates negative energy for both participants.

Often the misguided giver is trying to make up for a lack of loving experiences from their own childhood, causing them to reach adulthood with a serious self esteem problem. The only cure is to practice practice practice self love. Of course, there is also the chance that some under educated soul will label them narcissistic. That's the chance one takes when the desire to grow outweighs the fear of what other people will think. 

As in the original post I am going to end with some wonderful words of wisdom from my peers:

I chose then based on what I knew then and will choose now based on what I have learned from the lessons.~Pj Samuels

As we think, we begin to feel; as we feel, we vibrate; when we vibrate, we start to attract exactly what we are resonating.~author John Holland

We wish to be self-sustained. We do not quite forgive a giver. The hand that feeds us is in some danger of being bitten.~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Think of giving not as a duty, but as a privilege.~John D. Rockefeller

I have found that among other benefits, giving liberates the soul of the giver.~Maya Angelou

No one has ever become poor by giving.~Anne Frank

Pure giving comes from the heart and expects no reward.~Barbara Gunn