Last chance

This is the last day of 2021, heading into another year of unknown adventures. March of 2020, when we learned of the virus, seems such a long time ago. We have been asked to believe things only fiction writers have put in their books. Perhaps it's time to just go with the flow? I am sure we are all tired of this garbage floating around in our lives. On the eve of yet another year maybe it is time to stop fighting and just have a little faith in what will be. We will either survive or we won't. Happy New Year to my readers.

#22

For months the number 22 has come up in my mind and I always notice when I see it, for instance on my bedroom clock. I have been paying attention every month on the 22nd, expecting something unusually good to happen. So far nothing has. This morning I realized that the coming year in a couple of days will be 2022. Is it possible that could be what this feeling is all about? Curiosity took over and I looked up the number. It was no surprise to learn it is an angel number. I have never felt the number has negative energy connected to it, even though I still don't know exactly what it means. Like everything else I guess I will just have to wait to find out.

Just stop it

I think at 84 years old it is time to stop taking responsibility for other people's crap.  I believe I have always taken the blame for my parents having to get married. How stupid is that? It wasn't my fault they decided to screw around before they got married. I recently discovered that my mother didn't even use her legal name on the official papers. My second son followed suit and became a father of twins at age 19. His wife was pregnant when they got married. Then there was my daughter who was three months pregnant when she got married. That marriage lasted less than a year. Oh, I just remembered that my maternal grandmother had an affair and gave birth to a son while married to my grandfather. I guess everyone except me followed my mother and her mother. 

Anyway I am tired of taking responsibility for the decisions other people make. As of today December 24, 2021 I am not doing it anymore!

Water water

I live in a fairly small town. It seems that every other day I get a community call telling me the water will be shut off in different parts of town. I live a little East of the city limits and our water has been off all day. This is the second time in a week.It doesn't seem fair that we are expected to pay for water that is not coming our of our pipes. In my opinion if they would fix things right the first time this wouldn't keep happening. Many of the streets in town are torn up in addition to this problem.

Nice try

I have made two attempts to read, Far From the Maddening Crowd. It is a classic novel written by Thomas Hardy in 1874. The language may be English, but it is a chore to read. I have read a variety of books lately, but I will have to put this one aside.

Faith

This morning I am a little angry at things others have posted on Facebook. I have a friend, about the age of my two sons, who has been having a health problem. He had surgery, was placed in a medically induced coma, and although awake is not doing very well. His siblings agreed to transfer him to a Hospice unit. Now comes the part that is making me angry. Everyone except his sister believe he is on the verge of leaving this world. His sister is praying for a miracle and believes the situation is in God's hands now. I agree with her. He deserves a miracle!

In frustration I looked up Hospice. It is simply a more intense form of care. It does not mean death. There have been cases of people living for years.

Several years ago I sent this man a little statue of the Archangel Raphael because he was dealing with another health problem. Raphael is in charge of healing. I still ask him for help on occasion and believe he listens. Anyway, I am going along with the sister who is praying for a miracle. It is the time of year when miracles can happen. 

Watching me

I had a rather odd thing happen this morning. I had crocheted winter caps for my chiropractor and her staff. On my last appointment there were two staff. For some unknown reason I made four caps. I assumed there would be one extra. When I arrived at the office there was a new person working there, making the total caps needed to be four, not three. Now I am wondering who was looking over my shoulder? 

Done

So it's December 4th and I have my gifts purchased and wrapped and my cards signed and mailed. Monday I will deliver the cards for the residents of Good Sam. That's it for another year!

Breaking tradition

 I usually wait until the weekend following my birthday to put up Christmas decorations, but this year I finished the task on December 1st, the day before my birthday. The big break in tradition came when I decided not to put up a tree this year. For many years I have been collecting snowmen of all kinds and that is what I used to decorate. Putting up a tree just reminds me of the family members who don't even speak to me. Who needs that? So these are some of my snowmen. I hope you also enjoy them.

New Neighbors

I just found out the house across the street, which has been vacant for several years, has been sold. I am really excited to meet my new neighbors. Since my house was moved to this lot from New Laguna, NM in 1980, there have been four different occupants in that house. I have no idea if the new owners are a family, a couple or a single person, but I can't wait to find out. I am in the mood for changes!

Answer this

I asked the members of my group, Answer This, a question and I would like to share my answer, The question was, Other than the current pandemic what events have you lived through? This was my answer,

Interesting what sticks out in ones mind. My first newsworthy event was World War II 1939-1945. I was two when it began and eight when it ended. Next was Alaska and Hawaii earning statehood in 1959. Then came the first manned space flight in 1961. The assassination of John F. Kennedy in 1963 is something I will never forget. My oldest son was about the same age as John Jr.. The beginning of social media in 1979 changed everyone's life. The last season of MASH in 1983 was viewed by a record number and ended eleven seasons. These are just a few that pop up in my mind.

 Since my 84th birthday is coming up in a few days I thought it was interesting to take a look back.

Waste not want not

If the turkey had known how many meals he would provide perhaps he wouldn't have minded giving up his life. After dinner my son carved the rest of the meat and left me the carcass. I Put it in a pot of water and let it simmer. This morning I peeled off the rest of the meat and added chopped onion and celery to the pot. When the fresh vegetables were done I added a cup of pasta and frozen vegetables. It is now cooling and will go in the refrigerator for either lunch or dinner tonight. It is no doubt good that I grew up in a time of waste not want not.

This reminds me of a time my mother made soup out of left over corn and an onion and called it cornion soup.

Who is cooking the turkey?

We almost had a disaster this year.I thawed an 18 Lb turkey which is sitting in my refrigerator. At 2:00 I asked my son how long it was going to take to cook it? I assumed he was cooking it on his grill. Wrong! He assumed I was cooking it in my oven. After quickly turning on the oven, getting out the roaster and rescuing the turkey, it is now in the oven. Dinner will be a little later than usual, but it looks like we will be having turkey. This will be a Thanksgiving I won't soon forget!

Happy Thanksgiving

 It's finally here- Thanksgiving! The next to the last family holiday of the year. I survived, even though my family mostly do not even acknowledge my existence.I appreciate those few who still do. I know I am not a bad person. I have spent my life doing for others. I am grateful for the many friends I have, some even from other countries. They make up for all of the unfair family relationships. We are on the verge of another year. I hope things will be better, but I am not counting on it. The best I can do is wish you all a Happy Thanksgiving 2021.

I want to run away!

I don't know what is going on. Every time my phone rings it is another spam call and every other post on Facebook is an ad trying to sell something.Maybe I should just change my phone number! 

Rearranging things

I just spent some time rearranging family pictures. I am amazed at how long I kept someone in the position of number one. It was past time that the person took a back seat. Getting pictures up to date made me feel like I had accomplished something important. It seemed that time moved on and I didn't.

Another approach

Having several trees in my yard they are now producing leaves that are all over the ground. The other day I raked up what I could and waited for my son to help me put them in bags. Waiting doesn't get the job done I found. I was just about to do it myself when I noticed my son was using a leaf blower I didn't even know we had. He was sucking up the piles of leaves and depositing them in the humus pile. Who knew? It would have been nice to burn them, but we are under a burn ban due to the wind. At least the job is done for another year. I am happy that I have at least one child who is willing to help. Thanks Jeff! 

Another one bites the dust

One never knows what a day will bring. Noticing my dog making a fuss because someone was at the front door, I opened it to find a tightly wrapped, one page, printed letter from my my youngest grandson. This young man had been ignoring me for over a year and I didn't know why. His letter was an attempt to explain why. He apparently thinks I do not deserve to be part of his life. Okay! He is twenty and entitled to his own opinion. When I think back at all the things I have done for him it really doesn't make a whole lot of sense. 

Anyway I have had several hours to digest his news and I can't believe I feel relief. I no longer have a need to feel responsible for him. He is on his own. He is responsible for himself and any decisions he makes. I am free at last.

A stitch in time

I love living in a small town where I know everyone. I noticed that my bathtub faucet was dripping and I listened to my intuition that told me to call my trusty plumber before it got worse. I did just that and placed a call this morning. This afternoon I got a call from my plumber that he was on his way to my house. I don't think this would have happened in a big city and I am sure the bill would have been much higher. 

Change of plans

My Kindle is temporarily screwed up and my Facebook friends seem to all be busy. I just discovered that "Grace and Frankie" are showing season 7 on Netflix! Just goes to show if you wait long enough anything can happen.

Family holidays

We are almost in that part of the year that I dislike the most- family holidays. I suppose I would look forward to it if I actually had a family who cared. I almost have none. To make up for that I try to give to others. I have Christmas cards ready for the residents of our local Good Sam Center, I  have given baby caps and blankets to the hospital maternity room and donated a couple of adult beanies to the community. It helps, but it isn't enough. I wish I had the money to do more, but I don't.

I know the next few weeks will pass but it still makes me wonder what I did to cause my family to pretend that I don't exist. 

Booster

Okay I got my booster shot on Monday. After debating I decided it was better than being in the hospital or worse. This time we only had to sit for fifteen minutes to see if anything would happen. I am still wondering what they were waiting for. I was not thrilled with the nurse who administered the shot. Unlike the first two it hurt going in. My arm was also very sore the next day. I didn't feel great on Tuesday, but that's the chances you take with any injection. At least with the mask I have done everything possible to avoid getting sick.

Not yet

This morning I got up early in preparation for getting my booster shot. Arriving at my doctor's office I was told I was not on the schedule for today. I said, "Not again! This is the second time this has happened". Apparently my response got some notice. I was given another appointment for Monday morning. This is really a little odd as I really wanted it for Monday anyway.

Secondly my son was supposed to be off for a weeks camping vacation this morning. I waited and waited for him to get his act together and leave. Finally at almost noon he left, saying he didn't know he had somewhere to be at a certain time. Well, maybe not, but I was waiting to start MY vacation. I am looking forward to not having to cook for anyone but myself for a week and doing exactly what I feel like doing.

Time for a change

After 40 years going to the same eye doctor it is finally time for a change. He retired! Because of my age I now need yearly eye exams to be able to renew my drivers license. This year I am more than happy to do that. I hate my current glasses, including the frames. I am really looking forward to starting out with someone and something new and tossing out something that doesn't work.

Cool aide?

This morning I had coffee with a local friend whom I hadn't seen in person for some time. I am aware that we have different opinions regarding recent news. I would like to begin by saying I am not nor ever have been a stanch supporter of either political party. In fact I believe if the U.S. would eliminate the two party system it would be a lot better off. For some reason my friend believes that Donald Trump was the greatest president that we have ever had. I, however; believe he should be in prison for causing the January riots. The sight of the man makes me want to throw up. Not wanting to start a fight in a public place, I quickly said, "Never Mind."

Hours later my only question is, "Are people still drinking cool aide?" 

Two weeks

Two weeks and Core Civics in Grants, NM will be taken over by the State of New Mexico. Who cares you might ask? Well all the staff who have been informed that they will no longer have jobs, that is who. What a horrible thing to do right before Christmas! That's all this town, that is already dying, needs. 

Prevention

 This morning I am asking myself is a tetanus shot really necessary? The last time I had an appointment with my PA he strongly suggested that I update mine since I couldn't remember the last time I had one. Good grief it seems all doctors want to do is attach a needle to your arm! Well anyway I decided to agree. Now I am thinking it was no doubt a good idea. About a month later I was petting my male cat and he decided to take a chunk out of my arm. It was the only time in 16 years that he had ever taken a bite. I immediately remembered the tetanus shot and thought someone was watching out for me. This morning I was putting something on my back porch and caught my arm on the door frame in the process. As I looked at the damage I saw the wound was worse than I thought. A piece of skin was peeled back and was bleeding. After attending to the wound I again remembered the shot I had agreed to and again thought someone was watching out for me. 

Okay you can stop now, enough is enough and I am grateful!

Little by little

Little by little my house is looking brand new. One of the last projects was to install new rain gutters on the roof. The back side had never had them and I wanted to protect the new siding installed last year. I really can't afford to move and a cheaper option was to fix the things that needed fixing, little by little. I have one more major project and that is to replace the ceiling in my office. Due to water damage it is in bad shape.

If I had not grown up with the idea of saving for a rainy day I would never have been able to accomplish what I have done in the last couple of years. 

Goodbye Smokey

Last night my 16 year old cat, Smokey, died. He was such a good cat. I was the first human to handle him. His mother gave birth to him in the bathroom and left him to struggle on the floor. I picked him up and put him in the basket I had provided for her to use for her kittens. I had no clue at the time that his mother, Ebony, was having trouble giving birth to the rest of her kittens. It wasn't until the next morning that I saw the other three. I felt a connection with her first born and decided to keep him. I named him Smokey. His three siblings were given away when they were old enough. Ebony and Smokey spent the rest of their lives together in my home. Ebony died suddenly a couple of months ago and Smokey died last night. I had taken him to the vet and tests were done to determine what was wrong with him. Nothing showed up and it was thought that he might have cancer. The poor thing kept losing weight and was seriously dehydrated. I switched to canned food and tried to feed him three times a day. His struggles ended last night and my son buried him this morning. The following picture is the first one I took of him. Goodbye Smokey, we will miss you! 

 

 

National Daughter Day

I would post a picture of my only daughter on Facebook today to celebrate National Daughter Day but... My only daughter decided eleven years ago to delete me from her life. Even though her birth certificate clearly states my name as her mother, I apparently am not and never was. Damn I wish I had known that before I spent all those hours pretending to be something that I was not, according to Miss Christina Marie.

Making progress

I finally found someone to fix the ceiling in two bedrooms and inquired about some future jobs. After paying for a new roof and siding a few months ago I decided the sooner I attended to gutters front and back the better. The installer has been found and the details are being discussed. Now if I can just find someone to help with the yard work I will be set.

Is it worth it?

For the last week I have been thinking about whether or not it is worth my time to keep writing this blog. I can see that people are reading it, but nobody comments. I feel as if I am in a room talking to myself.I wonder if anyone really cares what I have to say?

Prisons

I just started a new Kindle book and within a few pages it brought back personal memories. The main character is a female lawyer who is checking out her first pro bono case, behind prison bars. Her journey to check out her charge reminded me of the times I have walked down the local prison halls. No it isn't what you think!

Both my daughter and my oldest son have in the past or now work for a local prison. Twice I have toured Core Civics as a guest of my children. It was a women's facility, but now houses men. My daughter worked there several years ago and my son has been on the staff for the last seven years. The last time I visited the prison I set off the alarm system. After some time my daughter realized it was due to my hip replacement, which is titanium. At least I gave everyone a laugh. I knew I wasn't guilty of anything. Another laugh this tour gave us was when my young grandson decided to plop down on one of the cots in a cell. 

We actually have three prisons in our town. I have at one time or another been in all three, as a visitor. I think the scariest time was when I was walking down the halls of a men's facility with a guard and several prisoners were walking down the hall headed towards us. This visit was to offer one of my books. It didn't work out as most of the inmates, at the time, only spoke Spanish. 

I also visited the prison that now houses female inmates, again offering one of my books. That one freaked me out because of the several gates one has to go through to enter the facility. It really got my attention!

So that's my personal experience behind prison walls and it is as close as I ever care to be.

Are we related?

Lately I have been having a problem accepting some people who have turned up as DNA matches. In discussing the problem with a trusted friend she made a comment that made perfect sense to me. She said, "DNA makes you related, it doesn't make you family". Applying this thought to my current situation clears up a lot of mental stress for me. 

As I have said before, family is more than biology! 

A little town needs

Yesterday I kept an appointment with Livingston Hearing Aids  just to do a scheduled cleaning. They had moved to a  building they had purchased since my last appointment, It is really a nice building, but much too large for the once a week appointments they are doing in Grants,NM. As I left I said, its too bad you can't share the building with an optometrist. The one we had retired several  months ago. The closest one now is 100 miles away. We really do badly need an eye doctor here.When our last one left he wasn't able to sell his practice.This building would be a great place for someone who wants to live in a small town.

In the meantime, I love the attention I get from Livingston Hearing Aids and Chris Gurley, even though I only see him every six months.

Old vs New

 I wonder if anyone else is experiencing people they have not talked to in a long time coming back into their life? I noticed this especially after creating my new online group. I love the mix of members, old and new. I have also noticed this trend in my everyday life as well. Something strange is going on and I haven't exactly figured it out yet.

One more time

On August 18th I tried one more time to create an online group to encourage members to share their thoughts. This time I titled it, Answer This, and kept it public instead of private. The only rule is to be courteous to other members. I want people to just ask questions that they may have, thus encouraging members to reply. So far the group has 19 members. This is my second attempt at creating an online group so we will see what happens. I am following my intuition and hope for the best. So far I really like the mix of members..

Happy heavenly birthday

Today would have been my grandmother's birthday. She left earth in 1984. She is probably the ancestor who taught me the most. In recent years I have learned about a fact that she kept secret during her life. This secret has caused another to also claim her as their grandmother. No way Jose! I am not sharing my relationship and experiences with you! All you have is a name. You know nothing about the woman I called Nana!

Happy heavenly birthday Nana!

Time marches on

In a couple of weeks my youngest grandson will move on from his teen years. I haven't heard from him in the last year but I have strong memories of doing everything I could to encourage his every talent, whether it was sports or his creative abilities. Even if he doesn't remember, I do. I did what I was supposed to do as his grandmother, even filling in for his mother when necessary, because she had to work.

It is odd how people who weren't even there can suddenly appear and influence a young mind. Well anyway, if I don't see you Colin, I hope you have a very happy 20th birthday! 

Money money money

This is going to be an expensive week. First, my dog needs a haircut. Poor thing can barely see with all that hair! Next I am shelling out more than I planned on to have my septic tank pumped. Not having any problems, but it is time, before I do. Finally, I hope, I am waiting to find out how much a replacement kitchen window will cost me. I should have had it done last year, but with new siding, skirting and a roof it was just too much all at once. I know the price of the double pane window has gone up, but that's my fault for waiting.

I am so glad I learned how to save for a rainy day at a young age. I just realized that the last stimulus check, which I didn't spend, will pay for everything. That's pretty cool!

Goodbye

According to a post on Ancestry.com I died in 2007. I wonder, does that mean I no longer have to pay my monthly bills?

This just goes to show how true things are on this site. What people post is often ridiculous!!

Relationships

I am just finishing a wonderful Kindle book, "The Mother I Could Have Been", by Kerry Fisher. Lately I am finding that there is a good reason why I have been led to books I am choosing to read. This is an excellent book for anyone who has lost touch with their children for one reason or another. Although the details are different, I have no trouble relating to the plot.

I just found a laughable quote about raising children that I want to share. It was, "No one has any idea. Everyone is just throwing mud at the wall and hoping some good sticks. If they are lucky they end up with kids who aren't a danger to society."

I don't know any perfect mothers. Everyone makes mistakes on the journey to raising their children. I know I am not the only one who has experienced a relationship that has come to an end. Something toward the end of of this book really got my attention. The daughter was looking for her mother after many years of non-communication and discovered she was no longer living. It caused me to wonder how my relatives would feel under those similar conditions.

Weeds be gone

Living in New Mexico, we are getting afternoon showers. It's great for the plants and trees but not so good at discouraging weeds to grow. It's been so hot I hadn't been able to attend to the unwanted growth until last week. With determination I have most of the front yard under control- until next time. I even made some organic weed killer for the crawly weeds that I couldn't get. I hope it works. 

This morning the yard looks better even though I still have a few things to attend to. The men who put in my new siding last year really messed up the shrubs. It will take time for them to look normal again. At least most of the weeds are gone!

Stop helping

If I have learned anything during the last few years it is- stop helping. I believe it is good to offer concern and even sympathy, but the only way another person grows is to find solutions to their own problems. My biggest challenge during my entire life has been helping too much at the cost of my own well being. I now have learned that the other person usually does not appreciate the help and will probably assume that I was trying to live their life for them. 

I grew up with parents who didn't offer much support, especially after I graduated from high school. Perhaps they were right. They did their job and it was up to me to take over making my own decisions, right or wrong. I do think they went a bit far though when neither of them attended my first wedding. It is true that the marriage to a womanizing jackass only lasted thirteen years, but too offer no support was uncalled for. Now that I think about it my father didn't even attend my high school graduation.

It is true that every action has a reaction. We are free to make our own choices but we are not free to escape the consequences of those choices.

My three children and four grandchildren are all adults and I am done. I did my job. Whatever they do with their lives is up to them. I owe them nothing more.

Empty nest again

It appears that I will soon be living with my cat Smokey and dog Ejay. No other humans but me! My son will soon be looking for another job and probably not in Grants. The last seven years since he moved back home have been interesting, but it looks as if those lessons will soon come to an end. The State has purchased the prison where he now works and they will be getting rid of most of the senior employees. He still needs to pay off student loans so he will no doubt be looking to transfer to another prison.

All I need to complete the process is a reliable car. Working on that! It's a bit far to walk to the grocery store.

Giving

Awhile ago someone donated yarn to Cibola Hospital. I got a call from administration to ask if I wanted it. I said yes as I have been making baby blankets and baby beanies for maternity for some time. It is hard to find yarn here. What I got was not baby yarn but four ply yarn so I decided to use what I could to make baby blankets. I have finished two and am about half way though the third one. I hope to finish this weekend so I can take them to the hospital.

As I was crocheting this morning I was thinking about my maternal grandmother and think she would be very proud of my efforts. I remember all the things she made and donated to the Shrine children's hospital when I was growing up. I loved unrolling the ball of yarn as she worked on a project. 

My grandmother was a giver and I may have followed in her footsteps. Giving away things I have created makes me happy.  

Planning ahead

Waiting for the results of the New Mexico vaccine lottery still going on I decided to make plans in the event that I would win $250,000. The first thing I would do is put $100,000 in a separate checking account to be given away, one piece at a time. That would leave $150,000 for me to keep. When I married my second husband, now deceased, he had an insurance policy worth exactly that amount. He immediately changed the beneficiary to me. We were married for 27 years before we mutually divorced. 

He never removed my name from the policy, but after the divorce added our daughter. I don't know what happened to the original money, but over the years the amount of the policy was drastically depleted. It ended up being five thousand dollars at the time of his death.

I had every intention of sharing the money with my daughter, but that is not what happened. She kept it all. Because the policy wasn't mentioned in our divorce papers the company decided I was no longer eligible to be a beneficiary. Our daughter offered to share the money with other relatives, but never approached me. 

So I am thinking that after all these years taking care of myself alone it is my turn to get something back. Of course it may not happen, but just in case I thought it was a good idea to plan ahead. I have many plans to share the remaining $100,000 and it is something that would make me very happy.

Rich vs poor

There isn't much difference between the rich and the poor. When there is a problem the rich pay someone to fix it and the poor figure out a way to do it themselves. I think the poor have a better learning experience!

Christmas in July

I think watching the Christmas in July Hallmark movies is brainwashing me. I just ordered a big box of Christmas cards to give away. For the last two years I have signed cards, Your Secret Santa, and given them to our local Good Samaritan Center for their residents. At one time I worked for the facility as the Resource Development Coordinator. I loved coming up with projects that helped the community connect with the residents. I quit when my job became simply asking for money without giving anything back. It just wasn't my thing. Because the residents have been cut off from family etc. I think the Christmas cards are a great idea this year. Last year I ordered them right before Christmas and had to scramble to get them signed in time. This year I decided, why wait? Christmas can be in July!

A new idea

Over time I have read many Kindle books, most for free. They all seem to have the same preface. They usually begin with a girl who either inherited property or has given up on a love life and so moves to another place. To say I was getting bored is about where I was. Most of the books I have been reading are free so I guess you get what you pay for!

I am so sick of details of a love life that goes on and on for pages. I am just as sick of books that go on and on and should have ended long before they did. I don't know how many times I have silently thought- will you please just end it!!

Looking for something new, I decided to read, "A Tree Grows in Brooklyn". Of course I had heard of the book, but I had never read it. It was written in 1943 by Betty Smith and is semi-autobiographical. So far I am loving it. I grew up during the same years and although I have never lived in New York, I can relate to many of the experiences shared by the author. I am happy that I followed my intuition and purchased this book.

Earthquake

In all the years I have lived in New Mexico there has never been an earthquake, until yesterday. I didn't feel anything where I live, but apparently it occurred. It reminded me of times that I have experienced earthquakes. Twice I was on the second floor of a building. They are a bit scary, but I survived. My mother once came within inches of having a marque falling on her head. Having lived in Washington State and California earthquakes were a part of life.

An invisible person

Last Thursday I made a dental appointment to have a tooth glued back into my dentures. It had been out for some time, but because of the pandemic I hadn't been able to make an appointment. I decided on a dental office I had never been to in Grants, NM. I talked to a very nice lady who told me the office was across the street from the Good Samaritan Center. I drove by Sunday just to make sure.

I arrived for my appointment a few minutes early this morning to fill out paper work. Guess what? They had no record of my appointment, plus the doctor wouldn't even be in until Wednesday. I told the receptionist that I had called the phone number that was listed online for the Grants office. She called the Gallup office to see if the appointment had been made there. Nope.

After some messing around another appointment was made for next Monday with the lab. It doesn't require that I even see the doctor. I didn't think so. As I know I am not invisible, I'm thinking it was the original person I made the appointment with. Maybe the place is haunted!

Move like a turtle

I really believe things are opening up too fast. The world is going from lock down to do anything you want. I did originally believe that vaccinations were a personal choice, but now I think they are necessary. I still have a problem with large crowds attending sporting events etc. and I think the Olympics should be cancelled this year. I have no opinion about schools, but I hope we don't lose too many students and teachers during the next year. Both groups have been caught in the middle of something they did not plan for. Isn't education fun?

I just really think the turtle had the right idea- move slowly, but keep going.

Rejection

I think one thing I have learned during the lock down is to reject things and people who cause me to have negative energy. A good example is the Kindle books I have been reading. If I run across one that is badly written or is just plain a bad fit, I stop reading it and choose something else. It's a little harder with people, but not impossible. I consider myself a good person but yes I make mistakes, doesn't everyone? Those people, relatives included, who just won't let it go- really piss me off.

Rejection is part of the learning process. 

I have survived

Looking back I am amazed at what I have survived during my 83 years of living a human life. I am still here and am ready for more. I do believe I have had enough negative experiences though. It's time for some good stuff!

Blame

I am so sick of people, relatives included, blaming me for things that are not my fault. I think it all began with my mother who criticized everything I did. It wasn't my fault that she was pregnant before she married my father. I grew up not believing that I was entitled to the best that life had to offer. 

                                                 

 

 

 

I have always been a bit different and that's alright! I don't have to be like anyone else- ever!

Priorities

 As the holiday weekend approaches my son is off camping again. This morning I am wondering if that is the proper word. He is taking his trailer with all the comforts of a small house. My idea of camping is a sleeping bag, a tent and a camp fire. Oh well things change I guess. Whatever it's called he is off on another weekend trip somewhere in New Mexico.

I have every intention of attending to the disgrace of my yard. I was waiting for it to cool down some before getting started. The weeds in the front are pretty much gone, but the back yard is in really bad shape. If I succeed I will earn a front row seat to watch the fireworks on the 4th from my yard.

My main lesson during this shut down is I am a lot more capable than I ever gave myself credit for. It's just a matter of priorities!

Bye bye ancestry

 Six months ago I opted for a 6 mos. reduced fee for my Ancestry.com account.Today is the last day and I do not plan on renewing it, whatever the price. According to the site I have over 500 4th cousins. Seriously! I don't really care. I am sick of people adding pictures etc. to their accounts that really have nothing to do with them. I am done and probably will never update my account again.

6 months down

The year is already half over and we are just now easing the restrictions caused by the virus. It does make one wonder what comes next. Will things get better or worse? 

Financially, I am in a lot better place than I was when all this started in the spring of 2020. Probably because I have pretty much stayed home and only purchased what I actually needed. I have friends who bought into the fear of doing without and became hoarders. All that did was make matters worse than they needed to be.They saw nothing wrong with the piles of things they bought, just in case. 

I am not sure what is going to happen in my life. I still have relatives who do not communicate. That is saving me a whole bunch by not buying gifts I would otherwise purchase. Thank you and keep up the good work! So on the last day of June 2021 I am simply wondering what comes next.

 

Any last words?

 

The flower in my garden

After our latest rain I took a peek at what was in my back yard. To my surprise I noticed a very unusual flower growing in between the weeds. It looked a little like a sunflower, but the petals were a colorful rainbow. Impressed, I began weeding around the flower and used a hand tool to loosen up the soil around its roots. I added some water to encourage it to grow. I decided to leave it alone to see what would happen.

The next morning I checked on my beautiful flower. The care I had given it was apparently just what it needed! Overnight it had grown and grown, reaching to the sky. Its leaves suggested they were there to act as a ladder. How was that possible I pondered?

Always being curious, I decided to climb the trunk to see where it led. As I began my upward journey I told my dog, Ejay, I would be right back. At least I thought I would!

It seemed as if it took forever to reach the top. When I did I jumped off and landed on a grassy slope. What the heck, I had come this far with nothing bad happening, I might as well start walking to see where it would lead me

As I reached the bottom of the grassy slope I saw a path before me. There were people walking on it, but I didn’t recognize anyone. I kept walking and soon saw a very large building. It had massive columns in front and a huge door. I struggled to open it and was greeted by silence, only interrupted by the sound of faint music from a harp. In the front hall I noticed a sign which contained names, followed by room numbers. I thought how odd. The names were people I had known in this lifetime who no longer lived a human life. My grandparents, parents, brother and even my two former husbands were on that list.

As Alice in Wonderland would say, “Curiouser and curiouser!”

Seeing nobody in the hall I decided to knock on the first door. A quiet voice whispered, “Come in.”

I was amazed to find my paternal grandmother on the other side of the door. She looked exactly as I remembered her. It was apparently her job to explain to me just why I was there. I had been given a unique opportunity to make peace with the past and change any leftover negative energy to positive energy. I would be allowed to say whatever I liked that would accomplish that task. All I needed to do was to enter a room and talk to the person on the other side of the door.

Door 1: paternal grandmother

Grandma, I know you never liked being called Nana. Sorry I don’t think that was my idea. I wish I had gotten to know you better. I remember your tiny kitchen, well sink area, your ice box and the rocking chairs in front of your windows. I especially remember your craft drawer. I may have inherited some of my creative ability from you. It is sad that you spent so many years as a widow and that I never knew my paternal grandfather.

Door 2: maternal grandfather

I can’t really call you grandpa because you died before I was born. I have a feeling I would have liked you and we would have had things in common. I also have a feeling that you are still around somewhere.

Door 3: maternal step grandfather

Pappy you are the only grandfather that I knew. I am grateful to you for all the things you taught me. I appreciate that you took care of my grandmother until the day she died. You showed me what love and a real marriage is. I hope someday I will find that too.

Door 4: maternal grandmother

Nana your generosity and kindness to other people are values I still use. The thing I am sad about is that we never had an opportunity to talk about spiritual matters. I have a feeling that you are still acting as a guide in my life. There some questions that have recently come up, but I have decided the answers should remain private.

Door 5: mother

I am not sure you ever wanted to be a mother. I don’t think you even wanted a husband, but God has a way of teaching lessons we did not expect. You were critical of everything I did. As a result I grew up having little confidence in myself not liking you very much. On your death bed, when the nurse told me to say, I love you, I couldn’t comply. I am sorry about that. You were a hard worker and apparently did the best that you could. You just were not what I needed as a mother.

Door 6: father

I have a feeling you married my mother because she was pregnant with me. That fact has cause me to have guilt all of my life. You were always the weak link in our family unit. You let your wife rule with her judgmental attitude that she passed on to me. It took years for me to get over that and find a better path. My strongest memory of you is the day you slapped my face for saying something you didn’t like. I will never forgive you for that act.

Door 7: brother

You entered my life when I was thirteen months old, causing me to never really to be a baby. I felt I always had to be the responsible one. We never had a normal brother sister relationship and that makes me sad.

Door 8: first husband

Wow what a teacher you were. You started screwing other women shortly after we were married and didn’t stop for the thirteen years of our relationship. As a father you left a lot to be desired. It wasn’t a priority. Today I wonder why it took me so long to realize I didn’t need you in my life. Seeking a divorce was one of the best things I ever did, even though I was doubtful that I could support our two sons by myself.

Door 9: second husband

And then there was you. For twenty-seven years I took responsibility for the fact that you were an alcoholic. What a joke that was. I could never depend on you for anything. I stupidly thought giving you a child of your own would make you stop drinking. I was wrong! I finally could no longer take your lies and decided divorce was the only answer. You kept drinking until the end of your life, transferring the responsibility of your actions to your daughter. Perhaps someday she will realize that you were the only one responsible for you and your decisions.

What an amazing opportunity I was given! After I had made the rounds and said my piece I felt as though a great weight had been lifted. I then walked back to the beautiful flower with its rainbow colored petals and slid down the trunk. As I reached the ground I saw my dog, Ejay, sitting there wagging his tail. I said, “I told you I would be right back!”

The next morning there was no trace of the unusual flower in my garden.

(While looking through a drawer in my computer desk I found this previously written short story. I had forgotten about it, but as I re-read it I discovered it was really quite good. Although it is longer than my usual posts I decided to share it with those reading my blog."

You just never know

I have been seeing the ad for the NM VAX lottery and pretty much ignored it. Last night my intuition said- go for it! I qualify having been fully vaccinated since April so why not? My intuition clearly said do it! Somebody has to win, why not me? The prize is $250,000 and the drawings take place every couple of weeks through August. You only have to register once and you are in. To put a long story short- I am in! The rest is up to the universe.

Celebrating

While everyone else is celebrating Father's Day this weekend I celebrated independence day last night. For the first time in over a year my son and I ate in a local restaurant. Although it was a bit loud, the food was great. The waitress was not wearing a mask and neither were we. The experience brought back memories almost lost. Things are slowly getting back to tolerable in our little town. Yes, there are businesses still closed and that's too bad, but I am grateful for the ones that are open and have lowered their restrictions.  

Hot is hot cold is cold

 Yesterday I had started a load of clothes in the washer when I remembered I had left a key in the pocket of a pair of pants. Raising the lid and sticking my hand in the washer before it filled up with water proved to be a surprise I hadn't expected. The water was very hot and was supposed to be cold. Yikes! When my son came home I told him what happened and he said he would check it.

Today he found the problem. Cold is supposed to be a blue faucet and red is supposed to be a hot one. The faucets had been put on the wrong hoses. So when the washer was installed, hot was cold and cold was hot. It's a good thing I stuck my hand in or we would never have known what was happening. I imagine my gas bill will be a little lower too.

Errands

I have two major errands this morning. First I need to go to the grocery store and pick up some things for the canned food drive for our local pantry. I figure soup, fruit and vegetables should do it for now. I am sure there are a lot of people in our town that are hungry. I hope someone has a can opener!

Next on my list is the county office to show proof of my age. Having obtained a permanent excuse removing me from jury duty several years ago, due to age, I was angry to have received a new jury summons in the mail. It will be interesting to find out who or what is responsible for this.

Another errand may include dropping off baby blankets and caps to the maternity department of our local hospital. Because of COVID it has been difficult to find a way to deposit them. I know we still have babies being born and I have been told the new mothers appreciate the gifts I make.

So that's my morning. We will see what else happens today to make it interesting. I know there are weeds calling my name, but I am trying to ignore them!

Freedom!

For the first time in three weeks I drove my car to the store. The mechanic was right, it did run a little better, but we are still waiting for a new computer for it. It was so nice to see the sign in front of Smiths telling vaccinated people they did not have to wear a mask. I experienced freedom I hadn't felt in over a year as I picked up the few things I needed. Family Dollar still insists on masks, even though the checker had hers pulled down to her chin. What's going on there? 

Perstance

Well I have my car back on a temporary loan, so to speak. I have to give it back when the computer my mechanic ordered comes in. In the meantime I can drive it and just ignore the check engine light that keeps coming on. They did install a couple of new parts so I was told it should run a little better then when I dropped it off. It still isn't 100% but is is better than nothing, I am really tired of being stuck at home.

A new day

My very first act this morning was to close my online group, Let's Chat. It was created in October 2018 to give members an opportunity to write. During its existence there have been some amazing posts. Some of the members consider it home, a place to shed the trappings of the everyday world and just- chill. I am happy I was able to create such a safe place. 

Everything is changing out there in the real world. It was time to call a halt to my online group and move on to something else.Not sure what that will be just yet, but I am sure something will pop up. Faith and intuition have always worked before.

Taking care of Ebony

 When my son came home I had to tell him that Ebony had died while he was camping. I feel it was no accident she took her last breath on his bedroom floor. My strong intuition told me he was the one who was supposed to bury her. I had selected a site that I felt was appropriate and he began digging a hole. After a few feet the ground was hard and he needed a pick to break up the dirt. When the hole was deep enough he put Ebony on the ground and began filling it up with dirt. When he was finished I asked him to place a large piece of lava on top so there would be no chance of her body being disturbed.

Later as I looked out my office window I spotted something in the sky and knew I had to take a picture. It required me to go outside because the camera didn't like the window. After the picture was developed I saw why I was supposed to take the picture. There was a very large image of a cat above the landscape,  looking down at me. I knew it was Ebony. A friend said she looked happy and felt she would be watching over me.

A strange thing about this picture is that there were no stars in the sky when I took the picture. Those circles and bright lights were orbs.

Memorial Day

This morning I got a message from an ancestry site I belong to informing me that my maternal grandfather, William Ott Johnston, died in uniform in 1918. Knowing that he died of a virus on a U.S. military base and never served a day of his life in his uniform, I am wondering does that allow him to be honored on this day? I guess it is a matter of how technical you want to get. It has only been in recent years that I even knew my grandfather's name and assumed he died in some foreign country, while serving the United States. I could not find any record of where he was buried because those records had been burned in a fire several years ago. I finally did find the details and now know he is buried in Bellingham Washington. Wow! the stories I made up, not knowing the facts.

Goodbye Ebony

My female cat of 17 years died suddenly last night. She slowly walked into my son's bedroom, sprawled out on the floor and took her last breath. I was happy she didn't seem to suffer. We still need to decide where to bury her. I'm thinking in the front yard between two lilac bushes. 

I got Ebony when she was a kitten. She was the first pet I acquired after my divorce. When she was a year old she became the mother of four kittens. The first one I discovered sprawled out on the bathroom floor. I put him in the basket I had provided for her to give birth in. She didn't have the other three until the next morning. Since she was the first pet I had ever had that was pregnant I didn't realize she was having a problem. All four kittens survived and I kept the first of the bunch and named him Smokey. I still have him.

Ebony has never been the people cat that her son is. She was particular who she made up to. She did appear to like my son though. She and my dog Ejay had an up and down relationship, but generally speaking they got along pretty well. So this post is a goodbye to Ebony. She will be missed.  

A waiting game

 I am still waiting to get my car back. It has been over two weeks now. It would be nice if they would just fix the damn thing, whatever the cost. I am sick of staying home. My son is taking his trailer out again this weekend. It is parked in the driveway ready to go. I just found out my youngest grandson, who lives two doors from me, is once again visiting his relatives in New York. It must be nice to get away from home!

Just do it

Who knew a car had a computer? I didn't that's for sure. I just talked to the mechanic who has been trying to figure out what is wrong with my car for the last two weeks. He said he had one more thing to try and if that didn't work they would have to order a new computer. My brain immediately thought thousands as I asked for an estimate if they had to do that. He said about $600. I thought, I can do that, it's a lot cheaper than getting a new car. I bought this car brand new in 2006. Even though it is that old it has very low mileage so it really doesn't make sense to replace it. My thought is just do it! Living where I do I need transportation to even get to the grocery store.