Fears/hopes

I found this quote this morning and want to share it with my readers.
"Consult not your fears but your hopes and your dreams. Think not about your frustrations, but about your unfulfilled potential. Concern yourself not with what you tried and failed in, but with what is still possible for you to do.: ~ Pope John XXIII

I have been thinking about this quote all morning. What does it mean to me, I wondered? I think it means, whatever was is no longer, just get on with your life. I feel like taking a huge bucket and dumping my past life in it. No more taking responsibility for what other people think I did, no more taking responsibility for things I have actually blamed myself for. Thinking about things I have written and published in one way or another I came across the following. It first appeared in my hard cover book, "Gathering of Spirits" and is now in my E-book, "Spirits of Cibola County". It pretty much sums up my past life.

~ Barbara G. ~

 When asked in 1979 what she would want on her tombstone, Barbara G. answered survivor. Ten years later she earned the title in the truest sense of the word. In 1989 she was diagnosed with endometrial cancer. Two days before Thanksgiving she underwent surgery to perform a hysterectomy and removal of a mass, which fortunately had not spread. Barbara believes she helped save her own life by continuing to insist something was wrong.

For months her doctor had diagnosed her unusual bleeding pattern as menopause related, finally suggesting it was a yeast infection. She was turned over to an open minded doctor who immediately did a biopsy, which came back positive. She was immediately sent to the best oncologist in the area.  This experience could have ended differently if she had not had the desire to survive. She did not hear the word cancer and expect to die. She heard the word and wanted it fixed so she could get on with her life. This was the second time her life might have ended in surgery. At six years old, Barbara amazed hospital staff by surviving mastoid surgery. 

Her life began in Alaska, long before it became a state. She didn’t have much time to be a baby due to the arrival of a brother when she was thirteen months old. Her parents worked most of the time so family activities were sparse.  Being the oldest, maturity came early, along with a marriage at twenty to a womanizer, further adding to the destruction of her already low self-esteem. Thirteen years and two children later the marriage ended. Having only a high school education and fearing an inability to support her sons caused a bad decision. Her choice of a new marriage partner was based first on being a good mother.  Her new husband chose to spend his time in his own world by drinking. Barbara began having panic attacks, which affected her life for many years. At times the attacks led to agoraphobia, causing her to fear life itself.  Adding another child to the family came late in her life. She worked hard to create a good image for her family in the community. After twenty-seven years of marriage, her three children were finally own their own. It was time to make some positive changes in her life.  Following weeks of preparation she used hypnotherapy to end a forty year nicotine addiction. It also ended the panic attacks, which prior counseling and medication had not.

Acknowledging a stronger personal connection with her Creator began movement in a positive direction.  Barbara let go of the negative things in her life, beginning with her marriage, and began replacing them with positives. Letting go of the familiar is difficult and frightening even when it causes constant pain and anger. To risk a major life change as a senior citizen takes faith, a personal support system, courage and determination. She had to learn to take care of herself.   Today she is happy using her experiences to help others. Learning to trust and believe in herself made her stronger than she had ever been. Barbara is a survivor who desires to pass on to others what she has learned.