Did I or Didn't I?

For readers who are wondering if I did or didn't submit my manuscript yesterday, The answer is yes and no. Confused? Please read on.

After finally getting over the fear of entering into a relationship I had ambivalent feelings about I accessed the Lulu.com website and found that my previously saved password no longer worked. After several frustrating tries to login I clicked help. Apparently they got tired of waiting for me to publish and I had to create a new password. Oddly it was a perfect fit for this, my 3rd published book.

As my confidence improved I tried to follow the instructions. First I typed in the title and choose the type of paper and size of the finished book. This isn't hard, I thought. I followed the instructions and my document was loaded onto the site. As I scanned the document I noticed that it was off by two lines. I played around with the tool bar provided, but was unable to fix the problem.

Everything was there, including a sketch and a spirit photo, but something was wrong. I realized the document was taking more pages than I really wanted it to. I don't like wasting things, including space. Since I didn't know how to edit I saved it and went on to the front and back cover. It didn't take me long to realize there was no way that I was going to complete this part without "on site" help.

At this point the stress I had experienced yesterday from procrastinating came back full force. I remember expressing words that I do not care to share. I went back to the document page and pushed delete!! I decided I am very happy that I have been sharing the manuscript with others in the form of a word CD. Who needs it to be published in the form of a book anyway, I thought.

I shared my decision with an online friend who has been very supportive. She suggested taking a break and thinking about things. She also suggested meditating, which is something I do not do very well. I have been told that I am a "moving meditator", meaning that my body needs to be doing something so that my mind can communicate with my higher power. I have actually found this to be true.

When I got up this morning I was still happy with my decision, even though my friend said she felt strongly that my manuscript is supposed to be published. Since the Universe has not provided hands on help I did not see that happening.

I followed my usual morning routine and went to the family center to walk and exercise. I had the whole place to myself so I began thinking about yesterday's stressful happenings, trying not to be negative. I sorted out what was wrong and what was right. I decided one of the big problems was spacing and it was fixable by me. It would reduce the number of pages by a third, which was acceptable. I also realized I had managed to load the document once so I could do it again.

I had a workable plan! I just needed to stop at the point of creating the covers and find hands on help. All was not lost after all. So to rephrase my answer to the question, "did I or didn't I?" the new answer is not quite yet, but I am making positive progress. Stay tuned!!