The last four months have been an interesting experience for me. It has been a time for major personal growth, resulting in a renewed belief that I am a unique example of the best work of my Creator. There have been times, years in fact, during my life that I forgot who I was born to be. The Universe has a funny way of reminding us of why we are here. Sometimes it is a tap on the shoulder and sometimes it is a knock on the head with a sledge hammer that forces us to remember.
The day before my daughter's 31st birthday,in August, she sent me an email informing me that she was eliminating me from her life because I am a "terrible, abusive, narcissistic person" who has treated her like crap all her life. Although it came as a surprise, I quickly looked in my mirror and wondered where her perception was coming from. It sure wasn't who I saw looking back at me.
I decided to let her be for awhile. I expected her to eventually wake up from her nightmare and think about all the many times I have come to her aide and rescued her from disaster, during her 31 years on planet earth. Hello, remember me?
During this time I also thought about how she could have come to such an erroneous conclusion. When I stepped back and examined the situation from an observer's vantage point I did see things that had not been previously clear as the "perpetrator". I realized that by always helping her I was actually telling her I didn't think she was capable of helping herself; thus I came across as controlling, desiring to lead her life for her.
"I see said the blind man as he picked up his hammer and saw."
Going back in my life, I also saw how that could have happened. My mother, RIP, was also a very controlling mother, who was my role model. Her father died when she was 10, leaving her to spend the rest of her life as an angry, negative adult. When I understood the reason behind her actions I easily forgave her for the critical way she had treated me. How I treated my own daughter was simply over correction to the way I was treated as a child. It was not done on purpose to hurt her.
To unintentionally harm another is one thing, but to do it on purpose is quite another. I never would have believed my daughter would have carried her negative perception through the holidays, but she is doing exactly that. It makes me sad because I am aware that what we choose to give to the Universe will surely return to us.
I spent Christmas Eve alone consuming a delicious Cornish game hen with all the trimmings. I sure wasn't going to skimp just because of another's perception of me. Tonight I will be cooking my famous marinated pork loin, in all probability, just for me. Guess that's why they make freezers!
I will also spend this Christmas day expressing gratitude to the Universe that I have grown to the point of truly believing in me and remembering that my own perception is the only one that matters.
P.S. Thanks jt and Merry Christmas! <3