The last four months have been an interesting experience for me. It has been a time for major personal growth, resulting in a renewed belief that I am a unique example of the best work of my Creator. There have been times, years in fact, during my life that I forgot who I was born to be. The Universe has a funny way of reminding us of why we are here. Sometimes it is a tap on the shoulder and sometimes it is a knock on the head with a sledge hammer that forces us to remember.
The day before my daughter's 31st birthday,in August, she sent me an email informing me that she was eliminating me from her life because I am a "terrible, abusive, narcissistic person" who has treated her like crap all her life. Although it came as a surprise, I quickly looked in my mirror and wondered where her perception was coming from. It sure wasn't who I saw looking back at me.
I decided to let her be for awhile. I expected her to eventually wake up from her nightmare and think about all the many times I have come to her aide and rescued her from disaster, during her 31 years on planet earth. Hello, remember me?
During this time I also thought about how she could have come to such an erroneous conclusion. When I stepped back and examined the situation from an observer's vantage point I did see things that had not been previously clear as the "perpetrator". I realized that by always helping her I was actually telling her I didn't think she was capable of helping herself; thus I came across as controlling, desiring to lead her life for her.
"I see said the blind man as he picked up his hammer and saw."
Going back in my life, I also saw how that could have happened. My mother, RIP, was also a very controlling mother, who was my role model. Her father died when she was 10, leaving her to spend the rest of her life as an angry, negative adult. When I understood the reason behind her actions I easily forgave her for the critical way she had treated me. How I treated my own daughter was simply over correction to the way I was treated as a child. It was not done on purpose to hurt her.
To unintentionally harm another is one thing, but to do it on purpose is quite another. I never would have believed my daughter would have carried her negative perception through the holidays, but she is doing exactly that. It makes me sad because I am aware that what we choose to give to the Universe will surely return to us.
I spent Christmas Eve alone consuming a delicious Cornish game hen with all the trimmings. I sure wasn't going to skimp just because of another's perception of me. Tonight I will be cooking my famous marinated pork loin, in all probability, just for me. Guess that's why they make freezers!
I will also spend this Christmas day expressing gratitude to the Universe that I have grown to the point of truly believing in me and remembering that my own perception is the only one that matters.
P.S. Thanks jt and Merry Christmas! <3
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
How awful to read that your daughter feels the way she does. My own Mother made many mistakes bringing me up, many were not due to her inadequacies, but down to circumstance, a lone parent with three boys to bring up and working 6 days a week certainly did not help in bonding with us all in the way we perhaps would wish, and perhaps that would explain my wayward behaviour in my teens. I resented my Father for not being there, and only once reaching 40, did I attempt to forge a relationship with him, more really so that Mia would know her Grandad. Even though I probably disappointed my Mother throughout my youth, I always loved her, but rarely showed it. When she died in 1995, I was distraught, as I thought that maybe there were so many things still left unsaid, undone, unfixed between us. I will never now get the chance, until we reunite in the great beyond, if that is the creators wish!
ReplyDeleteI know she would have delighted in Mia, as I do, as she always had a special bond with the young, other peoples' children always getting special attention and sweets whenever family visited.
I am sure she sees her here on earth, and wishes she could be here to enjoy her.
I am sure they will have a chance to talk one day. Boy what a conversation that will be!
I am happy to know you read the post Marc. Perhaps now you can see what I meant by my comment to you that we are only responsible for how we react to what happens.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your personal story. Things happens to allow us to evolve our soul. Try not to be angry about what just happened in your life Marc. I know it will pave the way for something better. You just have to believe it too!!
P.S. I think my mother probably sees Colin too and is proud of him.
Thanks Barbara. I am sure something will come along.
ReplyDeleteI forgot to mention that even though my Mother was not perfect, there is not a day goes by that I don't miss her. Your daughter should be thankful she still has a Mother to turn to, should she need to.
I sure could do with some Motherly advice now and again. :-)