Obituary

My daughter-in-law died on August 13th and the next day I wrote my personal tribute "Home to Rest", honoring her life. Today I am grateful that I followed my intuition and wrote the piece. I have looked and looked and cannot find an obituary for her.

Mary-Ellen was a member of the Acoma Indian Tribe and during her last hours on earth she and her family decided on a traditional Native American service. I'm not sure exactly when that took place because I was not invited nor informed of the details. All I know about this kind of funeral is that the deceased's remains are watched over by family members the night before burial, a Wake is observed, the remains are buried (usually in a simple pine box)without embalming on Tribal land.

Our local paper is only published on Tuesday and Friday (I told you Grants is a little town). A local joke is that if nobody attends your funeral it isn't because you weren't liked, it's because you died on the wrong day and nobody knew about it.

Three issues of the Beacon have come out since her death and still no obit. I checked with the Albuquerque Journal (a real newspaper and the town in which she died) and still no obit.

Today I just feel very sad for her spirit. She lived at least 30 years of her life in Cibola County and for the last 2 had been the office manager for a local insurance company in Grants. People knew her, she had friends here. She was more than a Native American. Her life mattered to many people in the community.

This is not the first time something similar has happened in my life. An ex-husband and the father of my two sons died in May of 2008 in a town outside of Phoenix, Arizona. My daughter and I tried unsuccessfully for weeks to locate an obituary, mainly to discover the cause of death for his children. I know he died because a lady from Social Security informed me that he did and that fact increased my income, not a lot, but enough for now.

My children know that I desire to be cremated and I am leaving the option to have a simple memorial service (preferably outside without benefit of clergy) up to them. I know from my own experience with my mother's death that a service of some kind is a good idea for the well being of survivors. if you don't have a chance to say goodbye stuff gets carried around like useless baggage.

Not leaving anything to chance, several years ago I wrote my own obituary, which I occasionally update. I would hate to have worked this hard to survive the life I signed up for and not have anyone know it was over. That is just wrong!!