Never give up

As I was getting ready to get in my car this morning on my way to exercise I happened to glance at one of the flower pots along my path. Last spring I had planted bedding plants with the hope that at least some of them would actually grow. That didn't happen as they died one by one. The drought we have been experiencing was just too much for them. I finally gave up and purchased a variety of silk flowers from the dollar store to at least have some color.

Lately it has rained some, but all I have seen in my front yard are weeds that seem to come up over night and are slowly turning the gravel green.

You can imagine my surprise when I noticed something purple in one of the pots this morning. Upon investigation I discovered it was a perfectly healthy petunia growing amongst the silk flowers. I wouldn't want you to take my word for it sooo...

Is that a universal message to never give up or what?

 

Not quite the me you see

In the last few months I have been spending time at out local nursing home as a volunteer. Every time I go to visit the residents I leave very grateful for my physical and mental health. Although there are days when I am sure some people question the latter!

Most of the residents of the home could not possibly care for themselves on a daily basis. To me the saddest to observe are those patients who are the victims of Alzheimer's. In my opinion it is the cruelest disease that anyone could have; not only for the patient, but for their family members. It robs the person of knowing who they are. It is extremely frustrating to carry on a conversation with an Alzheimer victim and requires an enormous amount of patience.

I recently ran across a list of 10 requests from an Alzheimer's Patient which I shared with the wife of a victim and asked her to pass it on to the activity director of the nursing home. Looking over the list caused her to sadly nod her head in agreement. I am passing the list on to my readers with the hope it will help others see the issue more clearly.

Please be patient with me. I am the helpless victim of a brain disease.

Talk to me. Even though I cannot always answer.

Be kind to me. Each day of my life is a desperate struggle.

Consider my feelings. They are still very much alive within me.

Treat me with dignity and respect. As I would have gladly treated you.

Remember my past. For I was once a healthy vibrant person.

Remember my present. For I am still living.  

Remember my future. Though it may seem bleak to you.

Pray for me. For I am a person who lingers in the mists of time.

Love me. And the gifts of love you give will be a blessing forever.

~Anonymous

Refusing to believe

Wow! I can't believe I had such a hard time believing what was right before my very eyes.

I have been counting all those souls recently presented to me by the wisdom of the universe who have displayed signs of being bipolar, manic depressive, having passive aggressive and narcissistic disorders and even the probability of housing multiple personalities. I just passed their idiosyncratic tendencies on by and tried to make them perfect, no matter what.

Instead of allowing these sick people to blame me for their problems why didn't I ever see it was them not me who had a problem? 

The answer to that question no doubt goes way back to the very first time, as a small child, that I took the blame for some humungous act that I had nothing to do with. I would not be surprised if that incident was  my conception to parents who were not yet married.  From there it went on and on like dust bunnies beneath a bed; growing bigger and bigger with each passing experience.

Note to universe: Enough already! I get it! From now I will only accept responsibility for my own actions. If I am at fault I have no problem admitting that fact, but I will no longer accept responsibility for the actions of anyone else- whether they are sick or not!

Who are you anyway?

I love it when all the little pieces start falling into place and I begin to see an entire puzzle. This week's "lesson" was about being authentically you.

It began when my Writing Camp partner and I had lunch at a local restaurant to talk over what had worked and what had not this year, in preparation for next year's camp. She was about to be seated when another customer greeted her with a hug saying she hadn't seen her in a long time. The woman also quietly shared, "I just lost my husband".

A little later my partner, B.J. said, " I have no idea who that woman was." We both smiled at her statement.

In the meantime another lady on the way in also greeted B.J. like a long lost friend. Soon she was back at our table with an apology because she had realized she had mistaken my partner for someone else. Again, it gave us something to smile about.

Another woman came into the restaurant with her husband whom I recognized from my past. I chose to ignore her presence. When I first met this woman, several years ago, she presented herself as a caring individual. Even though I had cause to doubt her authenticity, I believed her until she proved that my doubt was real. Now I want nothing to do with her negative ways.

Next an online friend who has had years of professional experience as a handwriting expert, made a comment that fit right in. He stated, "People don't always match their profile. In time they  reveal who they are. It starts with something not feeling congruent."

What he shared caught my attention because I know someone who exactly fits his statement. The man is like a study in opposites. What he says and what he does are entirely two different things. I am actually beginning to believe he seriously needs professional help of some kind.

The thought of not matching one's profile continued to stay in my mind to the point that I checked on my own Facebook profile to see if what it said was who I really am. Other than updating work related projects, I am happy to say I changed nothing.

In conclusion, who you see is who I am. I am not in hiding from anyone and I love attracting others, like my partner and friend B.J., who are also authentic souls.

Are you blind?

A question I am asking myself this morning is, "Are you blind?"

Sometimes it takes awhile for the mind to catch up and accept what is right before the eyes.

Preconceived ideas and experiences often get in the way of filtering out the past and seeing what is real. Although I read Eckhart Tolle's book, A New Earth, apparently I am still having a problem with living in the present. It is a very difficult thing to accomplish for a recovering control freak whose mantra was, I want things to be the way I see them not the way they are.

Enough of the past; this morning a loyal Facebook friend posted a work of art which can be found on http://artofdavidwalker.com/section/121445.html  David Walker is an artist who uses only spray paint to create fabulous street art in London. Viewing the example of his work impressed me because of the colors and interesting shapes. I was taking in each piece, until the moment I stepped back and realized what the artist had actually painted. My reaction was WOW!

After checking out how he had created what I finally saw I was even more amazed. What a talented man!

Your soul knows the truth

From my life experiences I know it is the best feeling in the world when I connect with a soul that I have spent other lifetimes with and that soul also recognizes the universal connection. It is the worst feeling in the world when the other soul claims no knowledge of that life/lives. I suppose whoever remembers what really doesn't matter because the soul always knows the truth.

One of the good things Facebook and other social networks do is make these fantastic connections possible. The energy is offered, to be accepted or not, and it really doesn't matter if the two souls are ever in the same place at the same time. I for one am very grateful to have followed my intuition and made the connections that were offered.

The garden of dreams

After obtaining parental permission, it is my pleasure to now share one of the pieces written by a student in  our Writing Camp. The author is only 10 and in my opinion shows a great deal of promise as a writer. I told her she has the "ears" of a writer because she listens to everything that is going on around her and uses what she gathers in her writing.

The Garden of Dreams
by Jhoana R.

I'm close to you, you're close to me, we're close together in the garden of dreams. In the garden I stay there to see you smiling with a wonderful glee. Light is done. The sun is gone. Time to go, but here we know, we will always stay together in the garden of dreams.

We done good!

We finished up the two week Writing Camp for elementary students this morning with a little party to celebrate. In addition to yummy M & M cookies and juice my co-worker, B.J., gave them some interesting mementos with her own brand of retired teacher experience attached to them.

First she offered the kids small magnets and told them that they were to take one example of what they had written and using the magnet attach it to their refrigerator. Next was a tiny box of Milk Duds, which they were to carefully open, saving the box and putting it somewhere in their bedroom. Then they were instructed to look at the box the next time something came up that they didn't think they could do and remember that they are not duds. Finally, they were given a pack of fruit snacks, reminding them that  although everyone is different they are all special in their own way. I also added cute little erasers and rewarded the boy and girl who had perfect attendance during the camp with a special gift.

I can't believe how lucky I am to have connected with B.J.on this year's camp project. It was a perfect fit and I believe the kids who took advantage of what we freely offered benefited from the connection. If we did nothing else but strengthen their self confidence-  we done good!

Homesick

My regular readers know that I have written several blog posts about my friend Ms. M. She has read what I have written and is getting a giant kick out of it. You see she is a resident in our local nursing home and the only way I could use her actual name is to go through their red tape, which is a pain in the you know what! Thus she is referred to as Ms. M. Where there's a will there's a way.

Yesterday I received a call from her asking me to stop by for a chat because she had something important she wanted to tell me. I was unprepared for the news she wanted to share.

In the last few months I have become her adopted family, as all of her biological family live in Texas. It has been fun and we have found that we have a lot in common, including a natural gift for writing. Mine was awakened in 2000 when I was given the opportunity to write a column for our local paper, by a person who saw something in me that I was not aware of at the time. I am happy to say that I am responsible for awakening Ms. M's gift of words which had lain dormant for years. She now can't wait to get those words out of her mind and share them in her creative stories.

On our visit yesterday and with tears in her eyes, she informed me that she would soon be moving to a nursing home near her family. Although she is very happy here and has made many friends, the truth of the matter is-  she is homesick.

As I looked at her I asked, "Do you really need to go into a nursing home?" I was thinking perhaps she could live with a relative.

Her answer was, "I love it! I have no responsibilities and I can do anything I choose to fill my days."

I believe she's got it, as Professor Henry Higgins once exclaimed.

All Ms. M needs now to complete her perfect life is to go home. Bon Voyage my fair lady, I am grateful to have been counted as your friend in this lifetime.

Another one bit the dust

Another family holiday down the tubes. It would be really cool to have a family to celebrate with, but the reality is that I don't. I do; however have, reasonably good health, friends, a home, a car, enough food and clothes, no current bills and most of all an interesting assortment of universal gifts.That's a lot to be grateful for and there are many souls who do not have what I have.

Looking around at the devastation through floods and fires in the world today causes me to be very grateful for what I have. It may not be much according to national statistics, but there is little more that I actually need. It always makes me laugh to see that my income falls well below the poverty level for the United States. I look at the rich and wonder why they need so much in an attempt to be happy. You can only sleep in one bed at a time.

Although today's post is short it is full of gratitude for my family that is no more. Through them I learned what counts and what doesn't.



  

Another observation

While offline I also noticed I had at some point done quite a bit of research on ego vs. soul. I found some interesting information acquired from an Osho (a mystic guru from India) website. He said in part, the ego is a by product of living with others. If we lived in a cave away from other humans we would never develop an ego. (That doesn't sound like much fun and we would grow to become an animal.)

The ego is nothing more than what society thinks of us and society is ALL minus you. I love that thought and it is a very good thing to remember.

There was another Osho thought that I liked and that is, "If you know the false as false, truth will dawn on you. You have to encounter the untrue to know what is true." In other words, stop believing everyone else and tune into what your own soul knows to be true. If following someone else feels wrong pay attention- it is! Stop it!

As the result of contemplating that thought I created a list of about 10 people who made an impact on me in recent years and are no longer part of my life. I was curious to see what they might have in common. Most of them were basically nice people, but they were all pushy, demanding and controlling in their own unique way. They all wanted me to live my life according to the way they thought I should.

Interestingly, I saw that they all acted as mirrors, either reflecting the person I once was or a person that I absolutely do not ever want to be. No wonder they are no longer part of my life. Who in their right mind would want to invite that brand of negativity back in? They did their job and I am grateful- the end.

Looking at other notes I had taken on ego vs. soul I found a comparison written by Barbara Whitefield that I would like to pass on for your consideration.

The voice of ego/mind
Flatters, commands, demands, tests, chooses for you, imprisons, promotes dependency, intrudes, pushes, excludes, instills fear, is status oriented, judges, insists on obedience, claims ultimate authority, offers shortcuts, seeks personal gratification.

The voice of spirit/soul
Informs, suggests, guides, nudges, leaves choice to you, empowers, promotes independence, respects, supports, includes, promotes well-being, is free and open, accepts individuality, encourages growth and development, recognizes a higher power, offers integration, lives in unconditional love.

A message I received this morning was: just be you and don't worry about what anyone else thinks.

It appears that sometimes we need to take a quiet break and observe what we have already been offered before jumping ahead to the next lesson. I recently had a dream that I had graduated and it wasn't from high school or college. Perhaps now someone will actually hand me the diploma I have worked so hard to earn.

Here and now

 This morning I am very grateful to the Universe for cutting off my access to my computer for a little over a week. That may sound a little weird, but I now see that it gave me an opportunity to go back in time and relearn some lessons that I didn't quite get when they were first presented. Luckily I usually follow my strong intuition about taking notes that my soul mind knows I may need later.

One of the interesting tidbits I found was information I had written down about a dream I had in 2007. It was about midway into my "conscious awakening journey". I don't often remember my dreams so when I do I know the message must be very important.

Before going into that dream I want to inject an incident that occurred in the spring of 1999, during a hypnosis session to end a 40 year nicotine addiction, which worked by the way. I clearly saw a bolt of lightning from somewhere in front of and slightly above my body pierce my heart. There was no pain involved and I have shared the information with few. I have never fully understood its meaning except to take it as a wake up call to begin a new life. I had actually forgotten about this experience, which really surprises me.  

Now back to the 2007 dream: 
I had just finished reading James Redfield's Celestine Prophecy and it left me with a question. As the saying goes, "ask and thou shall receive"; I asked, "How do I breathe in  Universal energy?" I'm sure some of you are saying, "just breathe". Back then I didn't know some of the things I have since learned. That's called growing, I believe.

Here is the dream according to my notes and my current awakened memory. There were two women, dressed in what appeared to be old world nun's clothing, except that they wore no head dress and the color was green (sage) not black. They walked along a path with a short stone wall separating them from the sea. They entered a stone building, resembling an old church. The younger woman went into a small room with a cot, laid down and began crying because she was afraid of something. The older woman confidently sat down at a desk and using a telephone began inspiring/encouraging callers to evolve. 

At the time I had the dream I felt both women represented me and I was being asked to choose which one I wanted to be. Because I have learned a lot about spiritual matters since 2007, this morning I took the dream apart piece by piece, with the help of Betty Bethards' book , The Dream Book.

Follow us:
nun= teacher, spiritual qualities within self, if dressed in black (not) implies being walled off from people and material things

#2= balance of masculine/feminine energy

path= your direction in life

stone= strength, grounding, personal power

sea= sea of life, enormous emotional energy to be used wisely

church= acknowledgement of higher power

bed= bridge between conscious and unconscious, return to the womb

desk= problem you are working on, exploration, self discovery

telephone=  asking for guidance, trying to give or receive a message

I also strongly felt that the color of the nun's habit was very important. I also felt it had something to do with Archangel guidance, which I have since learned to accept and appreciate. Remember, I had asked a question of the Universe. I checked in Doreen Virtue's book, Angels 101, to see which Archangel's color came closest to fitting the color sage. It was Chamuel, the angel of peace, who helps us find what we are looking for.

Those are the facts dear readers and you are free to make of them what you wish. I personally am extremely grateful to have been given an opportunity to view the progress made here and now.

Free to write

For over a week I have been without the use of a computer. Mine had  been giving me so much trouble  that I was advised to just let it sit until I could find someone to check it out. So that is exactly what I did.

Living in a small town is sometimes tough when one needs to locate a repairman. I asked everyone I came in contact with for the name of someone who might help me. I ended up with three different people, but couldn't contact any of them. I left messages with the hope that at least one would call me back. I waited and waited for my phone to ring and nothing happened.

In desperation I finally went to the library to use their computer. Their provider is a local one and slower than slow. I did find out that there was nothing wrong with my Facebook account and the problem I was having accessing it was most likely whatever was wrong with my computer. That was at least a tiny bit of good news. I was also given the name of a computer repair business that I thought had closed. It had only moved to a new location, due to the constant digging up of roads to repair old water lines. It makes the saying " you can't get there from here" a reality.

On Monday I bundled up my computer and took it for a ride to Black Mesa Computers. I explained its current performance and left it in the care of Mike and Sparkie, sending out positive thoughts that the bill wouldn't be outrageous, I was told it would be ready in a couple of days.

During the week I was without my trusty friend I realized it had become an addiction. I rediscovered life before computers. I cleaned out my file cabinet, looking over research material I had saved over the last few years. It jogged my memory about things I had forgotten I even knew. I made a phone call to my son to whom I had not spoken to in at least two years, because we communicate via email. I also called a local friend whom I had not checked in with for several months. I spent more time with my 3 four legged pets. I cleaned house and found time to rearrange furniture. I did tune into our local radio station and checked out a couple of daytime TV shows that I used to enjoy watching.

Most of all I remembered I knew how to write without the use of a piece of machinery. My friend and I have now reconnected and it didn't cost me an arm and a leg. Today is Independence Day and I am going to turn off my friend for awhile and go watch the parade.