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Monday, August 6, 2012

Play it again

I just responded to an online test that was supposed to tell me what I wanted from life. My results were: experience, love and health. Oddly, before going to bed last night I wrote down what I believe I am searching for:good health, security, a mate. How close can one come without being right on?

The main difference was experience and security. My experiences have taught me what not to do and if I had another chance I would make different choices that would probably have led to current security.

First I would not have listened to my ego telling me that compared to others I had little value as a person and no special talent. I would not have listened to my mother and found a way to obtain an education beyond high school, finding out that I actually am worthy of the best the universe has to offer. It's called self-esteem. 

I would have listened to my intuition and not married either of my husbands, thus avoiding being subjected to their negative addictions. I also would have learned a lot earlier that I am quite capable of taking care of myself without the assistance of a mate. It's called independence.

As far as children go I may have stopped at my first born. Of course, that would have meant no grandchildren. Sometimes we have to deal with the negative to get to the positive. That's called a reward and is often worth the price we have to pay.

Unfortunately, I only have one chance to live my life. Approaching age 75 and knowing that where I am is the result of the choices I have made is causing me stress. Why didn't I listen to the guidance I was offered? Why didn't I trust that God made me perfect just the way I am?

Compared to many women my age my life would be considered wonderful. I own my house, my car and owe no one anything. I have enough of everything for today and I am truly grateful.

I guess the only thing missing is love.
All You Need is Love- the Beatles

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