What's the point?

Over the last almost twenty years I have written thousands of words and in comparison have made very little money on the projects I have followed through on. A really good example is my newest book, "What Now My Love? A Writer's Journey". It has been two months since I published it on Amazon.com and I have apparently sold one copy, plus I gave two hard copies to friends.

This morning I am asking myself what's the point? I am sitting here at my brand new computer pondering that question.

I have felt for a long time that my writing is meant to inspire, but I always thought that meant to inspire others. Could it possibly be that the universe has been pushing me to inspire myself? The push certainly wasn't meant to bring in money. What a joke that is!

Writing does make me happy, especially when I allow my spiritual guides to lead me. Sometimes I read what I have written and wonder aloud, "Did I write that? It is really good!".

Does anyone really give a damn what I write? Are the newspaper columns, books, blog posts and poems I have been writing over the years just a waste of time? Will anyone care when I no longer live the life of a human? I know that I have occasionally inspired someone else, but is that enough? Something seems to be seriously be out of balance.

I am not the kind of person to give up but I would sure like to know what is the point? 

After sharing this post online one of my friends came up with a suggestion that makes sense. It was to think of my writings as if I were scattering seeds- some take some don't. Sounds like an excellent idea to me! Sort of like Johnny Appleseed with words.

A frustrating adventure

The last few days have not only been frustrating but expensive!  My computer gave me a warning that the hard drive was about to go out. Wonderful! It was a refurbished computer and should have been updated a long time ago. It couldn't have come at a worse time as I am trying to save money to get a new roof on my house next spring or summer.

To make a long story short my son and I went to Walmart and found a new one within my price range. I am grateful that he is computer knowledgeable and got it hooked up and ready to go. Then we discovered that my old monitor was not going to work with it. So back to Walmart to get a new one.

Although everything is now working my son decided it needed more memory and another item (not sure what that is) that will make it run better.

So yesterday I thought everything was going to work well, but I was wrong! My internet provider decided to pick that day to play some games and the service kept going on and off for several hours. Every time I got ready to type something it was off.

I am sincerely hoping all goes well today because I am still attempting to get used to my new toy. It does, after all, make up a large part of my social life. Even though this has been a frustrating adventure it has been a learning experience.

Success

It looks as if my idea of offering a writing group online is going to be a success. We are gradually adding members and moving in the right direction. I should have done this a long time ago. I am just taking a moment to invite any of my readers to join us. The group is called, Write On and since it is in the infancy stage now would be an ideal time to come join us.

Hope to see you there!

New direction

Something unexpected popped into my head and I decided to follow through with an idea that took my prior local writing group in a new direction. I had recently sent out feelers to start a new group and got nothing in return. I decided the idea was no longer going to work. Well that sucks I thought!

My guide Richard, who always comes to my aid when I get stuck, apparently saw my disappointment and offered a new idea I had not considered before.

Today I created an online writing group and began by inviting some Facebook friends to join. You have to start somewhere! It is called Write On and I chose a lotus blossom as a picture to go along with the title. It is a beautiful flower that has its start in mud. I wonder is there a message there?

I am hoping to attract ordinary people who may never have had a chance to write.The only rules are respect and support of what others write. I actually stole that word respect from my children's writing camp. It was the only rule we had and it worked for the kids. I also stole the idea of suggesting a changing prompt, from my adult writing group.

Perhaps everything I had already experienced was simply practice. Could be!

I have a strong feeling this new group idea is going to work. I believe it is what I am supposed to be doing. It's pretty cool that members will be from all over the world instead of just those from my little town of Grants, NM.

Moving on seems to be the direction I am supposed to be taking. Also joining me as an administrator is my long time friend, Lois M., whose mantra is "onward and upward". 

Not a nice word

Today someone posted something about hate on Facebook and it reminded me of something that happened when I had my adult writing group. It was the custom to take turns coming up with a subject to write about. A man in the group said he had been working on something and suggested the word hate. It produced some interesting articles. The following is the piece that I wrote:

Hate is such an ugly word, but it is after all only a word. It is the feeling behind the word that gets us in trouble. I distinctly remember shouting,"I hate her" when complaining to my grandmother about a former classmate. I was a teenager riding in the back seat of her car at the time. She immediately turned around and quietly said, "You don't hate anyone".

That simple response has stuck in my mind my whole life. I try not to use the word at all although it occasionally pops out. For instance my recent utterance, "I hate this snow", was the result of not looking past the icy roads that kept me a prisoner to appreciate the pristine beauty it left. 

According to Webster hate is having a strong dislike or ill will toward a person or thing. My definition of hate is a person who is unwilling to open their mind and heart to something beyond what is normal for them. For me the word hate especially brings up the word prejudice. That word quickly moves on to race, color, religion, economic status and anything else that categorizes a person or group of people. Hate has started many wars between people and nations because they cannot accept the other as is.

I feel very fortunate to have grown up without hate as a daily experience. The people around me come from all walks of life; some are rich some poor, some black some white and every color in between, some are religious some spiritual. I am grateful for the opportunity I have been given to learn from each one. They have all brought something different to my life and provided opportunities for me to evolve.

I do not consider any entity below or above me and so there is no reason to hate or be jealous of what anyone else has. We all came from the same source with our very own guidance system. To my knowledge we are all going back to whence we came when we are finished walking our path on this planet called earth.

Of course, there is that occasional person who expresses hate/dislike toward me. Others sometimes don't like what I say, think or do. When that happens I have two choices. I can buy into what they believe, causing even more hate, or simply ignore them; realizing that is after all, their problem not mine. 

I don't mean to give the impression that I have never expressed anger at someone's behavior, but temporary anger is a long way from hate. While still in the infant stage it can be dealt with by communicating, providing both parties are willing to listen and be heard. Hate is a learned behavior and it can be unlearned.

Apparently my grandmother did a very good job with me in her simple response to my hatefulo behavior way back then by responding, "You don't hate anyone". 

Thanks Nana, you did good! 











 

 

A spoonful of sugar

There are times when something happens that just makes me angry.

My oven that I bought in March 2017 is, for the third time, not heating properly. It is very frustrating to think I am going to cook dinner, turn the oven on and it barely gets warm. For the second time a new ignition was installed about two weeks ago. It has been a week and I am still trying connect with the repair person who is authorized to fix it- again. I have left four messages for him because he doesn't answer his phone.

I called the warranty number Tuesday and talked to a not so very nice man who said give it to the end of the week. I hung up after saying, "that's just great!"

This morning I decided to give the repair person until 11:00 to call me. He didn't so I called the warranty number back. A very nice lady answered my call this time. She took down everything I said and told me she would report the problem to the service department.

I told her either the repairman was missing something that was causing the ignition to malfunction or the oven needed to be replaced. I was told that if they could not reach the repairman and no other one was found in my area the oven would have to be replaced. Yay that would be good! I already know he is the only one available.

Because the lady was so nice I ended the phone call with a good feeling instead of anger. 

Wait for it

In talking to a friend the other day she related that her motto is, "if you want it done right do it yourself". I know the feeling because I tend to follow that path too. Although sometimes it would have been better if I had waited for someone else to do their share.

Three weeks ago I had someone repair damage done to my living room ceiling from a roof leak. It took several applications of what the roofer called mud to  make it look like the rest of the ceiling, but it still needed to be painted. I bought a gallon of paint with the hope that it would match the previous paint.

Over the weekend I taped the entire ceiling and with a small brush painted along the tape.I had to use a ladder because I am not tall enough to reach without it. I had thought my son would do the rest of the painting.Well he didn't!

Yesterday I decided to do it myself. I kept telling myself, "you can do it". After moving all the furniture out of the way and covering the almost new carpet with plastic I was ready to begin, even though my heart was not in the job. I started by painting the section that had been repaired. I noticed that it was only slightly different from the old paint. I decided to leave it and get a second opinion whether it was necessary to paint the entire ceiling.

It was decided that it was close enough. By that time my leg and foot, which I already had a problem with, was hurting from climbing up and down the ladder.

Yesterday I removed the tape and thought to myself, what a waste of time and energy. I have been in pain for three days and this morning I was thinking, if I had just waited I could have saved myself a lot of negative energy.

Did I learn a lesson? We will see!

Keep your word

One of the most important traits to me is keeping your word when you give it. One of the nicest compliments I have ever received was from someone who really didn't like me very much. She said, "you always keep your word even when you later change your mind". Yes I do.

Wondering what other people had to say about the subject, I googled it. It offered some interesting quotes that I want to share.

People with good intentions make promises. People with character keep them.

When you don't keep your word you lose credibility.

Not keeping your word is a quick way to get cut off.

Among the things you can give and still keep are your word, a smile and a grateful heart.

Keep your word. When you say you will do something and don't do it you teach others (including yourself) that you cannot be trusted.

So it appears that I am in good company and I value the company of like minded people who also keep their word when given. 

It's a new day

God helps those who help themselves. Right? Right!

I have done everything I can to create a path to solve my current financial problem. If the universe decides to add their two cents that would be great. Waiting around for a miracle to appear is stupid.

My path may take a little longer, but I will have the satisfaction of doing it myself. So there!

More than one way

I have always liked the expression "there is more than one way to skin a cat". I wouldn't want to skin a cat and have no idea where this idea came from, but there is more than one way to do almost anything.

For the last couple of weeks I have had a problem involving money or rather lack of it. I will need to have a new roof put on my house sometime in the next year. I told the roofer it would have to be next spring or summer before I could afford the job. In the meantime I need to figure out how to save enough money.

I have been going back and forth with different plans, including a part time job, which at my age I do not want to do. I have even tried to think of things I can sell that are just taking up space. I contemplated doing the local craft show in December. I ruled that out because it is a three day show. Been there done that and really do not want to do it again.Besides it always falls on my birthday.

The first thing I did was open a savings account. Something I hadn't done in years. I knew if I was going to expect money I needed a place to put it. Made sense to me!

Several things happened last week that caused me to believe it was time to buy a lottery ticket. This was something I hadn't done in years, but it just seemed right. Wrong! I managed to match two numbers and was very disappointed. I felt like the universe had set me up and I was angry for awhile.

Another thing that is upsetting me is the fact that I can't seem to make any money from my writing. I have three e-books on Amazon and have submitted two articles to magazines with no response. I also have a poem submitted to a contest which won't end until next April.That's enough to make any writer depressed. I simply can't afford an agent on my income.

Well that's what has been going on in my little world lately. I was about ready to just give up when something unforeseen came into the picture. My income was suddenly increased and I decided to add that extra money to my new savings account, each month. It isn't a lot, but it will add up as the months go by.

As the saying goes, there is more than one way to skin a cat. There may also be other ways in the near future that I do not know about. I have turned the problem over to the universe.

P.S. Being naturally curious I checked out the saying in question.The earliest printed citation of the saying is found in a short story by American humorist, Seba Smith, 1840. The entire quote is: "There are more ways than one to skin a cat so there are more ways than one of digging for money." Interesting huh?

Happy birthday dad

My father would have been 106 today, but he left his body behind in 1967. I was 30 years old with two children and a husband whom I should never have married.

I don't often think about my father because my mother pretty much ran the family. He did most of the cooking and probably due to that fact I love to cook and bake. The strongest memories I have of him involve cooking. When I was a child I had major surgery and some say I was not expected to live. The night before I went to the hospital my father announced I could have anything I wanted for dinner. I choose a little fish called smelt that he often fried. It was one of my favorite things to eat. The other memory is when I was a young mother and he helped me roast my first turkey. All the relatives were coming to my house for Thanksgiving.

So today on what would have been his 106th birthday I celebrate his life and the contribution he made to mine.

Happy birthday dad!

From the past

Sifting through some previous blog posts I found one I wrote in 2012. Lately it seems things are coming back in interesting ways. I decided to share a portion of the observations from six years ago. The post was originally titled, "Step by step".

In 1999 a new friend loaned me his copy of Richard Bach's, "Illusions". I was told it was the story of a reluctant messiah. Today I am wondering why he chose to give me this particular book. I had no desire to be a messiah. What in the heck is a messiah anyway? I suppose in the simplest terms it is a leader. In any case this book opened up a brand new path for me to walk on, step by step. 

Bach's unique spiritual perception and unusual writing style immediately captured my attention. Without his knowledge he became my mentor. His example taught me to never be afraid to express what is on my mind and to learn to write from my heart. It didn't matter what anyone else thought because I was not writing for the unbelievers. I gradually grew to accept the fact that I had a message to share and would be given the means to accomplish my mission. All I had to do was take every opportunity that came along, step by step. 

Years after reading "Illusions" I am very proud of my accomplishments. It doesn't mean that I am a better writer than anyone else; it simply means I willingly followed the real Messiah and in doing so I also became a leader for others to follow.

I find it very interesting that so many things from the past have recently been coming back. Why this is true I do not know. It is almost as if the universe is giving me another chance or perhaps it is simply a mirror, reminding me of how far I have come in the last twenty years.

Someone once made the comment "stuff happens". Yes it does and it is up to us just how we react to it. As I look back on the last twenty years I can see that I didn't always make the wisest of choices, but for the most part I am pleased with myself and the things I have accomplished, step by step.