Reflections

 In looking over some previously written pieces I found the following.        

As I stood in front of my bathroom mirror I asked the person looking back at me, “What do you really want?”  Without hesitation my answer was, “Someone to actually see me.”

In my 85 years of life on this planet I do not think that has ever happened. That fact might have made me laugh if it wasn’t so sad. I am beginning to feel like an invisible person.

Growing up with a brother thirteen months younger than I was, I pretty much missed out on having the attention most babies get. I couldn’t even start kindergarten because my brother didn’t want me to go to school without him.

All during my school years I felt as if nobody even noticed me. I graduated as a non-person. I married the first male who asked me. The marriage did nothing to bolster my ego. I married a first class jerk who spent all of his free time racking up girlfriends, until the day I decided I had enough.

My next move didn’t help much either. I walked right into another marriage because I didn’t think I could support my two sons alone. I spent the next 27 years struggling to deal with a dedicated alcoholic. Even giving him a daughter didn’t make him stop drinking.

In 2000 I knew my life needed to change. I began deleting all the negative things that, to that point, had acted as a weight, pulling me down. I ended a forty year smoking habit, dropped the Catholic Church and divorced my second husband. By that time all three of my children were on their own and so was I.

Believing that God helps those who help themselves, I accepted an invitation to write a column for our local newspaper. I had begun interviewing people and used the information to write their personal stories. This led to a second column a couple of years later. By this time I knew I was meant to be a writer.

I then wrote two hard copy books, sharing my personal experiences. To be honest I probably gave away more copies than I sold, but it did make me a published author. I seemed to be on a roller coaster that did not want to stop.

My next step was to create an online blog in 2009, sharing everyday experiences that I thought just might help others to cope with their struggles. I have been told that is exactly what it does. A year ago I created an online writing group. I kept it closed so that members could write whatever they needed to without interference from anyone outside the group.

I currently have four E-books published on Amazon.com. They are: “Journey of an Enlightened Egotist”, “Spirits of Cibola County” “What Now My Love? A Writer’s Journey” and “Adventures of a Chosen Messenger".

I had no idea back in 2000 that I would become a writer. Sometimes we can not clearly see our future or our purpose. Someone once told me that if I found my passion I would find my purpose. I believe I have done that.

Even though I am now a published author I still ask myself, “Do you see me now?” The one thing I want more than anything else is for someone to take a good look and really see who I am. That may never happen, but that is my wish.