And the total is-

I actually lost track of how many books I have written and had published over the years so I decided to make a list.

I began with two hard cover books: Wake Up! in 2004 and A Gathering of Spirit in 2005. They are out of print although a few copies are still swimming around out there. 

Then came the Kindle books: Spirits of Cibola County in 2011, Journey of an Enlightened Egotist in 2011, What Now My Love?A Writer's Journey in 2018 and Adventures of a Chosen Messenger in 2022. The last one is also available as a paperback.

Along the way I have kept up a blog since 2009 and been the administrator of an online writing group. That's a lot of writing for someone who was not trained to be a writer. If you have been following along I am now writing , Friends Who Become Family. At the moment I am not sure where that one is headed for.

What next?

I am sort of in limbo right now. I know I am supposed to do something, but I am not sure what. I started writing a new book, just to have something to do. I had been reading books about females turning their homes into B&B's and wondered why. It seems the books I am reading are a guide to somehing. Thinking about my house and my oldest son living here for the last few years caused me to think more about the situation. It is a lot like a B&B. He has his own space, pays me rent and pretty much does whatever he wants. We have dinner together instead of breakfast. Another difference is that he often contributes to cooking that meal. He likes to cook and I enjoy the time off!

About that book I am writing- it is sort of a history of my life, taking note of all the friends I have had along the way. I will let you know what happens with that when the time comes. At the moment it is a work in progress.

Are you my parent?

For some time I have wondered if the parents, family, I assumed were mine really were. This question may seem strange to others, but I think it is a valid one. It is entirely possible that babies were mixed up in the small hospital where i was born. It is something I will never know for sure as everyone is now deceased, even my brother. Speaking of my brother, 13 months younger than I was, a female recently emailed and said she found out he was her father. Really? He didn't even know she existed before he died. She used someone who was in the know to do a DNA search. How is that possible when the person in question is no longer living? There is a lot of strange stuff going on at ancestry.com People write whatever they feel like. My own daughter has some false information listed, but she refuses to fix it.

Back to my situation. I have never felt close to either my parents or my brother, who are now deceased. I think that is a little strange! I remember my mother saying that a woman wanted to adopt me when I was little. I think that is more than a little strange too! Another strange thing is that I do not look like other members of my immediate family. They are all short and stout and I am tall and thin.

I wonder if I actually discovered that I grew up in the wrong family, what would I do? I believe I would just use the information to answer some questions and leave things the way they are. I mean at age 85 what difference does it make? I know who my children are and that is all that counts. I don't think, like a couple of others in my so called family, I would clomp onto relatives that were not part of my growing up. That's just freaky!

So I guess I will never know if my parents were really my parents or not.

New book

 I have decided to write another book after all. The working title will be, Friends Who Become Family. Perhaps it is time to give up on my biological family and concentrate on friends.

Life makes no sense

There are people killed every day that make no sense.It isn't even safe to buy groceries or go to school without worrying about being shot. Yet there are those idiots like Trump running around mouthing off every day. Nobody does anything about it! He even led a mob to destroy the capitol and nothing happened to him. I really do not understand life!

Time marches on

I just opened a copy of my very first published book from 2001. It was a locally published collection of the very first interviews I did along with an assortment of poems. It was titled, "Spirit With A Positive Attitude". The amount of books I have published since then is amazing, considering that I am not a trained writer. I am having trouble realizing that people just let me in to do my thing.If that wasn't enough, my stories were eventually published in our local newspaper. Today I am wondering, why did people trust me? I wasn't from here and I was neither Native American or Spanish. Looking back I have to laugh at what happened. Today I am wondering where do I go from here? I don't feel that I will write anymore books, but something along that line keeps popping its head up. Whatever happens next will cause me to be as surprised as anyone. I do want to share the forward in my first book because it really made me smile when I re-read it. It was written by author, Marilyne V. Mabery.

"Your articles are a real blessing. They take a close look at the varying challenges facing some of the silent majority who deal with harsh realities, and make me proud that you are sharing these stories with the public.They make me quite humble and wake me to the reality that life is not only a gift, but worth every moment of our physical struggle.Whenever we each walk a mile in anyone's moccasins, we know then that our path may be rocky, but other's require so much more to keep the smile on their faces.I pray the New Millennium is filled with happiness and wide ranging challenges that keep you writing. You have a unique talent, don't ever let it be silenced."

I remember interviewing someone whom I was surprised had allowed it. When I asked why he said, "Because of who you are."

Are you my parents?

I just finished reading a Kindle book loosely based on that question. It got me thinking, not for the first time, if I was really me. What if babies were mixed up at the hospital? It not only could happen but has in the past. I have often wondered why I do not resemble other members of my family. I have never felt any closeness to my parents or brother. It seems there has to be a reason for that. About a year ago a female cropped up who claimed to be a long lost daughter of my deceased brother. Okay, she then proceeded to claim all of my relatives as hers. Perhaps she needed them.

I am wondering what if two baby girls were born on the same day in 1937 in a little hospital in Ketchikan, Alaska and they were switched? There has always been something that didn't quite add up. It is probably something I will never know for sure. I am wondering if it really matters after all these years? 

Veggies are good

Since meat is so expensive I would like to share a recipe for Vegetarian Chili that I got from a friend years ago. The ingredients are cooked in a large crock pot on low for 5-6 hours and served over rice.

1-2 chopped onions

1chopped green pepper

2 chopped celery ribs

2-3 chopped carrots 

28 oz can crushed tomatoes

1 can corn drained

2 cans black, pinto or kidney beans drained

1/2 cup water

1/2 tsp. red pepper flakes

2 tsp. cumin

1 Tbl chili powder

 dash of tabasco

Reflections

 In looking over some previously written pieces I found the following.        

As I stood in front of my bathroom mirror I asked the person looking back at me, “What do you really want?”  Without hesitation my answer was, “Someone to actually see me.”

In my 85 years of life on this planet I do not think that has ever happened. That fact might have made me laugh if it wasn’t so sad. I am beginning to feel like an invisible person.

Growing up with a brother thirteen months younger than I was, I pretty much missed out on having the attention most babies get. I couldn’t even start kindergarten because my brother didn’t want me to go to school without him.

All during my school years I felt as if nobody even noticed me. I graduated as a non-person. I married the first male who asked me. The marriage did nothing to bolster my ego. I married a first class jerk who spent all of his free time racking up girlfriends, until the day I decided I had enough.

My next move didn’t help much either. I walked right into another marriage because I didn’t think I could support my two sons alone. I spent the next 27 years struggling to deal with a dedicated alcoholic. Even giving him a daughter didn’t make him stop drinking.

In 2000 I knew my life needed to change. I began deleting all the negative things that, to that point, had acted as a weight, pulling me down. I ended a forty year smoking habit, dropped the Catholic Church and divorced my second husband. By that time all three of my children were on their own and so was I.

Believing that God helps those who help themselves, I accepted an invitation to write a column for our local newspaper. I had begun interviewing people and used the information to write their personal stories. This led to a second column a couple of years later. By this time I knew I was meant to be a writer.

I then wrote two hard copy books, sharing my personal experiences. To be honest I probably gave away more copies than I sold, but it did make me a published author. I seemed to be on a roller coaster that did not want to stop.

My next step was to create an online blog in 2009, sharing everyday experiences that I thought just might help others to cope with their struggles. I have been told that is exactly what it does. A year ago I created an online writing group. I kept it closed so that members could write whatever they needed to without interference from anyone outside the group.

I currently have four E-books published on Amazon.com. They are: “Journey of an Enlightened Egotist”, “Spirits of Cibola County” “What Now My Love? A Writer’s Journey” and “Adventures of a Chosen Messenger".

I had no idea back in 2000 that I would become a writer. Sometimes we can not clearly see our future or our purpose. Someone once told me that if I found my passion I would find my purpose. I believe I have done that.

Even though I am now a published author I still ask myself, “Do you see me now?” The one thing I want more than anything else is for someone to take a good look and really see who I am. That may never happen, but that is my wish.

Holidays

I was just thinking of holidays and the birth of my three children. My two sons were both six days late. My first managed to be born on Christmas morning and was actually due on December 19th. My second son was born on February 20, but was actually due on Valentine's Day. My doctor was happy as she had a party she planned to go to. My daughter chose to be born on Labor Day weekend along with so many others it made my doctor end up exhausted! Thank goodness I only had three!

Problem fixed

For the last five days I have had an internet problem. My son thought it was the modem. He had me convinced too. Today the repairman finally came and after checking out everything he discovered the wire to the modem had somehow been cut. He thought probably it may have happened when we got rid of the carpet. Anyway I am happy I didn't need a new modem. Those suckers are expensive!

Day one

If day one is any indication of what 2023 will be I suspect it will be a boring mess! Sometimes I wonder  just why I am still here. It seems strange that some very important people have left the world as we know it during 2022. Perhaps they weren't as important a they seemed to be. There are still a lot of obnoxious ones still around and it makes me wonder why that is. Not going to name names but you know who they are.

I have hopes that as the year dwindles down something good will happen in my life. Not sure what, but something. Since I am still here I can't help but wonder just what I am supposed to do now?