Is it just me

Last night I tried to watch the 20/20 program on Scientology and I turned it off after 30 minutes. I just don't get how any intelligent soul could join a group that audits their brain to conform to the leader's beliefs. How could so many people be sucked into this?

Then I'm thinking with a shudder how many people are getting sucked into believing the garbage some of the candidates running for U.S. president are shoving into the minds of potential voters. People who believe they have the power just because they have money make me sick!

I  believe that people get sucked into things because they don't have a strong enough personal belief system. All through history there there have been individuals who have successfully convinced groups of people that they were the chosen one, the reincarnated creator.

I have news- God doesn't have a body!

I'm not sure if its just me but it appears the world is getting mighty scary out there.

Fear not

Fear is a terrible thing. It can keep one trapped in an invisible cage and interfere with living a fulfilling life. We often fear things that don't ever happen. What a waste of time that is. I know, because I've done that many times. My number one fear is abandonment; a fear of being incapacitated or dying and nobody is there to help. I'm sure the root goes way back to my childhood but I have never been able to completely do away with it.

In thinking about fear two friends came to mind who are so fearless that they inspire me to just get over it and do it; whatever it is. One is male and one female and I wish I had their courage.

Paul has walked the Camino de Santiago in Spain and participated in many retreats, some of them silent. He seems to be able to listen to his inner voice and know exactly what he is supposed to do. He is about to move from Hawaii, where he has lived for seven years, to California because he believes the time is right to do so. Whatever he does I know he will be just fine and will continue to be an inspiration to others aloing the way.

Lois is a spunky lady who traveled around the country in a small trailer pulled by her car. She has often referred to herself as homeless. The courage it took to move around from friend to friend with no attachment has really inspired me. Lately she has been given some health challenges, but even so she still gets around and doesn't let it keep her down for long. Her motto is "upward and onward". Her dream is to walk the Camino and if I were a betting person I would say- she's going to do it when the time is right.

So with this inspiration  I'm wondering what in the world is wrong with me. Because of the fear I talk myself into there are days I have a problem leaving my house. This is unacceptable and has to stop. I went through 15 years of taking medication in my past and I absolutely will not take that route again ever!

Yesterday I found a web site that listed 100 quotes about fear and I copied a few that I really liked to share with my readers.

Begin at once to live and count each day as a separate life.~Seneca

Ones fears of rejection is ones fear of love.~Alexandria Honey

Your fear is 100% dependent on you for survival.~Steve Maraboli

When you are grateful,  fear disappears and abundance appears.~Anthony Robbens

Fear doesn't need doors and windows, it works from the inside.~Andrew Clements

Courage is fear that has said its prayers.~Dorothy Barnard

There is nothing to fear but fear itself.~FDR

So fear not, it's a waste of your time!

Just say thank you

I had a recent experience that I am still tossing around in my mind.

I gave a gift to someone that I am quite sure is going through a very stressful period, because I am a nice person. The gift received no acknowledgement not even a simple thank you.

Now I know gifts are not supposed to be given with the thought of receiving anything in return, but seriously how hard is it to say a simple thank you? It is one of the basic things parents are supposed to teach their children.

When you don't even acknowledge something a person has given you or done for you it is like a slap in the face and makes the giver feel as though they shouldn't have bothered. How rude!

So my conclusion to this situation is that it clearly shows the character of a person who would ignore an opportunity to simply say thank you. And I  suppose the other fact is that I am only responsible for myself and what I choose to do.

Fight or quietly walk away

I just saw a photo of Tom Cruise with boxing gloves on and the caption "fighting ex for custody of daughter because of Scientology". It sparked this blog post and a powerful quote I wrote years ago. It was, the loudest noise you can make is to quietly walk away".

After 78 years of fighting to be recognized I finally realize- what the hell am I doing? I am literally wearing myself out, that's what I am doing!

It all began with trying to please a controlling mother who never ever noticed what a special daughter she had. It is thirty years too late now, but if I had just quietly walked away and refused to play her game, I would have saved myself years of fighting an impossible battle with others who have tried to suck me into their beliefs and addictions.

Looking around at the people in my current life I can see that I am still fighting a battle with certain souls. Instead of simply being me I am trying to be the person they expect me to be. What a relief it is going to be to unhook from their expectations and quietly walk away.

The game is over.

Perhaps the pain was worth it

I have more than once commented that my life sometimes feels like a smorgasbord of events. In just the last few years I have experienced and recovered from several medical problems that I never thought I would have. Most of my life has been very healthy. I don't mess with  the ordinary stuff I head straight for things like cancer. More than one medical person has made the comment, "you are very healthy". It always makes me laugh.

I really believe that when something unforeseen does happen to me I am supposed to share the experience to help others in a similar situation.  This happened today and it made me very happy to possibly give a friend a clue to share with a doctor of his choice. I really hope the information I shared will lead to the person being pain free and able to get on with his life.

I used to dislike the phrase, "if I could help just one person", but I believe I have changed my mind. There is nothing wrong with helping one person and perhaps I experienced the pain to do just that.

If so the pain was worth it.

Positive energy

I think I was wrong about my new massage therapist. There is no way I can keep seeing her. Since my session last Wednesday I have been in almost constant pain due to a procedure she used on the lower part of my body. She wrapped my legs in a blanket and pulled them past my waist, first to the left then to the right. She then made a joke, saying "bet you didn't know you could move that far, some of my clients can go even farther".  Well lady, "how many of them have had a recent hip replacement?"

Four days later and I am still trying to get my body to go back to where it was before I got caught in her web.

Perhaps the leg pain I have been experiencing is the Universe waiting to see just how long I am going to put up with this crap. Well I'm done right now! I do not need this person or her negative energy in my life.

To take the place of my mistake a friend just tuned me into a wonderful meditation video from Hay House. It is Secrets of Meditation by Davidji.  I have tried for years to meditate without much success. For some reason this works. Here is the link http://bit.ly/1q6E5bA

Positive energy trumps negative energy every time.

Let me count the ways

I was recently wondering why I seem to attract controlling people. The most obvious reason is that the Universe is trying to teach me something that I still have not learned. Yup that sounds about right.

There are probably as many ways to control someone as there are controllers and I have been in that group myself.

 My latest acquisition is my new massage therapist. I have had two sessions with her and it is a battle of energy. It is very difficult for me to relax and allow her to do what I am paying her to do. I finally realized the reason is that she is a very controlling person who reminds me of my deceased mother. When I share a thought with her she almost always chimes in with "that's wrong". I have decided that the only way I can continue to deal with her is to focus on relaxing while she is working on me and ignore everything else she is offering

In the past I have been married twice to men who have had negative addictions. They both chose to blame me for the direction their lives took. At the time I chose to take the blame.

 In the last few years I have attracted several people who appeared to be higher up on the educational scale than I am and I chose to allow them to make me feel stupid. None of them are now in my life because I no longer allow others to live my life for me.

The cream of the crop are those people who are great at manipulating. They have a tool box full of ideas to accomplish their task of trying to make me responsible for their problems. Well people I have enough problems of my own and I no longer have the time or energy to deal with yours.

I sincerely hope that I have finally learned enough and the Universe will stop knocking on my door and leaving me control freaks.

Happy talk

I ran across this quote this morning and it got my attention. I'm no longer going to be critical of myself, because I understand that there are many people out there that are willing to do that for me.

I grew up with a very critical mother who apparently thought it was her job to criticize every thing I did. I just realized her words are still affecting my life. I keep forgetting she died 29 years ago.

A friend recently told me about the book, Heal Your Body, by Louise Hay. In a conversation I told her I feel as if I want to move forward, but something is holding me back. I said I suspect it is me. She checked the book regarding my recent leg pain and it said that indicates "fear of the future". Wow how right on can one be? The book offered a way of rephrasing my self-talk.

After tweaking the suggestion just a little my new mantra is  "I move forward with confidence knowing that all is well in my life". I also ordered a copy of the book so I can check out other physical ailments that I have had. during this life. I have always wondered why I had mastoid (ear) surgery when I was about six.

Making a list of ailments in preparation of the book arriving I  realized they all had one thing in common. I had survived! They were all in the past so why am I still dealing with them?

I would say it is definitely time to choose happy talk and move on.