My last post on my healing journey was partly right and partly wrong. Anger is the underlying pattern of my life and I need to change course. What a waste of perfectly good energy.
As I said I am not angry that I manifested physical ailments during my life that could have caused my death. That part of the equation was correct. The anger came when what I created didn't render the results I had anticipated, namely producing someone who actually cared about me. I really picked some strong characters to fill the role of mother, father, husband and children. They all deserve an award for their performances.
Now then, although I can clearly see that anger has followed me all the days of my life and is at least partly responsible for my current pain I am not sure what the next step is. I have been reminded recently that energy is energy. It is neither positive nor negative. That concept is a little hard for me to grasp at the moment. It is sort of like that old chicken commercial that said "parts is parts". It all comes from the same place.
I know the first step in stopping any addiction is to acknowledge its presence. A few years ago a book titled The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie came into my hands. Perhaps I should go back to following the daily meditations. I just opened the book and it fell open to July 1. Guess that's my clue. The last words for today, June 30, are "God help me remember that during times of transition, my faith and my self are being strengthened."
Truer words were never spoken. Transition is exactly where I am and on the days when I take a step backwards it causes me to hang on to the pain of the past. I am picturing a huge bucket filled with all the anger I have stored up over the years and I am wondering what to do with it. It wouldn't be fair to dump it out into the universe and cause it to spill onto innocent bystanders. That resembles what happens in wars.
Oddly when I look inside there is nothing there. Is it possible the angry energy was simply a very potent figment of my imagination? I'll look at that concept for awhile and get back to you later. Meanwhile check to see what is inside of your bucket.