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Sunday, March 21, 2010

P.S. I Love You

As I have suggested in past posts my mother and I had a difficult relationship. It was not resolved at the time of her physical death in 1987. She was a very negative woman, whose energy rubbed off on me. I’m not blaming her it’s simply the truth.

As I entered her hospital room for the first time and viewed her unconscious frame a nurse said “tell her you love her”. I could not comply. I just stood by her bed and stared at the picture before my eyes. She died a few days later, without regaining consciousness.I carried the guilt of that moment around like unused baggage for twenty years until I was given the tool I needed to move on.

In 2007, while attempting to find out the name of my maternal grandfather, I was led to seek the help of my friend Kati, a Reiki Master. Her gift gave me something much more important than a name, it gave me the reason my mother had grown up to be so negative. Her father had died in the military when she was only 8. Although she later had a wonderful step-father, she never forgave him for leaving her.

When I understood the reason for her negativity I was able to forgive not only my mother, but myself. It was a step I needed to take to move on with my own life. I am grateful that I was given an opportunity to heal a wound that could have continued to fester long after my residence on earth had passed. I love you mom!

I did eventually find the name of my grandfather, William Ott Johnson, whose spirit I truly believe had a hand in my spiritual growth.

P.S. I love you too grandpa and wish I had been able to know you!


  1. beautifully written Barbara. forgiveness is a wonderful gift we give ourselves.

  2. Thank you I needed to get it out there if for no other reason than to show people it is never to late to forgive and say, I love you.