A new thought

I saw something that came through on my Facebook news feed this morning that made an impression and caused a new perspective in what is going on in my life. For some time most of my family has treated me as if I do not exist. They have also made role models of members, who in my humble opinion, have chosen negative paths. They are manipulating and play the "poor me" card to get what they want. It has left me wondering, what in the hell is going on here?!

My Godfather, who left this world several years ago, told me life is not fair. it appears I should have listened to him.

What I saw on Facebook this morning was: "In a toxic family, the black sheep is often just the person who sees through everyone else's bullshit."

That simple sentence explains a lot. 

Inherited traits/talents

As we walk on this planet called earth we leave footprints for others to follow. It is fun to look back and take stock of what gifts our ancestors may have left for us
 

The first thing that came to my mind was my father. I have not often written about him, but I think his interest in cooking was a big influence in my life. It is something I really enjoy. He also had an interest in photography. I remember that he once had a dark room in our house and developed his own pictures. Although I probably did inherit his interest in cooking and photography, I believe the fact that he was basically a self-taught being is the most important thing I inherited from him.  Most of the knowledge I now share with others I did not learn in school.

Interestingly, I believe what I inherited from my mother and paternal grandmother was the ability to live well on a fixed income, without the need of a man. They both spent many years as widows. Both of them were also very creative, a talent I no doubt inherited from both sides of the family. I also had a great uncle on the paternal side of my family who created etchings on ivory. This art form was once called scrimshaw.

One of the most important traits I inherited was from my maternal grandmother. It is generosity and caring about other people. I have wonderful memories of her giving attitude. I have reason to believe that she had an interest in spiritual matters that were not popular in her time. It is quite possible that her knowledge is guiding me in my current journey. 

I find it very odd that I cannot find one single ancestor who was a writer. The closest I can come is my maternal grandfather, who apparently was a printer’s pressman in his younger years. Oh well, perhaps writing is something I am supposed to pass on to those who follow me. Only time will tell.

pride/accomplishments

The current prompt for my writing group, "Write On", is: What personal accomplishments are you most proud of? This is my contribution.

As I look around I note that I am the eldest member of my biological family. I spent the first 60 years taking responsibility for other people’s problems. Some might say that made me a control freak. They would probably be right. Most of the people I tried to control are no longer living a human life, I didn’t do it I swear! The ones who are still around choose to ignore the fact that I am still here too.

I have survived a very controlling mother, two husbands with negative addictions, previous years of panic attacks and cancer. All that does is verify the fact that I am a very strong person.

I think what I am most proud of is the last 20 years of my life. During that period I have accepted a conscious connection with unseen entities. My intuition is number one. I believe it is the voice of my soul and is directly connected to the Creator. Next is my guide, whom I call Richard. I will probably never know his real name and no doubt couldn’t pronounce it if I knew it. Since I began writing in 2000 he has been my ghost writer. I can picture him sitting on the edge of a cloud with a huge smile on his face when I tune in. There are also times when he is shaking his head in wonder when I don’t.  I have also had a conscious connection with a couple of Archangels when their help was needed. The first was Jophiel (the bringer of joy) and currently Raphael ( the master healer).  Raphael has never ever let me down when I have asked for help with physical problems.

One of my most treasured compliments was offered by a man I once worked with at Wal-Mart. It was, “You see things that others do not see”. That could explain the spirits I see in the photographs I have taken since 2000. I believe it is my job to convince others that we never die. We just move to a different place.

What this all boils down to is I am most proud of my spiritual growth and hope it continues.

I'll take that

This has been a really strange day so far.

This morning I was just getting ready to open the front gate to go into town when the Fedex truck stopped in front of my house. I knew he had a very large box to deliver that my son had ordered. I opened the gate and let him in. I had been headed for the post office to pick up the pet door I had ordered. It came a day early.

I have been trying to find a teenager to take care of the weeds in my front yard with no luck. Since I had my leg biopsy I had to stop because I didn't want to get dirt in the wound. As I looked out my office window I noticed a young man picking up trash in the yard next door. I went out and asked him if he was interested in earning a little money doing yard work for me? He said he wasn't, but maybe his older sister was. A little while later she knocked on my door and agreed to do the job for the money I had in mind.

Today everything just seems to be falling into place, which doesn't happen very often. Even though it is a bit unusual, I'll take that!

It's hard work doing nothing

For the last six days, while I have been waiting for the biopsy wound on my leg to heal, I have been trying to do as little as possible. I have found that is a lot of work!

I have gone to the grocery store, cooked dinner and washed the dishes. Other then that I have been trying to relax and deal with the pain. I have even ignored the weeds building up on the street side of my fence.

I thought I would water the trees and plants this afternoon but I looked out the window and guess what? It is raining. It seems even the universe is on the side of my relaxing. Not fair!

I have done a lot of reading this week, which has granted me some interesting entertainment.

My leg is still a little sore and every now and then it still sends out a sharp pain. Enough is enough! I keep trying to focus on the thought that the biopsy results will show that nothing more needs to be done. Just because the PA thought it might be cancer that doesn't mean it is. A few years ago I had a biopsy done between two fingers. It was very difficult to care for during the healing process. You try putting a bandage there and see how much fun it is!

Tomorrow, being the seventh day, I hope to get the results of the current biopsy and see if this journey is about to come to an end. I'm getting tired of doing nothing!   

A second opinion is good

On June 18th I made an appointment with my primary care person to look at a small wound on my lower left leg. It had been there far too long and I wasn't sure what it was. It only measured 1/2 inch in diameter so it wasn't very big. As the result of that appointment I was told it was a scrape of some kind and was just taking time healing.

Two weeks went by and I had my yearly appointment with my dermatologist. Her opinion of the wound was quite different. She thought it was cancer and did a biopsy of the wound. She also said if it was cancer it was in the early stage and she will probably just need to scrape it. I am not worried as I have had this procedure done before on another area of my body.

I am very grateful that I followed my intuition and made that yearly appointment. Now I just have to be patient and wait for the biopsy results.