The journey goes on

Two days later Mike arrived at my house as promised. I had moved the dinning room table out of the way and had a step stool ready for the fan surgery.

He knew exactly what he was doing and completed the job in less than a half hour. After taking the fan apart all it required to re-attach it was four longer screws to reach the board inside the ceiling. We have power!

I asked how much I owed him. He said, "I know you live on a fixed income so how about $10?"

I replied, "Well I was thinking of giving you at least $20", as I handed it to him.

He smiled and said, "Thank you for giving me a chance."

That's the kind of repairman I like to deal with!

As an added bonus, while the fan was in parts, I had a chance to clean out its guts, giving spring cleaning a new meaning!

The voice continues

On a happier note I am still listening to the voice and as a result things happen that are often funny. A few nights ago we experienced a sudden and rather violent rain/hail storm. It caused some minor damage to a bathroom ceiling and the ceiling fan in the dinning room has been hanging at a particular angle ever since. I was in no rush to have it fixed because the place where it should be attached is still damp. FYI I am attaching a picture for evidence.

It actually appears worse than what it is as the fan is fine. I knew who I needed to call to take a look at the problem. Over time women who are divorced develop a list of dependable repair people who work "cheap".

Monday was a holiday and yesterday I had several errands to run so I hadn't contacted my man Mike P. This morning my little voice said this is the day to do that. I drove out to his place of employment and as I pulled into the parking lot I spotted Mike. I honked to get his attention. After a brief conversation he told me today is his last day because he and his wife are moving out of the area in the morning. He was just there to pick up his last paycheck.

Are you kidding me? No he wasn't! Being the dependable person he is he went inside of his place of employment and came out with a man I didn't know. Mike said, "Let me make this easy for you, his name is also Mike and he said he can help you."

If I hadn't listened to the nudge from the voice this morning I would have missed saying goodbye to the old Mike and never met the new Mike!

The voice

Everything was going well until the last week when my blood pressure decided to go up. Of course it got alarmingly high on a holiday weekend when my only option would be a trip to the local ER. My last venture through those doors ran up a $5,000 hospital bill, which through the grace of God and possibly assistance from my guardian angel was written off. Doubting this would be likely to happen again I chose to take other measures.

I didn’t ignore the problem, but did everything I could to bring my BP down. I drank plenty of water, rested and tried to stay calm. I had planned to check in at my doctor’s office on Monday morning until I remembered it was a holiday. No!

On Tuesday morning I did follow that plan of action. The reading was still high when the nurse took it, which didn’t surprise me. The doctor came in and we had a chat. He believes that my current medication should be keeping my BP under control so we started looking at the reasons it isn’t.

Looking back at my recent life when it started going up the reason became clear to both of us. It was shortly after I learned from x-rays that I will need a hip replacement. Even though I don’t see this happening until at least next year, I chose to start worrying about it now. To make a long story short, daily hip pain and stress about finances was most likely the culprit.

I reluctantly agreed to try anxiety medication. I was given a prescription for Sertraline and was told it should come under the $4.00 prescriptions that Wal-Mart offers. Wrong! It was $17 for 30 pills. In addition to what I am already taking it would bring my total monthly prescription expense to $25. Like I can really afford that! Thinking I had no choice I paid for it.

When I got home I looked it up online. I was not happy with what I found. First it is a generic version of Zoloft, it takes a month or more to even work because it has to build up in the system. Most disturbing were the list of side effects, almost exactly the same as the ones I had recently dealt with when a Beta Blocker was added to my regular medication. Was I really willing to go through this again?

While I was thinking about that question I opened the package, took out seven tiny pills and actually put them in my pill keeper to start taking today.

That’s when I heard the voice loudly screaming at me DO NOT TAKE THEM! You are not stupid you can stop this cycle of worry without the help of more medication. Enough already!

I collected the seven little pills, put them away and challenged myself to do exactly what the voice of my personal GPS told me to do.

Adaption

In my 77 years of living on this planet called earth this time around I have concluded that life is about adaption.

Things don't usually go as planned. I used to be a control freak. What a joke that was. I have discovered that the only thing I can control are my thoughts. Stuff happens and the only thing I can do is follow my intuition and learn from my experiences.

The only cure for a major problem I am having is a hip replacement, which is not going to happen anytime soon. The only reasonable plan of action is adaption.

I have to accept the situation, find ways to make the best of things and avoid actions that will cause inflammation of the joint. Now there is a new challenge. I have pretty much spent my life doing things myself, not asking for help. I can see that's going to change!

There are a lot of things that can be done around my house to make chores easier. For instance, I noticed that the contents of my kitchen cupboards need rearranging. It makes no sense to bend down to pick up dishes that I use all the time. It would be better to reach for them instead. It is also time to admit that I can no longer bend to tackle the weeds that tend to grow in my walkway and gravel in the front of my house. I hope to offer my grandson a summer job. We'll see about that!

I am aware that needed surgery is going to have to wait. There has to be a giant shift in my finances before it can be considered. In the meantime I simply need to accept what is and learn to adapt.

ONE

On this day set aside to honor mothers I have mixed feelings. My relationship with my mother was not a particularly good one. She died following a short illness in 1987. We did not have an opportunity for a last conversation as she was in a coma. I still regret not being able to say, "I love you".

Today only one of my three adult children and one of my four grandchildren choose to have a relationship with me. I apparently did not meet the expectations of those who deleted me from their lives. It's really a shame when people can't weigh positive intentions with negative ones and at least make an effort to have a relationship.

I can't do anything about the way my family reacts to me. That is their problem. I can only wish them well and continue to do my best, which is all anyone can do.

I did get a new microwave oven from my ONE son and a beautiful hanging basket of flowers from my ONE grandson.

Finding a match

In my last post I shared the fact that over the last few years I have spent a bundle of money on treatments for pain that really didn't work. I always gave the person in charge my complete faith that what she/he was doing would do the job and I would eventually be pain free. I look at this long list of attempts and think- what the hell! Was it me or did I simply not have the right match?

I recently found a team of people that I hope will be working together to accomplish the goal of autonomy.

My new primary care person is a Physician Assistant, I just added a Physical Therapist and in the wings I have a Reiki Master prepared to help out when needed. Not one of these people tell me what to do. They all discuss options and allow me to decide how I want to proceed. To put it in a nut shell they treat me like I am an intelligent being instead of a name or a number on a chart.

In the past I have tended to hold off agreeing to tests and x-rays due to a lack of money. I have decided to change my approach. If I am supposed to have something done that will assist in my recovery than the universe can damn well come up with a way to pay for it. I am no longer willing to spend the rest of my life in pain.

I have paid my dues and I am looking forward to a better future with my new match.

Going fishing

First came the title- "going fishing"

Then came the picture- taken long ago.

Last but certainly not least, the story.

For some time I have been dealing with pain, not evident to most people that I meet with on a daily basis. One might say I am a good actress. I have even convinced myself that I am just fine. Right! That's a bunch of crap!

For over four years I have put up with physical pain in one form or the other. I have also dumped an enormous amount of money into the hands of people who were hired to fix what was wrong. Every one of them convinced me that they had the answer I was seeking. Oh really? I don't think so. If had back what I spent I would have no monetary worries at all. It is said we are supposed to learn from our experiences. Apparently I didn't or I wouldn't have continued to do the same things, expecting different results.

My latest lesson is my current chiropractor, Rose Ducasse. She came to town about four years ago and is now the only option we have in Grants, NM. She now has a captive audience, due to the retirement of other chiropractors, and I bought into her brand of healing. Not only is it not working after all this time, but every appointment I have she actually insults me by making sure I know just how bad she thinks my body is holding up to my 77 years on this planet. One of her favorite expressions is, "your body is calcified", whatever that is supposed to mean. Recently a Certified Nurse Practitioner said, under her breath, "what a quack"! Perhaps I should have listened a long time ago.

So I'm done with this person's abuse and I am moving on with a positive attitude to what I hope is a more informed and open minded form of help with a physical therapist.

As I just told a friend this morning, when the pond dries up it's time to look for a new fishing hole!