Stop helping

If I have learned anything during the last few years it is- stop helping. I believe it is good to offer concern and even sympathy, but the only way another person grows is to find solutions to their own problems. My biggest challenge during my entire life has been helping too much at the cost of my own well being. I now have learned that the other person usually does not appreciate the help and will probably assume that I was trying to live their life for them. 

I grew up with parents who didn't offer much support, especially after I graduated from high school. Perhaps they were right. They did their job and it was up to me to take over making my own decisions, right or wrong. I do think they went a bit far though when neither of them attended my first wedding. It is true that the marriage to a womanizing jackass only lasted thirteen years, but too offer no support was uncalled for. Now that I think about it my father didn't even attend my high school graduation.

It is true that every action has a reaction. We are free to make our own choices but we are not free to escape the consequences of those choices.

My three children and four grandchildren are all adults and I am done. I did my job. Whatever they do with their lives is up to them. I owe them nothing more.

Empty nest again

It appears that I will soon be living with my cat Smokey and dog Ejay. No other humans but me! My son will soon be looking for another job and probably not in Grants. The last seven years since he moved back home have been interesting, but it looks as if those lessons will soon come to an end. The State has purchased the prison where he now works and they will be getting rid of most of the senior employees. He still needs to pay off student loans so he will no doubt be looking to transfer to another prison.

All I need to complete the process is a reliable car. Working on that! It's a bit far to walk to the grocery store.

Giving

Awhile ago someone donated yarn to Cibola Hospital. I got a call from administration to ask if I wanted it. I said yes as I have been making baby blankets and baby beanies for maternity for some time. It is hard to find yarn here. What I got was not baby yarn but four ply yarn so I decided to use what I could to make baby blankets. I have finished two and am about half way though the third one. I hope to finish this weekend so I can take them to the hospital.

As I was crocheting this morning I was thinking about my maternal grandmother and think she would be very proud of my efforts. I remember all the things she made and donated to the Shrine children's hospital when I was growing up. I loved unrolling the ball of yarn as she worked on a project. 

My grandmother was a giver and I may have followed in her footsteps. Giving away things I have created makes me happy.  

Planning ahead

Waiting for the results of the New Mexico vaccine lottery still going on I decided to make plans in the event that I would win $250,000. The first thing I would do is put $100,000 in a separate checking account to be given away, one piece at a time. That would leave $150,000 for me to keep. When I married my second husband, now deceased, he had an insurance policy worth exactly that amount. He immediately changed the beneficiary to me. We were married for 27 years before we mutually divorced. 

He never removed my name from the policy, but after the divorce added our daughter. I don't know what happened to the original money, but over the years the amount of the policy was drastically depleted. It ended up being five thousand dollars at the time of his death.

I had every intention of sharing the money with my daughter, but that is not what happened. She kept it all. Because the policy wasn't mentioned in our divorce papers the company decided I was no longer eligible to be a beneficiary. Our daughter offered to share the money with other relatives, but never approached me. 

So I am thinking that after all these years taking care of myself alone it is my turn to get something back. Of course it may not happen, but just in case I thought it was a good idea to plan ahead. I have many plans to share the remaining $100,000 and it is something that would make me very happy.

Rich vs poor

There isn't much difference between the rich and the poor. When there is a problem the rich pay someone to fix it and the poor figure out a way to do it themselves. I think the poor have a better learning experience!

Christmas in July

I think watching the Christmas in July Hallmark movies is brainwashing me. I just ordered a big box of Christmas cards to give away. For the last two years I have signed cards, Your Secret Santa, and given them to our local Good Samaritan Center for their residents. At one time I worked for the facility as the Resource Development Coordinator. I loved coming up with projects that helped the community connect with the residents. I quit when my job became simply asking for money without giving anything back. It just wasn't my thing. Because the residents have been cut off from family etc. I think the Christmas cards are a great idea this year. Last year I ordered them right before Christmas and had to scramble to get them signed in time. This year I decided, why wait? Christmas can be in July!

A new idea

Over time I have read many Kindle books, most for free. They all seem to have the same preface. They usually begin with a girl who either inherited property or has given up on a love life and so moves to another place. To say I was getting bored is about where I was. Most of the books I have been reading are free so I guess you get what you pay for!

I am so sick of details of a love life that goes on and on for pages. I am just as sick of books that go on and on and should have ended long before they did. I don't know how many times I have silently thought- will you please just end it!!

Looking for something new, I decided to read, "A Tree Grows in Brooklyn". Of course I had heard of the book, but I had never read it. It was written in 1943 by Betty Smith and is semi-autobiographical. So far I am loving it. I grew up during the same years and although I have never lived in New York, I can relate to many of the experiences shared by the author. I am happy that I followed my intuition and purchased this book.

Earthquake

In all the years I have lived in New Mexico there has never been an earthquake, until yesterday. I didn't feel anything where I live, but apparently it occurred. It reminded me of times that I have experienced earthquakes. Twice I was on the second floor of a building. They are a bit scary, but I survived. My mother once came within inches of having a marque falling on her head. Having lived in Washington State and California earthquakes were a part of life.

An invisible person

Last Thursday I made a dental appointment to have a tooth glued back into my dentures. It had been out for some time, but because of the pandemic I hadn't been able to make an appointment. I decided on a dental office I had never been to in Grants, NM. I talked to a very nice lady who told me the office was across the street from the Good Samaritan Center. I drove by Sunday just to make sure.

I arrived for my appointment a few minutes early this morning to fill out paper work. Guess what? They had no record of my appointment, plus the doctor wouldn't even be in until Wednesday. I told the receptionist that I had called the phone number that was listed online for the Grants office. She called the Gallup office to see if the appointment had been made there. Nope.

After some messing around another appointment was made for next Monday with the lab. It doesn't require that I even see the doctor. I didn't think so. As I know I am not invisible, I'm thinking it was the original person I made the appointment with. Maybe the place is haunted!

Move like a turtle

I really believe things are opening up too fast. The world is going from lock down to do anything you want. I did originally believe that vaccinations were a personal choice, but now I think they are necessary. I still have a problem with large crowds attending sporting events etc. and I think the Olympics should be cancelled this year. I have no opinion about schools, but I hope we don't lose too many students and teachers during the next year. Both groups have been caught in the middle of something they did not plan for. Isn't education fun?

I just really think the turtle had the right idea- move slowly, but keep going.

Rejection

I think one thing I have learned during the lock down is to reject things and people who cause me to have negative energy. A good example is the Kindle books I have been reading. If I run across one that is badly written or is just plain a bad fit, I stop reading it and choose something else. It's a little harder with people, but not impossible. I consider myself a good person but yes I make mistakes, doesn't everyone? Those people, relatives included, who just won't let it go- really piss me off.

Rejection is part of the learning process. 

I have survived

Looking back I am amazed at what I have survived during my 83 years of living a human life. I am still here and am ready for more. I do believe I have had enough negative experiences though. It's time for some good stuff!

Blame

I am so sick of people, relatives included, blaming me for things that are not my fault. I think it all began with my mother who criticized everything I did. It wasn't my fault that she was pregnant before she married my father. I grew up not believing that I was entitled to the best that life had to offer. 

                                                 

 

 

 

I have always been a bit different and that's alright! I don't have to be like anyone else- ever!

Priorities

 As the holiday weekend approaches my son is off camping again. This morning I am wondering if that is the proper word. He is taking his trailer with all the comforts of a small house. My idea of camping is a sleeping bag, a tent and a camp fire. Oh well things change I guess. Whatever it's called he is off on another weekend trip somewhere in New Mexico.

I have every intention of attending to the disgrace of my yard. I was waiting for it to cool down some before getting started. The weeds in the front are pretty much gone, but the back yard is in really bad shape. If I succeed I will earn a front row seat to watch the fireworks on the 4th from my yard.

My main lesson during this shut down is I am a lot more capable than I ever gave myself credit for. It's just a matter of priorities!

Bye bye ancestry

 Six months ago I opted for a 6 mos. reduced fee for my Ancestry.com account.Today is the last day and I do not plan on renewing it, whatever the price. According to the site I have over 500 4th cousins. Seriously! I don't really care. I am sick of people adding pictures etc. to their accounts that really have nothing to do with them. I am done and probably will never update my account again.