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Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Intimidation- a two way deal

A funny thing happened to me this morning as I was walking at our family center. I was alone until another woman came into the gym walking twice as fast as I was, passing me in the process. It made me feel uncomfortable and inadequate. I stopped to talk to her and jokingly told her she was causing me to feel intimidated. She laughed and said  she always walks fast. Her father was over 6 feet tall and she and her siblings had to walk fast to keep up with him. I have on occasion walked faster than some of the regulars, passing them on their journey. It suddenly occurred to me that I may have unintentionally caused some of those people to also feel intimidated. 

Intimidation is a two way deal, almost entirely depending on confidence. If you believe in yourself 100% there is no way anyone is going to be able to intimidate you.

I have at times during my life allowed others to get away with this nasty habit, but no more. I believe it all started with my very controlling mother. I spent years of my life, even after she died, trying to prove that I mattered. She spent years trying to rip any confidence I had in my own ability to shreds. Whether she did it intentionally or not I am not sure. Perhaps it was a universal test to see how strong I was.

While thinking about her this morning a scene popped up as clear as if this was still 1987. My grandfather and I were sitting in the funeral director's office making arrangements for my mother's remains. He had two available plots, one above the other, that had not been used. Out of the blue, he asked, "Do you think your mother would mind being on the bottom?" We looked at each other and burst out laughing. The funeral director must have thought we were nuts or at the very least insensitive.

When you really get a good look at the person doing the intimidating it takes the wind out of their sails.
If you can see the humor in the situation you have it made.

Until recently I knew a person who constantly intimidated me. His arrogance caused me to think that everything I believed and especially wrote was idiotic. Having been given the opportunity to take a better look at this man I now see how ridiculous the situation was. He is a self-centered control freak who lacks the ability to complete anything he starts, even a simple friendship. No more mister.  I finally see the real me and you can't intimidate me anymore.

Intimidation is definitely a two way deal and you are in charge!

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