Happy Birth Day to You

Tomorrow marks the 32nd anniversary of giving birth to my 3rd and youngest child, a daughter named Christina Marie. I must say agreeing to have another child at 40 has certainly provided years of educational experiences for me, that I would not otherwise have had.

My only daughter has a very special son who will be celebrating his 10th birthday next week, a new husband, a great job and a world of yet undiscovered talents. I wish her all the experiences she needs to grow and evolve her soul.

Happy birthday to you Christina!

Accepting What Is

Speaking as a recovering control freak accepting what is has been the hardest to conquer of all the lessons on my personal list of life challenges.

Lately I seem to be making progress, which in turn is lessening the stress I have cooked up for myself most of my adult life. I have found that when I stop trying to make things as I wish them to be and not as they really are it intercepts the negative energy which always leads directly to unhappiness. If I had learned that a whole lot sooner I could have saved myself a ton of pain and tears.

Just this last weekend I had a real life experience proving this fact. Due to circumstances I had been deprived of seeing my grandson most of the summer. It made me very unhappy because we both really enjoy our time together. I finally realized that there was nothing I could do about it and stopped focusing on it.

Surprise surprise! My little man stopped by Friday night because he had a school fundraiser he wanted to interest me in. Of course, I ordered something because it helps with their field trips. I didn't expect to see him again, but Saturday morning he stopped by and asked, "Grandma can I stay until noon?" Now, what do you think I said? The positive energy wasn't over yet because about 5:30 Sunday evening he again appeared at my front door and announced, "My mom said I can stay until 7:30."

We decided to go to the Riverwalk, a favorite spot for both of us. I believe my change of focus had a lot to do with what happened. When I accepted what is things got better.

Lately I have been having a terrible time with my blood pressure. Until about six years ago it was very low and then something happened (age I guess) and I have been taking medication every since. I detest the word hypertension and must admit I did every thing I could to make myself believe it did not apply to me. It simply was not acceptable because it meant there was something wrong with me. I do everything I can to stay healthy and this just wasn't fair!

I have finally decided to knock it off and accept the fact that it does apply to me. Resisting is just making it worse and causing me to focus on the very thing that I want to go away. It was pointed out to me that possibly I should be grateful that there was something I could take for hypertension. There are a lot of things I could have that there is no help for. I look around at people my age and see that I am very healthy, mostly because of the manner in which I live my
life. It is of course, possible that when I just accept what is instead of fighting it, my blood pressure will come down all by itself and my medication will then be reduced.

It appears I am getting better at accepting what is and I am going to stay on that path and see what other good things happen along the way.

Happy Days

Forget It

What are you going to do when what you want and
believe in doesn't seem to be coming true?
Like chicken soup a little hard work is good for you,
for anything worth having is worth the struggle too.
If it came too easy just by holding out your hand,
you would wonder and worry and not understand.
Believing and working to always do your best,
makes more than the getting the valuable quest.
What are you going to do when what you want and
believe in doesn't seem to be coming true?
Forget it? Forget it!

Barbara Loure` Gunn 2005

What Now Pussycat?

Have you ever stopped to review your life's jobs and said been there, done that, now what?

I just found out my son, who is now in Kuwait working as a civilian for the next year is not going to be doing the job he was hired for. Instead of running their driving school he will be teaching for the Environmental, Safety and Health Department. The material mostly consists of basic OSHA industrial safety stuff, including hazardous material handling. He will end up with an OSHA instructor certificate, which should help him obtain a job when he comes home. When he was in the regular Army, way back when, chemicals were his specialty. He also spent some time working as an exterminator.

This interesting turn of events in my son's life caused me to look at my life's jobs and wonder where the experiences might be leading me.

Dept. store sales clerk
File clerk/PBX relief operator

The next group provided management skills, self motivation, communication skills and offered something to others.
Craft show exhibitor
Avon representative
Product demonstrator
Resource Development Coordinator
Columnist/free lance writer/published author

The next group was volunteer and dealt with people of all ages.
Mother
Cub Scout Den Mother
Elementary school room mother
Mother Advisor IORG (Rainbow Girls)
Theater group costumer
Hospital Auxilary Treasurer
Foster Grandparent/elementary school
Writing group for kids

Although I can clearly see how my son's experiences led him to his current job I do not have a clue what is coming next in my life. The Universe is full of surprises so I guess I will just have to wait and see.

A Matter of Opinion

This morning I went to my favorite spot in all of Grants, the Riverwalk. I took my camera and a small bag of bread crumbs to feed my feathered friends swimming in the water. Then I began to look around to see what I could see. As often happens early on a Sunday morning I was the only human there.

There was a slight wind which made walking around the park very comfortable. I have always been strongly fascinated by the trees along the path. I have in the past taken many photos of them. My very favorite are the willow trees. I took a few new photos and posted one I liked on Facebook to share with my friends. The response was favorable. Many others shared my opinion of the beautiful willow tree. They saw, as I did, the grace and freedom of this magnificent offering of the creator’s talent.

The photo reminded me of the now famous quote from a Barbara Walters interview in 1989. Responding to a statement made by Katherine Hepburn, she asked, “If you were a tree what kind would you be?” The answer Miss Hepburn gave was an oak, neither wanted to be a weeping willow. I believe they considered it frail.

I strongly disagree! As I stood observing how the branches of the willow move with the wind I realized that if I were a tree I would want to be one of them. They have strong roots soundly planted in the soil yet their branches do not resist the weather. They freely accept what is and move with it. What a great example of the way we humans were created to be.

Everything is just a matter of opinion, but I would like to be a willow tree. Below is one of my favorite photos of my favorite tree.

Recurring Experiences

In 1989 my daughter was 10 and her oldest brother, 18 years older than she was. At that time my son was in the Army, stationed in Saudi Arabia. Today my daughter's son is almost 10 and his uncle is on his way to a year's stay in Kuwait. It is an interesting set of circumstances presenting recurring experiences.

Added to this equation is the fact that in 1989 I was diagnosed with uterine cancer. I am currently dealing with a blood pressure issue, the cause of which is still being investigated by my doctor. I chose to share neither of these facts with my son at the time of their occurrence. Why? I just decided he had enough to worry about and also because I did not believe either to be life threatening.

The circumstances are better this time around. My son will not be living in a foxhole in the middle of a desert worrying about stepping on a land mine. This time he has a civilian job on the Kuwaiti Air Force base and will be living in an apartment in town. He also has hopes of securing a job in his home town, through his employer, when he returns in a year.

This morning I was upset because I hadn't had a chance to say goodbye to my son. I knew there was a reason. It would be unlike him to ignore me. I finally called his cell and caught him at the airport. His flight had been delayed forty minutes. I also found out he had experienced some last minute problems last night. His internet service died and he had spent most of the night trying to get it working. He just hadn't had time to call me. We had a nice conversation and I said goodbye and wished him a safe trip.

After he gets settled in his new surroundings he will have internet service so we will be able to stay in touch. This is quite unlike his last overseas deployment when communication with him was few and far between. I am sure the year is going to pass quickly and I expect we will both learn much due to our recurring experiences.

I wish you well Jeff, come home physically and mentally safe and sound. I love you!

Uncle Jeff and Colin

I'm Still Here

This morning I was walking with a friend I have known for over 30 years. We haven't been buddy buddy friends, but this is a small town and it is hard not to have a pretty good idea of what a person's life is like; unless you live in a cave. Although our challenges have been very different we are both still here.

We have been talking a lot lately on our morning walks about those challenges. This morning she remarked, "You have had a hard life." My response was, "I don't think it has been hard compared to other people I know."

She is not the first person to make that statement about my life and I have been thinking about that all day. I keep toying with, "Why don't I think her statement is true?" That's a very interesting question.

Of course, I have had tough challenges, every one living a human life has. That's why we are here isn't it? If life was supposed to be a piece of cake I would be residing on a puffy white cloud somewhere out there. I can see it now, my bare feet dangling over the side watching the world go by. Oh wait, spirits don't have feet, actually they don't even have bodies. Okay they do when they want us to see them.

I think the main reason I don't think my life is so bad is because I have finally realized that the things that I have survived were supposed to happen. The relationship, financial and health issues I have successfully dealt with were all part of the big picture to lead me right where my feet are at this moment.

So this afternoon as I look around my life I see that I have survived it all I am a very happy camper and I am grateful that I am still here!

On the Wings of an Angel

I truly hope this is the last post I will write about the stress of my daughter not speaking to me for almost a year.

A friend who must be part angel gave me the last puzzle piece to put a positive spin on the situation today. I did not think that was possible.

I knew I had to let go of this problem, but I didn't know how. I knew that every time I tried to get my daughter to see reason and failed I was adding more negative energy to an already hurtful problem. I knew that there is supposed to be a lesson here, because every experience is just that. I am not stupid, but just because I knew these things doesn't mean I knew how to accomplish them. It is pretty hard to let go of a daughter that I spent six years praying that I would conceive.

The lesson with this child is and always has been that I cannot live another's life. She has her path and I have mine. Although they will probably always touch they are not the same.

Talking with a friend this morning I said the distance is made bigger because I have to drive past her house every time I go to town. I felt like God/Source was intentionally adding fuel to the fire. Knowing it will be sometime before she is going to allow me back in her life caused pain I couldn't deal with.

My friend pointed out that the universe was giving me an opportunity to change negative energy to positive energy. Her advice, "When you drive by her house blow her a kiss and wish her well. The universe will balance the indifference if you contribute positively to the situation."

I am taking Priscill's advice because I know it came on the wings of an angel.