Looking for Love

Before I went to sleep last night I had a one way conversation with God. I asked to be able to understand why I have yet to find the companion I have been praying for? When I woke this morning the answer was crystal clear and wiped out any negative thoughts I had conjured up, including that I am being punished for past actions.

Shortly after my divorce, 11 years ago, a male friend told me I needed to learn how to take care of myself before adding anyone new to my life. A female friend also stated we can’t love anyone else until we love our self. Perhaps the advice was a prophecy from above passed on to guide me on my journey.

This morning I finally understood why God has so far refused to give me what I have been praying for. I clearly see that until I learned to take care of my own problems, material and psychological, and learned to love myself there was no point in giving me what I was asking for. I would have simply repeated my past once again.

Instead of being angry I am grateful. I have worked hard to accomplish what was asked of me. I believe I have done my part and eagerly await the companion I have been expecting for so long. Perhaps he is just around the next corner.

Mini Vacation

Today started at 2:00AM when I stretched, heard a pop and pulled something in my leg. I soon discovered I was in a great deal of pain and could not straighten my knee. I finally got up and tried to walk. That was a joke! I hobbled around the house grabbing whatever I could for balance. I made a cup of green tea and put an ice pack on my knee. Later I massaged the area with muscle rub. I was determined to take a pain pill only as a last resort. I detest taking pills.

After a couple of hours my efforts seemed to help some so I went back to bed. Before I fell asleep I thought about what this experience was trying to tell me. I have learned there is always a lesson.

As I tried to relax I thought about a deceased friend who had lost a leg to diabetes and how difficult the simplest task must have been for her. I thought about the fact that because I live alone I really have no help when something like this happens. Instead of getting upset about the situation I gave myself a pat on the back, acknowledging that I can take care of my own problems.

When I woke up I noticed it was snowing and even though my leg was actually better I decided to take a “snow” day and pamper myself. Hopefully tomorrow I can walk normally again. Sometimes doing nothing is the best medicine.

Just Keep Walking

For the last 14 months I have been walking for an hour five days a week in the gym of our local family center. It is free so it fits my income just fine. There are a few of us who walk regularly and there are those who look for any excuse to stay home. I believe since it is free I can't afford to pass up the opportunity. Also, like many people I have no insurance, so it is important for me to do everything possible to stay healthy. I do my part and leave the rest up to God.

My lower back has been hurting this week and I have had to force myself to walk. I got about half way through this morning when my left leg began to hurt too. I was on the verge of talking myself into quitting when I began looking around the gym. There was a man who had broken his back in several places from a motorcycle accident a couple of years ago. He was walking slowly, but he was walking, as well as another man who is on oxygen part of the time. An older lady using a walker was going at her own pace, but she was also walking.

As I observed the role models God had placed in my path this morning I began a silent internal conversation. It ended with "If these people can walk what is your problem? Just keep walking!!

My Special Valentine

He is adorable, understanding, non-judgmental, compassionate, loyal, strong, intelligent, encouraging, mischievous, creative and possesses a unique sense of humor. He is my 8 year old grandson Colin. My wish is that I live long enough to witness the footprints this young man will make on our planet as an adult.

Most Precious Gift

(excerpt from my published book Wake Up!)

If you are alive, whatever your origin, sex or age you share a gift with everyone whether you want to or not. It is invisible, has no sent, makes no noise and can’t be touched or tasted. It is the most precious gift we have and without it we would cease to be. We all have an equal amount no matter where we live, how much money we have or whether we are dependent or independent.

Neither a high I.Q. nor a high paying job grants us more of this gift than anyone else. It cannot be loaned, bought or stolen from another. We all have 1,440 minutes in each day we spend on this planet. How we choose to use these minutes is an individual decision. We are not born with a road map or a list of rules. Good or bad the decision is up to us. No one can make it for us.

It is interesting how many people with titles assume their time is much more valuable than those without. Adults often think their time is more important than a child’s simply because they are adults. Nationality, tradition and training have taught some men that their time is more valuable than a woman’s is. If the world ended right now none of us would have time left to worry about it.

Every moment of every day we all have the opportunity to help others by sharing a part of ourselves with everyone around us. If we realized time could run out right now maybe we would be kinder, smile more, say thank you, share a thought or help another. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to spend every moment celebrating that we have it instead of worrying about things we do not have and probably do not need anyway?

How we decide to use our allotted time is far more important than who our parents were or how many material things we feel we need to be happy. We can choose to be negative, bitter and hateful or positive, grateful and loving, taking all opportunities to extract the good from every experience.