Playing with the Ducks

It's Halloween again. Some people are going to spend the night wondering around the streets with little ones and some are going to stay warm and simply answer their knock on the door. Not me! Been there done that with both children and grandchildren. I get to play with little plastic ducks swimming in a wading pool encouraging all sorts of creatures to win a prize at our family center Halloween carnival.

This is my second year volunteering and I am looking forward to the side show of creative costumes. I love the ones that are home made because they are the product of the minds of the kids and their parents.

I also love helping out at Future Foundations Family Center. In my opinion it is the best thing that has ever happened to Grants. It's mission is to keep our children off the streets and safe all year round.

It also provides a safe place for adults to walk and exercise without having to deal with the elements, unattended dogs and uneven pavement. It is my home away from home most mornings and volunteering is my way of expressing my gratitude.

Keep swimming little duckies I'll be there soon to play with you and in the meantime I wish everyone a Happy Halloween!

Journey of Abundance

For some time I have been holding my breath waiting for my surgeon’s bill to arrive. Everything else had been dealt with and this was the last expense from my recent emergency surgery. I knew it was totally my responsibility to pay it.

As I sorted through my mail yesterday there it was. I slowly pulled the tab on the intimidating envelope and exposed the anticipated bill. Taking a deep breath I slowly took in the amount. My reaction was oh wow!! In shock I called my doctor’s office to make sure there was no mistake. I was told the amount was the total bill.

The journey begins or ends.

Last spring Social Security put a large sum of money in my checking account, which I immediately put in a savings account until I was sure it was mine. As it turned out they had made a mistake and wanted it back. I decided to give them a hard time because I could and challenged their decision right up to the point of needing to send bills and documents etc. to them. Then I said take it back. The last payment was in August.

About a week later they plopped another large amount of money into my checking account and also raised my monthly benefit. Was this some kind of joke I wondered or do they simply hire idiots who can’t add?

I again put the money in my savings account. I also called our local Social Security office to seek advice. I was told to write a letter asking how they came to their conclusion. While I was in the hospital I finally received their response stating that when my first ex-husband died in 2008 S.S. made a mistake in my benefit calculations. The check I had received was money owed me from then to now. It was mine!!

Now for the WOW part!

This amount still sitting in my savings account is $15.10 less than my surgeon’s bill.

Temporarily Confused

I am beginning to wonder if while I was in the hospital for two weeks the rest of the world suddenly went crazy. Everything is falling apart and it seems to me that the entire world is dysfunctional, arguing and generally pissed off. Even with the negative experience I just survived I am happy. What's going on with the rest of the world?

It is not unusual for me to be out of step with my peers. That has been the story of my life and I have now accepted it as God's little joke. At an age when most women become grand mothers I had another kid. That started an avalanche I have not been able to stop. For the last thirty years I have had trouble convincing people that I am as old as I am. I guess I could start lying but then my 50 year old son would have to find another mother or lie about his age. It just isn't worth it!

One of the first things I noticed when I started driving again was that several streets in my little town were torn up that were drivable when I entered the hospital. Remember the old quote, "You can't get there from here?" That pretty much sums up Grants, NM right now. We only have a couple of main streets to get from here to there and now that is literally impossible without a detour. I quickly found a new path. It didn't make me unhappy, just temporarily confused.

That seems to be where my life is right now. I have figured out that the reason people and the universe in general have left me alone for almost six weeks is so that I would finally realize that I am quite capable of taking care of myself. It has also taught me to really like who I am and to truly appreciate everything that I have been given. Some souls in my situation would not be able to come to that realization. I am not one of them nor do I want to be. It would not make me happy.

I have been trying to reinvent myself, but again I have been temporarily confused. Since I am aware that I could have died as an end to my recent surgery experience I got the message that I still have more to do. I certainly don't think that is an invitation to continue to drag around anyone or anything that was previously causing me to be unhappy. I can almost hear a very soft voice somewhere up there uttering, "Oh shit not again! How many chances does she need to be happy?"

I am trying to cut out the garbage I really am. Bad habits are hard to break.

Checking out the things that really make me happy, besides my relationship with my grandson, first would be my passion for writing and sharing the lessons that the Universe/Source has so generously provided. I have reached the point of believing in my gift and not needing validation, even though positive feedback is always welcome and appreciated. If I were to take the next step it would be to use every means I am given to inspire others to follow their own passion, whatever that may be.

Even though I am still a little confused I know I am taking positive steps that will keep me on a happiness path. I have decided to leave the rest of the world to fight their own battles.

An Unexpected Guest

Well as it turned out I did have a guest today, but not the one I had expected and this one is only here for the day. It started last night when my grandson called rather late and asked, "Grandma can I come to your house tomorrow?" His mother forgot there was no school because it was Labor Day. What do you think I told him?

After his second breakfast of cereal this morning Colin watched cartoons while I took care of some morning chores and got dressed. When it warmed up we headed for the Riverwalk, our favorite place in all of Grants. The first stop was to feed the geese and ducks.

Then because I am supposed to be walking that is exactly what I did while Colin rode his scooter that he got for his birthday. I think he had more fun!

When we were tired we got back in the car and had an interesting experience that caused us to shake our heads, laugh and wonder if we had attracted a spirit with a unique sense of humor. I had opened my car door so Colin could put his scooter in, opened the trunk so I could retrieve my purse and got in the car, attempting to insert my key in the ignition. It wouldn't turn. Inspecting the key I had just used to open the doors and trunk I saw that it was seriously bent. Now this is a very sturdy car key and bending it would take a heap of strength. I couldn't bend it back with my hand. I might have panicked except I knew I had a spare key in my wallet. I have no explanation, but thought I would share it because it spices up our little adventure.

The rest of the day was pretty normal. Colin spent some time on my computer playing games and generally amused himself. After a bowl of chicken soup, his favorite, we attacked the large pile of leaves I had previously raked up in the backyard (don't tell my doctor). We took a guess at how many bags it would take and neither of us won. The total was 7.

Our work was done and we each enjoyed a dish of tin roof ice cream. The rest of the afternoon is just for relaxing and enjoying my unexpected guest.

Guests Aren't Always Necessary

Up until an hour ago I thought I was going to have a house guest starting Monday. My guest's plans have changed and she won't be coming after all. Even though I looked forward to her visit I am actually a little relieved that her plans changed. I really am not quite physically ready to have a guest.

This last week I have done everything possible to get my house ready for company. I have made every effort to stay within the guidelines that my surgeon set up. Okay I probably fudged a little, but my house looks great. These last five weeks have not been easy for me to manage alone. For some reason the rest of the world has not noticed that I could use some help.

The experience of getting ready for a guest reminds me of advice I heard years ago. It was: don't save the good china for guests.

I am just as worthy as any guest who would visit to have a clean house with things in their proper place. I have never been known as a Martha Stewart type, but I absolutely hate clutter. My house usually has the warm feeling of being comfortably lived in. If you live in New Mexico there will always be dust! Along with clutter pretense doesn't impress me.

Now that my expected house guest is no longer coming I am left with a reasonably clean house to enjoy all by myself and I have decided I deserve the experience. Guests are not always necessary.

Honestly Honest

For the last month I have pretty much been left to fend for myself and I don’t understand why. What is God/Source trying to get me to see? I get it that nobody is going to take responsibility for me but me. That really is not a new concept. What am I missing? What has been different in the last 30 days?

I guess I have been focusing on me and have not been involved in the issues that others have. I have backed off of things and people that do not make me happy, no matter what or who they are. Perhaps I have finally realized that I have enough to do just taking care of myself and to intentionally drag negative energy into my life at this point is plain stupid.

When I have concentrated on my well being and happiness good things have happened. Last week I kept an appointment with my dermatologist even though I already had plenty of medical bills. Knowing that I do not have insurance he again reduced my bill by more than half. He knows that with my fair skin and history I need to make regular appointments or I could be dealing with skin cancer. I appreciate his kindness and generosity and have often recommended him to others.

One of my friends took me to Albuquerque for this appointment and I thanked her with a delicious lunch at Olive Garden. It turned out that it was the first day of work for our waitress. She was so helpful and friendly that she earned a generous tip.

A major issue this week was making a phone call to Xray Associates of New Mexico and asking them if there was any possibility that they could reduce my bill. I just honestly stated my situation and hoped for the best. I was told there was probably something they could do since I was paying the bill myself. Today I was told that they were willing to reduce the bill by 50% if I met their requirements. I agreed and happily sent off the first check.

Honesty has always been my # 1 good quality even though it gets me into trouble now and then. I don’t know what other good things are going to happen, but perhaps all I ever had to do was honestly focus on me. Since I seem to be on a roll I am sticking to this path.

Labels Matter

I'm sharing a recent experience that caused me to be a little smarter today than I was yesterday.

I had an appointment with my chiropractor to get my body back in better shape because of my recent surgery. We thoroughly discussed my experience and I also shared the fact that I have been having some anxiety issues. My surgeon believes it is normal considering the trauma my body went through and encouraged deep breathing as a means to deal with the problem. He did not offer medication nor did I expect him to. Been there done that and do not want to do it again thank you very much!

Now back to my chiropractor whose opinion I trust, partly because she has been through a similar surgery experience herself and she is very up to date in her general methods of treatment. She stated that she believes my adrenal glands have been out of whack for some time and I would benefit from adding an herbal supplement to assist them in working better. Although I thought it was a good idea I decided to ask my surgeon what he thought. After all he did just save my life and I am trying to follow his post surgery instructions as best as I can. I definitely do not care to end up back in the hospital.

I left a message stating what I thought was sufficient information at his office and requested that he call me with his opinion. The first thing he said was "I can't give an opinion unless I know what is in the product". This is where my lack of education comes in. My answer was, all I know is that she has it in her office and it is herbal. I'm sure I heard a chuckle.

How was I supposed to know that the word herbal didn't necessarily mean that it only contained herbs, which he said he approves of, but if it contained minerals such as zinc and magnesium no way. My instructions for self-education were find out what's in it.

This experience reminded me of walking through "Trader Joes" the other day with a friend. Noticing the number of products in the large store that said organic my friend said, "How do you know what is really organic?"

It was a good question which along with the herbal lesson led me to do a little online research. An herb is any plant used as a medicine, seasoning or flavoring.

Organic means "related to or derived from living organisms" They are products grown with no pesticides. To be truly organic they contain 95% or more organic ingredients and bear the USDA organic seal.

The best advice I found in all my research is read the label for ingredients and pertinent information, which I plan to do in the future.

Who is in Charge of Karma?

This morning one of my Facebook friends posted the following: "Dear karma I have a list of people you forgot." After a good laugh I immediately came up with my own list of souls I feel that karma apparently forgot. Then my brain kicked in and I remembered I am not in charge of karma nor am I the judge of anyone's behavior other than my own.

The realization led me to search the web for some insightful quotes about karma and I want to share them with my readers. Make of them what you will.

"Karma isn't fate.Nor is it punishment imposed on us by some external agent. We create our own karma. It is the result of choices that we make every moment of every day." ~Tulku Thondup Peaceful Death, Joyful Rebirth

"Karma is our teacher. It teaches us to refine our behavior. One way to tell a young soul from an old soul is to observe how quickly he learns karma's lessons in life." ~editors of Hinduism Today

"Karma is the destiny man weaves for himself." ~L.H. Leslie-Smith Karma, Rhythmic Return to Harmony

"As no cause remains without its due effect from greatest to least from a cosmic disturbance down to the movement of your hand, and as like produces like, karma is that unseen and unknown law which adjusts wisely, intelligently and equitably each effect to its cause, tracing the latter back to its producer." ~H.P. Blavatsky The Key to Theosophy

"Karma is the universal law of cause and effect. You reap what you sow. You get what you earn. You are what you eat. If you give love, you get love. Revenge returns itself upon the avenger. What goes around comes around.~ Mary T. Browne The Power of Karma

"The law of karma is the principle of cosmic justice that holds that all good actions will be rewarded and all wicked actions will be punished. Sometime. Somehow. Somewhere. ~Chanju Mum Buddhism and Peace

To sum things up, the most important lesson I hope I have taught my young grandson, Colin, is that you are only responsible for yourself. What others do has nothing to do with you.

A Different View

I have a friend who recently stated that she doesn't believe we are meant to be ill. I hold a totally different view of this subject.

Real life isn't supposed to be about cotton candy and puffy white clouds floating in a vivid azure sky.

In my opinion we don't learn much from living a perfect life. Our important lessons come from how we deal with things that do not seem fair. We always have the freedom to choose the road paved with negative energy or the one leading to spiritual evolvement. I know we also have personal cheerleaders in the form of guides and angels pushing us in a positive direction. We don't always listen to them.

This past weekend I was given an opportunity to make such a choice and I am extremely proud of myself for the decision I made. It led to emotional freedom I have not previously experienced.

I desperately wanted to see my grandson play his soccer game Saturday, having missed the one last week due to my hospital captivity. Noting it was a little breezy I found an ideal place to park my car with a perfect view of both sides of the field. My view also included the backside of my new son-in-law, my estranged daughter and my ex-husband, none of whom turned around when I parked.

As I took in this view I felt nothing but negative energy from the three of them. It reminded me of "Pigpen" in the Peanuts comics. I was acutely aware that my next move was very important for my well being. Because they chose to abandon me during my hospital experience I had every right to wish them all kinds of bad stuff in return. Without hesitating I simply raised my view to the soccer field above their heads and let them be. I am only responsible for what I do. Nothing else that happens is up to me.

I was rewarded for my decision. During half time my ex-husband came over to my car and sincerely asked how I was doing. Oh, and Colin made the only three goals for his team! I love watching him play because he is a great little athlete who proves that size doesn't matter when you are doing what you are supposed to be doing. Go Colin you make me proud to be your grandmother!!

So this is my view, it may not be what everyone sees, but we all have free choice to make of our life experiences what we will.

Angry Vibes

In attempting to heal from my recent health scare I am trying to find the lessons offered through the entire experience. It is no doubt easy for those not involved to see the big picture. The first thing I am realizing is that I need to get rid of all the anger that was brought up and focus on the good things that happened.

Going back to the beginning, none of this would have happened if I had followed my strong intuition and refused to have radiation in 1989. I had the best GYN/Oncologist in the four corners area and my cancer had not spread. For six weeks I endured the treatments realizing that it was killing perfectly normal cells. If I had known that it was also causing scar tissue that would lead to life threatening surgery years later I would have screamed so loud that I would have probably been locked up.

It makes me angry, but I can’t change what happened. I need to let it go and refocus on healing and doing everything possible to keep my body in the healthy state I thought it was in before my latest adventure.

A big chunk of anger goes to my estranged daughter who did not take this opportunity to reconnect. It was pretty sad when asked for a contact person, not to give them Christina’s name. It was even sadder in the hours following my surgery to know she chose not to come to the hospital or even call as far as I know.

It was probably the biggest hurt I have ever experienced in my life and yes it made me angry. I need to let it go and focus on the people who were there for me.

Many friends and hospital staff went out of there way to let me know they cared. My friend June was by my side offering support before surgery and was there to take me home. Oh and she also ran errands and took care of my cats during my absence. My ex-husband brought our grandson, Colin, to visit which made my day. One of my Facebook friends called long distance and another, on her way from California to Los Lunas, NM, stopped by the hospital to meet me and say hello. I received many cards, prayers and positive thoughts from friends I have never met and those I see every day.

I’m thinking my main lesson from this experience is cut out the anger because it doesn’t matter and focus on the good stuff because it does. Apparently shit is only good for growing flowers and does not aid in healing the body or the mind.

#22 the Human Gueina Pig

For years the #22 has popped up in my life again and again. Until September 19, 2011 I couldn't figure out what it meant. Landing in our local ER in the middle of the night made it crystal clear. Two hours later I was in the operating room being prepped for emergency surgery. Ex rays showed a blocked small bowel. It was caused by radiation scar tissue from cancer treatment in 1989- 22 years ago.

My body had been under so much stress trying to function that it couldn't take it anymore and put forth such excruciating stomach pain that I had no choice but to seek help. I asked my surgeon the next day what would have happened if I had not come to the ER when I did and he bluntly answered,"You would have died." It appears that I was the only person in the operating room who didn't receive the message that I was close to death.

I spent two weeks in the hospital while we waited for an 8" section of injured bowel to recover and begin functioning. My doctor never gave up believing that it would open. He said if it didn't he would have to go back in and remove it.The night before he was to make his decision I stopped resisting the possibility of a second surgery and simply accepted whatever was going to happen.

The next morning began with a final ex ray showing positive progress. The nurse came in and removed the hideous tube that had been inserted through my nose to my stomach for almost two weeks. I have never felt such freedom! No more surgery!! It was still another couple of days before I was released because my doctor had told me I wasn't going home until I was 100%. I think he cheated a bit, but on the afternoon of October 3 after consuming two tacos, a mound of rice and a slice of pumpkin pie without throwing up, I was released to my own care.

Today it seems ridicules that I could feel so healthy and yet be so sick inside. Who said "you can't judge a book by its cover?" You just never know.

All summer I had been having problems with my blood pressure going up and down and I couldn't convince anyone that something was causing it besides the obvious stress in my life. Doctors just kept giving me more medication, which made me angry. My intuition said that wasn't helping. Now we know the blood pressure was a symptom of a greater problem. Since the surgery it has come down. One good thing about the BP fluctuation is that it caused me to try to eliminate stress and learn deep breathing techniques, both of which aided in a more positive hospital stay than I would have otherwise had. When I got anxious I would simply breath.

As doctor Oz says "check out your poop"! I had been having problems for some time, but just thought it was part of getting older. Women tend to accept stuff as normal when they really should be seeking a professional opinion. If the first person ignores you knock on another door until someone listens to you. Follow your intuition- it is Source/God knocking on your door.

I want to end my post with a great big thank you to Dr. Karl and the entire staff of Cibola General Hospital in Grants, NM. You all took wonderful care of me and I truly appreciate everything you did to make my stay comfortable!