I spent 40 years of my life being married to two wrong men. The first was 1959-1972. That was the womanizing jackass and the father of my two sons. I found out before the ceremony that he tried to date one of my bridesmaids.That should have given me a big clue of what I was in for. Did I listen- no! I basically spent the next 13 years raising our sons alone, while he screwed whoever he could get his hands on. When his mother died in 1972 he took our sons and headed to Seattle to bury her. His father refused to house our sons so they were moved off to stay with my maternal grandparents. A friend finally offered to take me to get them in time for school to begin. They never had contact with their father again.
The second took place after a much needed divorce from the first. I should have noticed his drinking problem, but I chose to ignore it. I remember asking him not to drink before the ceremony, as we faced each other for the kiss I smelled the alcohol on his breath. If I had known what the next 27 years would bring I would have just walked away. We eventually had a daughter 19 years younger than my oldest son. She eventually had a son of her own.
I basically raised my three children alone while their fathers were otherwise occupied. The thanks I have been given are amazing. When my daughter had her only son I filled in at school functions and tried to encourage his talents.The thanks I have been given is again amazing. My second son and his twins and my daughter and her son do not communicate with me. I don't even know their addresses. Apparently I wasn't the mother or grandmother they wanted.
The only ones who do communicate are my oldest son and oldest grandson and his ex-wife and daughter..I am kind of thinking the only reason I endured those 40 years was to provide a home for my three children.The husbands I chose are both now deceased, which is probably a good thing.
I have since realized that there is a big difference between living a lie and telling the truth. If my relatives can't handle the truth- oh well!
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You did that to me, too. You said horrible things about my father, your brother, whom I never met. He's half me, and you left me with not one good thought about him. You are doing that to your own adult children, too. Tearing apart half of their identity, their fathers, by vilifying them even decades later. You've had so many chances to be kind.
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DeleteThe next time Julie Knott you might have the courage to use your name. The reason you have no memories of my brother is because you didn't even know his name until you paid someone to come up with it. You might give a shout out to the man who actually raised you!
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