A Christmas Wish

This post reminds me of "All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth." All I want is for Christmas is for my eyes to stop watering and to never have another panic attack. That's not a lot. Perhaps I'm not asking the right person! I thought I wanted my family back. Most of them do not even talk to me. I have decided, screw that! I did my part and now they can take care of themselves. I no longer care. My daughter is a perfect example. I gave birth to her when I was 42 and spent years caring for her while her father drank. I was paid back when taking charge of his memory service she didn't even mention we had been married for 27 years before our divorce. Her Godfather wondered if she thought the stork brought her.I thought giving him a child of his own would stop his drinking. What a joke!

So now, 13 years since she stopped talking to me, I no longer care. It is long past time I took care of myself.

Happy birthday to me

Today is my 88th birthday- yea for me! I made it past 87. I have a bunch of Facebook friends who have wished me a happy birthday and the only relative, my oldest son, who recognized my birthday. I don't need the rest after all.They can continue doing whatever they want and they don't need my help. I am still shooting for 100!

Prromises

Facebook is still promising money. I am beginning to think that's a lot of bull. I have played the lottery twice and haven't won a cent. Does FB think money is just going to drop from the sky? This is getting old really fast. It is also something I am getting sick of. I have worked hard since my last divorce to keep bills paid and not spend any unnecessary money.The fact that my oldest son has lived with me for the last few years and is paying rent has been very helpful. He also helps with groceries and cooking. My other two don't even speak! I guess I just have to wait and see what this money stuff is all about.

Painting

Grants,NM has an interesting Mayor. It seems he is mostly concentrating on painting buildings and structures to attract tourists. I'm wondering when he will get around to things we really need? Restaurants that are actually opened would be good. People need to eat! How about attending to the needs of our animals? The only animal park is always full of water. Nobody knows why. The animal shelter is overflowing with dogs and cats. I suppose they don't count because they don't pay taxes. There are a lot of things that need to be done for the people who actually live here before we concentrate on attracting tourists.

A joke

Well I held off checking my lottery numbers for as long as I could. When I did I wondered out loud if this was some kind of a joke. I didn't have one winning number. Maybe this was just a way to sell more tickets? Anyway I"m not falling for that again! If the universe has money for me they can find another way to give it to me.

Money money money

For the last week every other post on Facebook has said I will soon be getting mega bucks. Well I don't know where they would be coming from. I don't think anyone is going to just throw money my way. I am thinking if that were to happen the only way it could occur is if I bought a Power ball ticket and won. I don't see that happening but you never know. Someone has to win.Just to be safe I purchased a ticket this morning. You can't win if you don't play.

I am wondering what I would do if I came into a lot of money. It would be something I have never experienced in my life. Even the jobs I have held brought in very little money. Would I be happy rich? Maybe, Maybe not. I would probably give most of it away, judging by the way my life has gone so far.

Most of my relatives would be left out as they don't even communicate. My oldest son would benefit the most as he has always been available to help me out. What will happen is anyone's guess. It could be Facebook just wanted to be cute!

Karma

After all these years of fighting for my family to communicate I have decided to just let karma take care of them. I know what I did to help them and if they don't remember, oh well, there is nothing I can do. I really don't need the interference of those who weren't there to witness things first hand. There is one entity who knows the things I did and I will leave it at that. It's your turn karma!

Real dreams

Recently I read something that said that dreams can be real. Of course I thought, oh right, until this morning. I woke after having a dream that seemed so real, featuring someone who had died and I considered a soulmate. He appeared in my dream and it seemed so real. I wonder if it really was? I was recently given a memory of a past life when this man was my father. My mother had died in childbirth. We moved to a mountain somewhere. Later we both died in an avalanche. I don't expect to ever see him again in this life, but I don't know about the future. Perhaps he just stopped by to say hello?

One less

I just eliminated a so called friend from my Facebook family. Although I only met the woman a couple of times when I first moved to New Mexico she thinks she knows all about my life. She actually has no idea about the experiences I have had and therefore needs to keep her mouth shut. Even family members only know what affects them. So today I have one less friend on my friend list and that makes me happy. I don't need to put up with people who have no idea what they are talking about.

A New Book

A long time friend has decided to write a book, but she is having trouble getting started. I decided to help her and anyone else in the same boat by offering some suggestions.I never started out with the intention of being a writer, it just happened when the time was right. So these are my suggestions for my friend.

First begin with a working title. It can always be changed later. I always use my computer to write because it makes it simple to edit as you go. You need a strong first sentence to capture the attention of readers. You also need a good ending sentence to cause readers to think for themselves.

Now then, the first thing I would do is come up with a simple outline. Do you want to use chapters or just write as your words flow? I usually don't use an index because it takes up unwanted space. Always pay attention to messages that come out of the blue. They could be from your guide or soul mind, meant to help you. Another always is don't be afraid to use real life experiences to illustrate your thoughts. 

Read your work as a reader, not as a writer. If it doesn't make sense, change it. Just pretend you are talking to a friend. 

Those are my basic suggestions, now to see if she actually gets started with her book!

Remembering a question.

After viewing the damage done in Florida it reminded me of a question a Priest once asked. The question- If your house was burning down what would you take with you (except pets etc.)? The answer he was looking for- nothing.

Some of these poor people in the U.S. have lost everything they own. What a disaster! I am sitting alone (except for two dogs) in my home in New Mexico. I am feeling sorry for myself because most of my family don't even speak to me anymore. I do have one son and a grandson who speak to me, but that's about it. I have a few Facebook friends still communicating, which is good and I appreciate them.

I am thinking back in my life and wondering just why I deserve this situation. Perhaps it is because I have always said what I feel and it pisses people off. I"m wondering what is the point of being on earth if you are going to keep your mouth shut? There are people who constantly mouth off and it makes you wonder what planet they live on. I don't put myself in that category, but one can't live 87 years without having an opinion about things.

A first poem

 I didn't really like poetry until a friend said it was just another way of telling a story. This is my first poem.

Angels

Children are angels in disguise

Learning to live learning to love

If they didn't make mistakes now and then,

They'd have wings and halos and fly.

Barbara L. Gunn 1999

National Daughter Day

Today is National Daughter Day. I waited twenty years to have a daughter, after two sons. It has been 13 years since my only daughter has communicated. She even moved to another state without telling me. It is interesting considering how many things I did for her. I suppose that really doesn't matter when one can only see one side of the coin. I suppose I did more for her than I should have, but that's the way the cookie crumbles. I was probably trying to make up for the fact that my mother was too busy working to care about me. I don't think she ever wanted to be a mother. Anyway today I am celebrating that I have a daughter even though she doesn't care about me.

Happy Daughter's Day Christina Marie!

A change of thought

I remember my ex husband telling someone that Thomas, my hypnotist, was the reason for our divorce. After twenty some years I realize he was right, but not in the way he thought. The hypnotist not only ended my nicotine addiction but caused me to have a  new way of thinking, eliminating all the negative things that had held me back, including a 27 year marriage to a dedicated alcoholic, who was also a lire. Another good thing the hypnotist did was to loan me his copy of  Richard Bach's Illusions. Reading the book began a career of writing myself. I wasn't prepared for all that was ahead of me. 

So my ex husband was right! Thomas was the reason for our divorce. My ex died in 2016, so that is how that was supposed to turn out. 

Creative

As I was handing my ear specialist a photo that I had promised him I said, "I just wanted you to know I do more than write." He replied, "Most creative people have more than one talent!" I said, "I don't think I knew I was creative until after my second divorce." A lady in the waiting room laughed at that.

I thought about what he said all day and it occurred to me that it was after my divorce that I began to write and take really good photographs, many containing spirit images. It is really odd that it makes me happy to give my work away instead of receiving payment for it. It is the reason I was a columnist for our local paper and loved the interviews I did. It made people in the community aware of who the subject was. When I led writing camps for children I really wanted to inspire them to use their intuition to write. Again I received no money for these efforts.

So thank you Chris for making me aware that I am a creative person.

Family

Today my only daughter is 45. She moved to another state without a word and hasn't spoken to me in years. I was 42 when I gave birth to her. I remember the trip from New Laguna to Albuquerque to Presbyterian Hospital. Today I wonder if I would have been better off having an abortion like one of my friends did. She joined two older brothers from a previous marriage. I thought giving my then husband a child of his own would be reason for him to stop drinking. Wishful thinking!

Anyway today I wish her a happy birthday and hope she is happy with the life she has chosen!

Prejudice

 here are people who are so prejudice that they refer to others by their skin color rather than their name. What makes it even stranger is that some of these people claim to be religious. I wonder if they think God has a back room, where he manufacturers souls who are not white, just to annoy those who are? We all came from the same place and therefore are one, no matter what color our skin is.

I grew up in the state of Washington at a time when skin color was not part of my experience. It was not until I moved to California that I even noticed. At that time it was due to illegal immigrants from Mexico. I worked as a supervisor for a garment manufacturing company owned by a man from India. It was referred to as a sweat shop, although it was not quite that bad. The experience did not cause me to have negative feelings toward the employees as a group. I just didn't think it was right that they were illegally taking American jobs.

Not being prejudiced may be the reason I ended up in Grants, NM. I remember moving to the Laguna reservation in 1976 and the thoughts I had at the time. I pretty much believed all Native Americans were lazy. It didn't take me long to see that my opinion was flawed. I was at the time married to a man who was 1/4 Laguna and never gave it much thought. Even when our daughter was born or when my son, from a previous marriage, married a Native American. The next step was when one of my twin granddaughters married an African American, producing my first great-grandson.

While the Resource Development Coordinator for Grants Good Samaritan Center, I went out of my to include everyone, pointing out that there are more than Spanish and Native Americans who reside here. One of my most interesting ventures was the "Ethnic Evening of Entertainment", which even included a bagpiper from Albuquerque. An army of deserts from around the world, provided by the staff, was thoroughly enjoyed during intermission.

Not too long ago I had the pleasure of having a Facebook friend who was Muslim and lived in Libya. At first we had some problems communication, but soon enjoyed exploring the differences in our countries and traditions. We also discovered a strong spiritual connection between us.

Summing things up I would say any prejudice I have is not because of how people were born it is because of what they choose to do after that fact. Perhaps that makes me more judgemental than prejudice.

 

Surviving

It is difficult to write about something that is pretty much foreign to me. I feel like I am thriving not surviving. I'm wondering just how my life got to this point? It is a bit peculiar, considering my only income is Social Security.

Just a few years ago I was fussing and fuming because I couldn't find a part time job to help with bills. I blamed everyone, but mostly myself because I chose to be a stay at home mom and did not get a formal education beyond high school. I didn't really stop learning, I just didn't continue a formal education. I still remember my mother's words, "You don't need college unless you want a career." Well, I didn't at the time. A little push in the right direction would have been helpful mom.

I suppose as a result of childhood experiences I have never lived beyond my means. That philosophy got pulled in a slightly different direction during my two marriages of 40 years duration. I have been able to gradually go back to my core beliefs, since my last divorce. If I don't have the money for something I figure I don't need it. I never run up charge accounts that I won't be able to repay in a reasonable amount of time. 

I check out food ads for sales and take advantage of having a freezer, eating in rather than eating out, except when I am in the mood for something I don't fix at home, like Chinese cuisine. I have recently begun tossing most of the sale catalogs almost before they enter my house. Clutter drives me crazy.

There are those who might think these measures spell poor, but there really isn't anything that I do without. Oh sure, it would be nice to take a vacation, but I can go anywhere in the world through my Facebook friends without spending a penny.

I enjoy making a game of seeing how much money I can save before my next Social Security check comes. My bills always get paid first, of course Actually I have more money in my bank account now than at any time during the last few years so I must be doing something right. Focusing on thriving instead of surviving makes a huge difference in attitude.

Lost in the crowd

I first moved to Cibola County, NM in 1976 because my then husband could not find a job in California. His parents lived in Old Laguna and helped us purchase a mobile home that we placed on their large lot. My first question as we entered New Mexico was; "Where is the grass?" 

o that point in my life I lived in Alaska, four towns in Washington State and two in California. Grass had always been a part of my life that I guess I took for granted. Green was the color I grew up with. Brown was a color found in hot chocolate or wrapped in foil and nibbled on.

Living on an Indian reservation was an interesting experience. For one thing there were no stores to speal of. I was pretty much isolated in all directions from everything that had previously been part of my everyday life and I didn't like it one bit. Our oldest son began his sophomore year at Grants High School, thirty miles away, and our youngest was enrolled in St. Joseph Catholic School in San Fidel where he finished elementary school.

My husband was part of a large family, consisting of parents and many aunts, uncles and cousins. I always felt like an outsider who was simply tolerate due to marriage. Every time they congregated all they did was talk about their childhood experiences. Not once did anyone ever ask me about my experiences.

This situation continued until 1980 when our New Mexico born daughter was a year old. We moved our family, complete with our mobile home to the Mt. Taylor addition, slightly east of the Grants city limits.We weren't exactly in town, but close enough. There were stores and things to do. One of the first things we did to cover up some of the dirt on our 1/2 acre of land was add grass to the front and back yard.

I began participating in craft shows and volunteering, first at schools then various organizations. Before I knew it I was no longer just a wife or daughter-in-law. By 1999 my children had all left home and my husband and I divorced. By this time people actually knew who I was, standing by myself.

Today I enjoy going anywhere in town and having people call me by name. After all those years of moving around I feel that I have a real hometown and do not desire to live anywhere else. I am not sure this feeling of family could have happened in a big city where I might have remained lost in a crowd.

Memories of summer

In the past few years the only memories of summer that I have involve trying to control the weeds on my property.This time of year is when I tell myself I don't need a half acre of land and I should sell what I have and move. So far it hasn't worked out that way and I seem to be stuck right where I am, hoe and rake in hand every summer.

My memories of childhood summers focus mainly on spending time with my grandparents. I think my parents were always happy for the last day of school so they could get rid of me and my younger brother. Summers were sleeping in and waking up yo waffles or pancakes topped with my grandmother's applesauce, eating the fruit form their orchard. enjoying my grandfather's beautiful garden, swimming, trips to the beach to dig clams and picking wild blackberries, were favorite summer memories.

From my grandmother I learned many secrets to cooking and how important friends are. She also taught me more than a little bit about giving, both material things and time to those who needed assistance. I remember many trips to the Masonic Home at Zeneth and the Children's Orthopedic Hospital in Seattle to drop off items that she had canned, baked or expertly created with her knitting needles. That may have rubbed off because as an adult I have donated many hours as a volunteer to schools and groups. One of my favorite memories is sitting next to her on the couch gradually unrolling a ball of yarn while she worked on a project.

Fromm my grandfather I learned that speech is not necessary to get your point across. He was a hard working man who never stopped until a job was done. My favorite memory of him is that every morning he gave my grandmother a fresh rose from his garden. Not so favorite memories are my first sight of a chicken running around with its head cut off and the time that he intentionally drowned some baby kittens. I am sure he had his reasons, but I had a hard time forgiving him for the later experience.

Summer memories at home included watching the annual hydroplane boat races on Lake Washington, riding bikes with my pesky brother, lighting lady finger firecrackers along the railroad tracks, collecting and selling beer bottles to have money for the Saturday movie where we befriended some of the greats like; Roy Rogers, Gene Autry and the Sons of the Pioneers and my personal favorites; Mitzi Gaynor, Jane Powell, Gene Kelly and Dan Daily. And I can't forget Jose Iturbi who taught me to appreciate classical music,

As with any memory, they weave a web that helps create who we later become. Having a chance to go back in time reminded me that my summer memories are not so bad after all. I see that I had some really great teachers along the way.

Gratitude

When I was twenty I never imagined the experiences that would fill my life for the next 40 plus years. The opportunities I have been given to aid in my growth are amazing. There have been times when I would have liked to change the circumstances, but I know that if one thing had been added or eliminated I would not be where I am today. I am exactly where I am supposed to be and I am grateful for the journey.

Several years ago while serving as a member of the San Fidel parish council I had an experience that has stuck in my mind. The Priest, Father Diego, asked the council members the following question. If your house was burning down (with the exception of living things) what would you take with you? Everyone gave a different answer, but the one he was looking for was- nothing. The only valuable thing is our life.

With all the devastating natural disasters that have occurred in recent years I often think of the survivors who have nothing left but the clothes on their backs. I wonder if I would be grateful for my life if I was one of them or would I curse God for putting me in such a horrible position? 

There are many aspects of my life that I would like to improve, but generally speaking when I look around at the lives of other people my age I don't have a lot to complain about. I am grateful for every person who has come and gone and every challenge I have been given, for without them I would not be me. Most of all I am grateful for the opportunity I have been given to live a human life.

Trees

Trees really intrigue me. To watch a tiny seed grow into a strong tree is amazing. Just like people every tree seems to have its own personality and purpose for living.

here is a black walnut tree in my backyard that began its life in a coffee can in Laguna,NM. When we moved to Grants in 1980 my mother-in-law gave it to us to plant in our new yard. We chose to plant it next to the newly constructed playhouse my father-in-law and then husband built for our daughter. This tree is the last to sprout leaves in the spring and the first to lose them in the fall. Also in the fall it has the annoying habit of dropping black walnut shells all over the ground. I have yet to find a use for them. One of the neat things about this particular tree is the way one of its branches has reached out to protect the little playhouse. Several people have wanted to cut the branch off, but I won't allow it. I believe the tree would be severely injured if we did.

There are two trees at the Riverwalk that have always caught my attention. The first is a willow tree, my very favorite of all trees. They are so strong, yet very graceful. To me they symbolize the traits of an ideal female. I like the way this tree leans forward as if contemplating taking a drink from the pond.

The second Riverwalk tree has special significance for me because the very first spirit picture I took in 2000 can be found in the cement near its roots. The trunk of this tree seems to have two parts. One is strong and one is more fragile. To me it represents a perfect relationship. Each part had the freedom to grow on its own without interference from the other. Each bringing its own qualities, making he union strong. 

The last tree in my list is a tree found at the magnificent sand bluffs. It stands proud and tall right in the middle of all that rock. It has a view of the lava beds below and greets visitors who have come to admire God's art work. It always causes me to believe that anything is possible given the right conditions.

Scars

A scar is a reminder of a real or imagined injury that one has survived. Physical scars heal in time. Emotional scars are another matter and sometimes never completely heal. From the moment we take our first breath to our last our body is a vessel holding our personal scars.

How skillfully we learn to deal with our temporary wounds is rewarded by our involvement. I believe one of the reasons we inhabit this planet called earth is to rise above the hurt of living and remember who we really are; a soul striving to experience and share pure love. This is not an easy task considering how many road blocks are plopped on our path.

Although it has been said that we are never given more than we can handle I sometimes wonder about that. I look around at the challenges that have been given to others and I often question the why of their experiences. Some people believe we should never question our Creator as that is the ultimate source of wisdom. I do not think we were created to be robots that simply follow along. I have found that asking questions is one of the best ways to acquire knowledge and grow.

During my life I have experienced three major surgeries, all leaving physical scars. They do not compare to the invisible scars left from negative experiences and relationships. Some of those scars never had a chance to heal because, like picking a scab, I kept dwelling on the wound that originally caused them.

Lack of respect, abandonment, name calling, being ignored and bullying are all wounds we allow others to inflict on us and they can cause major scaring to our being. The person sometimes gives up and takes their life, ending the struggle. Many times that could have been avoided if just one caring soul had noticed their pain and offered assistance.

When the time is right we are often given unexpected opportunities to heal the wounds of our past; however, choosing to accept them is entirely up to us. Every wound leaves a scar. Perhaps the injury exists to give others a chance to care and express their love, and the scar is a reminder for us to learn the lesson offered.

That Old Chest of Drawers

 Looking around the house I noted that I don't have a chest of drawers either old or new. What stood out was the china cabinet that had belonged to my mother. Not being much of a collector she mostly used it for keeping her bills and papers in one place. |When my mother dies we had it shipped from Seattle to Grants,NM. When it arrived we realized the glass shelves were missing so we had new ones made.

Being the collector that my mother was not the cabinet now houses a variety of meaningful mementos. The top shelf is filled with Precious Moments figurines. he most enduring is a little mouse sitting in a patch of lettuce in a prayerful position. The caption is, "Lettuce us pray". The most unusual is a small pink and white chest with the word mother on top. It originally contained a pair of pink earrings and was a gift from my daughter.

The second shelf is over flowing with my grandmother's Hummel collection. They were passed on to me by my grandfather after she died. I remember dusting these little figures as a child and they have always been part of my life. They would be the last thing I would sell if I needed money.

Memories of my life sit on the next shelf. There is an ivory gavel made for me when I was the presiding officer in Job's Daughters and the International Order of Rainbow for Girls as a teenager and the Order of Amaranth as an adult. My daughter used it when she was a Rainbow girl. There are two miniature Avon President Club statues and a clear glass plate stating, "Best New Performer Award" 1996-1997. Several glass pieces and a couple of interesting glass hearts also make their home on this shelf.

The last shelves mostly contain the beautiful cut glass dishes and plates that were among my grandmother's prize possessions. They are still used for special occasions. I remember the day they became mine. It was my grandfather's 90th birthday an we had gathered to celebrate. He told me to take what I wanted because he would soon be moving to the Masonic Home. My choices were lovingly packed in our luggage, carefully wrapped in clothes to keep them safe on the flight home.

My china cabinet holds memories of three generations and oddly has a special little quirk of its own. The back wall of the cabinet is inserted with glass which has a flaw in the shape of a Kokapelli; perhaps indicating that my house in New Mexico is exactly where it is supposed to be.

Family is more than biology

To the majority of people family means mother, father, siblings etc. My life is just a little different. My parents are deceased and I have lost track of any surviving uncles, aunts or cousins. In recent years I have realized that family is much more than biology. Friends are what make us most of my family today. hey are the people in my life who really care about my welfare and take the time to see the person I have become. They not only see that person, but encourage me to be even better than I am.

Living in a small town has created a sense of family that is difficult to accomplish in a big city. Because I have been involved in my community as a volunteer for many years I have acquired a multitude of friends from all walks of life. It gives me a warm feeling to go into a store and have people not only know who I am, but stop to talk to me.

My family increased by leaps and bounds when I decided to open a Facebook account. Wow talk about a big family! I am amazed at the number of souls who have sent friend requests over the years. Of course, as with anything the relationships are sometimes short lived and some do not work out at all. The two most important words on Facebook are confirm, meaning to give formal approval and delete, meaning to destroy or take out. Oh what power one finger possesses.

If you don't take delete personally, it all works out in the end. When you think about the millions of possibilities for friendship one delete is a minuscule drop in the bucket. When this happens I just move on and seek a healthier connection. Today I am grateful that I have such a colorful conglomeration of universal family members. They add strength and positive energy to my being every single day. If it were not for the love my friends provide I would be a very lonely soul. 

Hate

 

Hate is such an ugly word, but it is after all only a word. It is the feeling behind the word that gets us in trouble. I distinctly remember shouting, "I hate her!" when complaining to my grandmother about a classmate. I was a teenager riding in the back seat of her car at the time. She immediately turned around and quietly said, "You don't hate anyone".

That simple response has stuck in my mind my whole life. I try not to use the word at all although occasionally it pops out. For instance my recent utterance, "I hate this snow", was the result of not looking past the icy roads that kept me a prisoner to appreciate the pristine beauty it left.

According to Webster hate is "Having a strong dislike or ill will toward a person or thing". My definition of hate is a person who is unwilling to open their mind and heart to something beyond what is normal for them. For me the word hate especially brings up the word prejudice. That word quickly moves on to race, color, religion, economic status and anything else that categorizes a person or group of people. Hate has started many wars between people and nations because they cannot accept each other as is.

I feel very fortunate to have grown up without hate as a daily experience. The people around me come from all walks of life, some are rich some poor, some are black some white and every color in between; some are religious and some spiritual. I am grateful for the opportunity I have been given to learn from each one. They have all brought something different to my normal life and provided opportunities for me to evolve.

I do not consider my entity below or above and so there is no reason to hate or be jealous of what anyone else has. We all came from the same source with our very own guidance system. To my knowledge we are all going back to whence we came when we are finished walking our path on his planet called earth.

Of course, there is that occasional person who expresses hate/dislike toward me. Others sometimes don't like what I say, think or do. When that happens I have two choices. I can buy into what they believe causing even more hate, or simply ignore them; realizing that it is after all, their problem not mine. I don't mean to give the impression that I have never expressed anger at someone's behavior, but temporary anger is a long way from hate. While still in the infant stage it can be dealt with by communicating, providing both parties are willing to listen and be heard.Hate is a learned behavior and it can be unlearned.

Apparently my grandmother did a very good job with me in her simple response to my hateful behavior way back then by responding. "You don't hate anyone". Thanks Nana you did good!

Trust-a powerful little word

My curiosity as a writer often leads me to the dictionary to find a simple definition of a word. It said trust is"a firm belief in the honesty, reliability, integrity, character or ability of a person or thing." That's a lot of power for such a little word.

As children we trust that someone will attend to our basic needs for survival. As we get older our childlike trust can be affected by lessons learned from our life experiences. At first the lessons are simple. For example we learn not to touch fire or we will be burned; we learn not to run into the path of a moving vehicle or we will be run over. As we grow our lessons grow too.

Trust is extended to our relationships, both physical and ethereal. We trust in a Creator defined by our individual experiences. Although there is only one, there are many paths to know and trust that entity. No path is greater than another. 

Whatever path we are on we are given a life full of opportunities to trust others. Sometimes our trust, given in the form of loyalty, is misguided and we need to step back and ask is the relationship helping or hurting us? If it is causing negative energy it may be time to disconnect for the benefit of both parties.

I truly believe that everyone deserves a second chance, no matter what the rest of the world thinks of them. We all do things we wish we hadn't done, so it is only fair to allow a proper amount of time for the person to change their tune and correct the deed.

To continue to accept negative behavior from anyone is beyond all reason. Many have been taught that Jesus always turne3d the other cheek. Well good for him! We are 100% human and as such, we are allowed to turn our backs when others treat us with disrespect. Trust is a wonderfully powerful word that should be reserved for those who have demonstrated by their actions that they are worthy of our loyalty.

Follow the light

One day I took a pad and pencil to the park intending to write down my thoughts. As I glanced upward into the evening sky, images began parading in front of a lacy see through cloud. Then I saw a very bright light emerging from the center. It produced a pipeline that touched the hood of my car on the drivers side.

Pale prism colors of green and pink were spaced here and there on the light, slightly resembling a ladder. A pale green aura framed its length on both sides. The image gave off a sense of peaceful energy and quietly commanded my attention.

The next night as I was driving through town the light reappeared and again attached itself to my car. This time it was pure white and appeared much brighter, as if the source was demanding that I pay attention. It was like a parent who at first spoke quietly and was then was forced to raise their voice saying, "Listen to me!"

On the third night  I followed the light and became so intrigued that it seemed as though someone else was doing the driving. There was no fear, only simple faith that what I was following was all good. A feeling of warmth filled me up. Even though it sometimes seems that nobody appreciates what I am doing I believe God took unusual measures to assure me that he does and is lighting my path.

Barbie vs. G.I Joe

Did that title grab your attention? It got the attention of Science Fair judges when my daughter used it in High School. Her "Behavioral" project explored the preface that males and females possess different ways of learning math. To brag a little she won first place in her category and went to State.

I took the liberty of reversing the title for personal reasons, not that I think women are more special than men, it's because I am one.Even though I now know both sexes are one with the universe, I believe they do learn differently simply because their life experiences are different right from the start. Typically men are supposed to be stronger and women weaker, but I think the world is changing.

It seems to me things are a little more balanced than they used to be. Women are out there doing things that no one ever thought they could do and men are getting in touch with their softer side and feeling more. Women are realizing they were never meant to be servants. Personally I believe this is a good thing.

I really get upset with both men and women, who because they made a bad choice or two, bash the entire opposite sex. That is wrong and a waste of positive opportunities to find true love and happiness. They carry the bad seeds with them long after the experience has ended and the act often carries on to their children, tainting yet another generation.

It would be nice of women and men could experience the experience, learn the lesson and use it to move on in a positive direction. Can't we just recognize the fact that we do learn differently and celebrate that difference instead of declaring war on each other? It just requires a little more patience and understanding on both parts. Male of female we all come from the same place and our purpose is to spread love not hate.

 

Most Precious Gift

If you are alive, whatever your origin, sex or age you share a gift with everyone whether you want to or not. It is invisible, has no scent, makes no noise and can't be touched or tasted. It is the most precious gift we have and without it we would cease to be. We all have an equal amount no matter where we live, how much money we have or whether we are dependent or independent.

Neither a high I.Q. nor a high paying job grants us more of this gift than anyone else. It cannot be loaned, bought or stolen from another. We all have 1,440 minutes in each day we spend on this planet. How we choose to use these minutes is an individual decision. We are not born with a road map or a list of rules. Good or bad the decision is up to us. No one can make it for us.

It is interesting how many people with titles assume their time is much more valuable than those without. Adults often think their time is more important than a child's simply because they are adults. Nationality, tradition and training have taught some men that their time is more valuable than a woman's is. If the world ended right now none of us would have time left to worry about it.

Every moment of every day we all have the opportunity to help others by sharing a part of ourselves with everyone around us. If we realized time could run out right now maybe we would be kinder, smile more, say thank you, share a thought or help another. Wouldn't it be wonderful to spend every moment celebrating that we have it instead of worrying about things we do not have and probably do not need anyway?

How we decide to use our allotted time is far more important than who our parents were or how many material things we feel we need to be happy. We can choose to be negative, bitter and hateful or positive, grateful and loving, taking all opportunities to extract the good from every experience.

Would you rather be a duck?

Ducks are talented little creatures.They can fly, swim and walk on two feet. They are very social animals and suffer if they don't have companionship. When they are raised by a human they often begin to think they are one. Ducks are close relations of geese and swans. Some interesting facts are; they have three eyelids, their webbed feet have no nerves or blood vessels so they never have cold feet, some ducks can fly 312 miles per day and they line their nests with feathers plucked from their chest. Ouch!

Our local park is the home of many species that spend their summers with us. We sometimes have geese dropping by and I once took a picture of a pelican that was evidently left behind when his group flew off. 

There are a number of famous ducks. Disney must have loved them because his flock included Donald, Daisy, Hewey, Lewey, Scrouge Mc Duck and Daffy Duck. Then of course there is the AFLACK duck, disco duck, the "You Bet Your Life duck, who revealed the secret work for Groucho Marx and won contestants $100.Count Duckula began his career on British TV in 1988 before coming to the U.S. Long before that was Hans Christian Anderson's Ugly Duckling in1843, who grew up to be a swan.

Just for fun I found this poem by Mary Ann Hoberman for your enjoyment.

Ducks

Ducks are lucky don't you think?

When they want to take a drink

All they do is duck their bill,

Doesn't matter if they spill.

 When they want to take a swim

All they do is dive right in;

And they never seem to sink.

Ducks are lucky don't you think?

 

Walking the path to change

Whether from minute to minute or year to year everything changes. I don't believe anything was meant to be permanent. I heard a very powerful quote by Tracy Chapman, "All you have is your soul." It started me thinking about how true that is. Our soul is the only thing that is uniquely ours from the moment of our creation throughout eternity. It is our very own pristine connection with Source.

All else is much like a movie that we star in. Our relationships and possessions are simply passing experiences to help evolve our soul. As humans we get caught up in the script and forget the purpose, the big picture. I love the Biblical statement, "This too shall pass." It is difficult to remember it in times of stress, when everything in our world seems to be crumbling before our eyes.

Another powerful quote that recently came to my attention is a Buddhist saying, "Look at you feet." I have been doing that a lot since I heard it. Although I am very grateful for all that I have, there are times when I wish for more. At those times I look down at my feet and realize that they are exactly where they are supposed to be at this moment in my life. They are doing exactly what they are supposed to be doing, walking the path to change.

Cemetery Spirits

 "While flipping through stories I had previously used I could not find this one. Yesterday, after removing the one I intended to print, there it was. Apparently someone is looking over my shoulder!"

Cemetery Spirits

While writing one day a message was planted in my mind that I could not ignore. I stopped what I was doing to perform the task that was suggested. I cut the three daffodils growing in my yard, placed them in a plastic cup, added glass pebbles and water and started my car. My destination was the cemetery near my home. After parking the car I picked up the container of flowers and walked to the grave of a young woman who died of cancer several years earlier. I had a strong spiritual connection with the girl that I did not fully understand.

Kneeling at her grave, I placed the flowers on the headstone. I quietly asked, "Can you help?" Instantly two voices coming from the back of the cemetery repeated a variation of my question. The first was female and closely followed by a male, both asking, "Can you help me?"

I could clearly see that I was the only human in the cemetery. Startled, I quickly returned to the safety of my car. I tried to figure out who the voices were and what they wanted me to do for them. I finally realized they were spirits who wanted me to tell the humans they had left behind that communication with them was possible if one believes.

The spirit photographs I was taking began to make sense. They were a tool to give credibility to what I was being asked to do. The only question was would I comply with the request? I had come this far so I might as well go all the way. My answer was yes!

 

Dream on

There are many kinds of dreams, but they all have one purpose. They give hope that tomorrow will be better than today. In my time there have been leaders that have had dreams that affected the whole world. John F. Kennedy, Martin Luther King, Rosa Parks and Barrack Obama just to name a few. They saw things that others did not see.

 We all have dreams. Some are mighty big ones and some are very simple. My question to you today is: If no one else believes in your dream does it make it any less real? Do you continue to fight for the right to believe even when everyone you know thinks you have lost a few marbles? Is it really necessary for anyone else to confirm your dream?

I believe we all have every right to believe anything we choose to believe. No one else can clearly picture what we see or why we see it. I believe dreams are the answer we receive when we ask the universe for assistance. Help does not come in the form of step by step instructions it comes to us as a dream to be worked out.

Dreams are responsible for advances in medicine, science and education, pieces of art, beautiful music, insightful poetry and books, relationships of all kinds and anything anyone can name that improves life on the planet earth. Somebody dreamed a dream and was not afraid to take the steps to make it a reality.

So my advice to you is go ahead and dream and while you are at it make it a big one. It takes the same amount of effort as a little one. Don't worry about what anyone else thinks. You are the only one who can see what you see. It is not necessary to justify it to another. Dream on!

Little Bird with a Message

One summer day, while walking on a hill overlooking my small town, I witnessed an amazing vision. Noticing a little bird by the edge of the hill, I watched as it began ascending into the sky. It reminded me of Richard Bach's "Jonathan Livingston Seagull". The bird flew in large circles acquiring height with each rotation. I was surprised I could still see it from where I was standing.

As it reached a far off mesa, the little bird dipped slightly and gracefully touched the edge of a nearby cloud with its wing, before disappearing from my view.

My eyes automatically moved to the cloud and my mind could hardly believe what it saw. It was the head of a bearded man, slightly tilted back, looking up or out. His eyes were set back in their sockets as if not really needed. His face, although kind, was rugged. In my heart I knew who he was.

Around the time of this event I had been going through a period of spiritual growth, often leaving me confused and sometimes frightened. Months later I understood the message the little bird had revealed to me. It was God in the form of Jesus telling me not to worry, everything was going exactly as planned.

Since that day I have taken numerous photographs containing spirit images which I have gladly shared with others, but this image was unique. It was a special message shared between God and me.

Out of the box

If you have an impressive title following your name does it make you any more important than anyone else or does it just put you in a box with like people?

Obviously some jobs generate more income than others. For instance, a small town doctor is not going to earn as much as a big city doctor who adds a specialty. These extra titles mean a lot financially, but in many cases the cost of obtaining it will never be repaid.There are a lot of unemployed college educated people out there today in the same boat as those who don't have humongous school loans to pay off.

Titles are funny. I recently spent time on the phone trying to find out why my internet service was cutting out.I finally gave up and told the person to send a repairman as soon as possible. I was told that a "technician" would be sent. I was told the same thing when I had a furnace problem. Apparently there are no more repairman. Trash collectors once picked up my garbage now are called sanitary engineers.

This started me thinking about the jobs I have held during my life and their titles, most of which had little pay attached. My first job while still in high school, was a sales clerk at a local dime store, followed by a file clerk for the Teamsters Health & Welfare department. Then the bigger one came along: I was a wife and mother for 40 years, now referred to as a domestic engineer (long hours no pay). During this time I held jobs as a Cub Scout Den Mother and a Mother Advisor for International Order of Rainbow for Girls, costumer for a theater group.

Other job titles were:Independent Avon Representative, Independent Contractor for two marketing companies, Resource Development Coordinator for a nursing home, columnist, Recreational Aide. The variety of titles I have held probably don't mean much to most people and granted would be too much to put on my grave marker, but they describe who I was and who I am. Job titles don't make me any better or any worse than anyone else. My current job title is Motivational Writer and allows me many hours of freedom to spend as much time as I please doing whatever makes me happy. It allows me to get out of the box built by others and be the me I came here to be.

 

 

 

I Killed My Best Friend

 

 

            I KILLED MY BEST FRIEND

 

For a variety of reasons I grew up having very little self-esteem. When I graduated from high school I had no clue what I was supposed to do with the rest of my life. I had been an average student who finished school because it was expected. At 19 I was a very lonely person who desperately needed a best friend.

 

The friend I choose for the next forty years was three inches tall, smelled bad, controlled my life and led me in the direction of poor health. The relationship was what would be considered abusive today. At the beginning no one warned me of danger and in all those years nobody offered to help me let go of my destructive companion.

 

There were of course, those who shook their heads and fingers at me making rude comments about how disgusting this relationship was. They probably thought they were helping, but they only made me angry and caused me to stubbornly refuse to let go.

 

When I was 62 years old I looked in the mirror and did not like what I saw. I decided I did not deserve to be controlled by an object that could not possibly move from my hand to my mouth without my help. I realized I was the only one who could end the relationship and I have never been sorry that I did.

 

Believe me when I say, the only way you will successfully stop smoking or any other negative addiction is to become self centered and care about yourself. Whoever you are, believe that you are a valuable person who deserves the very best life has to offer.

 

There are many people around you who want to help. The hardest thing you have to do is learn to care about yourself and be willing to accept their help. I know from personal experience that once you do that the rest is a breeze.

 

Do you really want a best friend who is three inches tall, smells bad, controls your life and is leading you in the direction of poor health and perhaps death? If the answer is no, follow my example and give yourself permission to live the healthy life you deserve.