Husbands

I spent 40 years of my life being married to two wrong men. The first was 1959-1972. That was the womanizing jackass and the father of my two sons. I found out before the ceremony that he tried to date one of my bridesmaids.That should have given me a big clue of what I was in for. Did I listen- no! I basically spent the next 13 years raising our sons alone, while he screwed whoever he could get his hands on. When his mother died in 1972 he took our sons and headed to Seattle to bury her. His father refused to house our sons so they were moved off to stay with my maternal grandparents. A friend finally offered to take me to get them in time for school to begin. They never had contact with their father again.

The second took place after a much needed divorce from the first. I should have noticed his drinking problem, but I chose to ignore it. I remember asking him not to drink before the ceremony, as we faced each other for the kiss I smelled the alcohol on his breath. If I had known what the next 27 years would bring I would have just walked away. We eventually had a daughter 19 years younger than my oldest son. She eventually had a son of her own.

I basically raised my three children alone while their fathers were otherwise occupied. The thanks I have been given are amazing. When my daughter had her only son I filled in at school functions and tried to encourage his talents.The thanks I have been given is again amazing. My second son and his twins and my daughter and her son do not communicate with me. I don't even know their addresses. Apparently I wasn't the mother or grandmother they wanted.

The only ones who do communicate are my oldest son and oldest grandson and his ex-wife and daughter..I am kind of thinking the only reason I endured those 40 years was to provide a home for my three children.The husbands I chose are both now deceased, which is probably a good thing. 

I have since realized that there is a big difference between living a lie and telling the truth. If my relatives can't handle the truth- oh well!

Relatives

Have you ever wondered if you grew up in the right family? For some time I have. I have wondered if babies were mixed up in the hospital It could happen! Perhaps the parents and brother I thought were mine really were not. That's an interesting question. Being born in a small hospital in Ketchikan, Alaska I would think it is more than possible. All my life my mother claimed I was premature. My birth certificate states, full term.When I asked my grandmother about that years later, her response was I was the healthiest premature baby she had ever seen. I just don't have the feelings for my parents or brother that I should have. BTW they are all deceased now, so I guess it doesn't really matter. I will always believe that there is something wrong.

 A few years ago someone popped up that is the daughter of a baby boy given up for adoption by my maternal grandmother. My grandfather was not the father. I believe the baby was the result of an incest relationship, but I can't prove it. That would certainly account for the fact that the baby was given up for adoption though. Like my birth, it is something that will probably never be proven. 

Stuff happens in every family that makes one wonder what is true and what is not.

I looked it up

In 235 years there has never been a female who sat as president of the U.S. in the white house. I think it's about time to change that.The men have not been doing a great job and I believe it's time to change the  ruling body. It would be very simple if all the women who could vote- did exactly that! A former TV personality has no business in the role of President of the United States. He is nor only too old he is an ignorant bully who only has his interests in mind! Is that the best his party has to offer? Maybe it is time to eliminate the two party system! Perhaps Trump won't have the guts to shout, THEY STOLE THE ELECTION, when he loses to a woman.

New thought

With Biden dropping out of the race it makes it possible for a woman to take the lead as president of the U.S. I never thought that would happen in my life time. I'm also thinking that if Trump doesn't shut his mouth he just might talk himself into a heart attack. Something has got to shut him up permanently! I really don't want anybody else to lose their life taking a shot at him. If he could do it himself, all the better! I don't understand how a TV entertainer like Trump talked people into voting for him! I didn't know there were that many stupid people in the U.S. old enough to vote!

Principles

This is the last story I will be sharing. The book, "Spirits of Cibola County", is still available as a Kindle on Amazon.com.

Principles

To effectively lead one must first learn to follow. The principal in charge of our largest private school is one of the most serene respectful people I have ever met. His singular attention to the person he is talking to causes immediate respect for the man. Jerry makes one feel that what they say is of utmost importance.

His well rounded background and personal life experiences make him an ideal principal. Many teachers have retired or left the public school system to work in the peaceful environment of Saint Teresa Catholic School.

Jerry gave me the following quote, "A teacher is like a plumber, they are as good as the tools they have."

He believes in giving his teachers the tools they need and letting them teach. He encourages them to share their life experiences with their students. On a regular basis he observes classes and gives teachers positive feedback for improvement. His expectation for his teachers is that they are professional and accountable and have a desire to be there.

He also believes part of the reason the school is a success is because the board of education is not elected. It is made up of community minded dedicated volunteers who are service oriented. There is also a good relationship with the Pastor and the Diocese of Gallup, who prepares the curriculum. The school also enjoys community involvement such as the local Science Fair.

Before retiring from the public school system in 1997 as interim/associate superintendent for Grants/Cibola County Schools, he filled a wide variety of positions. He was a teacher, bilingual education director, kindergarten director, assistant principle and a principle. Jerry also worked for twelve years in the central office as Director of Personnel. Some of his many duties include hiring teachers, evaluating principals and overseeing the high school courses.

His Navy experiences taught him to follow directions and respect others. It appears it also taught him to appreciate life. He was stationed on a ship in Hong Kong where the village people willingly worked in the galley cleaning the slop from trays.

Jerry said, "They were so hungry the took it home."

It made an impression, which has stayed with him throughout his life. He left the Navy as a second class petty officer.

One of his heroes is an older brother who died one month before he was to receive his law degree. Jerry is the youngest of a large family Seven siblings died very young. Five boys and two girls survived. He received strong family values from his parents who were married for 55 years. His father was a self taught brilliant translator who loved to share his life experiences. His mother was a giving outgoing people person who loved helping others.

Jerry said his life revolves around his wife, Frances, of over 35 years and his two daughters, who are both teachers. He also has two grandsons who benefit from his life experiences. Saint Teresa Catholic School is fortunate to have such a person willing to lead them on their journey of education.

Values

When money is your guide, there will never be enough. Those who continually put people first will always have their needs met. It is very refreshing to meet someone in the business world that cares about people first. A local insurance agent does just that. Terri feels that if she weren't helping people, she wouldn't be in the business. She believes if you treat people right it will come back full circle.

She takes great pride in trying to save people money by finding the best companies for the best price. Terri had previous banking experience. She worked for an electric co-op, handling high bill complaints. Her job was to find a way to help customers solve their problems. She has always been a prudent consumer who does not like to see people take advantage of.

Terri has a natural desire to help and protect people. It is not unusual for her to pass on a client to someone else without making a profit, if that is what it takes to meet their special need. It is also not unusual for her to report fraud by others. Dishonesty and fraud in business and in general upset her.

Her neighbors gave her the title of radical pool lady in 1991 when she stood up for the rights of Los Alamitos Heights residents in a battle with Chevron Real Estate Company. They planned to demolish the pool, tennis courts, and everything attached to the recreational area. The company was annoyed because they had not sold a lot in ten years.

Working on a new house in the area, Terri was not pleased with the situation. With several other residents, she led a demolition team of her own, right to the office of the attorney general. They won the battle. Residents are still enjoying the pool. Terri believes her pioneering spirit came from her grandparents on both sides of her family.

She has had an interest in photography for sixteen years. With only a basic camera class and a camera with a good lens, which was a gift from her husband, she has taken some wonderful pictures. Terri has a love for the outdoors and most of her subjects are animals, nature and natural structures. She believes she sees through the eyes of a child, seeing things others miss. Her pictures are uncluttered and clear, cutting to the heart of the subject.

Her lightening pictures are so real, one can almost hear the thunder in the background. She given away many of her creations and has won numerous awards at fairs in New Mexico and Arizona. One of her luminaria pictures ended up on an Arizona calendar. The Arizona U.S. Forest Service used some of her fire pictures to educate the public about fires. Her long range dream is to have her work published.

During their twenty years of marriage, Terri and her husband have built four houses that they have lived in. They enjoy working together and are a good team. There is a feeling of give and take and general caring about each other. While working in different parts of their house with separate workmen, they would periodically check on each other to see if the other was okay. This caught the eye of one of the workers, who couldn't believe they had been married for fifteen years at the time.

Terri attributes their happy marriage to strong family values and commitment. The couple has two sons. They will  be spending their twenty-fifth anniversary in Hawaii. She will be taking her camera and her honest values.

 

 

Patience

The most fertile place to plant a seed is in the heart. The American dream of building a business takes a lot more than money. It also takes courage, a stick to it attitude and a giving heart. Lisa may not run the printing press, but she is the heart of the business. She is the first and last person sen by customers. She believes customers are always right, even when they aren't.

Five years ago, she and Rudy took a chance on their American dream. Despite opposition, they broke away from jobs with an established business to do their own work, their way. She lived in Grants, NM most of her life. He, as a teenager, made a bad lifestyle choice and ended up as a resident of Springer Boys School. He took one look at the print shop there and decided he wanted to be a printer. 

Springer teaches their students a wide choice of trades to steer them in a positive direction when they leave. There is a 90 percent return rate, so those who have turned their life around become role models. For several years he was tossed back and forth between employers. They fought over his knowledge and talent. Lisa knew nothing about the printing business and agreed Rudy taught her everything.

Their first venture on their own was a little building with the barest of equipment. They used to wait for the phone to ring to verify they were really in business. The next step was a shop on the east side of Grants, gradually adding more equipment and experience. The jobs became bigger and bigger until they outgrew their space and found their present location.

Teamwork is their key to success. Everyone has a job and the printing job is not finished until the last person is finished. They are learning to recognize their limitations and when to say no. Their top priority is personal attention to their customers and the pride they take in the quality of their work.

In the printing business there is something called printer's triangle, which is good, fast, or cheap, pick two. Their goal is to stay out of the triangle. They like to involve the customer in the creation of their own printing project. They believe education is important whether you are the customer or the owner. It is the only way to keep up with new technology. They try to stay on the cutting edge of the business to give customers the best product for their money.

The couple enjoys helping interested young people learn about the printing business. They also actively support many community groups. They believe spirit is what makes or breaks any business. Positive future plans are to merge what they have learned with new ideas that will expand their American dream.They may eventually construct their own building.

Rebuilding

In case you have noticed I am eliminating the last names of the subjects found in the book. I don't think it is necessary.

Rebuilding

Christine, an employee of a local chain store, recently made a decision to stand up for herself as a human being. A customer service manager had been treating her as if she had no brains. On the last day of her employment she was rudely ordered to perform a task the manager could have done herself. It was the proverbial stray that broke the camel's back.

She finished her shift, took off her uniform, clocked out and left. Christine breathed a sigh of relief. It was not the first time in her life that she had been abused. She had divorced her alcoholic husband ten years earlier because he had physically abused her for years.

Being a Spanish Catholic she had put off getting a divorce because it had been hammered into her head to stay married no matter what.

Christine had told her three daughters, "Do not hit anyone, especially men. because they hit back-hard."

During her marriage she worked hard to get her GED and has since taken several classes for self-improvement.

Christine said, "I have never felt loved."

Her father had also been an alcoholic and left home when she was three years old. Most of her life she blamed her mother for her unhappiness until she realized her mother had done the best she could under the circumstances.

Feeling a strong spiritual tone coming into her life is confusing Christine. She is risking questioning traditions and rules she has grown up with. She has begun to gather information and think for herself. She admits needing to remind herself that she has value and deserves to be treated with respect.

Christine said, "Sometimes I feel like a failure that has never finished anything."

If she could view herself from the outside she would see that is not true. She has nurtured three children and guided them to a place where they can survive on their own as adults.

It is clear that she has spent her life doing things for others that they could have done for themselves. She feels that she has taken the blame for everything around her even when it was not her fault. It became habit forming. Sometimes it is difficult for us to clearly see our own life and where we are headed. We often need the assistance of someone looking at it with a detached view.

Christine knows that each time she risks doing something new, even if it sounds impossible, she is moving in a positive direction. She was born with the tools to be a positive loving person and only needs to give herself permission to use them. Christine is now learning to value herself one day at a time. She is also learning that when something hurts it needs to be dealt with and not swept under the carpet.

Parent

Before I begin this story I want to remind readers that the book "Spirits of Cibola County" was written and published in 2011. The subjects may not hold the same jobs or are possibly deceased. I feel their stories are still important.

When God gives you a child to parent, He expects you to fill in for Him.Fathers can be mothers too. Much has been said about females juggling a career, wifedom and motherhood, while managing to be good role models for the community. Little is said about the lone male, who juggles a career, fatherhood and motherhood and is a good role model for the community.

John, the executive producer of 7 Cities Productions, is such a male. He is the biological father of five and also helped raise nine stepchildren due to divorce or death of their mothers. At a young age John learned the importance of family from his mother, due to the early death of his father. Working hard to keep his family together has always been his priority. Life has not always been easy, trying to work and be a father and mother at the same time.

One of John's daughters was in a body cast for nine months as a result of being hit by a car on the way to school. His son, friends and neighbors helped out when necessary. They learned to count on each other. He said he always told them the truth.

Speaking of the truth, John was also an abused husband. He almost lost his life when wounded at the hands of a wife, aiming a loaded gun at him. With strong faith, a sense of humor and determination he became the glue that kept his children together.

In the 1980's he had a well paying job, which left him very little time to spend with his children. His first vacation was a memorable one. He and four of his children took off for Disneyland in an old pickup truck with patchwork paint. Having little money, they ate and slept in the truck. They would buy a box of cereal and enough milk so they wouldn't waste it. He built a frame with a tarp for protection from the weather. They slept in sleeping bags. John believes it was one of the best vacations they ever had.

In 1990 family problems arose. One of his children had adopted an unhealthy lifestyle and he was afraid the others might follow in his footsteps. With three children still school age, John decided to accept a less demanding job in Washington State. Soon after the move, he suffered a work related back injury, which required surgery. The injury left him disabled. John returned to New Mexico two years later.

A strong connection with his church put him in a position to become involved in TV land. His church needed to put programs on local television and wanting to help, he bought a camcorder and began filming. John found he had natural talent which gained the attention of the executive producer. He was offered his own show and given an opportunity to become a partner.

He took over as executive producer in 1999. His goal is to do whatever is necessary to help the community grow. John wants to honestly present shows, merging new ideas with old. He feels there are people with vision in the community that he wants to connect with.

John is very proud of all of his children and he believes he needed them as much as they needed him. What a shame there isn't a Parent Day card for those who do just that, whatever their sex. 

 

 

Catholic or not?

After being married to a womanizing jerk for 13 years I divorced him and took care of our two sons alone. As far as I remember I was not baptized as a child, although I did attend services in protestant churches along the way. I also belonged to the International Order of Rainbow for Girls and Job's Daughters between the ages of 13 and 20. I was the presiding officer in both as well as later in Amaranth They were all Masonic organizations. Pretty much any ideas I had of God came from there.My family was mostly Masonic.The office I enjoyed holding the most wasn't a presiding officer, it was Chaplain.

When I married my second husband in 1972 I decided to be baptized Catholic, mostly to make him and his family happy. Shortly after that I began having panic attacks that lasted for 15 years. For a long time I blamed the Catholic church. For some reason their traditions never felt comfortable.We eventually had a daughter, who was baptized Catholic. Twenty seven years later I divorced my husband. I got tired of his drinking and lying about it. At that time I stopped going to church and have since been a non-active Catholic. I got really tired of the church telling me how to think. I am perfectly capable of doing that on my own.

Oddly, since I left the church and all the negative things I had collected my life became more spiritual. It is really very strange. I have come to the conclusion that the Creator really doesn't care if you were baptized or not. He/she only cares that you do your best to share what you came to this place called earth to share.

 

People Mover

People movers help people help themselves. If you are 50 something and sitting around not doing much of anything, you had better stay alert.There is someone in Grants who might notice and convince you to change your habits. Delia is so quiet nobody would suspect she actually has the ability to move people all by herself

She and her retired husband were driving around looking for a place to call home two years ago and found Grants, or perhaps Grants found them. Delia believes Grants has an ideal climate, wonderful people and is a great place to come home to. The couple has grown children living in Minnesota, Texas and Tennessee.

Delia used to work in corporate USA, as a manager of sales support for a national computer company. She left this work to accept an invitation in Colorado to explore other options. She spent fifteen years as a psychotherapist in Colorado before moving here. 

Much of her work involved using hypnotherapy. Hypnosis can be a wonderful tool to use to effect positive changes in your life. It is very useful in dealing with habits a person wants to change such as, weight management, smoking cessation, anxiety and nail biting.

According to the International Medical and Dental Hypnotherapy Association, of which she is a member, "Hypnosis is an education-communication process to a person's mind that allows his/her conscious and subconscious minds to believe the same message." She teaches classes in effective language and communication and relationships of choice at NMSU Grants Branch. She is a certified licensed hypnotherapist offering periodic classes in self-hypnosis.

Shortly after arriving in Grants, Delia began volunteering with the Grants Senior Citizens and became A*VISTA volunteer.The A*VISTA program encourages persons from all walks of life to perform meaningful and constructive volunteer services to help others.

Delia also helps with the Senior Olympics. This program began in New Mexico twenty-two years ago and is now nationwide.I keeps people over 50 in good health and promotes longevity. Their mission statement is, "New Mexico Senior Olympics is committed to providing adults  age 50+ with an opportunity and motivation to participate at the local, state and national games in events that promote Physical, mental, social and emotional well-being."

Her exercise program develops confidence, strength and flexibility and a good mental outlook. Delia loves sharing information on complimentary health, helping people have a more informed choice.She also instructs the AARP Fifty Alive/mature defensive driving class. Upon completion of the class, insurance rates are lowered. She is actively involved in forming support groups for Alzheimer's, Parkinson's, stroke and widows and widowers. Her concern is with any disease that robs a loved one of their dignity. 

Delia's business card offers another positive helping hand. It reads, "Working in partnership with you to create the dynamic life you deserve." When you are ready to come out into the sunshine and explore the world around you give her a call. She will be glad to point you in the right direction.

Opportunity Seeker

Today is the first installment of the life stories found in my book, "Spirits of Cibola County". I chose the story of Gene Antes 1937-2021 because he was my friend and my daughter's Godfather.

Really knowing a person requires viewing from the inside. A casual observer might say Gene is a severely disabled individual and feel sorry for him. People who have taken the time to disregard his physical appearance, due to a serious defect caused by thalidomide, know someone forgot to tell him he is different. He jokes that he has no mirrors in his house. Born in Ohio, he has ten brothers and sisters. 

Gene started first grade in a special school, until his parents told him he didn't have to go there if he didn't want to. He didn't and went to regular schools for the remainder of his formal education, ending with a Bachelor of Science degree from Miami of Ohio University.

Being a history and geography buff and developing a love of books early in life created a lifetime sense of adventure and a love of people. An aptitude test in high school indicated he would be an accountant for a paper company, and lo and behold, five years later he was. Accounting has always been useful when he has needed a job.

Nine years later, Gene became an explorer and California was his first venture. He spent two years traveling and making new friends. He has had a support group of friends all through his life. Wanting to travel while he was still physically able to do so he moved on to Alaska. He wanted to hunt, fish and work for an oil company. He worked as an accountant instead.

One of his goals, when he was young, was to work in the Indian Missions for a year. A friend, who became a Franciscan Priest, was assigned to the Laguna Indian Reservation near Grants. Gene came with him and stayed.

At one time he tried to return to Ohio, where his mother still resided. It did not work out. He loves this area and the people who live here. He came for adventure and stayed because the people accepted him and made him feel at home.

From 1978-1985 Gene worked for the Laguna tribe, learning and teaching home repair skills. A home improvement program was funded by the government to teach residents skills needed to find jobs on their own. The job was fun and he loved using his hands to fix things. He rebuilt old homes until the program funds ran out and the job ended.

For the next five years, the casual observer might say, Gene was a bum. Looking closer, it might have been the portion pf his life that allowed the greatest lessons to be learned and taught. He did not have a job, but worked every day.

If somebody had a problem, he felt it was his job to help fix it. In return for his expertise, people often fed him. Gene had a routine of friends he visited. Many gratefully trusted him with their most treasured possessions. He was the person people called if they needed a house sitter, a repairman, an accountant or a friend.

Gene and his wife, Rose have known each other for twenty-five years. He believes she chased him until he caught her. They made a trip to Las Vegas, Nevada with the intention of getting married. It blew their minds, it was unreal, make believe. They came back home and set a date to be married in the Cubero Catholic Church with family and friends present.

Gene retired from the New Mexico Highway Department as a traffic tech. He was doing work he had wanted to do all his life. He has fulfilled his dream. The major part of his day was spent traveling the highways and byways, talking to people. Wanting to be a mountain man, he feels fortunate to live at the base of beautiful Mt. Taylor. His advice to others is to follow your dreams.

Cibola Images

Well screw everything I will just use what I have!

The contents of this post began around 2000 when I started interviewing local friends and residents of Cibola county. It was well before I knew a good portion of the stories would be published in our local newspaper. I just kept writing and they kept getting published. I recently asked myself what makes me happy? The answer was being a motivational writer and photographer. No surprise there.

Besides four years as a columnist, I also led adult and children's writing groups, in person and online. I was a paid Foster Grandparent, a product demonstrator at Walmart, a costumer and was the Resource Development Coordinator for our local nursing home..I wrote and published two hard cover books and four Kindle books, some of my photographs have placed at our local County Fair. 

I almost forgot I survived two ex-husbands, now deceased and raised three children over a twenty year period.

Now I am looking for a new way to share the individual life stories I wrote. I really do believe that sharing our experiences can inspire others, so the purpose of this blog will change as of now. I will be featuring the life stories, one at a time and occasionally post a photo. I will also share the blog contents on Facebook. 

Scrap that idea

I found I have a second blog that I haven't posted on since 2017.So far I haven't found any way to post on it. It would have been perfect. It was called "Cibola Images" and featured people and happenings in Cibola County New Mexico. I might as well just remove it. This morning I feel totally useless. I have most of these wonderful stories all together on the Kindle book, "Spirits of Cibola County", but not everyone has access to that. I would really like to share the stories but I don't know how.What a waste of time! Help!

A New Idea

For a few days I have been messing with a new idea. This blog has been interesting, but it may be time to refresh the idea. I had to ask myself, What makes you happy? My answer was motivational writing and photography. It all began about 2000 when I agreed to use hypnosis to end a nicotine habit and remove everything negative from my life, including a husband of 27 years, whose main job was to drink and lie about it. I was not trained for either career, but that didn't stop me.Today I realized it is my passion and I was created to share what I have learned to the best of my ability to help others evolve.

I plan to leave this blog in its place because I don't want to lose what it contains, but I believe I will begin a new one, sharing the original stories from my experience as a columnist for our local paper. I may insert a treasured photo from time to time.I am still messing with the idea but, I think the title of the blog will be- "Cibola County, NM Spirits". That pretty much takes care of everything at my finger tips.

Following Intuition

This morning my intuition told me to check on my daughter's Godfather on Facebook. I wasn't sure he ever had an account. To my surprise, he died in 2021. I am very grateful that I was able to include his personal story in my Amazon book, "Spirits of Cibola County". At that time his response to my writing was, "You found the essence of my life." I will always remember you Gene!