National Daughter Day

Today is National Daughter Day. I waited twenty years to have a daughter, after two sons. It has been 13 years since my only daughter has communicated. She even moved to another state without telling me. It is interesting considering how many things I did for her. I suppose that really doesn't matter when one can only see one side of the coin. I suppose I did more for her than I should have, but that's the way the cookie crumbles. I was probably trying to make up for the fact that my mother was too busy working to care about me. I don't think she ever wanted to be a mother. Anyway today I am celebrating that I have a daughter even though she doesn't care about me.

Happy Daughter's Day Christina Marie!

A change of thought

I remember my ex husband telling someone that Thomas, my hypnotist, was the reason for our divorce. After twenty some years I realize he was right, but not in the way he thought. The hypnotist not only ended my nicotine addiction but caused me to have a  new way of thinking, eliminating all the negative things that had held me back, including a 27 year marriage to a dedicated alcoholic, who was also a lire. Another good thing the hypnotist did was to loan me his copy of  Richard Bach's Illusions. Reading the book began a career of writing myself. I wasn't prepared for all that was ahead of me. 

So my ex husband was right! Thomas was the reason for our divorce. My ex died in 2016, so that is how that was supposed to turn out. 

Creative

As I was handing my ear specialist a photo that I had promised him I said, "I just wanted you to know I do more than write." He replied, "Most creative people have more than one talent!" I said, "I don't think I knew I was creative until after my second divorce." A lady in the waiting room laughed at that.

I thought about what he said all day and it occurred to me that it was after my divorce that I began to write and take really good photographs, many containing spirit images. It is really odd that it makes me happy to give my work away instead of receiving payment for it. It is the reason I was a columnist for our local paper and loved the interviews I did. It made people in the community aware of who the subject was. When I led writing camps for children I really wanted to inspire them to use their intuition to write. Again I received no money for these efforts.

So thank you Chris for making me aware that I am a creative person.

Family

Today my only daughter is 45. She moved to another state without a word and hasn't spoken to me in years. I was 42 when I gave birth to her. I remember the trip from New Laguna to Albuquerque to Presbyterian Hospital. Today I wonder if I would have been better off having an abortion like one of my friends did. She joined two older brothers from a previous marriage. I thought giving my then husband a child of his own would be reason for him to stop drinking. Wishful thinking!

Anyway today I wish her a happy birthday and hope she is happy with the life she has chosen!

Prejudice

 here are people who are so prejudice that they refer to others by their skin color rather than their name. What makes it even stranger is that some of these people claim to be religious. I wonder if they think God has a back room, where he manufacturers souls who are not white, just to annoy those who are? We all came from the same place and therefore are one, no matter what color our skin is.

I grew up in the state of Washington at a time when skin color was not part of my experience. It was not until I moved to California that I even noticed. At that time it was due to illegal immigrants from Mexico. I worked as a supervisor for a garment manufacturing company owned by a man from India. It was referred to as a sweat shop, although it was not quite that bad. The experience did not cause me to have negative feelings toward the employees as a group. I just didn't think it was right that they were illegally taking American jobs.

Not being prejudiced may be the reason I ended up in Grants, NM. I remember moving to the Laguna reservation in 1976 and the thoughts I had at the time. I pretty much believed all Native Americans were lazy. It didn't take me long to see that my opinion was flawed. I was at the time married to a man who was 1/4 Laguna and never gave it much thought. Even when our daughter was born or when my son, from a previous marriage, married a Native American. The next step was when one of my twin granddaughters married an African American, producing my first great-grandson.

While the Resource Development Coordinator for Grants Good Samaritan Center, I went out of my to include everyone, pointing out that there are more than Spanish and Native Americans who reside here. One of my most interesting ventures was the "Ethnic Evening of Entertainment", which even included a bagpiper from Albuquerque. An army of deserts from around the world, provided by the staff, was thoroughly enjoyed during intermission.

Not too long ago I had the pleasure of having a Facebook friend who was Muslim and lived in Libya. At first we had some problems communication, but soon enjoyed exploring the differences in our countries and traditions. We also discovered a strong spiritual connection between us.

Summing things up I would say any prejudice I have is not because of how people were born it is because of what they choose to do after that fact. Perhaps that makes me more judgemental than prejudice.

 

Surviving

It is difficult to write about something that is pretty much foreign to me. I feel like I am thriving not surviving. I'm wondering just how my life got to this point? It is a bit peculiar, considering my only income is Social Security.

Just a few years ago I was fussing and fuming because I couldn't find a part time job to help with bills. I blamed everyone, but mostly myself because I chose to be a stay at home mom and did not get a formal education beyond high school. I didn't really stop learning, I just didn't continue a formal education. I still remember my mother's words, "You don't need college unless you want a career." Well, I didn't at the time. A little push in the right direction would have been helpful mom.

I suppose as a result of childhood experiences I have never lived beyond my means. That philosophy got pulled in a slightly different direction during my two marriages of 40 years duration. I have been able to gradually go back to my core beliefs, since my last divorce. If I don't have the money for something I figure I don't need it. I never run up charge accounts that I won't be able to repay in a reasonable amount of time. 

I check out food ads for sales and take advantage of having a freezer, eating in rather than eating out, except when I am in the mood for something I don't fix at home, like Chinese cuisine. I have recently begun tossing most of the sale catalogs almost before they enter my house. Clutter drives me crazy.

There are those who might think these measures spell poor, but there really isn't anything that I do without. Oh sure, it would be nice to take a vacation, but I can go anywhere in the world through my Facebook friends without spending a penny.

I enjoy making a game of seeing how much money I can save before my next Social Security check comes. My bills always get paid first, of course Actually I have more money in my bank account now than at any time during the last few years so I must be doing something right. Focusing on thriving instead of surviving makes a huge difference in attitude.

Lost in the crowd

I first moved to Cibola County, NM in 1976 because my then husband could not find a job in California. His parents lived in Old Laguna and helped us purchase a mobile home that we placed on their large lot. My first question as we entered New Mexico was; "Where is the grass?" 

o that point in my life I lived in Alaska, four towns in Washington State and two in California. Grass had always been a part of my life that I guess I took for granted. Green was the color I grew up with. Brown was a color found in hot chocolate or wrapped in foil and nibbled on.

Living on an Indian reservation was an interesting experience. For one thing there were no stores to speal of. I was pretty much isolated in all directions from everything that had previously been part of my everyday life and I didn't like it one bit. Our oldest son began his sophomore year at Grants High School, thirty miles away, and our youngest was enrolled in St. Joseph Catholic School in San Fidel where he finished elementary school.

My husband was part of a large family, consisting of parents and many aunts, uncles and cousins. I always felt like an outsider who was simply tolerate due to marriage. Every time they congregated all they did was talk about their childhood experiences. Not once did anyone ever ask me about my experiences.

This situation continued until 1980 when our New Mexico born daughter was a year old. We moved our family, complete with our mobile home to the Mt. Taylor addition, slightly east of the Grants city limits.We weren't exactly in town, but close enough. There were stores and things to do. One of the first things we did to cover up some of the dirt on our 1/2 acre of land was add grass to the front and back yard.

I began participating in craft shows and volunteering, first at schools then various organizations. Before I knew it I was no longer just a wife or daughter-in-law. By 1999 my children had all left home and my husband and I divorced. By this time people actually knew who I was, standing by myself.

Today I enjoy going anywhere in town and having people call me by name. After all those years of moving around I feel that I have a real hometown and do not desire to live anywhere else. I am not sure this feeling of family could have happened in a big city where I might have remained lost in a crowd.