Guests Aren't Always Necessary

Up until an hour ago I thought I was going to have a house guest starting Monday. My guest's plans have changed and she won't be coming after all. Even though I looked forward to her visit I am actually a little relieved that her plans changed. I really am not quite physically ready to have a guest.

This last week I have done everything possible to get my house ready for company. I have made every effort to stay within the guidelines that my surgeon set up. Okay I probably fudged a little, but my house looks great. These last five weeks have not been easy for me to manage alone. For some reason the rest of the world has not noticed that I could use some help.

The experience of getting ready for a guest reminds me of advice I heard years ago. It was: don't save the good china for guests.

I am just as worthy as any guest who would visit to have a clean house with things in their proper place. I have never been known as a Martha Stewart type, but I absolutely hate clutter. My house usually has the warm feeling of being comfortably lived in. If you live in New Mexico there will always be dust! Along with clutter pretense doesn't impress me.

Now that my expected house guest is no longer coming I am left with a reasonably clean house to enjoy all by myself and I have decided I deserve the experience. Guests are not always necessary.

Honestly Honest

For the last month I have pretty much been left to fend for myself and I don’t understand why. What is God/Source trying to get me to see? I get it that nobody is going to take responsibility for me but me. That really is not a new concept. What am I missing? What has been different in the last 30 days?

I guess I have been focusing on me and have not been involved in the issues that others have. I have backed off of things and people that do not make me happy, no matter what or who they are. Perhaps I have finally realized that I have enough to do just taking care of myself and to intentionally drag negative energy into my life at this point is plain stupid.

When I have concentrated on my well being and happiness good things have happened. Last week I kept an appointment with my dermatologist even though I already had plenty of medical bills. Knowing that I do not have insurance he again reduced my bill by more than half. He knows that with my fair skin and history I need to make regular appointments or I could be dealing with skin cancer. I appreciate his kindness and generosity and have often recommended him to others.

One of my friends took me to Albuquerque for this appointment and I thanked her with a delicious lunch at Olive Garden. It turned out that it was the first day of work for our waitress. She was so helpful and friendly that she earned a generous tip.

A major issue this week was making a phone call to Xray Associates of New Mexico and asking them if there was any possibility that they could reduce my bill. I just honestly stated my situation and hoped for the best. I was told there was probably something they could do since I was paying the bill myself. Today I was told that they were willing to reduce the bill by 50% if I met their requirements. I agreed and happily sent off the first check.

Honesty has always been my # 1 good quality even though it gets me into trouble now and then. I don’t know what other good things are going to happen, but perhaps all I ever had to do was honestly focus on me. Since I seem to be on a roll I am sticking to this path.

Labels Matter

I'm sharing a recent experience that caused me to be a little smarter today than I was yesterday.

I had an appointment with my chiropractor to get my body back in better shape because of my recent surgery. We thoroughly discussed my experience and I also shared the fact that I have been having some anxiety issues. My surgeon believes it is normal considering the trauma my body went through and encouraged deep breathing as a means to deal with the problem. He did not offer medication nor did I expect him to. Been there done that and do not want to do it again thank you very much!

Now back to my chiropractor whose opinion I trust, partly because she has been through a similar surgery experience herself and she is very up to date in her general methods of treatment. She stated that she believes my adrenal glands have been out of whack for some time and I would benefit from adding an herbal supplement to assist them in working better. Although I thought it was a good idea I decided to ask my surgeon what he thought. After all he did just save my life and I am trying to follow his post surgery instructions as best as I can. I definitely do not care to end up back in the hospital.

I left a message stating what I thought was sufficient information at his office and requested that he call me with his opinion. The first thing he said was "I can't give an opinion unless I know what is in the product". This is where my lack of education comes in. My answer was, all I know is that she has it in her office and it is herbal. I'm sure I heard a chuckle.

How was I supposed to know that the word herbal didn't necessarily mean that it only contained herbs, which he said he approves of, but if it contained minerals such as zinc and magnesium no way. My instructions for self-education were find out what's in it.

This experience reminded me of walking through "Trader Joes" the other day with a friend. Noticing the number of products in the large store that said organic my friend said, "How do you know what is really organic?"

It was a good question which along with the herbal lesson led me to do a little online research. An herb is any plant used as a medicine, seasoning or flavoring.

Organic means "related to or derived from living organisms" They are products grown with no pesticides. To be truly organic they contain 95% or more organic ingredients and bear the USDA organic seal.

The best advice I found in all my research is read the label for ingredients and pertinent information, which I plan to do in the future.

Who is in Charge of Karma?

This morning one of my Facebook friends posted the following: "Dear karma I have a list of people you forgot." After a good laugh I immediately came up with my own list of souls I feel that karma apparently forgot. Then my brain kicked in and I remembered I am not in charge of karma nor am I the judge of anyone's behavior other than my own.

The realization led me to search the web for some insightful quotes about karma and I want to share them with my readers. Make of them what you will.

"Karma isn't fate.Nor is it punishment imposed on us by some external agent. We create our own karma. It is the result of choices that we make every moment of every day." ~Tulku Thondup Peaceful Death, Joyful Rebirth

"Karma is our teacher. It teaches us to refine our behavior. One way to tell a young soul from an old soul is to observe how quickly he learns karma's lessons in life." ~editors of Hinduism Today

"Karma is the destiny man weaves for himself." ~L.H. Leslie-Smith Karma, Rhythmic Return to Harmony

"As no cause remains without its due effect from greatest to least from a cosmic disturbance down to the movement of your hand, and as like produces like, karma is that unseen and unknown law which adjusts wisely, intelligently and equitably each effect to its cause, tracing the latter back to its producer." ~H.P. Blavatsky The Key to Theosophy

"Karma is the universal law of cause and effect. You reap what you sow. You get what you earn. You are what you eat. If you give love, you get love. Revenge returns itself upon the avenger. What goes around comes around.~ Mary T. Browne The Power of Karma

"The law of karma is the principle of cosmic justice that holds that all good actions will be rewarded and all wicked actions will be punished. Sometime. Somehow. Somewhere. ~Chanju Mum Buddhism and Peace

To sum things up, the most important lesson I hope I have taught my young grandson, Colin, is that you are only responsible for yourself. What others do has nothing to do with you.

A Different View

I have a friend who recently stated that she doesn't believe we are meant to be ill. I hold a totally different view of this subject.

Real life isn't supposed to be about cotton candy and puffy white clouds floating in a vivid azure sky.

In my opinion we don't learn much from living a perfect life. Our important lessons come from how we deal with things that do not seem fair. We always have the freedom to choose the road paved with negative energy or the one leading to spiritual evolvement. I know we also have personal cheerleaders in the form of guides and angels pushing us in a positive direction. We don't always listen to them.

This past weekend I was given an opportunity to make such a choice and I am extremely proud of myself for the decision I made. It led to emotional freedom I have not previously experienced.

I desperately wanted to see my grandson play his soccer game Saturday, having missed the one last week due to my hospital captivity. Noting it was a little breezy I found an ideal place to park my car with a perfect view of both sides of the field. My view also included the backside of my new son-in-law, my estranged daughter and my ex-husband, none of whom turned around when I parked.

As I took in this view I felt nothing but negative energy from the three of them. It reminded me of "Pigpen" in the Peanuts comics. I was acutely aware that my next move was very important for my well being. Because they chose to abandon me during my hospital experience I had every right to wish them all kinds of bad stuff in return. Without hesitating I simply raised my view to the soccer field above their heads and let them be. I am only responsible for what I do. Nothing else that happens is up to me.

I was rewarded for my decision. During half time my ex-husband came over to my car and sincerely asked how I was doing. Oh, and Colin made the only three goals for his team! I love watching him play because he is a great little athlete who proves that size doesn't matter when you are doing what you are supposed to be doing. Go Colin you make me proud to be your grandmother!!

So this is my view, it may not be what everyone sees, but we all have free choice to make of our life experiences what we will.

Angry Vibes

In attempting to heal from my recent health scare I am trying to find the lessons offered through the entire experience. It is no doubt easy for those not involved to see the big picture. The first thing I am realizing is that I need to get rid of all the anger that was brought up and focus on the good things that happened.

Going back to the beginning, none of this would have happened if I had followed my strong intuition and refused to have radiation in 1989. I had the best GYN/Oncologist in the four corners area and my cancer had not spread. For six weeks I endured the treatments realizing that it was killing perfectly normal cells. If I had known that it was also causing scar tissue that would lead to life threatening surgery years later I would have screamed so loud that I would have probably been locked up.

It makes me angry, but I can’t change what happened. I need to let it go and refocus on healing and doing everything possible to keep my body in the healthy state I thought it was in before my latest adventure.

A big chunk of anger goes to my estranged daughter who did not take this opportunity to reconnect. It was pretty sad when asked for a contact person, not to give them Christina’s name. It was even sadder in the hours following my surgery to know she chose not to come to the hospital or even call as far as I know.

It was probably the biggest hurt I have ever experienced in my life and yes it made me angry. I need to let it go and focus on the people who were there for me.

Many friends and hospital staff went out of there way to let me know they cared. My friend June was by my side offering support before surgery and was there to take me home. Oh and she also ran errands and took care of my cats during my absence. My ex-husband brought our grandson, Colin, to visit which made my day. One of my Facebook friends called long distance and another, on her way from California to Los Lunas, NM, stopped by the hospital to meet me and say hello. I received many cards, prayers and positive thoughts from friends I have never met and those I see every day.

I’m thinking my main lesson from this experience is cut out the anger because it doesn’t matter and focus on the good stuff because it does. Apparently shit is only good for growing flowers and does not aid in healing the body or the mind.

#22 the Human Gueina Pig

For years the #22 has popped up in my life again and again. Until September 19, 2011 I couldn't figure out what it meant. Landing in our local ER in the middle of the night made it crystal clear. Two hours later I was in the operating room being prepped for emergency surgery. Ex rays showed a blocked small bowel. It was caused by radiation scar tissue from cancer treatment in 1989- 22 years ago.

My body had been under so much stress trying to function that it couldn't take it anymore and put forth such excruciating stomach pain that I had no choice but to seek help. I asked my surgeon the next day what would have happened if I had not come to the ER when I did and he bluntly answered,"You would have died." It appears that I was the only person in the operating room who didn't receive the message that I was close to death.

I spent two weeks in the hospital while we waited for an 8" section of injured bowel to recover and begin functioning. My doctor never gave up believing that it would open. He said if it didn't he would have to go back in and remove it.The night before he was to make his decision I stopped resisting the possibility of a second surgery and simply accepted whatever was going to happen.

The next morning began with a final ex ray showing positive progress. The nurse came in and removed the hideous tube that had been inserted through my nose to my stomach for almost two weeks. I have never felt such freedom! No more surgery!! It was still another couple of days before I was released because my doctor had told me I wasn't going home until I was 100%. I think he cheated a bit, but on the afternoon of October 3 after consuming two tacos, a mound of rice and a slice of pumpkin pie without throwing up, I was released to my own care.

Today it seems ridicules that I could feel so healthy and yet be so sick inside. Who said "you can't judge a book by its cover?" You just never know.

All summer I had been having problems with my blood pressure going up and down and I couldn't convince anyone that something was causing it besides the obvious stress in my life. Doctors just kept giving me more medication, which made me angry. My intuition said that wasn't helping. Now we know the blood pressure was a symptom of a greater problem. Since the surgery it has come down. One good thing about the BP fluctuation is that it caused me to try to eliminate stress and learn deep breathing techniques, both of which aided in a more positive hospital stay than I would have otherwise had. When I got anxious I would simply breath.

As doctor Oz says "check out your poop"! I had been having problems for some time, but just thought it was part of getting older. Women tend to accept stuff as normal when they really should be seeking a professional opinion. If the first person ignores you knock on another door until someone listens to you. Follow your intuition- it is Source/God knocking on your door.

I want to end my post with a great big thank you to Dr. Karl and the entire staff of Cibola General Hospital in Grants, NM. You all took wonderful care of me and I truly appreciate everything you did to make my stay comfortable!