From the heart

Today I am sharing one of the stories from our Writing Camp for kids. On the day it was written the participants were given a project from the editor of our local paper. They were told to select a subject that they cared about and write a story. When they finished and had read what they had written, the editor informed them he was going to write an article about the camp and publish one of their stories. As the paper only comes out twice a week, we are still waiting to read that article and discover whose work was selected.

In the meantime I am going to share the story my 11 year old grandson wrote. I think he did a great job. It is obviously written from his heart and I am very proud of him.

Soccer  by Colin Stoughtenger

I have been playing soccer since I was four. I like playing soccer 'cause it's fun and I'm really fast and sometimes I am the star player. I like playing soccer 'cause I can play with my friends and sometimes I make new friends. And if you play soccer it's not about winning it's about having fun. If you get hurt just try to get back up and keep going. If you get scared don't worry 'cause in tournaments I have been tripped, flipped and kicked and it hurts, but I got up.

Why don't we listen?

The universe seems to go out of its way to point us in the right direction, but do we listen? Pretty much no.Why? Because we think we know what's best for us. It is our life isn't it? After all we helped design it, even before we arrived on this planet called earth. Something apparently happened between the planning and the doing to cause a short circuit in our memory. Amnesia maybe?

My two past marriages are an absolute perfect example of ignoring universal wisdom and doing as I please. The first AKA: the womanizing jackass, tried to date one of my bridesmaids just before our wedding was to take place. She said no, but shared the information with me. I said yes and went ahead and married the man. Did he change after the ceremony? Only to get worse. Two children later I finally woke up. If I hadn't married the man I would not have three grandchildren and two great grandchildren so perhaps it wasn't a mistake after all.

Then came the second universal jolt, which I again ignored. I knew the man had a drinking problem which caused me to ask him not to drink before our ceremony was to take place. After the vows were exchanged and we faced each other there was no doubt in my mind that he had ignored my request. Did he change after the ceremony? I think you know the answer to that one. The union produced one child so perhaps it wasn't a mistake after all.

Our daughter heard and ignored a similar universal message that still makes me laugh. On the night of her marriage she was a block away from where the ceremony was to take place when her car broke down. The union lasted less than a year and produced the best grandson any grandparent could ask for so perhaps it wasn't a mistake after all.

There is that piece to the puzzle known as free will. It is supposed to be a gift. I am wondering if we always make the best choices when we choose to ignore the universal messages we are given. 

Time to pull the plug

For the last 18 months I have been trying to hold together my small writing group. It has become apparent that it is time to pull the plug and move on to another challenge.

Clearly seeing that the group was not only a positive step in my personal journey, I also proved that one person with passion can make a difference in the lives of others. That makes me very happy. At one time a member stated that there is no "I" in a group. Perhaps not, but someone has to act as the director or the group will be going absolutely nowhere. I did my best to try to inspire others to do their best, taking every opportunity that was offered to expand, and I am very pleased with my efforts.

Sometimes relationships go on way past the time that they should have died of a natural death. It reminds me of my last marriage. We hit 25 years and didn't even exchange cards. That should have told both of us something, but we allowed the torture to continue for another 2 years, until I pulled the plug. One of us had to take the plunge and that one was me. It was a giant risk, considering I was 61 at the time, but I have never been sorry. It opened doors to a world I didn't know existed. Although the journey hasn't been easy it's been a whole lot of fun.

Our writing group has never attracted more than a few members at any one time even though I have tried everything I could think of to change that fact. Since forming the group we have shared some wonderful stories, had monthly articles published in our local newspaper, encouraged people who didn't know they could write, created a communication group at our local nursing home and sponsored a writing contest and summer writing camps for elementary age children. Not bad for a small group of people.

Although I have pulled the plug on, Write On People, the summer Writing Camp for children will continue. Because my writing group existed I connected on a higher level with a very passionate retired elementary teacher who still has a lot to give. We have mutually decided we are going to take on offering the camp next year. We make a good team. She has the experience of relating to the kids, I have the writing experience and we both have a burning desire to inspire the creativity that in her words, "Teachers are teaching out." I told her this morning that she is the only member of Write On People that really got what I was trying to do- inspire others.

It might be time to pull the plug on the writing group, but focusing on the good we did, will form the basis of what comes next.

The floor is yours

I think Shakespeare hit the nail on the head with his monologue from As You Like It, "All the world is a stage and all the men and women merely players: they have their exists and their entrances; and one man in his time plays many parts".

If we could all believe that the world would be a happier place.

Several years ago I read a wonderful book by Michael Newton PH. D. titled Journey of the Souls. Using hypnosis Dr. Newton took his clients back in time to recount their experience living in the spirit realm. If you want to know what happens between incarnations this is a good source of information. One of the important facts I learned from the book is that we have a part in choosing the particular souls (players) in our current life. They are members of our soul family.

Another book along this train of thought is Mitch Albom's, The Five People We Meet in Heaven. it focuses on the premise that there are people who come into our lives at pivotal points to help us change for the better. I really believe that to be true. They act as road blocks, causing us to pause for a time and reconsider our actions.

These are strong people who quite often bring experiences that are not especially pleasant. Otherwise we most likely would just walk on by and not learn a thing. The stronger the person the tougher the lesson. The point I am attempting to make is that our life is pretty much scripted and the players, as Shakespeare referred to them, are doing exactly what they are supposed to be doing.

Although forgiveness is nice for the soul perhaps it would be better to offer the person gratitude and applause for a great performance.

This thought reminds me of the words from the movie, Love Story, "Love means never having to say you are sorry." At the time it came out I was Catholic and I remember the priest having a fit about them. Today I can understand what the author may have meant.

To cover both approaches I found some interesting quotes on forgiveness:

Sincere forgiveness isn't colored with expectations that the other person apologize or change. Don't worry whether or not they finally understand you. Love them and release them. Life feeds back truth to people in its own way and time- just like it does for you and me.~Sara Paddison

Forgiving is the giving and also the receiving of life.~George McDonald

Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.~Paul Boese

So my friends whether you agree or not the floor/stage is now yours.

Intimidation- a two way deal

A funny thing happened to me this morning as I was walking at our family center. I was alone until another woman came into the gym walking twice as fast as I was, passing me in the process. It made me feel uncomfortable and inadequate. I stopped to talk to her and jokingly told her she was causing me to feel intimidated. She laughed and said  she always walks fast. Her father was over 6 feet tall and she and her siblings had to walk fast to keep up with him. I have on occasion walked faster than some of the regulars, passing them on their journey. It suddenly occurred to me that I may have unintentionally caused some of those people to also feel intimidated. 

Intimidation is a two way deal, almost entirely depending on confidence. If you believe in yourself 100% there is no way anyone is going to be able to intimidate you.

I have at times during my life allowed others to get away with this nasty habit, but no more. I believe it all started with my very controlling mother. I spent years of my life, even after she died, trying to prove that I mattered. She spent years trying to rip any confidence I had in my own ability to shreds. Whether she did it intentionally or not I am not sure. Perhaps it was a universal test to see how strong I was.

While thinking about her this morning a scene popped up as clear as if this was still 1987. My grandfather and I were sitting in the funeral director's office making arrangements for my mother's remains. He had two available plots, one above the other, that had not been used. Out of the blue, he asked, "Do you think your mother would mind being on the bottom?" We looked at each other and burst out laughing. The funeral director must have thought we were nuts or at the very least insensitive.

When you really get a good look at the person doing the intimidating it takes the wind out of their sails.
If you can see the humor in the situation you have it made.

Until recently I knew a person who constantly intimidated me. His arrogance caused me to think that everything I believed and especially wrote was idiotic. Having been given the opportunity to take a better look at this man I now see how ridiculous the situation was. He is a self-centered control freak who lacks the ability to complete anything he starts, even a simple friendship. No more mister.  I finally see the real me and you can't intimidate me anymore.

Intimidation is definitely a two way deal and you are in charge!

So you think you can write?

In my writing career I have used an untold number of words in my 2 newspaper columns, 2 published books, 2 e-books and 611 blog posts with 28,657 views. That's a whole lot of words!

It's a good thing I paid attention during my English class all those years ago. I have been told on numerous occasions that not only what I write, but how I write, makes my words worth reading.

I have known people who may have the ability to put their thoughts down on paper, but the way those thoughts end up makes me cringe. Some of these people often believe that what they have to say is so important others will just overlook their bad writing habits. Grammar, spelling and proper punctuation are important; ask any English teacher or editor. Just because a person has a pen and paper or a computer does not mean they are destined to be a writer.

There is no excuse for anyone who wants to be taken seriously as a writer to be sloppy. If you can't take pride in how you are writing it is best to keep your thoughts to yourself. Please!

One of the things that really irritates me when I am reading something is paragraphs that go on and on and never seem to find an ending. Another is the constant use of $5 words, causing one to pull out a dictionary to grasp the full meaning of the content. I prefer to keep my writing simple and easy for anyone to understand.

I know a writer who finds it necessary to use an abundance of exclamation points and question marks before, in the middle and after what he writes. For example: "!!?? Listen to !!?? what I AM telling you!!??" Good grief it reminds me of a little boy stomping his feet to get his mother's attention. A writer does not need to yell to be heard by readers if what he/she is saying is worth hearing.

Yesterday a person that I am trying to encourage to write told me she just started a blog. Curious, I checked it out and was appalled. After printing out one of her posts I took a red pen and circled all the obvious mistakes. There were 34 in an article that was not even a page in length. This same person informed me that she is planning to write to my former publisher to see if she can get her work published. I silently screamed, "NO don't do that!"

Oh well, I guess everyone has their own idea of what makes a good writer. I had to learn what to do and what not to do on my own, one step at a time. It was a long process. One thing I hope I have learned is to allow others the experience of learning from their own decisions.

Father's Day again

I always have mixed feelings when Father's Day comes around. My own father died of liver failure due to years of drinking when I was 30. He died on Easter Sunday 1967 following  a long illness. By that time my husband and two children, the youngest only 4 months old, were living in another state and I was unable to attend his funeral.

When I was young my mother was a strong controlling being who had to work so we could eat. It caused my father to appear to be a weak parent in my eyes. Although they stayed together for 30 years their marriage was far less than happy. These were my early role models. 

My first husband and the biological father of my sons was a self centered being, who preferred to spend time with his numerous girl friends rather than take on the role of father or even husband. After 13 years I woke up one morning and decided that my boys, then 10 and 5, and I would be much better off without him. He was their first paternal role model.

Not allowing enough time to adjust to the new circumstances I had created and take steps to believe in me I quickly married a second time. The man who would become a stepfather to my children had never been married and had no children. He also had a drinking problem that I admit I was aware of, but stubbornly ignored.

After 6 years and a ton of tears and praying on my part this man moved up to the role of father with the birth of our daughter. Because I followed the example my mother had set for me years before, I became the strong parent, causing my husband to appear weak to my children. After 27 years of an unhappy marriage I woke up one morning and decided I was done. It was a decision that ended in a non-contested divorce that amazingly only took 3 days to become a reality.

Since 1999 I have been on my own. There has been no man in any way shape or form in my life, except for occasional friends along the way. It's funny that most of them were not available for any other role. There was no doubt a really good reason for that! I needed time to develop confidence in me without male interference. It appears to have worked very well and perhaps now I can actually think about adding what is missing to the mix.

The odd part of this little story is that today two of my three grown children do not communicate with me, but seem to be joined at the hip to the man known as their biological father and step-father. Apparently it is his turn to be a parent. What goes around comes around and that's not a bad thing!