Do your part

I realized yesterday that healing from anything, whether it be physical or mental, is only partly due to the help of professionals and their talents and machines. It is also due in a large part to believing that autonomy is possible. This thought reminded me of a piece I wrote toward the end of 2012 after going through a battle with back and hip pain that didn't seem to want to leave my body. I retrieved it, did some editing and here it is good as new or perhaps better even.

Dear Pain,

If we could just talk perhaps I could figure out why you are still here. I realize that I have not fully learned what you came to teach me or you would be gone. I am trying I really am and I think you know that because there are times when you ease off a little and let me breathe. It is at those times I remember what it was like before you made yourself known in my life.

The last few years have been the most stressful of my entire life, even more than when I was diagnosed with cancer in 1989. At least then I knew there would be an end to my pain. Now I just pray you will go away so I can get back to living my life. Because of you and the lessons I have learned there have been some changes. I no longer need to depend on other people the way I used to. I have felt as if I have been residing on a desert island alone. I have been forced to do things myself and learned that the help I thought I needed was all in my mind. I am a lot more capable than I thought I was.

When you are around I stop and observe my thoughts and actions and do whatever I can to help the situation, even if that means doing nothing. I am aware that there is always a reason for your presence. I am also aware that I do not always know what that reason is.

I am doing everything that I know how to do to get my body back to being pain free. I have worked damn hard and I deserve credit for taking every opportunity that was offered to heal.

From past experience I know that you can go away at any time. I remember the heal spur I developed in 2008, causing me to walk with a limp for some time. Then there was the morning I woke up with a knee so full of pain I could not walk without holding onto something. There was also the time I hit my elbow so hard it hurt for weeks. I won’t even go into the surgeries I have had. Pain stopped on its own when the time was right.

Your presence hasn’t been all bad. You kept me from taking jobs that would have caused further damage to my body. You also kept me home when gas prices were the highest they have been in years. Apparently I didn’t need the extra money working would have brought in after all. For awhile I was upset because it hurt to walk at the family center. That wasn’t a bad thing either because I needed to try out another form of exercise.

I am grateful that you are not present as often as you used to be and I am taking that as a sign that I am on the right track.

Do you see what I see?

In 2005 I wrote and had published a book titled, A Gathering of Spirit. It contains over 30 true life stories sharing the lives of Cibola County, NM residents. The stories first appeared in the Cibola Beacon in the column, Who We Are, which I also wrote at the time. I was very proud of the stories and they received a lot of attention from the community. The book is now out of print, but a few copies may still be obtained through various online sources.

This book was one of the tools that helped make me the writer that I am today. It taught me to only use necessary words, because I not only had a deadline, but a word count limit. It was fun and challenging getting a person’s entire life on a one page document. I had to find what was really important to the subject I was writing about. For clarity, every story was edited by that person before it was published and I rarely had to rewrite.

I remember telling someone that I felt I was offering the person’s life as God sees it. Her response was, “That’s quite a gift!”

One day I gave a copy of the book to a woman who had just moved to town and had opened a restaurant. I thought it might help her get to know some of her future customers. After reading it she stated, “The stories were too nice.”

I saw something this morning that reminded me of that experience and I would like to share it with my readers because I feel it is very important to keep in mind.

Sometimes I need to take a shovel and do a lot digging before I can see what God and the angels see, but it is always worth the effort.

One thing leads to another

For the last couple of days our dinner menu has been a little on the light side due to my son's oral surgery this week. Fixings have included homemade soup and pancakes with scrambled eggs.

When I opened the box of pancake mix a sample container of Nutella, a hazelnut & cocoa spread, popped out. A free gift great! I had never tried the product although I had seen the TV ads and been curious, just not enough to buy it. I later spread a little on a pancake and decided I like the taste and nuts are a good thing to eat.

Last night after a dinner of chicken nuggets & mashed potatoes I talked my son into going to my grandson's (his nephew's) basketball game. I always suggest his going in an effort to connect and support generations. My grandson has been passed around all week because his mother has been staying at the hospital to give moral support to his step-father, following his recent surgery. It was a great last game of the season, Colin made some really good shots and his team won 49-10.

On our way home my son stopped at the grocery store to pick up a couple of things he needed. When he unpacked his purchases he pulled out a jar of Nutella and handed it to me. Another gift just for me!

The last time I went to the store I ended up with two packages of Thomas muffins, one original and one cinnamon & raisin because they were buy one get one free. My son has been eating the original and I like the other variety. This morning I spread a generous serving of Nutella on one of those little guys for breakfast and it was delicious.

With a little caring, one thing always leads to another.

Prayer is...

On my Facebook page yesterday I asked my friends for prayers for my son-in-law who is having a difficult time healing from recent intestinal surgery. The response was wonderful as I have friends all over the world. Although religion and I are no longer a couple I do believe in the power of group prayer because I have seen it work.

One of my friends, who is not shy in stating that she does not believe in a god, surprised me by posting a positive comment. She simply sent healing energy, which is exactly what I was asking for (Jan B.).

Another friend had stated earlier that he believes when one or more person is sending out positive thoughts for the benefit of another that is not only prayer, it is love.

I don't think it matters what one's belief is when it comes to asking the universe for the best possible outcome for someone else. Whether you believe in the existence of a supreme being or not so what. You have to believe in something greater than yourself. Come on you weren't dropped in a basket from a passing spaceship!

So in my opinion prayer is expressing compassion to an unseen source greater than yourself for a fellow being, and yes (John S.) you are right that is LOVE.

It's our job

A really cool suggestion came across my path today, in fact it is absolutely perfect. I'm sharing, of course. It was: Don't lead, I'll wonder off bored. Don't follow, I'll get you lost. Walk beside me and help me cause trouble.

I have always had some problems with following and leading. Both have caused me stressful experiences in the past. I'm not you and you aren't me. We all have a ton of spiritual wisdom to sprinkle around like fairy dust in the breeze.

Just think of how much ground we could cover, simply walking together. Although some might call it causing trouble I call it waking people up!

A pot of nourisment

My son is having dental surgery today and being a caring mom I checked my recipes to see what I could fix for dinner that did not require chewing, yet was filling and nourishing. I remembered a recipe for creamy Sweet Potato Soup that we had both liked. You all know how much I like to share things so here it is.

Ingredients: 3 T oil, 2 small chopped celery sticks, 3 medium peeled & cubed sweet potatoes, one clove chopped garlic, 3 cups vegetable broth, 1 bay leaf, 1 cinnamon stick, 1/2 tsp. basil, 1 tsp. thyme, 1/4 tsp salt, 1/2 tsp red pepper flakes and cubed apples for garnish opt.

In a dutch oven, saute the celery & onion in oil until tender. Add remaining ingredients (except apples) and bring to boil over medium heat.

Reduce heat and simmer for 25-30 minutes until potatoes are tender.

Discard bay leaf & cinnamon stick. cool slightly, then process the soup in a blender or food processor until smooth. Return to pan and heat through. Enjoy!

I am serving it with applesauce. Chewing still not required!

A sit down comic

Anything/anyone can be a motivating force in one's life. You just have to be on call and learn to pay attention.

My latest motivator is the book A Memoir According to Kathy Griffin. She is not the best known performer, but it isn't because she never tried. She did. She took every opportunity to get her name and talent out there no matter what. Her life, like mine has been a smorgasbord of experiences. Reading this book not only encouraged me to not give up, but to add more humor to what I am doing.

For some time I have had a dream of being a motivational speaker; of getting my thoughts and experiences out there. Not to be important, but to cause others to think. In a way this is exactly what I am doing with my blog. The difference is, I don't have a wooden stage and I pretty much sit down. Thanks to Ms. Griffin's life story I was able to see that some of what I write gets a bit too serious. I don't recall who said, "Laugh and the world laughs with you", but it is a good thing to remember.

Just yesterday I had a very comical experience with a word document I was getting ready to submit to the Chicken Soup site for a future book. After reading the story guidelines I noted the word count needed to be 1,200 words or less. Next stop I clicked word count on my word document and it was over 1,400- I thought.

Part of the fun of editing is cutting out words to make the work fit. Going over my story, I spent some time doing just that. I cut this, I cut that, I added a better word here and there. When I was finished I rechecked the word count and realized I had been looking at the character count not the word count. What! I had done such a good job of elimination the story was now 300 and some words.

I began another rewrite, putting words back in, much the same as a stand up comic or motivational speaker might do in preparation for a performance. When I was finally satisfied and had read the story as a reader, not as a writer, I submitted it to Chicken Soup. Its journey is no longer in my hands, but I know I have done my best and have a really good feeling that my work will be published in their future publication, Volunteering & Giving Back.