A different view

When I first began writing back in 2000 a symbol popped into my mind one day. I knew it was something meant to be a strong message. A friend even suggested that I keep it and use it as a logo. It never became a logo, but it has always stayed in my mind. Today prompting from the universe, which I have learned not to ignore, caused me to reconstruct the symbol. In doing so and because of recent changes in my life I now have a different view of its meaning.

When this symbol first came into view I interpreted it to mean three different entities all connected.  I saw a man and a woman and God. I knew who god was and I knew who I was (well sort of), but I had no idea who the man was. I did tend to believe that the male and female were soulmates. It made perfect sense at the time.

What a difference a few years of hard work dealing with and learning the lessons that God/Source has provided for my evolvement make. Like many others I was forever looking for that third entity to complete my picture. This simple little illustration couldn't possibly be all there was to the puzzle- could it? 

Today I do still believe that the circle represents Divine guidance, but it now flows through the soul (mind) and into the rest of the picture. The triangles are not two separate entities, as I originally believed. They are two whole parts and represent the feminine and masculine side of every living being.When all of these pieces are balanced the entire illustration represents a whole perfect being; the one that was created to come to earth and actively participate in the universal changes that are now taking place. 

Although it would be like icing on a beautiful cake to connect with a male who has the same view as mine it is no longer absolutely necessary for my well being or for my purpose.

An amazing dream

Everyone dreams and I am aware that dreams are symbolic and meant to teach or share an important message. Although I do not often remember my dreams in the morning I had one a couple of nights ago that not only woke me up in the middle of the night, but left tears in my eyes because it touched my heart.

What I saw was a male and female (me) dressed in some kind of robes. They were sitting cross legged facing each other, holding hands. To my left were Native Americans singing in their native tongue Amazing Grace. It seemed like a spiritual ceremony of some kind, a uniting of spirits. It was beautiful and as I said it touched my heart.

In response I would like to share a video of Amazing Grace sung in Cherokee. It is worth watching because the messages come through loud and clear.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UvYIjFtPQEk

I'm following who?

Lately I have been checking out the people whom I have believed at one time or another to be worthy of my following.

As I have changed and grown so have these people. Some of them have grown right out of my life, which is not always a bad thing. I have considered some simple questions like, is this person dependable or does he/she come and go like a puff of smoke from a chimney? Does this person follow through with promises made or does he/she disregard them as null and void as soon as they are spoken? Does this person make every effort to encourage and help promote others or is he/she more concerned with his/her own self worth?

Honestly answering these questions makes it clear to me why some people are no longer in my life. They have simply proved over time that they were not who I originally thought they were. Honesty and dependability are the number one qualities that I require both of myself and those close to me.

We all have role models, those people we look up to and desire to emulate. That's just fine as long as in the process we don't lose sight of the fact that we are not them.

My first role model was my maternal grandmother, I no doubt ended up being a lot like her, which always made my mother cringe. Nana was an ordinary woman, with honest values and a giving heart. When she saw something that needed doing she didn't ask questions she just jumped in and did it. She taught me by example to value my creative gifts and to freely give them away to those who needed them. She taught me to appreciate the natural beauty of flowers. She taught me to strive for perfection in the way I present myself to the rest of the world, being mindful not to become egotistical. She taught me to acknowledge a higher presence and to always be grateful for what I have.

As I think of my grandmother today I am thankful to have been the one she chose to teach. If it were not for my following her honest values my life could have gone in an entirely different direction.

Rainbow dreams

Somewhere over the Rainbow
way up high,
there's a land that I heard of
once in a lullaby

Somewhere over the rainbow
skies are blue
and the dreams that you dare to dream
really do come true

Someday I'll wish upon a star
and wake up where the clouds are
far behind me
where troubles melt like lemon drops
away above the chimney tops
that's where you'll find me

Somewhere over the rainbow
bluebirds fly
birds fly over the rainbow
why then, oh why can't I?

If happy little bluebirds fly
beyond the rainbow
why, oh why can't I?

Someday, somewhere, somehow...

A tribute to a very special Lady

The following piece was written in 1994 as a tribute to my mother-in-law, Mary Milan Gunn, who died on April 29, 1996. It was originally published in the New Mexico State University spring edition of Inscriptions and was actually my first published work.

Between Here and There

Somewhere between here and there lies Mary' s mind... Where it briefly rests depends upon the day, the hour, the minute. Eighty five years of struggling, working, giving and loving tucked away in a golden box with no key for the rest of the world.

Family, life long friends, fellow board and committee members, church members, those touched by her existence- astray in the maze of her mind.

Perhaps Mary is better off not understanding the daily happenings of the world; that her friends are no longer alive; that her family finds it unbearable to visit, not recognizing the person before them.

Those who care about the total person know her body needs protection from her mind. They are left to deal with well meaning people who simply do not understand that she needs a safe place.

How sad it is for the body to be here and the mind to be there. If only they could be united once more.
by Barbara L.Gunn 2004

This time of year always reminds me of Mary. Every spring she would make a 30 mile trip from New Laguna to Grants, NM in  search of the pecan meal, which was the main ingredient for the Spanish sweet breads she made. They were given to very special recipients, such as her nieces and nephews. The delicious treat had a whole egg baked into the bread.

I can't ever think of Mary without remembering the parties on Easter Sunday that overflowed her large home. On that day everyone for miles around became family whether they were biologically related or not. People stopped by all day long to visit and eat until they were tired and full.

The food always included her famous baked chicken. The pieces were first swished around in mayonnaise then given another bath in crushed corn flakes. Her favorite seasoning on everything was lemon pepper. I always worried because she had a habit of leaving the cooked chicken sitting out too long. Nobody ever got sick as far as I know. Mary also had a bad habit of leaving a pan of butter on the stove to melt and going about more important business, which could include gardening. I have no idea why, but it never started a house fire. Perhaps she had an angel watching over her.

I think what I am most grateful for when it comes to my mother-in-law is the fact that she accepted my two sons from a previous marriage as her very own grandchildren at first sight. She never gave a moments notice to the fact that they were not biologically hers. Later on when my daughter was born Mary regarded her as the best gift she had ever received. Sadly her last brother died about a month later. It was clear that the baby helped to ease her pain.

I believe Mary is one of the best gifts I gave my three children. She may not have always been a perfect mother-in-law, few women are, but she was always a perfect grandmother to my children.

Mary and Wally Gunn with granddaughter Christina 1980

Take me or leave me

Once again I find it necessary to firmly state that this blog is a journey of my life. It shares real life experiences with real friends and associates I  meet along the way. It mixes facts and personal opinions with a generous spoonful of humor. I do not claim to be an expert on anything, not even my own life, as I am still learning and growing. If anyone has a problem with that perhaps they should stop right here and find something else to read. Bon voyage!

I have been called many things since I became a free lance writer, but the one I think I like the best is instigator. Yep, that would be me. I admit I love stirring things up just a bit. Sometimes it is the only way to motivate those people who live on a very high mountain above everyone else to come down and see how the rest of us live. You know the ones I mean. They have gone some through some kind of life change and all of a sudden they know how to fix everyone else. Well I have news for those people- God does not make junk! Some of us might need some minor repairs now and then, but we are not broken.

Looking around at my life I see that I am now attracting a whole bunch of people who just can't wait to share their personal stories with me, many of them are shared on the social media Facebook. I believe I am at least partly responsible for some of what is now out there because I am not afraid to share and take responsibility for everything, including less than perfect choices that I have made. The past is the past and is there so that we will have a better future.

There really is no point in hiding behind anything or anyone else because there is at least one entity in this big wide universe who knows the TRUTH.

So my friends and readers if you like what you read I'll be back soon. Right now I plan to go watch my grandson's playoff basketball game. Have a great Saturday you all!

An honest conversation

Yesterday I had a business lunch with a young friend of mine who happens to be gay. We have known each other for some time, but I was not aware of his sexual preference until recently. What people do in the privacy of their bedrooms is no concern of mine.

After the purpose of our meeting was taken care of we began sharing personal information about our current lives. What made the conversation interesting for me is the 50 year age difference between us. Yet, we have both been dealing with the challenge of seeking recognition for our accomplishments from those we have learned from. I asked if it wasn't enough that he knew in  his heart what he has done and his answer was, "no." Possibly age does matter because my answer is now "yes". I no longer need validation.

On another note, I told him that I have very little personal knowledge of gay relationships, which opened the door for him to tell me about his life; what it feels like to be a young gay man in a small town. Because I was not judgmental he felt perfectly safe in talking about his challenges. He seemed grateful to find a sounding board. I was also grateful that he felt comfortable enough to let me in.

Due to the information he honestly shared I now have a better understanding of the subject than I had previously. We also have a much firmer trusting relationship, which is a good thing as it looks as if we will be working together in the near future.

One of my male cousins was gay. I was much to young to know why my mother strongly suggested that my brother and I stay away from him. My daughter later went to school with a male friend who is gay. He was one of the nicest most polite boys in her graduating class and still is.

My only other direct experience was when I was a product demonstrator at Wal-Mart. The product was a new line of greeting cards created by Ellen Degeneres. They were great cards by the way. I could not believe the stupidity of some of the customers who were afraid to even touch them. Until then I had no idea you could catch gay by touching a card.

I really don't know how I feel about the current struggles of gay couples. I don't believe I care to fight for their cause because it has nothing to do with me, but on the other hand I believe there are some very solid issues to fight for.

Yesterday was an enlightening day spent enjoying a delicious lunch, featuring a yummy chicken mandarin  bowl, and an educational conversation with a very honest young friend, who will one day set his world on fire with his ideas and enthusiasm.