This morning I am heading into a new adventure. It is the first meeting of the creative writing group that is my brain child. It is not a class, but rather a gathering of like minded individuals who have an interest in writing. We are starting with a small group and hope word of mouth will attract more as we go along.
I don’t really see it as sitting in a room writing as much as supporting each other and offering information each of us has acquired through our own experience. Every writer has a different approach and their own style of writing. Some prefer fiction and others non-fiction, while some like to write poems. I know at least one interested person loves to edit and is a stickler for spelling and correct grammar. I see the potential for the group as a melting pot of ideas, possibly creating a combined effort of some kind in the future.
As any writer knows writing is only the first step. A really big problem is promotion. I hope our little group can share information on this subject too. Today there are so many new ways to get work out there for others to read. Some of them do not require an editor or a lot of money.
It is my personal desire to inspire others to write. I really believe it can be very therapeutic. Writing things down allows the conscious mind to see what the sub-conscious mind already knows. Often writers don’t even know they have talent until someone pushes them in the right direction. Someone did that for me several years ago and now I want to return the favor.
Our first group meeting will be very informal, just getting together to talk about things such as: where we want to go from here, how often do we want to meet and especially learning what each participant desires to draw from joining such a group.
As an ice breaker I thought it might be fun to give them a little writing prompt just to see what happens. The prompt is: Imagine you wake up in the morning, go to the bathroom, look in the mirror and the person looking back at you isn’t you. Who is it and why do you think he/she is there?
Looking back in my mirror would be my young grandson making one of his famous funny faces and he would be telling me to relax, have fun, only do things that make me happy and most of all stay far away from people and situations that don't.
I’ll check back with you later after I know if my latest idea has wings and will fly. One two three…go!
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
A True Soulmate
For several years I have been looking around for my true soulmate and was about to give up when a real connection became apparent to me. There was no need to look any further. I now believe after searching and praying and checking out everyone I met that my true soulmate is my very own soul.
My soul, although not a visible being, is the one entity who knows me better than anyone else. It is the pristine connection to all that is; a guide to a cleaner way of living my life. Several years ago people were going around thinking and asking what would Jesus do? (WWJD) I tuned into that only briefly. I think a better question is what would my soul do?
A conscious connection with your soul tends to keep your ego at bay and gives one a choice of how to respond to life’s little challenges. Those tests are still going to be there because that is how we learn and evolve while living on this planet called earth.
Granted there are many souls that cross our path that cause us to feel we have a special connection or that we are so close that we feel we have always known them. I believe they are the members of our immediate soul family and are here to support us or sometimes be supported by us on our individual journeys.
I could be wrong, of course, but I now believe our only true soulmate is our very own soul and I am grateful that I have achieved a conscious connection with mine, for I will never feel alone again.
My soul, although not a visible being, is the one entity who knows me better than anyone else. It is the pristine connection to all that is; a guide to a cleaner way of living my life. Several years ago people were going around thinking and asking what would Jesus do? (WWJD) I tuned into that only briefly. I think a better question is what would my soul do?
A conscious connection with your soul tends to keep your ego at bay and gives one a choice of how to respond to life’s little challenges. Those tests are still going to be there because that is how we learn and evolve while living on this planet called earth.
Granted there are many souls that cross our path that cause us to feel we have a special connection or that we are so close that we feel we have always known them. I believe they are the members of our immediate soul family and are here to support us or sometimes be supported by us on our individual journeys.
I could be wrong, of course, but I now believe our only true soulmate is our very own soul and I am grateful that I have achieved a conscious connection with mine, for I will never feel alone again.
Saturday, November 12, 2011
Forgiven
Refusing to forgive is no doubt the worst act you can inflict upon yourself. If not careful it can destroy an otherwise perfectly good life. It can cause phobias which in turn lead to life long dysfunctional behavior, affecting relationships with everyone on your path to your own evolvement. The most important being who needs to be forgiven is you.
For true forgiveness you must recognize your part in the conflict, accept your responsibility and forgive yourself for any intentional or unintentional wrong doing.
You cannot forgive another until you first forgive you. It often requires going back to the scene of the “crime” and looking at it from a bystanders view. It gets the ego out of the way. Often the imagined offense will be so silly you just have to laugh, not only at the situation, but at yourself for participating in the first place.
My mother was a very negative being who criticized everything I did until she died in 1987. Because of information I received in 2007, which allowed me to see a trauma in her early life, I finally forgave her- I thought. It was only recently that I realized I still held onto a grudge for something she did when I was a child.
The supposed wrongdoing led me to never being able to trust anyone or anything again. Because I couldn’t trust I became a controlling adult who had to do everything myself. I thought it was the only way things would work out. Well I was wrong!
My ego intentionally attracted people, especially men, who I knew in advance I would never be able to trust. The ego was saying, “See I told you so.”
I went on to do and say things that I knew would alienate others just to hear the ego again chant, “See I told you so.”
A chain of events has just occurred in my real life that has allowed me to step back and view the root of this problem. It all began many years ago and it had to do with the fact that I had never forgiven my mother for something that she did way back in 1942. It was not even a conscious act on my part, but it had caused negative things to happen all of my adult life.
I had experienced an extremely painful earache in my left ear for a couple of days. My grandmother finally convinced my mother that I needed to see a doctor right away. She was right. I was immediately scheduled for surgery and my mother was told that if she had waited another day I would not have lived.
A couple of months ago I experienced a similar situation, but this time I was in charge. I had been in excruciating stomach pain for two days and in the middle of the night finally went to the ER for help. I was informed the next day that if I had waited for another day I would not have lived.
I am now able to forgive both myself and my mother because I realize that we both simply made a human mistake that could have resulted in my death.
So mom on this November 12, 2011 you are finally forgiven and I love you!
For true forgiveness you must recognize your part in the conflict, accept your responsibility and forgive yourself for any intentional or unintentional wrong doing.
You cannot forgive another until you first forgive you. It often requires going back to the scene of the “crime” and looking at it from a bystanders view. It gets the ego out of the way. Often the imagined offense will be so silly you just have to laugh, not only at the situation, but at yourself for participating in the first place.
My mother was a very negative being who criticized everything I did until she died in 1987. Because of information I received in 2007, which allowed me to see a trauma in her early life, I finally forgave her- I thought. It was only recently that I realized I still held onto a grudge for something she did when I was a child.
The supposed wrongdoing led me to never being able to trust anyone or anything again. Because I couldn’t trust I became a controlling adult who had to do everything myself. I thought it was the only way things would work out. Well I was wrong!
My ego intentionally attracted people, especially men, who I knew in advance I would never be able to trust. The ego was saying, “See I told you so.”
I went on to do and say things that I knew would alienate others just to hear the ego again chant, “See I told you so.”
A chain of events has just occurred in my real life that has allowed me to step back and view the root of this problem. It all began many years ago and it had to do with the fact that I had never forgiven my mother for something that she did way back in 1942. It was not even a conscious act on my part, but it had caused negative things to happen all of my adult life.
I had experienced an extremely painful earache in my left ear for a couple of days. My grandmother finally convinced my mother that I needed to see a doctor right away. She was right. I was immediately scheduled for surgery and my mother was told that if she had waited another day I would not have lived.
A couple of months ago I experienced a similar situation, but this time I was in charge. I had been in excruciating stomach pain for two days and in the middle of the night finally went to the ER for help. I was informed the next day that if I had waited for another day I would not have lived.
I am now able to forgive both myself and my mother because I realize that we both simply made a human mistake that could have resulted in my death.
So mom on this November 12, 2011 you are finally forgiven and I love you!
Friday, November 11, 2011
Wars never solved anything
I have found that the universe always gives us opportunities to take a positive path. The decision to accept is always up to us. Where there is a will to do good there is a way.
Last night I had that opportunity to show my grandson that it is not necessary to carry negative feeling around forever. My husband and I have been divorced for several years and although we no longer care to be married we have made peace with each other. I am sure his family of cousins would be amazed if they just took the time to notice.
Last night our high school band had a concert for Veterans Day. My grandson and I have been going to these events for some time. He enjoys the band and especially loves watching our award winning ROTC group perform.
Something led me to suggest that Colin call his grandfather and ask if he wanted to go to the concert with us. He did and he did. He doesn't get around much anymore because he doesn't have a car. We had an enjoyable time, except sore bottoms from sitting in bleacher seats above the gym so Colin could have a better view. There was a funny moment when he had decided to sit on his jacket for padding and then remembered he had a bag of doughnut holes in the pocket. Whew the munchies were safe!
This morning I was happy to have had the opportunity to teach Colin that positive energy comes from forgiving not fighting. Wars never solved anything.
Last night I had that opportunity to show my grandson that it is not necessary to carry negative feeling around forever. My husband and I have been divorced for several years and although we no longer care to be married we have made peace with each other. I am sure his family of cousins would be amazed if they just took the time to notice.
Last night our high school band had a concert for Veterans Day. My grandson and I have been going to these events for some time. He enjoys the band and especially loves watching our award winning ROTC group perform.
Something led me to suggest that Colin call his grandfather and ask if he wanted to go to the concert with us. He did and he did. He doesn't get around much anymore because he doesn't have a car. We had an enjoyable time, except sore bottoms from sitting in bleacher seats above the gym so Colin could have a better view. There was a funny moment when he had decided to sit on his jacket for padding and then remembered he had a bag of doughnut holes in the pocket. Whew the munchies were safe!
This morning I was happy to have had the opportunity to teach Colin that positive energy comes from forgiving not fighting. Wars never solved anything.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
A Comfortable Place
Totaling up my life less than a month before my birthday I have concluded that I have survived:
73 years on earth
20 years living with parents
13 years in Masonic organizations
25 years in Catholic church
40 years with husbands who had negative addictions
40 years volunteering
3 major surgeries
2 non communicating children
numerous friends who have moved on
No wonder I am looking around and thinking it is time to put all of this stuff behind me and find a new reason for being.
At the moment I feel somewhat like Alice in Wonderland as she tried to find a seat at the Mad Hatter's tea party. No room no room is all I can hear as I try to find a place of my own. I had an interesting experience at Senior Citizens yesterday that could have come right out of this book. I had decided to find another table to sit at to give a former friend her needed space. I sat down at a table to talk to a man I knew. The woman next to me said, "You do know someone is sitting there?" They must have been invisible!
A few days ago I was led to read Up Island by Anne Rivers Siddons and I am laughing at the contents because changing a couple of details it could have been written about my life. In a brief moment a woman who thought she had a family found it was all a fantasy. Her husband finds a younger woman and wants a divorce, her domineering mother suddenly dies, her father moves away, her son goes to school in another state and to top it all off she and her best friend find they no longer have much in common. It was time for her to find another place to be. I can't wait to see how the book ends.
Intentionally attracting new people to your life as it continues to change is not the easiest thing to accomplish. Maybe the first step is to think about what makes you happiest and go from there. For me it is writing and so I have decided to form a creative writing group and see what happens. Perhaps it won't work, but perhaps it will. At least it is a first step into a place that I might comfortably fit.
Every journey begins with a single step.
73 years on earth
20 years living with parents
13 years in Masonic organizations
25 years in Catholic church
40 years with husbands who had negative addictions
40 years volunteering
3 major surgeries
2 non communicating children
numerous friends who have moved on
No wonder I am looking around and thinking it is time to put all of this stuff behind me and find a new reason for being.
At the moment I feel somewhat like Alice in Wonderland as she tried to find a seat at the Mad Hatter's tea party. No room no room is all I can hear as I try to find a place of my own. I had an interesting experience at Senior Citizens yesterday that could have come right out of this book. I had decided to find another table to sit at to give a former friend her needed space. I sat down at a table to talk to a man I knew. The woman next to me said, "You do know someone is sitting there?" They must have been invisible!
A few days ago I was led to read Up Island by Anne Rivers Siddons and I am laughing at the contents because changing a couple of details it could have been written about my life. In a brief moment a woman who thought she had a family found it was all a fantasy. Her husband finds a younger woman and wants a divorce, her domineering mother suddenly dies, her father moves away, her son goes to school in another state and to top it all off she and her best friend find they no longer have much in common. It was time for her to find another place to be. I can't wait to see how the book ends.
Intentionally attracting new people to your life as it continues to change is not the easiest thing to accomplish. Maybe the first step is to think about what makes you happiest and go from there. For me it is writing and so I have decided to form a creative writing group and see what happens. Perhaps it won't work, but perhaps it will. At least it is a first step into a place that I might comfortably fit.
Every journey begins with a single step.
Monday, November 7, 2011
Communication a two way street
What does one do when an adult who is supposed to be a friend suddenly stops answering her phone and refuses to talk to you? This happened to me over the weekend and I found out from the friend’s sister that I apparently did something to make her angry and she no longer cares to communicate with me. She would not tell me what that was. I was told to figure it out. I have no clue what her problem could be.
I think “her problem” are the important words. As far as I know I have no problem with her. It pretty much reminds me of a child throwing a tantrum. I believe the best advice most parents get in that situation is ignore the behavior the child will get over it.
I was telling another friend at lunch today about this experience and her advice was just let it go. Why is that always so hard for me to do? My ego is saying “it must be your fault you must have done or said something to offend her.”
My logical mind and guidance is saying “the more you focus on it the more negative energy you are creating. If this grownup wants to act like a child let her it is none of your business”.
I know my only part in this scenario is how I am going to react. This is what I did; I sent her a simple Hallmark card telling her she is a special person who deserves only the best the universe has to offer. I extended an olive branch, whether or not she accepts it is her choice.
After all communication is a two way street.
I think “her problem” are the important words. As far as I know I have no problem with her. It pretty much reminds me of a child throwing a tantrum. I believe the best advice most parents get in that situation is ignore the behavior the child will get over it.
I was telling another friend at lunch today about this experience and her advice was just let it go. Why is that always so hard for me to do? My ego is saying “it must be your fault you must have done or said something to offend her.”
My logical mind and guidance is saying “the more you focus on it the more negative energy you are creating. If this grownup wants to act like a child let her it is none of your business”.
I know my only part in this scenario is how I am going to react. This is what I did; I sent her a simple Hallmark card telling her she is a special person who deserves only the best the universe has to offer. I extended an olive branch, whether or not she accepts it is her choice.
After all communication is a two way street.
Saturday, November 5, 2011
Help is on the Way
Yesterday was a very enlightening day on my journey to healing. After asking for help from the Archangel Jophiel, who never lets me down, I was led to two souls that I had not met before. If you remember, in my previous post I said I was going out to meet my spiritual family.
My story begins with the fact that for several days my blood pressure has been elevated to the point of causing anxiety. Since my surgery on 9/20 it has been wonderful and I was thrilled that my medication had been reduced to a very low dose and was working. On 11/30, the day before I was released by my doctor, it began to creep up for no apparent reason. It scared me to the point of making an appointment with my primary care facility because I was no longer my surgeon’s patient.
Enter the first of my helpers, Carol, who is a Physician Assistant. Strangely it was her first day at this facility and I am quite sure it was no accident that I was to see her. Her manner was unlike any medical person I had ever experienced. She actually listened and checked my heart, which was fine. Her first question was, “What has changed in the last few days?” I told her I had been released by my surgeon a few days earlier, I was having relationship problems and I still had medical bills to settle. She observed I was under a lot of stress. I agreed with her. In our conversation I told her I wrote inspirational/spiritual books. She almost laughed when she said, “Then you know that you are fine and the universe will take care of you.” It is something I am supposed to know, but did not really believe until it came from her mouth.
She did not increase my medication believing it would cause my blood pressure to be dangerously low. Instead she suggested I try to relax. Where have I heard that before? Interestingly, after sharing my problems my blood pressure came down. I began thinking perhaps it was a big clue to what was really going on. Did I just need a compassionate ear? Although that seemed rather childish I did feel better after leaving her company. She even gave me a hug on the way out.
After returning home I thought about what could be wrong. For some reason the word abandonment raised its head. I contemplated that and decided to go to the Senior Center for lunch. If I was feeling lonely perhaps talking to friends would help.
As I approached the table where I normally sit I observed a woman sitting alone. None of my friends were there. I sat down and introduced myself. She said she had heard my name and knew I had just had surgery. Gerie introduced herself as a retired OR nurse. A light went on and I knew she was there for me. As we began sharing bits and pieces of our lives a question formed in my mind that I felt she could answer because of her job experience. I asked if she thought that being released to my own care by my doctor could be causing my blood pressure to be elevated. Without hesitation her answer was, “Absolutely!”
There it was- the answer I had been seeking. A fear of abandonment had followed me all of my life and I knew exactly when it had started. I shared with Gerie my memories of a surgery experience when I was about six. My first vision, as if it just happened, was of being left all alone on a gurney outside of the operating room, next I was on the operating room table and the doctor was at my feet yelling because I was not asleep yet I no doubt thought it was my fault, next a big black thing was placed over my face and I thought I was being smothered. That’s an awful lot of stress for a six year old to deal with. No wonder it caused a fear that has lasted all of my life.
After lunch I checked out fear of abandonment online and discovered it is a phobia. The symptoms fit like a glove; low self-esteem, clinging to others for support, exaggerating the importance of other people, seeking anyone for companionship, even those who are cruel and abusive. It made me think of women who stay in abusive relationships with men and inmates who keep going back to prison because they can’t deal with being free. What an eye opener!
Now that I know what the real issue is I trust I will be led to further healing. I am determined that I am no longer going to be that little child, afraid to live my life. I am grateful for the help offered by my spiritual family members Carol and Gerie and to Archangel Jophiel for listening to my plea and flying in to help.
My story begins with the fact that for several days my blood pressure has been elevated to the point of causing anxiety. Since my surgery on 9/20 it has been wonderful and I was thrilled that my medication had been reduced to a very low dose and was working. On 11/30, the day before I was released by my doctor, it began to creep up for no apparent reason. It scared me to the point of making an appointment with my primary care facility because I was no longer my surgeon’s patient.
Enter the first of my helpers, Carol, who is a Physician Assistant. Strangely it was her first day at this facility and I am quite sure it was no accident that I was to see her. Her manner was unlike any medical person I had ever experienced. She actually listened and checked my heart, which was fine. Her first question was, “What has changed in the last few days?” I told her I had been released by my surgeon a few days earlier, I was having relationship problems and I still had medical bills to settle. She observed I was under a lot of stress. I agreed with her. In our conversation I told her I wrote inspirational/spiritual books. She almost laughed when she said, “Then you know that you are fine and the universe will take care of you.” It is something I am supposed to know, but did not really believe until it came from her mouth.
She did not increase my medication believing it would cause my blood pressure to be dangerously low. Instead she suggested I try to relax. Where have I heard that before? Interestingly, after sharing my problems my blood pressure came down. I began thinking perhaps it was a big clue to what was really going on. Did I just need a compassionate ear? Although that seemed rather childish I did feel better after leaving her company. She even gave me a hug on the way out.
After returning home I thought about what could be wrong. For some reason the word abandonment raised its head. I contemplated that and decided to go to the Senior Center for lunch. If I was feeling lonely perhaps talking to friends would help.
As I approached the table where I normally sit I observed a woman sitting alone. None of my friends were there. I sat down and introduced myself. She said she had heard my name and knew I had just had surgery. Gerie introduced herself as a retired OR nurse. A light went on and I knew she was there for me. As we began sharing bits and pieces of our lives a question formed in my mind that I felt she could answer because of her job experience. I asked if she thought that being released to my own care by my doctor could be causing my blood pressure to be elevated. Without hesitation her answer was, “Absolutely!”
There it was- the answer I had been seeking. A fear of abandonment had followed me all of my life and I knew exactly when it had started. I shared with Gerie my memories of a surgery experience when I was about six. My first vision, as if it just happened, was of being left all alone on a gurney outside of the operating room, next I was on the operating room table and the doctor was at my feet yelling because I was not asleep yet I no doubt thought it was my fault, next a big black thing was placed over my face and I thought I was being smothered. That’s an awful lot of stress for a six year old to deal with. No wonder it caused a fear that has lasted all of my life.
After lunch I checked out fear of abandonment online and discovered it is a phobia. The symptoms fit like a glove; low self-esteem, clinging to others for support, exaggerating the importance of other people, seeking anyone for companionship, even those who are cruel and abusive. It made me think of women who stay in abusive relationships with men and inmates who keep going back to prison because they can’t deal with being free. What an eye opener!
Now that I know what the real issue is I trust I will be led to further healing. I am determined that I am no longer going to be that little child, afraid to live my life. I am grateful for the help offered by my spiritual family members Carol and Gerie and to Archangel Jophiel for listening to my plea and flying in to help.
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