Family Ties

When I was a child my family was small. It consisted of parents, one brother, a paternal grandmother, maternal grandparents and an uncle, two aunts and six cousins on my father’s side of the family. Except for my maternal grandparents we spent very little time with the rest of the family. One might say our family ties were pretty weak.

Eventually, I moved away from Washington State, where I grew up (sort of). My parents and grandparents died and I lost track of any biological family members who may still be living. It makes me sad when I observe the huge families that others have.

My first husband had no siblings and my second had a brother who died before we were married. When I married my second husband I did obtain a connection with his large family of aunts, uncles and cousins. Of course, when we divorced in 1999 they all went with him. I think it is strange that when a couple divorces the relatives find it necessary to take sides even though they were not part of the marriage. I think it begins at the church when the usher asks, “Which side do you want to sit on, the bride or the groom?”

As the result of the two marriages I did produce three children who produced four children of their own. Because of my past experience I have tried hard to keep them all connected. I have provided email and physical addresses and phone numbers, but my efforts simply have not worked. They barely communicate with each other or with me. Of course, it is normal for me to blame myself. After all if it were not for me none of these souls would even exist.

Due to a conversation I had with my recent visitor, Lois, I finally realized I am not alone nor am I at fault for the behavior of others, even if they are family members. Many people apparently deal with this same issue. What others choose to do with their life is their responsibility. If family ties are not important to them that’s just the way it is!

I have found, and temporarily forgot, that family is much more than biology. We all did come from the same source and are therefore brothers and sisters. Taken from that view family ties takes on a whole new meaning.

I think I am going to go out and look for the rest of my spiritual family now! Perhaps they will recognize me from an earlier photo.

When the Time is Right

Today was a special day I have been waiting to happen for some time. A Facebook friend that I had never met until recently took the time to visit me in the hospital. She was passing through town on her way to spend a month with a longtime friend in another part of the state. I have been waiting for her to come back through town on her return trip home to San Diego. Today the time was right.

I had a chance to tell her how grateful I was for her kindness. We also had a chance to share the lunch I enjoyed preparing and take the time to get to know each other. I was very surprised as we talked at how much we have in common. Although there is some difference in our ages we share similar experiences and have learned many of the same lessons. I believe #1 is that we need to take care of ourselves first. It is really surprising just how long it takes to learn that little/big lesson.

Looks like everything happens when the time is right. If it didn't none of us would ever move on. Thanks for the visit Lois!

Moving On

I survived the Halloween Carnival at our family center and looking back I am thinking this could be my last year. Maybe it is time for someone else to take my place in volunteering to help. How about one or two of those parents who are getting free after school child care? It might be nice if they gave a little back.

Although last night was fun and the little ones were adorable my muscles are sore this morning from doing the same thing over and over for three hours. It reminds me of the many years I was a product demonstrator at Wal-Mart, standing on a cement floor repeating the same motions and speech over and over for six hours at a time. Thank God I don't have to do that anymore either.

Most of my life has been about volunteering. Whether it was schools, organizations or civic groups I gave my time to others. Someone once said I had volunteered my life away. Perhaps it is time to stop and move on to something else.

This 11/1/11 seems to signal a new way of life. Now if someone would just point me in the right direction I would have no further problems. The Native American advice, "Look at your feet", when wondering what to do next just popped into my mind. At the moment my feet are sitting quietly on the floor under my computer desk. Next question: what is that supposed to mean?

Well Ms. Barbara it seems to mean that you are supposed to keep writing about the challenges that come up in your life. A new step might be to actually make money from your gift someday somehow. Wow what a concept!

Playing with the Ducks

It's Halloween again. Some people are going to spend the night wondering around the streets with little ones and some are going to stay warm and simply answer their knock on the door. Not me! Been there done that with both children and grandchildren. I get to play with little plastic ducks swimming in a wading pool encouraging all sorts of creatures to win a prize at our family center Halloween carnival.

This is my second year volunteering and I am looking forward to the side show of creative costumes. I love the ones that are home made because they are the product of the minds of the kids and their parents.

I also love helping out at Future Foundations Family Center. In my opinion it is the best thing that has ever happened to Grants. It's mission is to keep our children off the streets and safe all year round.

It also provides a safe place for adults to walk and exercise without having to deal with the elements, unattended dogs and uneven pavement. It is my home away from home most mornings and volunteering is my way of expressing my gratitude.

Keep swimming little duckies I'll be there soon to play with you and in the meantime I wish everyone a Happy Halloween!

Journey of Abundance

For some time I have been holding my breath waiting for my surgeon’s bill to arrive. Everything else had been dealt with and this was the last expense from my recent emergency surgery. I knew it was totally my responsibility to pay it.

As I sorted through my mail yesterday there it was. I slowly pulled the tab on the intimidating envelope and exposed the anticipated bill. Taking a deep breath I slowly took in the amount. My reaction was oh wow!! In shock I called my doctor’s office to make sure there was no mistake. I was told the amount was the total bill.

The journey begins or ends.

Last spring Social Security put a large sum of money in my checking account, which I immediately put in a savings account until I was sure it was mine. As it turned out they had made a mistake and wanted it back. I decided to give them a hard time because I could and challenged their decision right up to the point of needing to send bills and documents etc. to them. Then I said take it back. The last payment was in August.

About a week later they plopped another large amount of money into my checking account and also raised my monthly benefit. Was this some kind of joke I wondered or do they simply hire idiots who can’t add?

I again put the money in my savings account. I also called our local Social Security office to seek advice. I was told to write a letter asking how they came to their conclusion. While I was in the hospital I finally received their response stating that when my first ex-husband died in 2008 S.S. made a mistake in my benefit calculations. The check I had received was money owed me from then to now. It was mine!!

Now for the WOW part!

This amount still sitting in my savings account is $15.10 less than my surgeon’s bill.

Temporarily Confused

I am beginning to wonder if while I was in the hospital for two weeks the rest of the world suddenly went crazy. Everything is falling apart and it seems to me that the entire world is dysfunctional, arguing and generally pissed off. Even with the negative experience I just survived I am happy. What's going on with the rest of the world?

It is not unusual for me to be out of step with my peers. That has been the story of my life and I have now accepted it as God's little joke. At an age when most women become grand mothers I had another kid. That started an avalanche I have not been able to stop. For the last thirty years I have had trouble convincing people that I am as old as I am. I guess I could start lying but then my 50 year old son would have to find another mother or lie about his age. It just isn't worth it!

One of the first things I noticed when I started driving again was that several streets in my little town were torn up that were drivable when I entered the hospital. Remember the old quote, "You can't get there from here?" That pretty much sums up Grants, NM right now. We only have a couple of main streets to get from here to there and now that is literally impossible without a detour. I quickly found a new path. It didn't make me unhappy, just temporarily confused.

That seems to be where my life is right now. I have figured out that the reason people and the universe in general have left me alone for almost six weeks is so that I would finally realize that I am quite capable of taking care of myself. It has also taught me to really like who I am and to truly appreciate everything that I have been given. Some souls in my situation would not be able to come to that realization. I am not one of them nor do I want to be. It would not make me happy.

I have been trying to reinvent myself, but again I have been temporarily confused. Since I am aware that I could have died as an end to my recent surgery experience I got the message that I still have more to do. I certainly don't think that is an invitation to continue to drag around anyone or anything that was previously causing me to be unhappy. I can almost hear a very soft voice somewhere up there uttering, "Oh shit not again! How many chances does she need to be happy?"

I am trying to cut out the garbage I really am. Bad habits are hard to break.

Checking out the things that really make me happy, besides my relationship with my grandson, first would be my passion for writing and sharing the lessons that the Universe/Source has so generously provided. I have reached the point of believing in my gift and not needing validation, even though positive feedback is always welcome and appreciated. If I were to take the next step it would be to use every means I am given to inspire others to follow their own passion, whatever that may be.

Even though I am still a little confused I know I am taking positive steps that will keep me on a happiness path. I have decided to leave the rest of the world to fight their own battles.

An Unexpected Guest

Well as it turned out I did have a guest today, but not the one I had expected and this one is only here for the day. It started last night when my grandson called rather late and asked, "Grandma can I come to your house tomorrow?" His mother forgot there was no school because it was Labor Day. What do you think I told him?

After his second breakfast of cereal this morning Colin watched cartoons while I took care of some morning chores and got dressed. When it warmed up we headed for the Riverwalk, our favorite place in all of Grants. The first stop was to feed the geese and ducks.

Then because I am supposed to be walking that is exactly what I did while Colin rode his scooter that he got for his birthday. I think he had more fun!

When we were tired we got back in the car and had an interesting experience that caused us to shake our heads, laugh and wonder if we had attracted a spirit with a unique sense of humor. I had opened my car door so Colin could put his scooter in, opened the trunk so I could retrieve my purse and got in the car, attempting to insert my key in the ignition. It wouldn't turn. Inspecting the key I had just used to open the doors and trunk I saw that it was seriously bent. Now this is a very sturdy car key and bending it would take a heap of strength. I couldn't bend it back with my hand. I might have panicked except I knew I had a spare key in my wallet. I have no explanation, but thought I would share it because it spices up our little adventure.

The rest of the day was pretty normal. Colin spent some time on my computer playing games and generally amused himself. After a bowl of chicken soup, his favorite, we attacked the large pile of leaves I had previously raked up in the backyard (don't tell my doctor). We took a guess at how many bags it would take and neither of us won. The total was 7.

Our work was done and we each enjoyed a dish of tin roof ice cream. The rest of the afternoon is just for relaxing and enjoying my unexpected guest.