Making a list checking it twice

A couple of days ago someone posted a suggestion on facebook that spiritually aware souls are in the process of consciously connecting with other souls in their, for lack of a better word, group. I do believe that and have been feeling guidance to begin rounding them up. Last night I literally started making a list of people who I feel I have or had a spiritual connection with. Some were even deceased.

It turned out to be a rather interesting list and as I looked at it I began to put the names in pairs. I realized the lesson/message they had brought through their presence in my life was of a similar nature. I kept looking at the list and adding names. When I asked myself what the pairs had in common with each other I clearly saw that they were either positive or negative. Oddly, the positive pairs were at the top and the negative were at the bottom, with the exception of one pair of male names. They eventually didn't make the cut and ended up being added to the negative names.

I left the list sitting on my desk and went to bed. This morning I checked it again and made a separate list of only the names that I felt represented positive energy. What I did next surprised me as it had not been my original intention. I set a match to it, sending all that negative energy back into the universe and away from my soul. It worked like a magic wand setting me free from what had been pulling be back to finished business.

It is my current intention to keep adding names to my positive list until I have connected with all of my assigned group of souls.

I could be a vampire

The thought came to me that in all the many years I have been residing on this planet called earth I have never known my blood type. My intuition is strongly telling me I need to know what that is. It's something everyone should know for goodness sake. Not knowing feels like there is a missing piece to my being floating around out there somewhere. Of course, I could be a vampire!

Yesterday I called the local hospital where I had surgery in the fall of 2011. I was told I had to come in with ID to prove who I am before they could look up the information and also sign a form. I could understand my needing to prove I was who I said I was so this morning I located the medical records office and complied with their  rules.

The personnel were much nicer in person than they had been on the phone. The first person pulled up my hospital record, but could not find the information she was looking for. The question of my missing blood type was turned over to another more learned person. Still not finding the information I was asked if I had ever had a transfusion. I said no. Then I was asked if I had ever given blood and I again said no, explaining that because I had previously had cancer in 1989 I didn't think I was supposed to. I had never really checked that out though. I was also told that if I had given blood I would know my type because it is typed with every donation.

At this point my surgeon's nurse walked into the room. She told me that unless a patient's surgery would be likely to require a blood transfusion typing was not done. Mine didn't so it wasn't. Also a patient's blood type usually does not appear on hospital records. While she was there I also asked about my cancer question regarding donating blood. Her answer was that she didn't think that mattered, but she wasn't entirely sure. Well alright then. Where does that leave me? Right back where I started from earlier this morning. No blood information leading me to wonder if I am a vampire after all.

So why is my intuition strongly telling me my blood type is something I need to know. I don't feel I am about to experience anything gory causing the information to be necessary for medical help. I could, I suppose, go to the doctor and have a blood test for typing done, which I would have to pay for. Perhaps
I am simply being pushed to donate blood the next time our area has a blood drive or at least find out if I can.

If I did end up donating blood, for the first time in my life, it would prove to the world that I am not a vampire after all and it might even help to save someone's life.

Tribute to a lost grandfather

On this Memorial Day I can't help thinking about my biological maternal grandfather, William Ott Johnston, who died at the end of World War 1.

Because of a war I was never allowed to know him. My mother lost her father when she was 10. Due to family circumstances, beyond her control or my current understanding, she was not allowed to talk about her father after his death. She grew up to be a very negative adult. She passed her negativity on to my brother and myself, which went on to affect our adult lives and even those of our children.

Until 2008 I never even knew my grandfather's name. I took on an impossible mission of obtaining that information. The fact that everyone who could have helped me was deceased simply made my task harder, but I was determined. All I had was a 1921 photo of my grandmother and my mother at age 10, displaying a Gold Star banner.

After a series of steps beginning with Ancestry.com I was able to send for my mother's birth certificate, which gave me the name I was seeking. There he was, William Ott Johnston, born of Scottish decent in  1886. From there I obtained my grandparents marriage certificate. He was 22 and she 17 when they married. I had one more fact that had stuck in my memory from a source I do not remember. On the night of his death his spirit revealed himself to my grandmother to say goodbye. The next day when the military visited her she told them she already knew he had died. He must have loved her very much to have gone to such lengths to ease her pain. Today I question if my ability to occasionally communicate with spirits in another realm was inherited from one or both of them. Could be.

I was not satisfied just knowing my grandfather's name I wanted to know more about him. Because I now had his military ID # I downloaded a form and sent for his records, realizing that I am his oldest living next of kin.. I at least wanted to know where he is buried. My search came to a sudden end when the form came back with the explanation- "most of the records between 1912 and 1959 were destroyed in a 1973 fire at the National Personnel Records Center". 

It still makes me very sad that because of war my connection with my maternal grandfather was lost to me forever.  Because of what happened to my mother as a child I wonder how many more children will be left without parents as the result of senseless wars for power.

Sisters by choice

I just found out a friend is headed for the hospital on Monday and will be going under the knife for a hernia operation on Tuesday morning. There are many things about this woman that I can relate to because of my own life experiences and it has caused us to become sisters by choice.

I recently discovered that she is a born writer and remembering my own path I have done everything I can to encourage her progress in that field. Like me she does not have the resources to promote what she writes, but I don't believe money is what our writing is about. She recently became a member of my writing group and it is providing the help she needed to believe in her natural talent to put the contents of her creative mind on paper for the benefit of others.

Although our life experiences have been different for the most part, we are going through similar experiences with our adult daughters, due to honestly sharing our thoughts about our situations. Both daughters have a recurring problem of choosing not to communicate with their mothers. Is it possible I wonder that we both hit the nail right on the head and the kiddies just don't see what we see?

My friend's upcoming surgery is bringing back memories that are causing me to have very compassionate feelings for her. In the fall of 2011 I spent two weeks in the very hospital that she will call home for a few days next week. I waited every day for my darling daughter to choose to at least make a phone call to let me know she cared if I lived or died. It never happened and it still hasn't. Neither my friend nor I heard from our daughters this past Mother's Day, apparently they were too busy with celebrations of their own motherhood.

Even though my friend claims it doesn't matter, her face clearly tells me she is lying. It is the reason I am going to do everything I can to make her hospital stay as pleasant as possible so she knows someone cares. I do not have a biological sister, but I have a sister by choice and she is a very special lady.

Fun in the sun

I spent the morning watching the 4th-5th grade track and field event for my grandson's school. I believe I have attended every year since he was in pre-K.

Colin is a born athlete, but what makes it fun for me is watching how he interacts with his classmates. He constantly amazes me and makes me so proud that I was the one chosen to be his grandmother. It doesn't matter if the child is a boy or girl he shares a special brand of himself just for that particular kid.

Don't get me wrong he is not perfect and gets into plenty of trouble. Just ask his mother! He is also very sensitive and has a gift of understanding and accepting spiritual concepts well above his age. I encourage this every chance I am given.

At one point this morning he was going to follow a friend and was told no by his teacher. His reaction made me very proud of him. He stopped where he was and simply accepted what he had been told. Respect is the first step to getting along with others.

Of course, my little man did very well this morning. Even though he is small for his age his classmates know he will run faster than anyone. It is a given and it always makes me smile. I think he just sees himself running across the finish line first and he does.

This morning he and I were talking about his soccer team, which has their last game of the season tonight. It has been an unusual season. His team has five players who had never played before and they have lost every game. Colin has made every goal except one for his team. This morning he said he wasn't upset because in his words, "We are learning to play as a team." That's a pretty savvy kid for 11!

I am not in the least worried about what this very special child will do as he gets older. He is off to a good start and I am happy I can call him my grandson.

Finishing his long jump and winning the 100 meter race. Not bad for a short kid!

Responding to devastation

This morning I have been thinking a lot about the recent tragedies that have caused so much devastation and taken so many lives. My question is why? What is going on in the world today?

I'm sure many people blame God for causing so much pain. I don't think the Creator caused any of it to happen. I believe he/she/it simply allowed it to happen; but believing that I am still asking, why? Is it possible the universal devastation that has occurred and is occurring is meant to bring us together?

Because of knowledge I have accepted in recent years I believe that we humans agree to the experiences and lessons we are to work on, before we were conceived. Of course, all the details are not for us to know. I realize that not everyone believes this. It does put a different slant on things. It means that what happens during our life is exactly what is supposed to happen for our evolvement and there is nobody to blame when things seem to go wrong. 

All of my life there has been wars of some sort. I remember as a high school student having bomb drills along with fire drills. We were forced to squish ourselves under our desks. Although it was uncomfortable, I don't recall any fear involved. It was simply an inconvenience and a way to disrupt our work. I also remember times when my own children had to evacuate their school because some sick person had made a call saying an explosive device was going to go off. Again I don't think there was any real fear, but nobody was willing to take a chance on it being a bluff.

It's a whole different ball game today and I think part of the reason is the media. Almost instantly, when something happens the media starts in showing photos- over and over until I personally just want to scream shut up! It doesn't matter if it is a natural disaster like a tornado, hurricane, flood, fire, earthquake or some deranged person shooting up a school or crowd of event spectators. The media brings it right there in our living room.

Another thing that has changed is the recent focus on the first responders; those individuals who immediately step in to assist in whatever way they can. Perhaps that is the reason for all of this devastation; to give people a chance to care and share their universal love for their fellow brothers and sisters. A wake up call for us to remember we are one. God/Source does work in mysterious ways after all.

Should I or shouldn't I?

This morning I am trying to make up my mind as to whether or not I am willing to become a CASA volunteer. After 4 hours of training last night, that I was told would be 3, my intuition is leaning toward no. Today there is another 10 hours of training, which I was told was going to be eight. It will be followed by another 8 hours on Sunday.

I have volunteered all of my adult life while my peers had paid jobs with benefits like health insurance. I am asking myself if I am some kind of idiot who doesn't put any value on my time? 

Upon graduating from high school the advice I was given by my mother was, "Unless you want a career you don't need to go to college." At that time I didn't so I got married and raised three children with little help from their fathers, who were mostly involved with their personal addictions.

Now at 75 I am divorced, live alone on Social Security, owe no one anything, have little contact with my family, already volunteer at two facilities and am facing the question should I or shouldn't I jump into yet another volunteer job.

I have never been associated with a group that is expecting so much from a volunteer. The amount of information that is expected to be digested is overwhelming. The local program seems to be run by paid people who haven't been trained yet either. Take me to your leader is a joke!

I have a little over an hour before this morning's torture begins. I am giving myself until our lunch break to make a final decision. I know that my life is on the verge of some kind of change. Perhaps it is simply to put me first and learn to flatly say NO this is not for me. I'll let you know later.

Part two

I was wrong. My decision didn't take until lunch after all. It only took the time to drive from my house to the CASA office where the training was taking place, about 10 minutes. I had been thinking about the situation as I drove.

I walked into the room placing my manual on the table. I said hello and faced the person who would be my supervisor. The first words out of my mouth were, "This does not feel comfortable." After a brief exchange, I turned to leave the room. The training facilitator commented, "Are you mad and leaving?" My response was, "I'm not mad just leaving." ...and I did.

Remembering how I felt when I left the office last night helped me to make my decision. I felt drained. I realized that this whole program, although aimed at trying to benefit abused children, really involved dealing with negative energy on a regular basis. It was about fighting the system, from the CYFD (Children Youth and Family Division) case worker, family members, lawyers right up to the judge involved in each case.

No way am I going to bring this much negative energy into my current life. Not for any amount of money and certainly not as a volunteer! Perhaps this little experience was all about standing up for what is best for me for a change. What a concept!