A personal trigger

For the last few days my blood pressure has been out of wack. I was able to get an appointment with my primary care person this morning. I needed to find out if the readings were real or if my monitor was not working properly. It wasn't the monitor!

Then we began to talk about what might have caused the upset.

It was noted the same thing happened a year ago. I kind of passed on that until I got home and mulled it over in my mind.

Oh right I thought! This happens every year about this time. Why? My daughter's birthday is August 31. On August 30th, 2010 she sent me an email stating she no longer wanted to have anything to do with me. Since that time I have tried to get her to be reasonable, with no luck.

This year she turned 40 so I decided to leave a small gift at her door. She didn't acknowledge my effort. This isn't the first gift I have given her over the last nine years, with the same result.

On top of that negative energy, my grandson, her only child, turned 18 on Sept. 8. I sent him a card and a check to celebrate the date. He also elected to not acknowledge my effort. They live two doors  from my house.

Apparently nothing I do will change the situation. So I guess I can continue to cause myself harm this time every year or choose to drop it. I think it's time to move on! 

The stones energy

I find it so odd that lately I know exactly when to pass something on to another person. This is a story that you may or may not believe, but here goes anyway.

I have a good friend who will soon be facing surgery. This morning I wanted to send her a card or something to help obtain good results. As I looked around my bookshelf I spotted a small stone in the shape of a heart. It is something I have had since one of my own surgeries in 2011. It was sent to me by a former friend. It is dusted on a regular basis and it always reminds me of the caring gesture of that person at the time. Although I couldn’t remember her name for the life of me, one of her cousins is still a friend of mine and I found it through his Facebook post.

I thought, what a perfect gift for my current friend!

Instead of purchasing a card, I typed up a short message and added it to the stone in the only padded envelope I had on hand. I then mailed it to my friend so she would get it before her surgery date. Then I asked myself how did I know I was supposed to do that? Seriously!

The stone reminded me of another experience from about twenty years ago. I met a very strange Native American woman who claimed to have spiritual gifts. We had several unusual exchanges during our short relationship. She came to my house one day to view items I had offered for a rummage sale. When she left she dropped a small stone on the carpet for me to find later. She confirmed she had left it and told me its story.

Somehow she had been abandoned overnight in Chaco Canyon, New Mexico. It is a site of an ancient Native American ruin. All she had to cling to in the dark was the small stone. Apparently she thought I also needed it for some reason. I kept it for awhile and later passed it on to a troubled female who was a subject in one of my first published books. I just knew it was something I was supposed to do. 

The memory of these experiences popped into my mind a few days ago. This morning I am asking myself how in the world did I know it was time to pass on this heart shaped stone? It had to be my guide, whom I call Richard. 

Wow Richard you are really good!!   

This little stone has traveled from California to New Mexico and now to New York. I wonder where it will go next?

Appearances

I just finished a Kindle book titled, Appearances. Thinking about the characters and their struggles I was surprised at how I could relate to them. The book is pretty much a journal of a sister's two plus years fighting cancer and how it affected other family members. For some reason I was guided to read this book. I think I know why.

I had cancer myself in 1989 so I could follow the path of the sister's journey. Even though I was very lucky that my cancer had not spread I did undergo several weeks of radiation. It pretty much leaves you feeling that nothing is sacred. I remember some time later telling another professional that I was a cancer survivor so nothing he/she did to me would be embarrassing. I still have the three tiny tattoos to prove I am a survivor.

I could relate to the husband of the well sister. He had a problem with his wife constantly putting her biological family first. I was married for 27 years to someone who had tons of relatives. I know how left out the husband felt because I felt the same way during my marriage. I always felt on the outside looking in. Our daughter was the only one that I felt was truly accepted by the many cousins and that is still true today. Even though my ex-husband died in 2016.

The other thing I could relate to was the husband being very critical of the wife, although in my story it would be the other way around. I am afraid I pretty much criticized a lot of what my husband did. Perhaps I even did that to our daughter. I wasn't trying to be mean. It was the way I learned to deal with people from my mother. It has taken me years to get over that and take a different path.

Apparently my guide used this book to wake me up to a few things I had previously swept under the carpet. This book contains a whole lot of information about cancer treatments and life in general. I highly recommend it. It was a good read!

Call it like it is

After writing the previous post I was inspired to ask the members of my writing group, "Write On", to come up with synonyms for the word fake. They did not disappoint me. The following is what they wrote.

In-genuine, unreal, two faced, illusory, pseudo, sham, imitation, bogus and deceptive.

I also have a few more of my own: fraud, phony, forgery, copy, hoax, reproduction and rip-off.

If the shoe fits, my ex-friend, please feel free to wear it.

Changed direction

It was the spring of 1999 and I had one thought on my mind. I desperately wanted to stop smoking. I hated the habit and was not even sure why I had picked it up almost forty years earlier. Perhaps I was looking for a best friend, having grown up lonely.

On this day I walked into a health food store that I had never entered before. I don't even remember what I was looking for. Inside I found a dark man, wearing a cowboy hat. He was the only person in the establishment. I later found out he and his partner owned it. We began talking as he offered me a cappuccino. I eventually told him about my desire to stop a disgusting habit. I told him I had tried everything with no luck. He informed me he was a hypnotist and could help with my desire if I was willing.

After leaving the store I thought about his proposal. I knew almost nothing about hypnosis at that time. A few days later I called and made an appointment to take him up on his suggestion. To make a long story short, I never had the desire to smoke again. It has now been over twenty years.

Meeting this man changed the direction of my life. Most people would probably admit he was a bit strange and some might even say they were afraid of him. I will always be grateful to him for changing the direction of my life. Because of him I began a twenty year period of personal evolvement. I began removing negative aspects from my life, which allowed me to connect with the spiritual side. Some of his favorite expressions were: "think about it and rise above it". After several years the universe gave us a unique experience which allowed us both to move on in peace.

Nine years ago I met another man through Facebook. He was also a bit strange and was part of a "religious" group that has a very negative reputation. He is a Scientologist. Oddly, he also wore a cowboy hat. For some reason I compared the two men. They both seemed to have spiritual knowledge that attracted me to them. The second one had a very bad habit of being very critical of everything I wrote and said. It reminded me of my mother. I put up with it for many years until the day I finally realized he was simply a fake. He had been put into my life to teach me to stand up for myself and what I believe.

So now my life is once again going in a different direction- alone and completely free. I hope!

The end

Wow sometimes I just have to wonder about the people my soul has picked out for me to know. There is one especially that has been dangling around my life for about ten years. We have had an on again off again relationship over that period. Many things have happened to lead me to believe that the person is not who I have thought he is. Over time he has demonstrated that he is a very self centered narcasistic being. Did I listen- hell no!

He just celebrated his birthday a couple of days ago. Checking on his Facebook wall I noticed that only one friend of his bothered to send him wishes. I found that interesting as he always comes across as a very important person. Well he thinks he is anyway. I usually get well over thirty birthday wishes from my FB friends. I began to feel sorry for him.

I decided to do something nice just because I could. I emailed him an amazing photo I recently took because I thought he would appreciate it. His reaction was, "got it-thanks".

I asked myself, "Why did I even bother?"

It finally dawned on me that we are not now and never will be on the same page, at least not in this lifetime.

I wish him well, but he is one of the things I am dropping as the energy of the new harvest moon comes around. It is finally the end!

Determination

For two days I have heard a strange static noise in my office. It was driving me crazy! This morning I was determined to find out what it was.

I checked the window. No, nothing outside the room.

I checked the floor vent to see if I could hear water. No, nothing there. Thank God! I had just had a $200 plumbing bill for a leak in that end of the house.

I finally turned off my computer to see if that was the problem. Nope, the noise was still there!

What else could be causing it? I finally realized it was a small radio I had not turned off. It wasn't on a station so it was just making a static noise. Off, I turned it off!

Problem solved, with determination.