This week seems to be about reading books and stories others have created. I decided to give a copy of my first book, Wake Up!, to one of my current healing team. After signing the book I flipped it open and this is the page that came up. I have decided to share with my readers what I wrote in 2004.
Healing
On a beautiful September morning, after talking with a new spiritual friend, I had an urge to take a trip to a place I had never visited. I closed my eyes and felt a cool breeze pass by my face. I became weightless and seemed to move effortlessly through space and time. There was no up or down, left or right, simply quiet space.
As I opened my eyes I saw I was on the softest of clouds in the middle of a magnificent intense blue sky. No other human was seen. I felt the presence of arms around me accompanied by a sense of powerful unconditional love. The air was clean and fresh and absent of earthly scents.
I was not afraid because this was exactly where I was supposed to be in this moment in time. Away from the distractions of human life and the interpretations of other people. Free to decide for myself what I would do about the condition of my present life.
I found a comfortable place and took off my shoes, dipping my toes in the middle of the cloud. I lay on my stomach and rested my head on my arms. I thought about the goals and desires I had set up for myself and wondered aloud if it was the best I could do or was I cheating myself?
As I rolled over on my back I was startled by the appearance of my friend and soul mate who was staring at me. Had I wished him there or did he come of his own free will? He smiled an impish smile and sat down in front of me dangling his feet over the edge of the cloud, removing his hat.
I sat up and once again felt the overwhelming spiritual love between the two of us. I massaged the back of his neck and temples as he had once done for me. I tried to remove the stress of his needing to be in constant control of himself. He relaxed as the negative energy began to leave his body.
I had once been there so I knew how he felt. Letting go of anger and hurt allows freedom to tear down the wall and trust again.
A quiet voice whispered in my ear, "Do for him what he did for you."
With no hesitation I gently pushed him off the edge of my cloud. It was time for him to take care of himself by himself. His negative energy was interfering with my positive growth.
Wishing him only the best, I trust he will fondly remember the bond of spiritual love between us. He will need it when we meet again in this life or the next. I heard the word peace floating in the breeze and felt the wings of an angel transporting me back to earth as I opened my eyes and went on with my day.
Signed books are now $10.00 for a limited time.
contact: Barbara Gunn - begunn37@q.com
Sunday, July 8, 2012
Saturday, July 7, 2012
Full of pride
I am so proud of the writing group Write On People that I initiated last November. We have proved that a small group with no money can accomplish big things. All it takes is a desire to inspire and encourage others. Someone recently asked me what I saw for the group and after giving it some thought my answer was, "That everyone ends up better than they were when they walked through the door."
During June we offered a one week, one hour per day, writing camp to kids who spend their time at our local family center. Being mostly grandparents we felt that students don't get a chance to use their imagination to express themselves through writing during the school year. It is not the fault of the teachers. They have too much curriculum to fill to spend time on creativity. During the camp we gave the kids a taste of different ways of writing such as: interviewing, dialogue, poetry, reporting and creative writing. Each day the person from our group who was the most skilled in a particular aspect of writing was in charge and given free reign of how they wanted to fill their hour.
For a group that had never done something like this before I think we did a great job! The kids came in every morning quietly sat down and were ready to learn what we had to offer. The only rule is one I set up on the first day and that was respect; for each other and for the adult in charge. Its simplicity got their attention. When the week was over I believe our group members learned as much as our students did. Perhaps the most important thing was that the generation gap is all in the mind!
When the camp was over we sponsored a writing contest for area kids in grades 3 to 6. The topic was, Who I Am. After the first week with only a few submissions I got a phone call from a teacher that informed me she was encouraging her summer school students to enter our contest. What a life saver she was! It gave us a total of 34 entries. The entries were judged on creativity and imagination by three people from the community who had no connection with the kids.
Our local Bureau of Land Management office provided wonderful volcano posters and Frisbees for all the kids who entered the contest. Literacy Volunteers of Cibola County provided certificates and a book of their choice for all the winners. Future Foundations Family Center also helped us out with our printing needs. We are very grateful for the assistance of these organizations because our group has no money.
I am really looking forward to this coming Monday as we are having an award ceremony for the winners and get to see the faces behind the creative kids Write On People helped to inspire. I am full of pride for what we were able to accomplish and I hope our efforts will inspire others to follow our lead. Below is the poster and Frisbee donated by BLM.
During June we offered a one week, one hour per day, writing camp to kids who spend their time at our local family center. Being mostly grandparents we felt that students don't get a chance to use their imagination to express themselves through writing during the school year. It is not the fault of the teachers. They have too much curriculum to fill to spend time on creativity. During the camp we gave the kids a taste of different ways of writing such as: interviewing, dialogue, poetry, reporting and creative writing. Each day the person from our group who was the most skilled in a particular aspect of writing was in charge and given free reign of how they wanted to fill their hour.
For a group that had never done something like this before I think we did a great job! The kids came in every morning quietly sat down and were ready to learn what we had to offer. The only rule is one I set up on the first day and that was respect; for each other and for the adult in charge. Its simplicity got their attention. When the week was over I believe our group members learned as much as our students did. Perhaps the most important thing was that the generation gap is all in the mind!
When the camp was over we sponsored a writing contest for area kids in grades 3 to 6. The topic was, Who I Am. After the first week with only a few submissions I got a phone call from a teacher that informed me she was encouraging her summer school students to enter our contest. What a life saver she was! It gave us a total of 34 entries. The entries were judged on creativity and imagination by three people from the community who had no connection with the kids.
Our local Bureau of Land Management office provided wonderful volcano posters and Frisbees for all the kids who entered the contest. Literacy Volunteers of Cibola County provided certificates and a book of their choice for all the winners. Future Foundations Family Center also helped us out with our printing needs. We are very grateful for the assistance of these organizations because our group has no money.
I am really looking forward to this coming Monday as we are having an award ceremony for the winners and get to see the faces behind the creative kids Write On People helped to inspire. I am full of pride for what we were able to accomplish and I hope our efforts will inspire others to follow our lead. Below is the poster and Frisbee donated by BLM.
Friday, July 6, 2012
...but it could
In the last few days I have been told by three different people that things are not going to change overnight; they could but probably won't. My thought on the matter was, but it could.
It isn't that I expect a powerful angel to spread its wings over my house and shower me with abundance in every area of my life. I am not sure angels are even that powerful. I see no reason that a complete change cannot take place overnight, especially when I have done everything in my power to follow every suggestion that has come my way. In my opinion I have been a very good student.
Last night we had a violent thunder storm that lasted about an hour. As a result my car got a much needed bath, my fruit trees were watered and the birds and wild life have plenty of drinking water. As a bonus the ground was so wet this morning I was able to pull some rather big weeds with little effort just in time for the trash truck to pick them up. There was a bonus to that too because the effort gave my back some much needed exercise.
The storm brought a bolt of lightening that knocked out my TV reception last night. I called Comcast to report an outage. I had to deal with a rather rude customer service man who did his best to make me believe I was stupid. I didn't feel he was going to do anything so I called back this morning. The first thing I did after reaching a pleasant sounding woman was report the dude. She took me seriously and after determining that I did have a problem set up a service call for Monday afternoon. Great I thought no TV all weekend.
My last question to her was, "is it possible that it could just come back on?" Her answer was, "It could but probably not."
I made some plans to catch up on some things like reading and basically just let the situation go. In the back of my mind was the thought...but it could.
A couple of hours later I turned on the set just to see if I had reception. A perfect picture came into view. What did I learn from this? First of all, if there is a thunder storm don't be stupid- turn off the TV and computer. Secondly and probably most important never ever let someone else talk you out of believing that anything is possible. Abundance in every area of my life is just around the corner. It may not happen tonight...but it could.
It isn't that I expect a powerful angel to spread its wings over my house and shower me with abundance in every area of my life. I am not sure angels are even that powerful. I see no reason that a complete change cannot take place overnight, especially when I have done everything in my power to follow every suggestion that has come my way. In my opinion I have been a very good student.
Last night we had a violent thunder storm that lasted about an hour. As a result my car got a much needed bath, my fruit trees were watered and the birds and wild life have plenty of drinking water. As a bonus the ground was so wet this morning I was able to pull some rather big weeds with little effort just in time for the trash truck to pick them up. There was a bonus to that too because the effort gave my back some much needed exercise.
The storm brought a bolt of lightening that knocked out my TV reception last night. I called Comcast to report an outage. I had to deal with a rather rude customer service man who did his best to make me believe I was stupid. I didn't feel he was going to do anything so I called back this morning. The first thing I did after reaching a pleasant sounding woman was report the dude. She took me seriously and after determining that I did have a problem set up a service call for Monday afternoon. Great I thought no TV all weekend.
My last question to her was, "is it possible that it could just come back on?" Her answer was, "It could but probably not."
I made some plans to catch up on some things like reading and basically just let the situation go. In the back of my mind was the thought...but it could.
A couple of hours later I turned on the set just to see if I had reception. A perfect picture came into view. What did I learn from this? First of all, if there is a thunder storm don't be stupid- turn off the TV and computer. Secondly and probably most important never ever let someone else talk you out of believing that anything is possible. Abundance in every area of my life is just around the corner. It may not happen tonight...but it could.
Wednesday, July 4, 2012
Celebrating a me day
Today is a day set aside for celebrating independence. Ordinarily I would have driven into town to watch the parade. I have lost track of the number of years I have done just that. This morning I chose to stay home and take care of some important personal things I had put off for some time. I decided to make it a me day.
If you have been following along you know that I have been on a new path to healing. It is called Pattern Release Energetics, created by Dr. James Rolwing. Although I have made a great deal of progress in a very short time I felt that there was something from my past that I have refused to let go of. Why am I resisting healing I wondered. Am I trying to punish myself for terrible things I have been talked into believing? Could be, self talk can be very cruel. Then I thought maybe it was fear. I have dealt with all kinds of fears during my life. Fear of abandonment, fear of the unknown and fear of finding someone to trust are just a few. My third attempt was thinking that guilt, imagined or real, was the culprit.
Then this morning as if answering my question I accidentally read tomorrow's meditation post in the book The Language of Letting Go. The first two words were Survivor Guilt. I took a deep breath and read on. It is a symptom of co-dependency. I may have found gold! It went on to say that when we begin to heal we can also feel guilty about those we left behind. They are the ones who were not as fortunate to find a new path. We can even question why we were so lucky. As I read on I realized this is what I had done my whole life. Taking responsibility for everyone else at the cost of my own well being.
I began looking at the significant people in my life who have never changed and realized that their recovery is none of my business. I am only responsible for my recovery. So today I celebrate the steps I have already taken to heal and look forward to the rest of the journey.
If you have been following along you know that I have been on a new path to healing. It is called Pattern Release Energetics, created by Dr. James Rolwing. Although I have made a great deal of progress in a very short time I felt that there was something from my past that I have refused to let go of. Why am I resisting healing I wondered. Am I trying to punish myself for terrible things I have been talked into believing? Could be, self talk can be very cruel. Then I thought maybe it was fear. I have dealt with all kinds of fears during my life. Fear of abandonment, fear of the unknown and fear of finding someone to trust are just a few. My third attempt was thinking that guilt, imagined or real, was the culprit.
Then this morning as if answering my question I accidentally read tomorrow's meditation post in the book The Language of Letting Go. The first two words were Survivor Guilt. I took a deep breath and read on. It is a symptom of co-dependency. I may have found gold! It went on to say that when we begin to heal we can also feel guilty about those we left behind. They are the ones who were not as fortunate to find a new path. We can even question why we were so lucky. As I read on I realized this is what I had done my whole life. Taking responsibility for everyone else at the cost of my own well being.
I began looking at the significant people in my life who have never changed and realized that their recovery is none of my business. I am only responsible for my recovery. So today I celebrate the steps I have already taken to heal and look forward to the rest of the journey.
Saturday, June 30, 2012
Angry energy
My last post on my healing journey was partly right and partly wrong. Anger is the underlying pattern of my life and I need to change course. What a waste of perfectly good energy.
As I said I am not angry that I manifested physical ailments during my life that could have caused my death. That part of the equation was correct. The anger came when what I created didn't render the results I had anticipated, namely producing someone who actually cared about me. I really picked some strong characters to fill the role of mother, father, husband and children. They all deserve an award for their performances.
Now then, although I can clearly see that anger has followed me all the days of my life and is at least partly responsible for my current pain I am not sure what the next step is. I have been reminded recently that energy is energy. It is neither positive nor negative. That concept is a little hard for me to grasp at the moment. It is sort of like that old chicken commercial that said "parts is parts". It all comes from the same place.
I know the first step in stopping any addiction is to acknowledge its presence. A few years ago a book titled The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie came into my hands. Perhaps I should go back to following the daily meditations. I just opened the book and it fell open to July 1. Guess that's my clue. The last words for today, June 30, are "God help me remember that during times of transition, my faith and my self are being strengthened."
Truer words were never spoken. Transition is exactly where I am and on the days when I take a step backwards it causes me to hang on to the pain of the past. I am picturing a huge bucket filled with all the anger I have stored up over the years and I am wondering what to do with it. It wouldn't be fair to dump it out into the universe and cause it to spill onto innocent bystanders. That resembles what happens in wars.
Oddly when I look inside there is nothing there. Is it possible the angry energy was simply a very potent figment of my imagination? I'll look at that concept for awhile and get back to you later. Meanwhile check to see what is inside of your bucket.
As I said I am not angry that I manifested physical ailments during my life that could have caused my death. That part of the equation was correct. The anger came when what I created didn't render the results I had anticipated, namely producing someone who actually cared about me. I really picked some strong characters to fill the role of mother, father, husband and children. They all deserve an award for their performances.
Now then, although I can clearly see that anger has followed me all the days of my life and is at least partly responsible for my current pain I am not sure what the next step is. I have been reminded recently that energy is energy. It is neither positive nor negative. That concept is a little hard for me to grasp at the moment. It is sort of like that old chicken commercial that said "parts is parts". It all comes from the same place.
I know the first step in stopping any addiction is to acknowledge its presence. A few years ago a book titled The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie came into my hands. Perhaps I should go back to following the daily meditations. I just opened the book and it fell open to July 1. Guess that's my clue. The last words for today, June 30, are "God help me remember that during times of transition, my faith and my self are being strengthened."
Truer words were never spoken. Transition is exactly where I am and on the days when I take a step backwards it causes me to hang on to the pain of the past. I am picturing a huge bucket filled with all the anger I have stored up over the years and I am wondering what to do with it. It wouldn't be fair to dump it out into the universe and cause it to spill onto innocent bystanders. That resembles what happens in wars.
Oddly when I look inside there is nothing there. Is it possible the angry energy was simply a very potent figment of my imagination? I'll look at that concept for awhile and get back to you later. Meanwhile check to see what is inside of your bucket.
Thursday, June 28, 2012
On the road to change
If you are interested you are welcome to follow along on my journey to good health. If you get bored simply find someone else to follow or better yet find your own road.
My physical pain is decreasing as the days roll on. The last couple of days it has been hanging around to finish teaching the lesson it was manifested to bring to me. Remember I said it was a red flag meant to force me to focus on myself. When red flags come in the form of PAIN that can not be silenced with medication it is hard to ignore them.
This morning I woke with so little pain I thought my mind was in the wrong body. I looked in my mirror and confirmed yep it was me alright. After breakfast I dressed and got ready to go to our family center to walk. I hadn't done much of that lately because it was painful. It was highly suggested by my current healer in chief, James, that I just do it. Easy for him to say!
As soon as I sat down in my car the familiar joint pain raised its ugly head. My first reaction was, "Stop it I don't deserve this!"
Then I got angry and noticed that I had tensed all the muscles from my left foot to my rib cage, holding my breath in rage. Of course, the pain got worse until I let go and started breathing. Yesterday I had found a small pillow just the right size and shape to place behind my upper rib cage while driving. After I put it in place the pain lessened. I then did drive to the center and walked for about 20 minutes. I have decided that every minute I walk is better than not walking at all. There is no need to compare it to what I was able to walk say 3 weeks ago. The situation is not the same.
I do know that what you resist persists, but knowing something and applying it to my life are two different things. Later this morning I started thinking about that simple statement. Another thing James suggested was to look for psychological patterns that come up. Good advice James. Every time I have pain I get angry and start thinking about all the money I have spent in recent months trying to find the cause and eliminate the pain. What happens? The pain gets worse.
Wait a minute here another thought just popped up out of the blue. Does that have something to do with a life time of control issues? I'll bet it does. When things don't go as I think they should I get angry. If I could just learn to accept that this is the way it is this moment on this day and do whatever I can to make it better, there is a really good chance that there would be no further need for the pain.
This is today's realization on my road to healing. My next stop today is my acupuncturist, Elene, who is second in line, right below the chief healer, on my journey.
My physical pain is decreasing as the days roll on. The last couple of days it has been hanging around to finish teaching the lesson it was manifested to bring to me. Remember I said it was a red flag meant to force me to focus on myself. When red flags come in the form of PAIN that can not be silenced with medication it is hard to ignore them.
This morning I woke with so little pain I thought my mind was in the wrong body. I looked in my mirror and confirmed yep it was me alright. After breakfast I dressed and got ready to go to our family center to walk. I hadn't done much of that lately because it was painful. It was highly suggested by my current healer in chief, James, that I just do it. Easy for him to say!
As soon as I sat down in my car the familiar joint pain raised its ugly head. My first reaction was, "Stop it I don't deserve this!"
Then I got angry and noticed that I had tensed all the muscles from my left foot to my rib cage, holding my breath in rage. Of course, the pain got worse until I let go and started breathing. Yesterday I had found a small pillow just the right size and shape to place behind my upper rib cage while driving. After I put it in place the pain lessened. I then did drive to the center and walked for about 20 minutes. I have decided that every minute I walk is better than not walking at all. There is no need to compare it to what I was able to walk say 3 weeks ago. The situation is not the same.
I do know that what you resist persists, but knowing something and applying it to my life are two different things. Later this morning I started thinking about that simple statement. Another thing James suggested was to look for psychological patterns that come up. Good advice James. Every time I have pain I get angry and start thinking about all the money I have spent in recent months trying to find the cause and eliminate the pain. What happens? The pain gets worse.
Wait a minute here another thought just popped up out of the blue. Does that have something to do with a life time of control issues? I'll bet it does. When things don't go as I think they should I get angry. If I could just learn to accept that this is the way it is this moment on this day and do whatever I can to make it better, there is a really good chance that there would be no further need for the pain.
This is today's realization on my road to healing. My next stop today is my acupuncturist, Elene, who is second in line, right below the chief healer, on my journey.
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Life in a nutshell
Recently I wrote a blog post saying that I now have people. The following is the result of my partnership with this wonderful group of healing individuals. I couldn't have done it without you Lisa, Elene, James and Raphael. The following is the result of waking up and finding the real me for real this time.
I feel that sexuality is the key and the reason for my current pain. I think we all pretty much agree that I wrongly blamed myself at a very young age for my parents having to get married, which I believe set up a life long pattern of taking responsibility for everyone else.
When I started thinking about me at age 5 I sensed my hands covering my ears in an attempt to block out my parents abuse to each other. I am thinking the parallel lives that just came up were my mother and father and my second husband and me. Both men had an alcohol problem. I blocked out my father's until after he died of cirrhosis at age 54. I was 30.
I believe I manifested mastoid surgery at age 6 to get much needed attention from parents. Then I went on to panic attacks and endometrial cancer to get much needed attention from my then alcoholic husband. Then came my recent blocked bowel/scar tissue to get attention from my estranged daughter. None of it worked. What a waste of time, pain and yes money.
Lately I have been dealing with excruciating pain in the pelvic/hip area keeping me from doing things I want to do. I'm thinking this time it was to get attention from myself. My body was sending up a red flag. It is interesting that except for the ear problem everything pretty much started in the pelvic area, the birth place of the child. It is time to end the pattern of self-abuse.
I have no problem believing that I caused , although subconsciously, all of the physical problems that led to three major surgeries. They were acts of a person desperately seeking love and wanting everyone to play nice. I am not angry that these things happened; rather I am in awe of the creative mind that manifested them, even though my human life could have ended on more than one occasion. Perhaps that is where the protective hands of my creator came into the picture.
What I will no longer take responsibility for is blaming myself for other people's crap. If you created the problem it belongs to you. This is my life in a nutshell from birth to now. Live and learn, I did.
I feel that sexuality is the key and the reason for my current pain. I think we all pretty much agree that I wrongly blamed myself at a very young age for my parents having to get married, which I believe set up a life long pattern of taking responsibility for everyone else.
When I started thinking about me at age 5 I sensed my hands covering my ears in an attempt to block out my parents abuse to each other. I am thinking the parallel lives that just came up were my mother and father and my second husband and me. Both men had an alcohol problem. I blocked out my father's until after he died of cirrhosis at age 54. I was 30.
I believe I manifested mastoid surgery at age 6 to get much needed attention from parents. Then I went on to panic attacks and endometrial cancer to get much needed attention from my then alcoholic husband. Then came my recent blocked bowel/scar tissue to get attention from my estranged daughter. None of it worked. What a waste of time, pain and yes money.
Lately I have been dealing with excruciating pain in the pelvic/hip area keeping me from doing things I want to do. I'm thinking this time it was to get attention from myself. My body was sending up a red flag. It is interesting that except for the ear problem everything pretty much started in the pelvic area, the birth place of the child. It is time to end the pattern of self-abuse.
I have no problem believing that I caused , although subconsciously, all of the physical problems that led to three major surgeries. They were acts of a person desperately seeking love and wanting everyone to play nice. I am not angry that these things happened; rather I am in awe of the creative mind that manifested them, even though my human life could have ended on more than one occasion. Perhaps that is where the protective hands of my creator came into the picture.
What I will no longer take responsibility for is blaming myself for other people's crap. If you created the problem it belongs to you. This is my life in a nutshell from birth to now. Live and learn, I did.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
